I am so not amused

While I appreciate that it is being noticed my hard work is paying off...I still don't like the lecherous...almost threatening "cat call". 

After leaving one of my weekly workout groups I had to stop at the grocery for din din.  

I don't wear anything scandalous but its a dance class, my clothes are fitted. 

Mind you I was fairly gross as its a high intensity class and I was starving so I was focused on get in and out ASAP. 

As I was walking to the door I heard someone yell something.  100% thinking not for me I ignored it.  Then I heard it louder so I turned my head.  This man, who looked like he could have been my father, said something and grabbed his crotch.  

OMG ew!  I couldn't make out what he said (Mask) but his eyes......Ooooogy.  AND HE GRABBED HIS CROTCH!!!!

I had a mask on but I know he heard me say "gross!". So I started walking again and he yelled, something else...it sounded almost angry... I half turned and he said, with his mask off,  "if you don't want people to appreciate your tight @$$ you shouldn't wear tight pants!"

I'm sorry, what f**king year is it?!?!  Who says that?!?! 1.) Just NO! and 2.) I'm small-ish, I look like I'm like 12 when I'm in workout clothes and a baseball hat and it was dark... you sir are a f**king predator.

I just about sprinted to the door and he said something else angrily and I'm pretty sure part of it involved the work C**T, but I didn't turn back. 

After I shopped, I asked one of the employees to walk me to my car because I know he saw what vehicle I got out of and I was honestly concerned.  Thankfully the store took me seriously and asked me what he looked like.  Maybe they'll check the cameras, maybe not but at least I was safely escorted to my car, just in case. 

But now I almost don't want to go there alone again.  This is a nice store in a nice area with mostly nice people.  And this cum stain has tarnished it for me because what if he is a threat....what if he would have or would act on his disgusting comments...what if someone else isn't as quick to get help.  I don't know.  This is the BS females deal with and I f**king hate it. 

You want to look and maybe even wink...whatever but the threatening aggressive comments....I hate people. 

I think I'm a Siren...?

Okay maybe not the luring to death part but there is something......there has to be.

I know I've been called a flirt and I know I am friendly but I am not...I don't think I am sending mixed signals...

So I am on an appointment with others from my company. 

I can't say where I was but I can say there was one...individual who...lets just say I wouldn't want to be around him by myself.  He was staring at me and noticed the light pink in the sunlight...he said "Hey gurl, I like yo purty hur". 

Moving on, I was scribbling notes about the appointment and didn't get introduced to the last 2 people to show up so they didn't get my card.  I noticed one wasn't really paying attention to our tech but blew it off.  As we were leaving we all shook hands and skeedaddled. 

Later that afternoon I get a text on my work line from an unknown number.

?:  Hey, this is Bob we weren't cordially introduced earlier.  I just wanted to say hello
Me: Oh, hey.  Nice to "officially" meet you. 
?:  Is this NOLA Gurl?
Me: Yes....
?: I actually wanted to speak but got tied up with *tech*. I Think your real cute got lost for a minute in what I was supposed to be getting right with *tech*. Hope I’m not being to personal?

I didn't know what to do.  He wasn't the first guy, who clearly wanted to scalp me...yay for that but.... On the one hand SOOOOO INAPPROPRIATE.  On the other... Whatever, I called my co-workers.  Because what the heck!

It was suggested not to reply.  Don't even entertain it with a "thanks but no thanks". 

Okay fine...the problem is I have to be around them in the next few weeks!  This is going to be so f**king weird.

I'm sure its innocent but don't do that with a vendor.....  I am a vendor.... its just......I don't know how to voice it but it's just not a good idea to do that...besides the whole HAPPILY MARRIED.  I mean that is a given here.   GAH!

I'm sure he's a very nice guy but.............

What in the what what did I just read...?

*link*

I, um, who comes up wit this?!!?!

“63% of the females (37 of 59) tested harbored male microchimerism in the brain. Male microchimerism was present in multiple brain regions.”

Uh huh....and how exactly does that happen...?  Well glad you asked...

"Sperm is alive. It is living cells. When it is injected into you it swims and swims until it crashes headlong into a wall, and then it attaches and burrows into your flesh. If it’s in your mouth it swims and climbs into your nasal passages, inner ear, and behind your eyes. Then it digs in. It enters your blood stream and collects in your brain and spine."

I mean there were 3 other rare options but this was the last...what on Earth?!?!?  This cannot be real... right?!?  I feel like this is something taken out of context...otherwise this is just weird AF.    

Holy homophobia Batman!

Okay that sounds ten kinds of awful but it was the first thing that popped in my head. 

Its Christmas, right?  A time for peace on earth and good will towards men.  Its a time when being a decent human being SHOULD come more naturally.  Its a time of acceptance and love.  Or its a time to be a total c**t and say horrible things.  Yea I definitely remember learning that last one in my religion classes. 

Me: Ugh I hate Walmart! Sooooo many people *blah*
Person 1: Well don't go to the one on *insert specific location* its full of gay people!!!!
Me: *blank stare*
Person 2: *judging stare* Well that doesn't bother me....
Me: Me neither....
Person 1: No, you don't understand they are like openly gay in that store!!!!
Me:  I mean are they f**king in aisles?  Or groping each other inappropriately...?
Person 2: What happened?
Person 1:  I was there with my Aunt and two BOYS went walking by holding hands and being realtionship-y
Me: *confused* and...?
Person 1: and...?!?  And its like they think its okay!
Person 2: *horrified expression* 
Me: I'm pretty sure it is okay....  But if you don't like seeing that then go to one of the other 10 locations in the area.  I mean did they do or say anything to y'all...?
**At this point I am trying not to start an argument but I am getting annoyed**
Person 1: YES!  
Me & Person 2: Oh...what happened?
Person 1:  *very matter of fact* They were buying Christmas presents and decorations.  They are gay, they can't celebrate Christmas.

Me: Says who...? Hold up, aren't you Catholic?  Aren't you taught to accept everyone?  Love thy neighbor and whatnot. 
Person 2: Didn't you have an affair?  I think that means YOU can't celebrate Christmas.  
Person 1: *shocked expression*

Me: *oh $hit* Um, Merry Christmas....?
Person 1: f**k both of you f*g lovers!  *walks away*
Me:  *jaw drop* I'm pretty sure she can't say that......I'm offended.
Person 2: *laughing* I am too.

This is almost word for word!  I know people are @$$holes but holy $hit!!! I guess I don't usually surround myself with such awful people so this shocked me a bit. Talk about being in the Christmas spirit. 

These were basically my expressions...

Santa...Baby........???

Right, so its that time of year...Holiday parties!!! We have work parties and friend parties and of course family parties.  What's the common denominator at all these parties...?  It is Santa!  Okay its usually alcohol BUT 9 times out of 10 its Santa also! 

So I was at one of these parties and sure enough Santa walked up in there.  He was a good Santa too.  He had the real hair, real beard, and real belly!  Very realistic.  It was so cute.  The second he walked in all the kids were like Buddy, ready to tell him what they wanted for Christmas.  He was great!  He was ho ho ho-ing and handing out candy canes and just having a wonderful time. 

After a while he popped up behind myself and my friend.  We were talking and didn't know who was behind us. 

Santa: *putting his arms around us* ho ho hooooooooooo!!!!
Us: *giggling* hi Santa!
Santa: Have you been good this year?!?
Us: *dying laughing* yes
Santa: *very loudly* I know you've been good!  *whisper* but you're even better when you're bad *wink* ho ho hoooooo!
Us: *blank stare*
Santa:  *whisper* Oh don't look so shocked *walking away* ho ho ho
Us: Holy $hit Santa is a dirty old man!

"Maybe he been drink de win from de blackberry...On secon' t'ought maybe he lap up de sherry."  

In all seriousness it was f**king hilarious and he was totally harmless but it was still a bit, uh, shocking...and highly inappropriate.  Clearly he was trying to be funny...I hope.

In other news if you've never read/listened to "Cajun Night Before Christmas", do yourself a favor and read/listen to it!  (that's what that quote is from) It is our holiday tradition that my dad read this to us.  I LOVE it!