We have a 2319!!!!

So me and wildlife are at odds.  I enjoy nature and have a respect for all creatures but can they just stay out of my yard?!?!

Speedy has been hell bent on investigating our pressure washer.  It's just an old washer that doesn't even work.  Honestly we need to junk it.  Well I now know why!  I couldn't find him one night around 12-ish and lil bit came running all nervous.  

He had caught ANOTHER opossum!!! It was mid-sized and not moving.  I managed to drag him away and throw him inside before going back with a flashlight.  

When I got semi-close, I saw it was breathing but before I could get closer I heard a bunch of yelling inside.  I went a running and discovered my Speedy spazing out and rubbing his face all over the sofa & carpet and sneezing.  He was full of drool but otherwise seemed fine.  

I went check the tiny invader again.  I poked it with a stick, it hissed and looked at me.  That's when I saw them.  This creature was INFESTED with fleas!!!! I could see them running all across its face.

I sprinted back inside to see Speedy yet again rubbing at his face.  I yelled FLEAS!!!!

Mind you the dogs and cat are treated and so is the yard but again opossum was INFESTED!

I grabbed his face and saw one run under his eye. 

He got a midnight bath.  I let the flea shampoo sit on him.  They were fleeing in the bubbles. 15 fleas (that I counted) came off of him!!!  

After him, lil bit got bathed because...well she was with him.  I counted 8 on her *screaming*.

Hubs was midnight vacuuming...everything. 

The next day they were itching.  I used a flea comb and pulled numerous fleas off of BOTH OF THEM. 

More baths!!!!!!!!!

We treated the yard AGAIN. And I "flea bombed" the house.  

They must have had 3 baths each and each time MORE FLEAS. 

It took a good week for no more fleas to show on the pups and me not to feel like things were crawling on me all the time.  

It's like a nest of vampires!

As I was cooking dinner, I noticed Thing 1 and Thing 2 rubbing their faces on something in the yard.

So I go out to investigate and see something white in the grass.  

That's about when the white blob was yeeted at me.

So my fearless "hunting" dogs caught another f**king opossum!  

I thought for 2 seconds it was one of the ones from the other night but no.  This one was not massive but also not small....it was somewhere in between....

Speedy not wanting to leave his prize is circling like a shark.  Lil bit went to the door when I screamed.

I dragged Speedy to the door and threw them inside.  I went back out with a flashlight.

That's when I saw the blood

Wait did he actually injured this one?!  So I knelt down and saw it was breathing *whew*.  Is it *whew*, I don't want it to suffer....

I came in to call animal control since its hurt and of course check my idiots for injuries.  Both are fine but neither have blood on them.

Went back out and it had moved a little but froze when it saw me.  I got closer and could see the blood was on its side by the back leg.  I don't think the dogs did it.  Speedy had it by its neck.  I got closer, it looked like holes...like maybe a BB gun or something.  F**king A, someone shot it!!!

Okay now I'm mad.  I am almost positive an injured opossum came into the yard because some dip$hit shot it!  

My dogs are acting on instinct to catch prey.  They are rough but generally don't injure or kill.  But a human shooting an animal in a residential area, come on.  I get they are "pests" to some but it was hurt.  If you are gonna be a dick at least finish the job.  I called back animal control and left that on the VM too. 

He/she is gone now, hopefully it's okay.  

That Sir, is not a toy!

So my Speedy, oh Speedy has a fondness for proving to me he is in fact a hunting dog, even if he is scared of his own shadow.  

The other night I was trying to go to bed early because I had a race the next morning, which meant I decided at 9:30 it was a wonderful time to clean my house.

Around 10:40 I let the pups out to potty before bed and went about finishing my cleaning.  As I walked to throw something away I happened to look into the yard.  All I saw were two dog butts poking out of the bushes and wiggling.  

I opened the door and just before I can hollar, Speedy yeets something furry out of the shrubbery.

Now I'm running and he is pouncing on whatever it is, when little bit comes trotting out gently holding something else furry in her mouth.

So I start yelling.  She drops it and comes to me, "good dog".  He on the other hand is circling his "kill".  I am freaking out not knowing what they caught, but as I got closer .......

It was a GIANT F**KING OPOSSUM and its baby.  

No really, it was HUGE!  Speedy is literally tossing a 20 lb opossum around like a rag doll as lil bit ran around in panicked circles and I yelled for him to drop it.  

Everytime he starts to go towards the door, he doubles back and pokes it with his nose, like he's trying to get it to move.  Finally someone hears me and comes outside to tell me to stop yelling like a crazy person before going "HOLY $HIT!"  Yes, I know, help me!

So I am standing over something like this....but WAY bigger....covered in dog drool....

....an ugly stinky marsupial with freakishly sharp teeth and its baby...playing possum...trying to keep my dog from murdering it further.

We finally get Speedy to leave his "kill" and go inside.  During the commotion the baby waddled off but momma was not moving.

So we poked it with a stick and it hissed "whoo hoo it's alive".

When we got inside we checked out the pups for bites/scratches (all good) and realized he smelled AWFUL!  I didn't really know opossums smelled funky but I guess that makes sense.  

It's like this musky, dirt smell.  

So at like 11:30 Speedy got a shower and we got maybe 5 hours of sleep.

That's a really ugly cat....

So the other night I was cooking dinner after picking up my FINAL online order of gifts.  I let big crazy out alone.  While slicing my tomato I hear little bit "ARF!".  Um what?  Since she was looking out the back door I decided to go check on Speedy.

As my eyes focus on the dimmed lighting in the fog, I see Speedy walking towards me (and my open back door).  He had something large and furry IN HIS MOUTH!  It was limp...CRAP!

OMG is that a cat?!?!?!

OMG that is not a cat!!!!

OMG that is an opossum!!!

OMG drop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He wasn't being aggressive with it, just holding it.  He gently put it down *whew*.  It picked up its head *double whew*.  He growled *$hit*.  It played dead *oh thank God*. 

Seriously though.  It was laying all weird with its mouth open and tongue hanging out...legit playing opossum. 

I said very calmly "come on buddy...lets go inside".  And he LISTENED.  He kept looking at it but we went in.

He was foaming at the mouth, whining, and wagging his tail.

JFC sit still so I can check you for cuts, blood, bites, whatever!

He was fine.  So I go check on the opossum.  He/she was sitting up looking dazed and NOT happy.  Speedy didn't hurt it but it was COVERED in dog drool....ewwwww!

I then proceeded to have a very one sided conversation with it. 

Hello, Mr. Opossum....are you okay?

Did Speedy hurt you?

*angry stare*

Can you walk on your own?

Do you live under my shed?

*hiss*

Do you want me to leave you alone?

*head turn*

OMG I'm having a conversation with a marsupial....

*From the neighbors yard* "I have a gun if you want to use it"

*yelp* Hi....no I'm...its fine...not hurt....no need to kill it.

"Well if it comes in my yard, its dead"

Mr. Opossum...don't go next door.

*belly laugh* "Have a good night sugar"

When I got inside, I checked Speedy again.  He's fine...he said I spoiled his early Christmas Present for me....thanks buddy, I'm good. 

I have NO DOUBT that he would have brought that thing inside had I not gone out. 

He seemed to think it needed help..maybe.....it was fairly small compared to the massive ones we usually see.  He wasn't trying to kill it...just bringing it to me....it was weird....I mean he did good...still weird. 

Mr. Opossum went on his way at some point...I haven't seen him since.