"Your washer might kill you"...Oh and "hey gurl, hey"

Yea I was one of those unfortunates that got that notification.  The washer...not the...nevermind.  I mean it didn't literally say that BUT if you denied the "mandatory" recall you were then liable if the washer lid flew off and killed someone...

Anyways, I did the "right" thing and scheduled a tech even though my washer wasn't doing the psycho crazy vibration thing because reasons.  BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!  The tech came out and did the recall repair and get this...GET F**KING THIS!  After the stupid "fix" my washer started showing the symptoms of the recall...WTF over?!?!

Yea that's right AFTER they "fixed" it, it started error-ing out, shaking violently, basically just being an @$$hole. So I called the help line.   I wanted to murder someone after that call.  They essentially said "oh well".

So, I sure did BLAST them on Twitter.  I went into full attack mode.  And guess what...guess f**king WHAT?!? I suddenly got all the help in the world.

Flash forward, they wanted to send ANOTHER tech out but we were moving and they said just call us when  you are all settled.  So I called as instructed.  I AGAIN felt stabby.  I was told that I broke it during the move.  I went ape$hit, got a manager, and the manager said...can  you "prove" you reported it before you moved it because there is no record of you EVER calling in before today.  Can I just thank every deity out there for f**king Twitter?!?!  So I said yes I can.  I started rattling off dates and conversations.  That b**ch had NO RESPONSE.  So they said I would get a call from customer whatever person.  FOUR days later nada.  So I went back to Twitter.  I didn't publicly blast them this time but I messaged them.

Again, twitter to the rescue.  Within 24 hours the social media manager deemed my washer a lost cause and offered me a refund.  Yes please!

Moving on, we bought another washer and it was finally delivered today *yay*.

The delivery guy was awesome.  He was super nice and professional.  And I am 100% oblivious!  At the end of the interaction:

Him: so this number here, is this yours?
Me: Yep
Him: If they contact this number you'll give us a *shy smile*...on a scale 1-5...?
Me: Five for sure!
Him great!
Me: *friendly smile*
Him: So can you receive texts at that number?
Me: *thinking its a text survey* yep!
Him: Great!  *big dopey smile* So what's this other number?
Me: Oh that's my husband
Him: Oh *smile falls* so I shouldn't text you later to ask you to dinner?
Me: *crap* Oh...um no...no that wouldn't be good
Him: Oh Ok, right...do I still get a five...?
Me: Yes, of course

JFC!  He was hitting on me and I had NO IDEA.  I mean I didn't have my rings on and I was distracted (working) but is my game that off that I am that oblivious?!?!?

Also, 3 hours later I was eating alone at a quick service place.  I smiled at at police officer...I am always smiling people!  This is not anything new!!!  He walked over to me and sat down *$hit*.  He then cockily smiles at me and says (STG) 

Officer: Do you eat here often
Me: *what?!?!?*  Ummmmm no....
Officer: *leans forward* You should
Me: *puts left hand on table* I ...no....
Officer: *sees my rings* Oh...sorry.  Just thought you should know, you are very pretty *winks* have a great night.

OMG, y'all I looked like @$$ today.  I had on yoga pants and a t-shirt...no makeup...hair in pigtails...not even REMOTELY trying!!!  All I can think is my new perfume oil has some jacked up pheromones in it that attracts EVERYONE!!!!

And then John Cusack walked out from behind the bushes holding a boombox over his head

Totally plausible...right?!?  But how else can I say the Universe wants me to be part of a cheesy romantic comedy!  Hey Universe, guess what...I'm HAPPILY married!  I don't need to meet anyone...I'm good *plfeet*.

Let me set a scene, little blonde looking like she should probably try harder decides to take her unruly pups to the park.  Normally this is not something I do alone but it was a necessity today so off I went with my 61 lb speedy and 30 lb humpty dumpty.  To say it was interesting is an understatement.

Mind you I was in hot pink running capris and a teal shirt with lazy girl bun...

- they immediately barked and made a 4 y/o cry (they wanted to play but can be scary...LOUD)
- they tried to make friends with the lady in the car next to us
- they spotted items of interest that happened to be in different directions
          - My shoulders have felt better....
- Things that were said: "No", "Stop", "OMG don't eat that", "slow down", "I SAID SLOW DOWN"

Then one went through my legs and around.  The other went around my legs and through...both took off running in different directions "No no no nooooo......" *ahhhhhhh!*.

My legs were immediately cinched together.  Speedy took a tumble because he was tangled too while humpty dumpty ran in circles.  I was in a slow motion fall to the ground *tiiiiiberrrrrrrr* thinking "Aw f**k me, this is going to hurt."  When suddenly I am being caught by a solid brick wall.  "Wait, I'm in the middle of a park...". 

Turns out the "brick wall" was a RIDICULOUSLY muscular...attractive...30 something who was jogging on the path when he saw my dilemma and came to my rescue.  Speedy decided "Must murder new person touching mom" and started freaking out.  But he was tangled so all he managed to do was restrain both of us further and make my hero laugh, *great*.

After getting me into a semi-sitting position we somehow got me and my idiot canines detangled.  I said thank you like a million times and we went our separate ways. 

As I was hurriedly walking away dumb and dumber saw a something and took off (at least in the same direction) 

...the leashes locked and I leaned all the way back to stopped their forward progress...my 120 with a lean back and legs planted vs their 60 + 30 running at full speed ended with me flying forward

and yelling "Stop trying to eat a squirrel, you @$$holes!" 

Which got me a giggle from somewhere behind me.  I didn't turn around...

I was only out there for 30 minutes....guess who is getting leash trained soon....

I think I woke up in a romantic comedy

You know the movies.  The ones that give a skewed view of how relationships actually happen. They almost never happen the way they are depicted in movies. The below totally could have happened in one of those movies and the two people would live happily ever after or some bull$hit like that. 

Obviously I am NOT on the market.  I am not looking for love.  I already found it and am very happy.  But because of my bubbly personality sometimes people end up having a crush on me.  I unintentionally flirt, I guess.  I mean I don't think it is flirting but my over the top friendliness is sometimes misread.  I am really not trying to be cocky...it happens.  Sometimes its harmless and fades away after a short time.  Other times (rarely) it lingers and makes all parties uncomfortable.  It is really hard for me when this happens because while trying to maintain an air of professionalism, I have to PRETEND the guy I speak to/see all the time DOESN'T have a crush on me.  This has been going on for over a year people!

Anyways, it came to head *hahahaha* the other day.  I was assisting with an issue over the phone.  It was a minor thing but very time consuming for my contact(s).  I offered to create something custom and send for approval.  See PROFESSIONAL!  Anyways after I created said custom thing I got a call. 

Me: This is NOLAGurl.  How can I help you?
Person: Hey!!!!!
Me: *crap who is this* Hi!
Person: You are so awesome!!!
Me: Oh hello, um thanks. (I realized who it was)
Person: *asks technical questions about the thing*
Me: *answers technical questions about the thing*
Person: *very giddy* This will solve so many issues and answer so many questions!!!
Me: Well glad I could help.
Person:  I will let you know once it is approved
Me: Wonderful, just reply to my email so I have it in "writing"
Person: Will do!!! Have a nice day!!!
Me: You too!
Person: Bye, love you
Me: ..............
Person: ...............*crickets* *shallow breathing*
Me: *WTF, did I hear that right?!?!!?* K, Uhhhh, bye

I hung up so fast I think I broke the receiver.

I feel bad...it was a total slip and he is probably mortified.  I am embarrassed for him! I mean I would be wanting to crawl under a rock right now...but not everyone is like my basket case self...he may be just fine.   I haven't spoken to him since but I've gotten emails so that's good, I guess. 

This would totally be in a movie...except the me part wouldn't be married and there would be all this hilarious tension because neither would make a move and then that would be said and everything would miraculously change.  See ROMANTIC COMEDY!