We have a 2319!!!!

So me and wildlife are at odds.  I enjoy nature and have a respect for all creatures but can they just stay out of my yard?!?!

Speedy has been hell bent on investigating our pressure washer.  It's just an old washer that doesn't even work.  Honestly we need to junk it.  Well I now know why!  I couldn't find him one night around 12-ish and lil bit came running all nervous.  

He had caught ANOTHER opossum!!! It was mid-sized and not moving.  I managed to drag him away and throw him inside before going back with a flashlight.  

When I got semi-close, I saw it was breathing but before I could get closer I heard a bunch of yelling inside.  I went a running and discovered my Speedy spazing out and rubbing his face all over the sofa & carpet and sneezing.  He was full of drool but otherwise seemed fine.  

I went check the tiny invader again.  I poked it with a stick, it hissed and looked at me.  That's when I saw them.  This creature was INFESTED with fleas!!!! I could see them running all across its face.

I sprinted back inside to see Speedy yet again rubbing at his face.  I yelled FLEAS!!!!

Mind you the dogs and cat are treated and so is the yard but again opossum was INFESTED!

I grabbed his face and saw one run under his eye. 

He got a midnight bath.  I let the flea shampoo sit on him.  They were fleeing in the bubbles. 15 fleas (that I counted) came off of him!!!  

After him, lil bit got bathed because...well she was with him.  I counted 8 on her *screaming*.

Hubs was midnight vacuuming...everything. 

The next day they were itching.  I used a flea comb and pulled numerous fleas off of BOTH OF THEM. 

More baths!!!!!!!!!

We treated the yard AGAIN. And I "flea bombed" the house.  

They must have had 3 baths each and each time MORE FLEAS. 

It took a good week for no more fleas to show on the pups and me not to feel like things were crawling on me all the time.  

My husband had to peel me off the ceiling....

Okay not literally but close.

So I get this quarterly box from Fortune Cookie Soaps (FCS)...they also do a monthly box but I don't need that much beauty stuff (or do I?).  Anyways, I never signed up for that. 

Flash forward to August.  They announce the September Box will be HALLOWEEN THEMED!!! So I did what I said I wouldn't do an signed up for the damn box. 

So I get it (this was last month) and I am so excited I am about to pee on myself .  First things first...I opened the box and f**king screamed.  Not bloody murder but still *ahhhh* *giggle*. 

God Dammit!!!  Also in the box were fake maggots *rolling eyes*.  Its Halloween...yea yea yea.  So I am INSANELY excited.  Everything smells AMAZING!  I tried almost all of it within a day or so. 

Moving on.  I don't take baths normally...I take showers.  If I do, I don't usually use bubbles, bombs, oils, etc because my body is stupid and I usually have reactions that I'd rather not deal with.  With that said this box came with a bomb.  Its all natural/handmade stuff so I figured "Awww f**k it, ONE BATH CAN'T HURT." 

This was the bomb:

CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE BATH BOMB

Ingredients: Sodium Bicarbonate, Citric Acid, Zea Mays (Corn) Starch, Pure Dead Sea Salt, Magnesium Sulfate, Sweet Almond Oil, Fragrance and/or Essential Oils, Cosmetic Color.

OMG It's Jason, totally trying it.  Problem...I didn't READ the f**king description.  

"You’re doomed! You’re all doomed. There is a curse on Crystal Lake, a death curse. You’ve been warned. When you use this bath bomb, it’s followed by shadows and scents of peachy rings, lemon drops, and woodland flowers. Beware! There's a surprise inside..."

Anyways, I got all comfy in my hot bath and drop the bomb *giggle*.  It fizzed a bit.  Its blue and white *cool*.  Smells DELICIOUS *double cool*.  As the bomb fades away to the end red starts trickling out "Ewww...but okay cool".  I was leaning back relaxing when all of a sudden, something touched my leg 

"OMG there is something in the water with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I see this:

I jumped out of the f**king tub so fast I almost fell over the commode.  

Not realizing the commotion I caused, I was surprised when the significant other walked in.  He was like "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU" as I stood there naked and dripping all over the floor.  I pointed at the tub...he laughed at me..."Its plastic crazy lady".  Oh...OH....GOD DAMMIT!

So yea, they got me...like got me good.  So just in case you are wondering my heart works just fine...

 

Also, no weirdo reactions (sweet) aside from having a minor cardiac event.