No, yea I am 100% positive I've never searched for a penis elongator....

So I thought those "sponsored ads" on FB were supposed to be related to your google searches or purchases or whatever.  Because the ones I got the other day were far from anything I have EVER searched. 

Imagine my surprise when I was scrolling and I saw this....

At first I was like its a back brace...then I looked closer.  WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!?!?! 

And it CLEARLY has a weighted something tugging on it.  Conclusion...I don't know why is this in my Facebook feed?!?!  And why are my friends "liking" this page!?!?!? What is this store?!?!

So I swiped left to see what else this f**ked up store had "suggested" for me ...I don't know why I do this to myself....

That is obviously someone with their pants pulled down.  I know I know they are trying to show the fleece lining and I might have googled something like this but there are WAY BETTER WAYS to illustrate that..... just saying.  Next...

Can you see it?!?! Here look closer so you can be horrified like me!!!

What....why....OMG....what is that for...?
ya know what don't answer that...
wait, is she putting a thumb in the butt!?!!?!

*sobbing*

But wait there's more...

What is that?!?  Is that a poopy potty?!?!  I see baby butt...can't we just use diapers....?

I can't stop myself...what else is there?!?

Oh...okay...whew the small picture shows it as an "Exhaust Plug"

But...but lets get real...that's.....that's for Butt stuff isn't it....I just saw an over-sized ribbed butt plug.  And if it isn't, can you blame me for thinking that after the other f**ked up pictures I just saw?!!?!?!

One more swipe....

OMG something I did actually google!!!!!!!  More than SIX pictures in...yes there were other weird products but nothing as weird as these...why why why why why why why why....

And no, I swear I have never searched for ANYTHING that should have shown me any of those other pictures....besides the leggings...I am thoroughly confused and concerned....

Someone is having a little too much fun with the Juke Box!

Things you expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Generic food...Pizza, Burgers, etc.
2. Loud @$$ people/kids
3. Beer
4. Music...Top Ten Pop Chart stuff
5. Games for Kids
6. Unnecessary calories but an all around good time

Things you do not expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Having a conversation with your Father in Law and hearing "B**ch better have my money"
2. Laughing it off as an oops only to have it followed by "Let's Talk About Sex"...Ummm let's not.  Helloooooo Father in Law AND children...just NO!
3. Having the teeninsy waitress in her too short shorts and cut up tee lean between you and said in law while you are talking.  Hello boobies at eye level.  Um excuse me miss can you move those, all I can see is pop in law's eyes and its weird...thanks
4. Talking with other family members only to hear "And you're screaming give it to me baby
Give it to me mother f**ker" *jaw drop* I know its loud in here but if I heard it, others did....right?  Not really.  They were all caught up in conversations but looking around the restaurant you could tell who heard it because they all had the same look as me...*WTF* My bro in law just put his head down and was snorting with laughter.
5. Telling the waitress who apologizes profusely and goes in the back.  20 minutes later "Mommy what's Truffle Butter"...oh God that is SO wrong coming from a child!  We didn't hear the song because we were talking...

I think at this point we all died a little.  The song itself is innocent to innocent ears BUT ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! So mommy did what any mommy would do.  She LIED through her teeth.

"Oh, baby Truffle Butter is a...a delicacy" 
*snickering from the rest of us* *glare from mom* 
"As I was saying.  Its a Delicacy.  Something really only rich people can afford."
*turning red with effort of NOT laughing* *more glaring* 
"So that is why he's singing about it.  He's, um, rich now and its something he can enjoy".  
At this point the 15 year old loses it and it saying "ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!!!".
We are all shocked...how do you know?!?!?!  Right...15...internet...'nuff said 
They covered it well, "What?  I don't think I like truffles".  Nice save little one. 

I don't think he bought it.  God help us if he remembers this when he is older and loud caps us all for attempting to maintain his innocence.

If you don't know what "Truffle Butter" is...Urban Dictionary it...USE CAUTION...I think it scarred me for LIFE!

Side Note - GROSS!!! That is how you get weirdo infections in your nether regions...don't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say after that the music went off and didn't come back...at least not while we were there....