Did...did you hear that...?

So in my effort to move back into my GD house I have been on a cleaning spree.  Just the immense amount of dust is...it's just overwhelming. 

Anyway, I rented one of those small upholstery cleaners to deep clean the furniture. 

I was alone minding my business DEEP cleaning the sofa when I heard a noise.

I looked around but didn't see anything.  A little while later I heard it again.

I turned off the machine and waited to see if I heard it again.

I went to continue cleaning but decided to close the backdoor.  I had it open but with the screen closed.  

Then I heard it again.

I tiptoed in silence around the house but found NOTHING.  It was time to empty the dirty water bin.  As I was bent over unhooking it I heard a scuffle.

Again nothing around me and no other noises in the house.  I was lifting the bin out of the machine when I came face to face with EYES on my entertainment center.

I tried to back pedal away from the intruder but the floor was wet from over spray.  

I landed hard on my back and threw the container into the air dumping BLACK furry water all over me and the floor.

As I tried to focus on the blurry ceiling and take inventory of any injuries, I temporarily forgot I saw eyes.  Before I could register I needed to run, a furry face came into view. 

Are you trying to kill me...also... how did you get in here?!?!?!  She's a neighborhood cat.  She stood over me watching, headbutted me, and meowed.

I carefully put her back outside.  Apparently my screen door has a small hole...where it's torn away from the corner.  You can't see it but she must have pushed on it and realized she could fit. 

So yea, I had a minor heart attack, almost broke my back, and probably have a concussion...oh and had to clean the floor, but my sofa is clean and I know the little stray is still alive.  

You do not live here and no you cannot bring a friend!

It is beyond me why I attract animals but I do.  And all through this pandemic me being home has seemed to attract more...but mainly cats.  AND I DO NOT FEED THEM!

There is a gorgeous kitty I fondly call "not my cat" who seems to think she lives here.  I've had to remove her from my house multiple times.  She greets me outside daily, runs off any other living creature that steps foot on my property, and helps me when I'm in the garden. 

When she is off wandering there are other visitors; one I call Tom (like Tom & Jerry), an orange cat (I know where he lives), and a black & white cat I call Tux. 

Just in the last couple weeks I've had a long haired black & white cat (not Tux) in my backyard who was promptly run off by the orange cat. I had a long haired gray cat who thought he would make friends with my dogs....that did not go over well. Then I heard something crying at the front door at like 10:30 PM.

I went outside to find a tabby cat. He/she ran and hid under my car.  But was still crying.  So they were wanting attention but they were scared.  So what does weirdo me do?  She sits on the front porch in her PJs talking to a cat (my neighbors are going to commit me). 

Another day as I was working I saw a head pop up in my window, orange cat.  Since he was a kitten he looks inside when I have the blinds up.  But this time he was mewing LOUDLY.  WTF Cat, I'm working!  So I go outside and he runs up to me then runs to the side of my house.  

When I followed I saw him by my neighbors van, "hey how'd you get there so fast...?"  Then he ran behind a tire....

I went to the edge of my yard and he walked out from the back of my bushes....hold on...I just saw...what....

I went back inside.  About 20 min later I went get the mail and had TWO orange cats in my garden.  Ummmmmm you multiplied....  One was the one I know but the other had to be female bc he was protecting her.  She was lighter orange and TERRIFIED.  My neighbor's cat brought me his "girlfriend"

No no.  I don't care if you found her, she can't stay here!

Then the other night I got home from my friend's house and 

A cat I've NEVER seen before yelled at me from on top my hubs Truck.  He/she was in shadow but was definitely not one of the "regulars". 

I don't know what is going on but there are suddenly a lot of adult cats.  I haven't seen kittens so I am thinking it's either a catch, fix, and release thing OR some dip$hit is dumping cats in my hood.