Well that was the hottest Demon Possession ever

So I said the other day "hmmm I've not remembered my dreams lately" then -BAM- f**king nightmare. 

I say nightmare.  I mean it started that way. 

I lived in a small town after the world LITERALLY went to $hit.  It was like some weird combo of Supernatural, Handmaids Tale, and Hunger Games.  

People were fighting for food.  Like the "rich" who happened to be part of the f**king church made poor people fight...for FOOD!

But like there were supernatural things happening.  People were seeing weird things and weird things were happening.  Everyone who wasn't "rich" was pissed at the church but was scared to voice it. 

We all dutifully went to mass every day after working our @$$es off.  We got home after dark, cooked, cleaned and did it all again the next day.  IT SUCKED.  Our houses were like something out of the dark ages.  Mostly plain, mostly candle light or small lamps, gas or wood stoves.  Women were basically only there to breed and take care of the menfolk and kids. 

But the churches...they were bright and full of riches (WTF).  One day after a horrid time of explaining AGAIN that I can't make babies I heard a voice in my head.  It was a deep, sensual voice.  It sounded familiar and gave me chills but like in a good way, not scared.  It promised to free me from the turmoil of life and punish the church.  As tempting as that sounded I told it to F**K off and walked inside.  

It laughed....IT LAUGHED this rich amused chuckle and in a deep timber said it was only being nice, I didn't have to give it permission.  Suddenly I was flying through the air like a spastic supergirl and snarling at the priest adorned in gold. He threw holy water at me and an I said in a voice that wasn't mine "You can't make holy water if you are not a good person".  

I realized I was...enjoying this and started laughing and saying "Holy $hit I'm Flying!"  The demon seemed amused by my amusement.  

The poor were cheering and encouraging my...antics.  This happened for a while, not too long but we seemed to have like a symbiotic friendship...thing going on.  Then one day  I got hurt really really bad during one of our performances....and he left.  I became part of the resistance trying to get out from under the holy regime in control.  

Some time later after a raid, I hear the voice again but its not in my head. I turn and my jaw drops open.  Its Lucifer.  Not like biblical Lucifer...I mean Lucifer...I mean Tom Ellis...Lucifer!  I am at a loss for words.  Then he says "You know not all fiction is fiction... there is sometimes a little truth."  Sir are you implying Lucifer...the show was based on...NO WAY NO NAH AH!  And he had that...that predatory glean in his eyes, like he had in the stupid show.  That look that makes you feel funny things.  

He grabbed me by the back of my neck, then leaned in.  I could feel his breath on my lips as he said "Don't try to pretend you don't want this"

AND THEN I WOKE UP!  I woke up before the good part because my subconscious is an @$$hole!

So the doll did it

Okay so back in the day we didn't have alot of moula. Like we were okay-ish but I got hand me downs.  

One hand me down I received was a lifesize doll. 

Who the f**k thought that was fun?  Not like a My Buddy or Kid Sister.  This thing was from the 1950's (?)

She was about 3.5' tall, had matted/knotted horsehair, and her eyes were a haunting crystal blue that closed if you laid her down.  But she was old and one was always half closed.  I HATED HER.  

But my mom was so happy my g-ma kept her that I kept my little mouth shut and didn't complain when we brought her home. 

The idea was that since she was my size I could play dress up with her, etc.  But I was TERRIFIED of her.  I would hide her in my closet and behind my door so I couldn't see her. I never played with her no matter how much I was encouraged to. She ended up being used as a "mannequin" to make my clothes and dance costumes hahaha. 

I haven't thought about this f**king doll in 20+ years, until last night.  When I had a dream.  

In the dream I was in my childhood home but it looked different.  Like I felt like I was at home but it didn't look like my home.  It was bigger but still VERY 80's.  Brown carpet, wood panel walls, yellow-ish lighting, window AC units, and smelled of stale cig smoke. 

I was young-ish in the dream and was scared to death of being alone in the house.  The air felt heavy and weird $hit would happen, like the lights going out and weird noises. My mom kept telling me I was being silly and there was nothing to be scared of until one day I went into my room (which was like twice the size of my actual room) and that f**king lifesize doll was sitting on the floor staring straight ahead.  I yelled for mom and she was like "that's just Sally your new friend".  

I always put her in the closet but when I would come back she was sitting on the floor staring straight at the door.  I swore she was watching me.  One day I was sitting on the floor under the fan playing with legos when the hair on my neck stood up.  I just knew I wasn't alone.  When I looked over my shoulder Sally's head was turned towards me. 

I screamed bloody murder.  When my mom came in she was normal and I was scolded for making her worry.  I was barely sleeping because I was so terrified. I would run in the room, grab a toy and run out.  Weird stuff was still happening and I was getting blamed for it.  

I was punished in my room for being a sassy butthead.  I was griping to myself while sitting on the floor coloring when I got that feeling again.  My crayons flew across the room, my book flew the other way, my stuffed animals were floating and spinning in the air.  I turned and yelled at Sally that I hated her! 

Suddenly I was floating, I was trying to scream for my mom but I could barely make a squeak.  I tried harder and harder but hardly any noise was coming out.  I was flung into the wall which made enough noise for mom to come running in the room.  She saw the chaos and was stunned for a second.  She came to me to help me up and I was still trying to talk but couldn't.  She was like "WHAT???"  

I was sobbing trying to say its Sally!  But it was barely a whisper. I looked and pointed at the doll and watched in horror as her head slowly turn to look at us and I turned my mom's head and tried to scream "I told you that doll was evil!!!!!"

She started shaking me as I was trying to get noise to come out.  I woke up to hubs shaking me saying "hey, hey are you ok?!?!?" 

I had another one of those f**king dreams that was so intense my sleeping form was "screaming" well more like whining so loud it woke up everyone else in the house. 

Maybe I should lay off the Horror Movies

 NEVER!!!!!!!

I love spook spook movies anytime.  But once 10/1 hits I watch all the spook spook ALL.DAY.LONG. 

But I don't do Clowns...nope, NOT HAPPENING and I don't do Exorcism movies.  I don't know what it is about those but they always freak me the F**K out.  

Well I had on AMC or SYFY the other day and wasn't really paying attention when The Conjuring 2 came on.  I've never seen it and honestly wasn't sure what it was about just that it was an Ed and Lorraine movie.  

Well about an hour in and a creepy AF kid later I realize why I've never seen it.  I watched until the end (hoping for closure) but the f**king Nun thing comes out and I know its in other movies and well it was super spook spook. 

Now I know alot of Ed and Lorraine stuff was revealed as sensationalized or downright fake.  Alot wasn't but I've heard that the Enfield House (which this was based on) is possibly now thought to have been grossly exaggerated or possibly faked by the "kids".  

Regardless this stupid f**king movie worked its way into my f**king dreams.  Look I legit watch horror ALOT and rarely do I dream about it.  Usually it's the zombies on speed that I dream about but nothing else.  

Anyways, I remember almost NONE of my dream until the end.  I was a "spectator" for most of it.  Almost like watching a movie.  That I knew.  But it was the end...the climax.  There were 2 young girls.  One was the haunted one.  She was talking to something and her sis was scared.  Suddenly, I was there holding their hands.  The haunted one starts levitating and the other is screaming.  My bright Idea is to scream for their mom so she can help.  But I can't scream.  I am screaming "MOM!!!!" and my throat is hurting but barely a squeak is coming out.  

I scream with all my might and wake up to hubs shaking me asking whose whining, thinking it was a dog.  It was me.  My dream was so intense my body was trying to actually scream...well squeak.  Well after that I was legit awake until the sun came up and tried to snuggle my hubs because I had the heebie jeebies.

Lesson...stick to the classics and leave out the ones I KNOW give me the heebs. Maybe I'll watch some cheesy stupidness today.    

Creepy kids are the worst!

Seriously, give me any kind of scary movie but throw in a creepy kid and the scare factor jumps 100%.  Well and clowns...but that is a given

As a kid I had a few recurring dreams/nightmares.  I never talked about them because...they were weird and made no sense.  I mean lots of kids/people that have these...I think.  Obviously it's been quite a few years but I think I had these so many times I still recall most of it. 

Dream 1:

I was in a crib I think but I wasn't a baby, I could stand up.  There wasn't a lot of light in my room but I could see, maybe a nightlight.  I felt extremely scared and like I was being watched.  You know that hair on the neck feeling?  That was happening.  I turned around to look at the wall and saw these wooden zoo animals hanging.  There was a lion, giraffe, elephant, and tiger.  Something about them was scaring me.  As I stared at them they started moving, like someone was adjusting them on the nail they were hanging on.  The more scared I got the more they moved.  I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, I was absolutely petrified.  As they were moving faster and faster I swore their eyes were glowing and they suddenly had sharp teeth.  The giraffe came flying off the wall at me and I woke up.  Everytime.  Every.single.time.  That's how it ended.  I had this dream for years!  This made no sense, I've never had a zoo themed room...

Dream 2:

I am in my toddler bed sleeping.  I felt someone nudge me to wake me up.  When I opened my eyes I didn't see anything.  I didn't like the dark so my CREEPY AF clown lamp is on but the lowest level so it's dim but I can see around the room.  I looked around but since I didn't see anything so I closed my eyes.  I heard music coming from the living room.  I got up to go see thinking it was my parents.  I remember looking down and seeing I was in one of my FAVORITE rainbow bright nightgowns that I wore as much as possible, I had a pinkish red one and a light blue one.  They had a ruffle around the bottom. As I started to walk down the pitch black hallway I realize there is no light in the living room, just the light from the street lamp.  I felt...I felt like I was in a group of people.  Like you know that feeling of being in a crowd but not like claustrophobic.  I knew I was alone in my house.  I could feel the worn carpet under my feet and smell the stale smoke (gotta love the 80's).  That's when I noticed the gorillas.  There was a Family (?) of gorillas in the living room.  Some were adults and some were "kids" but they all stood on two legs.  I remember talking to them but I don't know what about.  And I remember playing.  Mainly playing ring around the rosie.  Over and over we would skip around in a circle and then "all fall down", laughing and giggling.  We would play until I was exhausted.  Then I would wake up in the morning in my room.  Again, I had this dream for YEARS!

Flash forward to the now times.  I am telling my mom about some spooky movie I watched.  I said something about creepy kids and how I just can't imagine having one of those creepy "I see dead people" kids.  I mean I would figure it out because I'm not an @$$hole and can't blame a child for what's happening to them but it would still be creepy.  

As I make these comments my MOTHER says, well now you know how I felt.  

She says "when you were little you scared the ever loving $hit out of me regularly."

z

She says "well when you were very young, still in your crib, you would wake up just screeching.  Not crying, but absolutely screaming in terror.  I would walk in and you would be standing in your crib pointing at these wooden animal figures we used to have on your wall."

"You were inconsolable until I took you out of the room.  Then for a few nights I couldn't put you back in there, you would just scream.  Once I'd get you to go back same thing would happen.  One night I found the tiger in your crib.  You couldn't have pulled it down, it was up too high.  I would ask you what's wrong, what happened, and you would cry and cry and say they were dancing.  You really seemed to hate the giraffe and tiger.  The look of fear broke our hearts so we took down all of the zoo animals and re-did your room in rainbows and clouds. After that you didn't scream...as much"

I had zoo animals in my room???  I don't remember this!!!! 

"Of course you don't you were still very young."  

**proceed to tell her about my recurring dream**  Wait....as much....?!?!

"Well, yes as much.  NOLA Gurl, you were always talking to...someone in your room.  From very little until maybe 6 or 7.  Of course we just thought imaginary friend or maybe the dog.  But some nights.  Well lets just say things got weird sometimes.  On more than one occasion one of us would wake up to you singing.  You weren't in your room, so we would go investigate.  We would find you in the living room all alone playing ring around the rosie."

"It was baffling.  We never taught you that song and you didn't go to daycare or school yet.  We thought maybe a neighborhood kid but when I asked you, you just shrugged.  Everytime one of us found you I would ask why you were playing all alone and you would say 'I'm not mommy, I'm playing with the gorillas'. And I would try not to freak out as I carried you back to bed.  Your dad tried not to let it show but he was definitely unnerved.  We were worried you would get hurt so we started putting a gate at your doorway, but somehow you would get out without knocking the gate down.  This went on for many years and then one day it just stopped."

**proceed to tell her about my recurring dream** 

I am so sorry mom & dad, I was the creepy kid!!! I can't imagine how f**ked up that was......

So what do you think?  Either I was having some intense dreams and sleep walking/playing or maybe something was communicating with me.  I mean wall decor ended up in my crib and I played with "gorillas" in my living room. Could they have been shadow people...?  Or some crazy imagination...Who knows.  Apparently other things happened but we didn't get to discuss those.  

So there you have it, I was the creepy kid, scaring the bejesus out of my parents.  

Nightmare Fuel!

A week or so ago it had been raining here in LA for like a week.  Not just a nice Spring shower in the afternoons.  We are talking about hell being unleashed on Earth.

The wind was so bad I thought my house was going to blow away.  It rained so much so fast my street looked like a river.  The thunder/lightening was so bad I had three animals vying to sleep on top of me because they were scared.  It was a fun week.

Thankfully this hell week is over...or so I thought. 

Since it's been raining so much, I've been having to put a lamp on in my office because it's so f**king dark. 

As I was sitting there trying get my day started I heard something.

Scratch scratch scratch

Scratch scratch scratch

I look in the direction I think the noise is coming from and....

On the tall lamp behind me inside the bowl shade there is a MASSIVE shadow.

I have somehow transported across the room.

I am now staring at this shadow trying to claw its way out of the lamp shade.

Its a bug who shall not be named and its dying and unable to get out, that I can see, but its still alive and I am losing my $hit!

So while whimpering like a fool I found a step ladder and some Raid.

I unplugged the lamp, then I created a swimming pool for my new friend. 

It disappeared into the bowels of the bowl and I figured it was dead.  I was creeping closer, when that mother f**ker suddenly went full Independence Day on me.

I screamed so f**king loud. 

Once I deemed it ACTUALLY dead I carefully put my lamp outside....trying not to freak out more and decided I needed a new one anyway....

And I still needed to work another 8 hours!!!!

I swear I don't have daddy issues!

I'm on the weird VIVID dream kick again.  I've got a few so I'll just post one at a time.  

Anyways, it starts off in a large city, maybe NYC...maybe Miami...I dunno.  I had an interview in a big skyscraper.  I think my dad got me the interview so he drove me.  Mind you I am closing in on 40 so why would my father drive me to an interview?!?!  Anyway, in addition to myself, we brought a current co-worker & friend of mine whom I've known since college...also not weird at all.  

At this point everything is normal.  I'm dressed in a business suit and heels.  But then we get to the 37th floor and it's a...party....?  Apparently this isn't a normal interview.  It's a social.  So in true NOLA Gurl fashion, I mingled and made friends.  It was a LONG day.  So incredibly long.  I felt like I was there for hours and I had to have been because it was dark outside the windows.  

I was looking for my dad when I heard a commotion.  You see although we were on the 37th floor you could see over a balcony to a mezzanine (is that what its called???).  People were screaming and there were other people running...like....oh God...they were running like....Cheetahs on Speed. No no no no no no!!!!! Now I am scared, I can hear the blood rushing in my ears.  I can't find my dad and there are infected people below me!!!  I am trapped in a skyscraper with f**king 28 Days Later "zombies"!!!!!!!!!!

I call his phone and he picks up.  He left!  He f**king left!  He said I didn't seem to need him so he went home.  I was on the verge of crying asking and I quote "Daddy, why did you leave me?"  To which he responded, "I didn't leave you, I left the situation".  Yea go ahead and Freud that one....moving on.

I found my friend and explained we were stranded.  He was panicking a bit.  He saw the commotion below and was scared.  No one else at the social seemed concerned.  They were like "we are way up high...Zombies can't use the elevator".  I'm sorry, WHAT!?!?! 

Somehow we stole some key fobs and were in the parking garage.  You could hear the inhuman screeching echoing all around.  We were running but so slow...its was like running through sand and pressing key fobs to find a car...ANY CAR!!! My heart was racing.  I was drenched in sweat. Running in heels is stupid! My friend is white as a sheet which is impressive because he is fairly tan. 

We are in a car, he's driving (his driving scares me normally so there is that) and he brings me to my house but its not my house.  He says his uncle has a place in the swamp (MAKES NO SENSE...he is not from here...) and gives me the coordinates.  Not the address...the f**king coordinates!  

Here is where I woke up.  I woke up in a cold sweat and like WTAF.  I went back to sleep wanting to dream of anything else.  But the f**king dream continued.  I woke up, went pee, and went back to sleep and continued the freaking dream.  That NEVER happens!

As I settle back into dreamland, it jumps and me and my husband are driving in the boonies trying to find this place.  Its pitch blank but thankfully no inhuman screeching.  (at this point I knew I was dreaming I had a thought of OMG, why am I still dreaming about this?!?!?!?)  

It jumps again and we are in what looks like a really big plane hanger that's been converted into a makeshift living area.  Its extremely fortified and hidden but we are alone.  No one is there.  The dream has taken on a yellow tint....like dim old light bulb lighting.  I call my friend from a landline (what?!?). He said they are stuck on the freeway (now I know I am dreaming because we call it an interstate or highway) but to make ourselves at home.  So there I am checking out the provisions in the fridge, when out of nowhere a rabid (infected) yorkie comes running at me, I'm screaming, running away as its trying to nip my ankles.   I had to kill it....so I chopped off its head with a knife but...decapitating is not a simple thing so there was sawing...it was...it was not cool.  Do you know how traumatizing that is for a person who loves animals?!?!?!  I mean I wasn't attached to the dog but it was a bit "I am Legend" -ish feeling....

Somehow my geriatric cat is also there and she's been "bitten" but because she is so old, she's fine.  I swear...that was the line of thinking.  Okay then.... apparently if you're old, the virus is like meh, no point.  

The power switched to a generator because I guess society was collapsing *shrug*.  So I was sitting with my husband in the hazy yellow light of a shack in the swamp petting my old but uninfected cat with a decapitated yorkie on the floor just waiting.

That man needs an old priest and a young priest

What the actual...!?!!?

This man is a bendy straw.

LINK

I've never actually seen someone do the Exorcist walk.  I mean I used to be able to walk around in a back bend but this is a WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL. 

Sir, do you even have bones?!?!?

Steve's face makes this 1000 times funnier. 

He's like "Nah son" as he runs in the other direction. 

Zombies are @$$holes, mmmmkay

I think I figured it out.  I have my most cracked out dreams when I am utterly exhausted.  I am not talking "hey I worked out earlier" tired.  I am talking about "I cleaned my ENTIRE house", "Did ALL the yard work (cut grass/weed-eated/hedged)", "ran a 1/2 marathon" or in my most recent case "played in the pool with a bunch of kiddos under the age of 6 for more than 3 hours". 


And when I say played, I do not mean relaxing in the pool while a lil one waddles around you.  I mean fully submerged swimming/walking back and forth.  Getting in and out. Making sure no one busts anything, "No running!!!" (sorry, my inner lifeguard comes out from time to time).  Busy busy busy BUT very fun!  So by the time it was time for bed, I was basically a Zombie. 

I had the most insane dream.  I don't watch a lot of Zombie shows/movies . . .well I do sometimes but not as ofter as other supernatural stuff, so I was really confused when I woke up as to why I dreamt about 'zombies'.  And I don't mean "Night of the Living Dead" slow walking, moaning "braaaaaains" zombies.  I am talking about those terrifying ones that run like f**king cheetahs (World War Z, 28 Days Later, I am Legend, etc.).  I was NEVER scared of zombies because I always thought, "dude you can OUTRUN them"...until 28 Days Later came out.  I remember going to the theater to see it and I was f**king scared out of my mind!  They didn't just run, they full on sprinted, all the while screeching.  And it wasn't like a slow burn infection.  You got ANY type of bodily fluid in you and you were a screaming banshee in seconds, WTAF!?!?

It's a loooong, detailed dream...get some popcorn and enjoy.  

Okay, moving on to my dream.  I was on vacation with the other half when the world went to $hit.  I am assuming we were in some sort of tropical climate because there was a resort and swimming BUT there were also things that hinted at Europe sooooo who the f**k knows.  I am not sure how but basically we get separated.  One minute we are enjoying an all inclusive beach and boos resort and the next minute I am wandering around Ireland...Scotland...MAYBE...it was really green...and a bit nippy.  I really don't know but it wasn't the U.S. that's for sure (people talked "funny").  I am picked up by a group of other survivors and brought to something that looks like a fort.  But inside it is ANOTHER all inclusive type place, no beach but a ridiculous pool and lavish buildings.  I am concerned about getting the f**k out of whatever country I am in but everyone there is like "no we stay here and wait for rescue" which sounds like the WORST idea to me.  There are parties every night and patrols every day.  I remember going swimming (no clue where the suit came from ) at one point.  There was a guy. . .I can't remember his face but he was attractive, tall and skinny but muscular.  He wouldn't leave me alone, even when I said "sorry boo, I am taken" (see even in my dreams, faithful wife).  He kept trying to catch me in the pool.  He got pissed at one point and threw a bunch of giant pills at me (is that The drugs???).  After some contemplation I went to the room he was sharing with some other peeps and returned the pills (I have no idea why, don't ask).  He looked different now.  I remember thinking "holy $hit, he's famous!" but I am not sure who it was.  We were suddenly BFF's and practically inseparable (no more sexual advances).

Jumping ahead, a group of us thought the whole "party all the time" mantra was a bad idea.  Stop making noise!!!  So of course one fateful night the "zombies" breach the outer wall and come pouring in.  We were near the insane pool...two options 1) Run around it and chance getting caught by a human cheetah on speed or 2) Dive into the water and swim across....the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, looks like I'm getting wet (shhhhhhhh, get your mind out the gutter).   The details of the dream were so vivid!  I could feel the water go up my nose when someone accidentally jumped on top of me.  I remember the weight of my clothes from jumping in fully clothed and the heaviness of my tennis shoes.  I can still feel the vice like grip on my calf as an inhuman fell in, latched onto my leg, and pulled me back under.  And I remember the relief I felt as my friend pulled me from the water and to safety (no bites or scratches...whew).  Thankfully the infected seemed to have trouble traversing the water so we managed to get a head start running (as I coughed a gallon of water out my burning lungs).  We made it to a main building where we broke into groups to enact a plan that I don't remember helping to create but I knew my place.

It consisted of us running UP stairs to lure the infected behind us. . . okay in EVERY horror movie I yell "OMG don't go up the f**king stairs! There is no way to escape." But we had a plan . . .it was sketchy at best.  We had to wait for the rabid individuals to see us and then run like our @$$ was on fire, what could go wrong...?

Jumping ahead again, we are no longer in the safety of the resort.  We've been separated into smaller groups.  Not by choice. . .  We are moving from "safe" house to "safe" house as quickly and quietly as possible.  We sleep in shifts and scavenge for food in the abandoned homes.  We can't eat just anything, in case it is INFECTED.   The only thing I really remember from this part is that my new friend was fiercely protective of me, &/or I made him feel safe...grounded...not sure.  I just know he NEVER left my side.  I can recall him basically cocooning himself around me while I was sleeping and holding on for dear life (we are talking vice grip).  Not in a snuggle up or sexy way...more like an "I can't lose you too way".  And honestly sometimes I wasn't sure if he was protecting me from the zombies or the other men in our group.  It was weird. 

Jumping ahead further, we find more survivors.  It is a military compound. They will only let us in once our eyes have been scanned (this was from I am Legend, I think).  They wanted to separate us but my friend said we were married so we could get in...together.   Conveniently we both had wedding bands....I guess he was married too...I don't remember noticing it before this.  It is hot, loud and chaotic but it feels safe.  I have no idea how much time had passed but eventually I spot a familiar face in the mess hall and practically tackle him (my other half, if you didn't figure that out).  He has a woman with him...it is my friend's wife...I know, I know very cheesy...sorry...I think my brain needed a happy thought.  Out of no where I heard the animalistic screeching the runners make.  Somehow they got inside. . . I was wrapped up in my hubbies arms crying when I felt a powerful shove...I woke up. 

I obviously don't know for sure what happened but I know what it felt like.  It felt like the "monster" got me.  Needless to say, I couldn't really fall back asleep after that.  My heart felt like it was trying to escape.  But why did I have this insane dream?!?!  Then I remembered.  Saturday night I put on SyFy Channel and watched 28 Weeks Later.  I didn't watch all of it but I watched enough to give my subconscious enough ammo to scare the bejesus out of me.