I'm too old to become an Avenger!

To stay healthy and sane, I've started going on lunchtime walks.  Nothing intense just a quick jaunt in my neighborhood, maybe 1-2 miles.  It's actually quite cathartic.  I can escape the stress of the day and get some cardio. 

Today as I was mindlessly roaming the empty streets I suddenly felt a SHARP pain in my right bicep.  Like it was so bad I slapped myself because clearly I was being attacked.  

I had on a long sleeve shirt and fully expected to see a creature smooshed on my shirt or a bee or something.  When I looked nothing was there.  Hmmmm.  I rubbed my arm for a sec and it seemed fine so I continued on.  

The day was absolutely chaotic after I got back and I forgot about it.  Flash forward to shower time.  As I was scrubba dub dubbing I had a sharp pain in my arm.

When I looked I saw a fairly large "pimple" complete with a decent sized white head. 

I was careful as I cleaned it and the rest of me.  When I got out to better lighting I tried to examine it further.  It was warm and hurt to the touch.

As I was messing with it the white head came off and it started bleeding.

I am almost certain its a Spider Bite, so I cleaned it well, put ointment on it, and took a tylenol.  

Let's hope it's just a house spider or something my weird skin had a reaction to and I didn't walk into a more venomous creature....

UPDATE:

Next day, swelling is down A LOT but I can clearly see two tiny punctures so yea if I start literally climbing the walls, we know why.  

The world is a dumpster fire...I mean Vampire...no I mean dumpster fire

And no place more like home *face palm*.

Innocent man killed by a cop.  Hold up...not just killed.  I mean, he was straight up murdered.  I know some people may not like to hear that but f**k... y'all it was bad...REALLY REALLY BAD.  Like Jesus H Christ, its 2020 right?!?  Why is this still happening?!??!  Have we not evolved enough to f**king NOT do this?  I know one bad egg but there have been quite a few bad eggs and now I'm worried about my cop friends that are legitimately good people....

Now the world is protesting because...are we not all HUMAN?!?!  Come on!  This is not acceptable, and it needs to stop (the killing & racism, not the protests). 

So tick another box off for Apocalyspe BINGO. 

So these protests I get and support, but holy $hit now I'm scared "Corona 2 - The Resurgence" is coming to a city near you in upcoming weeks.

Top that with a f**king Tropical Storm headed straight for LA and I mean June is starting off great...JUST GREAT!  So Cristobal decided it wanted to make history and be the earliest 3rd named storm on record so "yay, good for you". Its not a Katrina or Harvey but it looks to dump 10+ inches of rain on us, so I guess that's the flooding part of the Apocalypse. 

Now I see there is a football field sized "near Earth" asteroid floating around out there.  And while I know these are always out there, its 2020.  She'll probably just kick us while we are down and send a life ending rock hurdling into the Earth.  Except it won't end life just make it THAT much more f**ked up *ahhhhhhhh*.

Its cool, I mean we are already in June...OMG its only June....I feel like I've lived 10 years in 6 months...

Crap I almost forgot about the cannibal rats...because that doesn't sound terrifying....

Who clicked on a suspicious link? 
Did someone install Limewire???? 
Who dug up an old burial ground? 
One word, Jumanji! 
Clearly, the Earth's free trial of McAffe has expired, Good Luck and Godspeed. 

Time to go old school.

So we all died in 2012 and this is the final test before going up or down....right?!

2019 was...difficult for many.  Most were all happy it was coming to an end.  Thinking 2020 would be a great new start was naive at best.

Like 3 days into the new year we almost had WWIII.  I mean obviously a lot more needed to happen but the pissing contest and just general idiocy had most of us believing we were all going to die in the fiery fall out of a nuclear blast or freeze to death from the nuclear winter.

A couple weeks later Kobe Bryant dies in a freak helicopter accident along with his daughter, and nine other people.  It's not WWIII but it was a WTAF Universe moment.  I'm not a huge Basketball fan but I mean I know who he is and was heartbroken for the families, friends, and fans.

Then Australia was on fire.  Like no really the f**king contiennt was basically burning.  It had been going on for some time but seem to really take over in early 2020.  I (along with everyone else, I'm sure) felt so helpless watching people and animals lose their homes.  I mean I started following the Irwins to see how their Zoo was helping all the injured animals.  I bought items that were donated to to relief cause.  I donated to LEGIT save Australia campaigns.  I mean I know we all joke about everything in Australia wanting to kill you but we still need to save it!

Moving on, we started to hear more and more about this "nothing to worry about" virus in China.  The news said "its all good".  But social media posts from other areas seemed to say different. Then...then news was blowing up with cases all over the world.  Little onesie twosie things until *BAM* it's almost Mardi Gras and its officially here in the US and WTF is happening?!??!  Then one vacation was canceled because international travel was not recommended.  Then a case or 20 popped up in NOLA.  Another vacay was canceled.  I left my office on 3/11 not realizing I would not be returning for an indefinite amount of time.  It's been over 8 weeks... 

Amidst the pandemic Wildfires near Chernobyl ramped up increasing radiation readings in the area.

We had a freak hail storm.  Just out of the blue f**king hail when we were supposed to have "lite showers".  NO warning.  NO nothing just *ping ping ping*, "Mother F**ker!!!" In one city it was the size of my fist...MY FIST!  At least by me it was just tiny marbles but STILL!

The stock market crashed.

Oil went negative.  IT WAS TRADING NEGATIVE!

Now we are being told there are Murder Hornets.  I'm sorry...what?!?!  Ah yes...a hornet....bigger than my index finger.  Excuse me while I just drink Everclear, and cry in a corner.  Apparently their sting hurts (alot) but they really only target Honey Bees.  Oi, I like Honey Bees!

They also are predicting a more active than normal hurricane season...which that news can just f**k right off.

Seriously, who the f**k is playing Jumanji??!?!

To top it all off, people are now protesting the pandemic.  I'm sorry, what....? Well technically they are protesting the SAH orders but it's basically the same because both make about the same amount of f**king sense...zero.  I want things to open up too but safely and not at the cost of more lives.

Oh and apparently wearing a mask...you know to protect OTHER PEOPLE from your germy @$$ is a violation of constitutional rights or something.  As in my comfort is more important than your life so f**k you.  So we want to open back up but not take precautions to keep it from making a resurgence...makes sense *face palm*.

Sometimes I think we deserve $hit like this because as a whole humanity can be hella f**ked up.

Jesus take the wheel.....

Not like that, not like that!!!!

LINK

Can you imagine driving down the road and suddenly your wheel pops off...

Ok, ok, "Calmly" downshift and brake and AHHHHHHHHH!

Ya know what sing...just f**king SING!

This week can eat a d**k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current mood: 

"Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir. I'd give her a HA!
And a HI-YA! And then a OOH-WAH! And I'd kick her, sir." ~ Bartok

I need to set up my punching bag....

When a short person is angry

What you said?!?!  B**ch, I will cut you!

Back off Mother F**ker!

Me vs this week...Happy Thursday...MORNING!

I gave up Beer & Wine for Lent....its going to be a LONG 40 days (well 31 but who is counting?). Maybe I'll have some Scotch....kidding...maybe...

Because your insides will fall out, that is why!!!!!

"I'll take things my neighbor's have been hearing me scream for $1000, Alex"

Right, so we have a puppy.  Like a baby...well she was a baby when we got her...now she is..actually she is still a baby.  Anyways, she is old enough to be fixed so we did that...you know responsible pet owners and whatnot. 

Vet: Keep her calm.  No running, jumping, playing for 7 days
Me to Vet: Okay
Me in my head: how the f**k do you keep a lab/beagle puppy calm for 7 days?!?!?
Vet: Don't let her get at the incision
Me to Vet: Um...I need a cone then because she's crazy.
Vet: Don't get her wet
Me to Vet: Okay
Me in my head: What is she a f**king gremlin...also SE LA...its always WET!

We get home...she immediately jumps on the couch...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH no no no no no!!!!

So the cone of shame is going over so well...like she's not running in reverse trying to get away from it while screaming like a tortured baby.  No...not her...NEVER!

So we go get her a neck brace looking thing that is inflated.   Now she just looks like she wants to go swimming and is no longer screaming.  Score 1 for mom and dad. 

Not her but close

Over the course of 6 days:
She played
She ran
She jumped off the back of the f**king couch
And she was fine.  *whew*

We tried...she is just f**king crazy!  And we still have Speedy sooooo yea.  She needs a sedative!

The evening of day 6 (AFTER VET HOURS).  She somehow pops the neck brace...but its subtle so we can't tell. We realize it looks funny but its too late.  She managed to lick her incision.  She laid on her back and the two pieces of skin were gaping down the length of the whole incision.  Thank GOD she is mostly healed so it wasn't bleeding.  So I call the Em Vet and she's like I'm sure its fine.  Bring her in, I won't charge you to look at it. 

We get there "Ummmm I'm glad you brought her, we need to glue that back up".  

She didn't want to to sedate her again so a vet tech and my self restrained the INSANE pup while the Doc cleaned it, put antibiotics on it, and glued her back together.  Her new nickname is Humpty Dumpty.  

Meanwhile she literally screamed.  I've never heard a dog f**king scream but she did.  And then all 25 lbs of her kicked out one leg and threw a 4ft trash can across the room.  WTF dog. 

She's fine.  Back in the Cone and looking like a perpetually pissed off lampshade...

But she's fine.  Well except she is now in the cone for 5-7 more days...GREAT!

Ouch, right in the nostalgia

Okay, so do you ever hear a song and go "wow, I used to LOVE them.  I wonder why they don't release anymore albums".  And then you do a google search and Holy F**k I did not know that!

Okay so I was looking through some playlists and found "Guys do it all the Time".  I love love love that song!

Then I see, Mindy McCready November 30, 1975- February, 17 2013

She died?!?!  Why do I not remember this?!?!  Just a word of advice...don't wiki further info unless you REALLY want to know. 

"McCready was found dead on her front porch from a self-inflicted gunshot wound."  Oh...oh dear...how awful!

Apparently she had a lot of issues.   Its just so sad that someone with such beauty and talent could be hiding (albeit not very well) so much pain and problems.  So I will choose not to read more...I saw something about a dog & kids and closed the page. 

So if you need me I'll be streaming her greatest hits and trying not to think about how she died....