We have a 2319!!!!

So me and wildlife are at odds.  I enjoy nature and have a respect for all creatures but can they just stay out of my yard?!?!

Speedy has been hell bent on investigating our pressure washer.  It's just an old washer that doesn't even work.  Honestly we need to junk it.  Well I now know why!  I couldn't find him one night around 12-ish and lil bit came running all nervous.  

He had caught ANOTHER opossum!!! It was mid-sized and not moving.  I managed to drag him away and throw him inside before going back with a flashlight.  

When I got semi-close, I saw it was breathing but before I could get closer I heard a bunch of yelling inside.  I went a running and discovered my Speedy spazing out and rubbing his face all over the sofa & carpet and sneezing.  He was full of drool but otherwise seemed fine.  

I went check the tiny invader again.  I poked it with a stick, it hissed and looked at me.  That's when I saw them.  This creature was INFESTED with fleas!!!! I could see them running all across its face.

I sprinted back inside to see Speedy yet again rubbing at his face.  I yelled FLEAS!!!!

Mind you the dogs and cat are treated and so is the yard but again opossum was INFESTED!

I grabbed his face and saw one run under his eye. 

He got a midnight bath.  I let the flea shampoo sit on him.  They were fleeing in the bubbles. 15 fleas (that I counted) came off of him!!!  

After him, lil bit got bathed because...well she was with him.  I counted 8 on her *screaming*.

Hubs was midnight vacuuming...everything. 

The next day they were itching.  I used a flea comb and pulled numerous fleas off of BOTH OF THEM. 

More baths!!!!!!!!!

We treated the yard AGAIN. And I "flea bombed" the house.  

They must have had 3 baths each and each time MORE FLEAS. 

It took a good week for no more fleas to show on the pups and me not to feel like things were crawling on me all the time.  

It looks so ANGRY!

Seriously, that looks hella pissed!   But truthfully it doesn't hurt.  It itches like a Mother F**ker, but isn't painful.

I do look like I have some sort of highly contagious disease though.  I mean its not contagious at all.  But try explaining that to people you don't know, who have been drinking...quite a bit. 

I looked so hot in my fancy dress with my make-up and hair did.  I tried to hide it but I talk with my hands so numerous people were like "OMG what's wrong with your arm?!?!".   Plus I was in a room full of Doctors and Nurses so everyone had a remedy or diagnosis, even though I said "Its poison ivy.  It isn't infected.  It doesn't hurt.  I am fine.". 

Side Note - Is it just me or does it look like a pissed off red sperm imprint. 

Plants are sentient...I for one welcome our new vegetation overlords...

So I love to garden, right?  Well we are trying to move so we are ramping up the look of our house.  This just means my normal spring gardening just got 10 times more difficult.  I always do a spring clean up but when you are going for pleasing aesthetics you go a little more over the top.

Step one prune back the monster bushes that have taken over the garden.

As I've stated in the past these things went through a flood and ever since have become enormous.  I trim them WAY back every year...multiple times and they grow right back to their mutant state.  My only conclusion is some nutrient in the water from FIVE YEARS AGO changed them somehow.  Its like Radioactive Miracle Gro or something.

Anyways, as I was hacking away at the shrubbery I realized something....it was fighting back!!!!

1.  I was slapped in the face on more than one occasion by "rogue" branches.  

2.  I kept getting caught on branches, that refused to let me go

3.  My shears and saw kept getting ripped from my hands by stubborn shrubbery

4.   I was attacked (or just scared $hitless) by wasps, bumble bees, ants, beetles, doodle bugs, skinks, lizards, baby snakes (non-venomous), spiders (non-venomous), BIRDS....shall I keep going?!?!?!

5.  A plant sneezed on me.  No really...as I was chopping away at one of the shrubs it erupted into a cloud of yellow pollen.  It was like the f**king thing went "ah choo *pahahaha*" in my face! 

 

Basically, I was covered in plant jizz! *ewwwwww*

6.  And this is the kicker.  I am VERY careful in the garden.  Anything with 3 leaves or red vines I steer clear of.  Yet 3 days after playing in my garden...I have a blistery red rash on one arm.  WTF?!?!?!!?  F**k you poison ivy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I am a sneezy itchy mess and I have a fancy dress party in one day.  Just shoot me now *sobbing*.