That was not Gus Gus!

It's getting "cooler" finally but we live in the south so its 52 in the AM and 80 by midday. 

But with it getting cooler.....something has found its way into our attic and it made me realized I didn't share my horror story from LAST Winter.  

... kidding.  But it was early 2024 and it was TRAUMATIZING!

I was sitting at my desk and I heard a scratching noise.  A few days later it sounded like MULTIPLE creatures were playing WWE in the attic.  WTAF Bruh!

Now a few years ago we had a critter problem and used poison in the attic... NEVER AGAIN!  Those f**kers would fall down the damn wall and we'd have f**king fly-mageddon in the house which was traumatizing!

Anyways we got the snap traps.  Look I know its not great but I refuse to use glue traps...these are basically instant death and its easier to dispose of them..in theory. 

I'm at our little bar pouring some wine and I hear a loud **SNAP**.  Followed by the most horrific screeching and then **thump thump thump thump** above me.  

WTAF?!?!?!  It's supposed to be instant death...AHHHH!

So we venture into the attic and the trap is GONE!  This Mother F**ker must have only got a leg stuck and ran and jumped OVER the edge of the ceiling and got stuck in the flashing outside.  We can't get to it but can hear it outside flip flopping around. 

Well f**k me!  For two f**king days I can hear it just outside of my office slowly dying and I feel awful because I can't give it a swift end.  

I am in the DEEPEST sleep when lil bit and speedy lose their f**king cheerios! It was 2AM and they were going nuts.  I let them out of the bedroom and they ran into the living room and stared at the ceiling.  Ah beans... did we catch something?!?!?!

The next day hubs went into the attic and it did not suffer **whew**.

I am cooking dinner and hear a **SNAP**.  Hubs goes to investigate and I hear laughing through the ceiling.  He calls my name to come see.  Trap is triggered and there is blood but no critter... f*********ck!  Its gonna die in the GD wall!

I get home from an outing and hear something in the attic.  I tell hubs to go check.  He does and is like UMMMMMM.  I go up there and there is another one caught but its VERY alive and flip flopping all over the place.  We managed to grab the trap with a grabber and bring it out front.  I didn't ask what he did but we counted the trap as a "loss".  Lovely.  

About this time I start to smell something funky in the guest bath.  Like not awful but not great.  Over the next two days its definitely dead body smell. We look in the attic but its not up there....its in a wall or under the tub... F********CK!  I have to block off the bathroom and back bedroom because we have fly-mageddon.  

I put up fly traps and sprayed daily.  I stopped counting when I swept up 150 flies.   

All in all we caught/killed 5 RATS.  These weren't little mice...these were RATS and we couldn't figure out how they were getting in.  

So hopefully whatever I heard the other day doesn't lead to this again because it was Traumatizing AF!

They're like Vampires, you can't INVITE them in

When opportunities present themselves, you should seize them, right?

So imagine my surprise when I was gifted a brand new state of the art kitchen appliance!!!  Like purchased from the store would have been $300+.  Only been used a few months bc they moved in with their partner and didn't need two.  Anyways, we seized the opportunity.  

We didn't set it up right away because I was out of town and we were super busy so it was sitting in my office.  

Anyways, about 1 day after we got it hubs saw a critter on the counter.  It looks like a tiny bug who shall not be named but he wasn't sure.  That night he was having trouble sleeping so was up at like 3AM.  I was awakened at 5AM by him calling having a minor panic attack.  He didn't want to wake me but since he'd been awake, he'd killed 8 tiny bugs who shall not be named!!!! EIGHT! 

He woke me when he found one in the spare bedroom.  

I have a fairly severe phobia but mainly of the HUGE ones that fly.  The little ones just gross me out bc they usually mean "infestation" which WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!?!  We are borderline obsessive clean.   

He said he was tiptoeing around the house with a flashlight.  Every once in a while you'd hear "AH!" *splat*

By the time the sun was slightly up he'd killed about 15.  FIFTEEN!  He was awake now enough to be like WTF happened?????

We realized the ONLY "new" thing in the house....was the new....APPLIANCE...

He crept over and shined the light inside......................

IT WAS INFESTED WITH SKINNY GERMAN ROACHES!

What happened next was something out of Supernatural.

He carried it into the garage.  Did a Home Defense circle around it.  Then DROWNED it in Raid.  Like I'm sure it was no longer functional. 

He Home Defensed every doorway in the house. Then waited until the sun was up up to carry it to the curb

Meanwhile I am in another state calling an Exterminator.  I explained what happened and he said "I can have a guy there 1st appt."  

Now I'm home and so far I haven't seen any but Hubs has killed a couple more...one being in the effing cup cabinet.  So everything in there got washed.  

What kills me...like just WTAF man.... is that I literally was telling my travel buddies about how good of a deal it was and said "watch the damn thing have roaches in it". And we all had a good giggle. Clearly the universe has a sense of humor.  

Positive side of it...when they treated the house it also kills a bunch of other stuff so, yay.  

That is clearly an Alien!!!

Okay I deal with all types of bugs.  99% of them really don't bother me.  I mean they startle me but I am not "frightened" of them.  Some still give me the heebie jeebies!

Since we haven't been living in our house while it was damaged and now being repaired we have to be mindful of what may move in while we are gone. 

After the holidays we had a lot of leftover Turkey.  I don't like to waste food so I decided after our fill of Sandwiches and salads, it was time for Gumbo.  I needed my gumbo pot.  There is a pot where we are staying but its not my gumbo pot...and if you know anything about making gumbo...you make it in your gumbo pot not just some rando pot haha. 

When I pulled it out I saw something moving INSIDE the pot.  1st thought, bug who shall not be named.  

Then I saw the culprit frantically scrambling around the inside. 

Uuuuuggggghhhhh what even are Silverfish?!?! *blech*  And this one was HUGE!!! Usually they are smallish but this mo fo was over an inch long.  *shudder*

I'm telling you....Aliens!

You can't tell me that doesn't look like a f**king Silverfish?!!?!?

So if you randomly start hearing "DELETE! DELETE!", remember I tried to warn you.

Never alone in an empty house

Still displaced.  if you read my posts back after we flooded (2012/2013) you know how much I fought with insurance companies.  This time insurance hasn't been...as bad (not fun still) but I can't get a f**king contractor to give me a f**king quote to save my life!!!!!

Anyway, this means we still aren't home.  Since its still spooky season, I'll share some....fun.

So we know the persons here before us passed...unexpectedly.  Honestly we thought nothing of it....they passed many many months ago. 

We'd been here a week with nothing and just settling in.  But I started to notice sometimes I couldn't find little bit.  She's been glued to me since Ida (I think she has PTSD).  When I went serch for her she would be sitting....alone....in front of a recliner.  *hmmm odd*.  She'd see me and come running.  What got me was one day I heard her whining, not scared or in pain but like she was trying to get my attention...except she wasn't with me. *weird*.  When I found her she was sitting...looking at a chair.  She had her ball in her mouth, head cocked to one side, wagging her tail.

I got the frisons!  She saw me, looked back at the chair then came to me.  *WTF DOG?!?!*  This happens fairly frequently.  

Moving on.  I heard Speedy barking in the other room.  I went to check it out.... he had put his ball....in the CHAIR and was barking at it....like he does with us when he wants to play!!!

*freaking out*

Same chair turns.  I don't mean "cool, it swivels".  I mean we wake up and its facing the window.  Or we come home from the store and its angled to the TV.  I kept saying, clearly the pups are bumping it but sometimes it happens and well...they are locked up or with us and I just don't know. 

I was here alone one afternoon and went to get some water in the kitchen.  I was suddenly and inexplicably overcome with emotion.  I was fine before, watching TV.  Then I burst into tears.  My heart ACHED.  I was completely overcome with crippling sadness.  I left the kitchen...and was fine *WTF*.  That....it was crazy. 

Hubs was here alone one night in the bedroom when the puppers went bat$hit!  He opened the door to let them out.  He said Speedy rounded the corner and started backing up howling.  He thought for sure a burglar was in the place.  It was empty but Speedy REFUSED to go down the hall....

I woke up one night to Demon Spawn sitting near the edge of the bed purring and rubbing her head against...nothing...just air...  I...I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see that.  But I sure did snuggle back into the hubs. 

I don't feel scared or threatened but I also don't feel alone... so how on Earth I managed to live in a house with Spirits and have somehow found a temp house with...spirits is beyond me.  

How early, is too early?!?

There is nothing worse than being awoken by your dogs growling and aggressively barking at 4AM.  I jumped up out of a dead sleep.  They were losing it at the door to our room.  The hubs had worked late so I decided to get up to investigate. 

I let them out to attack whatever they thought was in the house.  I assumed they were barking at the cats.  Except they didn't go past my living room.  Normally they do a lap around the house....

So I walked out further.  I had a HORRIBLE buzzing in my ears and they were still going ape$hit.  Not just barking...it was really a protective thing happening.  I realized I still had my ear plugs in so I took them out but the noise didn't change.  I was still half asleep and thought the weird noise was coming from the nightlight in our kitchen. Mainly because the dogs were barking in that direction and that made sense to my sleep addled brain.

As I started to walk towards it Speedy grabbed and pulled my hand. WTF Dog?!?!?  They were still barking like crazy.  But I kept walking, Lil bit was biting at my ankles.  Speedy kept grabbing my hand and getting in front of me. 

A fully awake person would have realized they were trying to stop me from walking into the kitchen.  But I was still half asleep and getting annoyed.  I got to the night light and unplugged it. haha, success!!!

The noise didn't stop and the dogs were still barking.  I was staring blankly at the light like, why are you still buzzing, I UNPLUGGED YOU!

Finally my irritation bubbled over and I yelled "Can everyone please shut up!!!"  Immediately the noise stopped and both dogs stopped barking. 

At this point I woke up enough to realize how f**ked up that was. 

I looked around, promptly headed back to bed with the pups, and put my earplugs back in.  I did NOT go back to sleep.  Hubs mumbled "is evey thing okay?"  and I said "nightlight".  I stared at the ceiling waiting for the buzzing to come back or the dogs to bark.  Thankfully neither happened!

I'm not scared, you're scared!

Okay we joke a lot about the old owners still being around but sometimes things get really weird and I choose to just have another glass of wine. 

So my speedy LOVES to play.  He will bring you his toy, spit it on you, then bark until you throw it.  He does this to anyone and everyone who steps foot in our house.  Its adorable for about 5 minutes then it gets annoying but we love him to bits. 

Anyway, since we've moved in, him and lil bit have claimed our spare room as their own.   Nothing weird, they think they are children so I guess they have a room. 

Well randomly they go back there.  Lil bit rolls around on the bed like she does when she wants belly rubs.  She's a dog, not that weird..right.  But Speedy has decided that it is really fun to scare the $hit out of me and I am not okay with it. 

I was cooking dinner one night and I heard him barking.  When I went to investigate he was standing in the doorway to my spare room...toy on the ground...barking into the darkness.

So I yelled for him....he looked at me.  Looked back into the room...cocked his head and started barking again.

I reluctantly walked down the hall, turned on the lights as I went and checked the room HOPING TO SEE A CAT.  No cat.  Speedy picked up his toy and went back in the living room. 

Lil bit started doing this too.  She doesn't bark but she nudges her toy across the threshold and wags her tail. 

Not necessarily scared but...curious.  What is it with that back room?  I mean they don't always do this but it is almost 3 years and they are still doing it soooooooooo.

I am not the "sexy stay at home wife"

Well for one I work...a lot.  But since I can work at home, I can be here for repair peeps, etc. 

We had some coming so I stayed home.  They were two young guys, very nice, kinda cute.  I was standing at my kitchen counter with my laptop typing and I felt eyes on me.

When I looked up, one looked away.  Hmmmmm.  This happened at least two other times... When his partner walked outside and I caught him again staring, I finally said "what?!". 

Him: You look...um...comfortable.
Me: *thinking* is he mocking me *said* K.........

Him: Well usually housewives...y'all... get all...you know....
Me:

Him: I mean its weird right?  They just usually look...fixed
Me: k....*keep digging buddy*
Him: And your in...well...that *gesturing at me*...and you're watching the World Cup...its just...I dunno

Me: *dying* Dude, you are lucky if I brush my hair to go to the grocery...I am not getting made up for y'all to come in MY house...sorry *laughing*

Him: *laughing* No...oh man...hope I didn't upset you
Me: Nah, I just thought my boob was hanging out
Him: *turning pink* OMG no no no.

He continued working, I continued working. But now I am really perplexed.  I know there are movies and TV Shows that depict that kind of....scenario...but I didn't think they were real!  What you ladies up to out there?!?!

And I wasn't like homeless looking...not really...much....

I mean I put a bra on, that is a BIG DEAL for the itty bitty titty committee!  They don't need much support!

NOTE - Don't skin me...I know that is meant as an insult but I own it so *plfeet*

I didn't know they chirped!

Why couldn't I just live in my happy little bubble thinking those little f**kers didn't make noise. 

No, I had to be INFORMED (for whatever reason) by my husband WHO KNOWS MY FEAR that bugs who shall not be named...those creeptastic lil bastards.... CHIRP!  I didn't believe him so I went to Google....

I thought it was lizards.  Why couldn't you just let me BELIEVE it was Gekos?!?!?

Aside from the fluttering of wings or the clicking and scampering sounds that a variety of bug species make, they don't typically make a lot of noise. However, some species of cockroaches do hiss and chirp.

...noises are made during courtship and mating. 

...noises are produced during an interaction where the insect feels threatened.

....the chirping is both annoying and chilling.

*THUD*

Sorry, I fainted....The wing flutter and scampering is ENOUGH.  And I know about those hissing mofo's  EFF THAT!  But chirping...CHIRPING!?!?!?!?

God f**kall I didn't need to know this either!!!! "They can bite, too, but bites are rare and harmless."

So maybe som of the chirping I am hearing when I hang out outside at night with the dogs is possibly a f**king Bug Who Shall Not Be Named!!!  I can't see them...

 And just because its accurate....

Yo, that ain't Mickey

So I went from living in a re-purposed swamp (suburb of a suburb) to a suburb.  Anyways, I've had just as much if not more Wildlife at the new place...WTF?!

Its because I live near a canal...has to be...right?!  We've had all sorts of interesting critters *yay*.  I don't mind really except my dogs try to play with them and then I start yelling like a banshee and its just not good!

So the other night we had a low key BBQ and hung out.  Around midnight I went outside to close the grill and let the pups tee tee before bed.  As I was reaching for the grill handle in my blissfully buzzed state I noticed eyes...

then brown/gray fur...

then a tail...

just below the grate....

my brain put it together very slowly okay (beer is good, yea). 

Not my pic but something like this was in my grill

I didn't freak out, I just said "um, hello there Ratatouille". 

It was frozen staring at me breathing super fast. 

"Sweetie...there seems to be a terrified mouse taking refuge in our grill".  He responded "just close it, he'll go away".  What?!?

I got the pups who didn't seem know where it was and backed up to the door.  I didn't want it to try to run inside.  About 10 min later I am getting ready for bed and hear chaos outside, hmmmm. 

He tried to "kill" it...it went under our slab...GREAT!

The next morning I was greeted by a rather large intact male tom cat.  We do not have a male cat or an outside cat for that matter.  He is gray...with white paws and a white chest.  "Ummmm hello....". 

He jumped up on our bench and demanded scritches.  He looks healthy so I am guessing a neighbors kitty.   He went to the "hole" where the mouse disappeared *hmmm*. 

So yea, its not Ratatouille...I am 99% certain the real life Tom & Jerry have claimed my yard.  Tom tried to come in (not happening).  So we made an arrangement.  He can hang out by my house and I will give him scritches if he catches and kills Jerry.  He said "re-owwwwwww" and nibbled my arm.  I think that means deal.  It might mean "feed me b**ch I'm hungry" but I'm choosing to believe we have an understanding.

How long does smoke smell linger?

So growing up in a household with a smoker, I know how *shudder* much that smell can get into EVERYTHING!  I also know it can stick around for quite some time. 

I ask because our house will randomly smell like smoke.  Now we are 99.9% certain the previous owners smoked in here maybe back in the 90's and I know the carpet and at least one closet probably still carry the smell a bit. 

But I am not talking about the "stale" smoke smell.  It randomly smells like someone just lit a cigarette right next to us.  At first we ignored it but one night we had just gotten home and were talking in the front room and both of us smelled it.  You know the smell.  Its different than the old smoke smell.

We've only smelled it in the very front (old dining room) and right near the TV where an old recliner was when we first looked at the house. 

It's not often but usually when it's cold outside.  And it's a VERY strong smell. 

I'm not scared of whatever it might be but I am curious.

If I had to guess its residual.  Just an imprint of a time long gone.  Anyways, I guess we will see as time goes on.




I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS AND AM POSTING IT NOW.....