I can't stop laughing....*snort*

I was on Pinterest and this popped up in my feed...two posts...side by side... and all I can see is The Doctor judging the mannequin's exposed boobie.

Or maybe he's checking it out...who knows. 

Either way he's looking right at it and having thoughts. 

I know I know its a nursing dress but at first glance it looks like the latest fashion craze..."check out my under boob". 

And don't say that is preposterous...remember this?!?!!?

Dear fashion designers, Make WOMEN'S shirts that fit boobs!!! k...thanks...bye

But for real though!  I love a cute little button up.  They make you look slightly more professional.  Yet, I HATE them.  Why you may ask.  Well because for some reason 90% of the ones MADE FOR WOMEN aren't MADE FOR BOOBS. 

See Exhibit 1:

I don't not have a lot up top.  In fact I have the smallest amount they sell an adult bra for.  Just a handful or whatever.  Yet even with the tiniest of tatas I get button pull.  I even took the bra off and it still f**king pulls!  (no picture...it would be flagged NSFW because of visible nipple-age) Why?  Why!?  WHY!?!? Shirts for people with BREASTS should have a little extra material up top to accommodate for the boobage.  And this isn't some "cheapy shirt" I got from the discount rack at the outlet or something.  This is a NICE name brand shirt...something I don't normally splurge on but the design was too cute to pass up. 

But this isn't CUTE!!!

It makes it look like a bought a shirt that was too small.  It fits perfectly everywhere else!!!  If I got a size up you'd be able to see down the arm holes!!!

Look, I wear a small up-top.  Meaning I am not asking for much!!!  Logically a WOMAN'S shirt regardless of size should puff out a bit in the booby area, ESPECIALLY a button up.  We all have them.  Even small ones poke out a little!!!!  Add in those of us with the tiny tatas probably are wearing some sort of padding and you have to see where I am coming from!  I'm not a fashion designer but I know it can be done.  My only conclusion is this shirt was 100% designed by a dude who has no idea about BOOBS!

P.S.  I feel sorry for my ladies with the extra toppings...

Someone is having a little too much fun with the Juke Box!

Things you expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Generic food...Pizza, Burgers, etc.
2. Loud @$$ people/kids
3. Beer
4. Music...Top Ten Pop Chart stuff
5. Games for Kids
6. Unnecessary calories but an all around good time

Things you do not expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Having a conversation with your Father in Law and hearing "B**ch better have my money"
2. Laughing it off as an oops only to have it followed by "Let's Talk About Sex"...Ummm let's not.  Helloooooo Father in Law AND children...just NO!
3. Having the teeninsy waitress in her too short shorts and cut up tee lean between you and said in law while you are talking.  Hello boobies at eye level.  Um excuse me miss can you move those, all I can see is pop in law's eyes and its weird...thanks
4. Talking with other family members only to hear "And you're screaming give it to me baby
Give it to me mother f**ker" *jaw drop* I know its loud in here but if I heard it, others did....right?  Not really.  They were all caught up in conversations but looking around the restaurant you could tell who heard it because they all had the same look as me...*WTF* My bro in law just put his head down and was snorting with laughter.
5. Telling the waitress who apologizes profusely and goes in the back.  20 minutes later "Mommy what's Truffle Butter"...oh God that is SO wrong coming from a child!  We didn't hear the song because we were talking...

I think at this point we all died a little.  The song itself is innocent to innocent ears BUT ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! So mommy did what any mommy would do.  She LIED through her teeth.

"Oh, baby Truffle Butter is a...a delicacy" 
*snickering from the rest of us* *glare from mom* 
"As I was saying.  Its a Delicacy.  Something really only rich people can afford."
*turning red with effort of NOT laughing* *more glaring* 
"So that is why he's singing about it.  He's, um, rich now and its something he can enjoy".  
At this point the 15 year old loses it and it saying "ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!!!".
We are all shocked...how do you know?!?!?!  Right...15...internet...'nuff said 
They covered it well, "What?  I don't think I like truffles".  Nice save little one. 

I don't think he bought it.  God help us if he remembers this when he is older and loud caps us all for attempting to maintain his innocence.

If you don't know what "Truffle Butter" is...Urban Dictionary it...USE CAUTION...I think it scarred me for LIFE!

Side Note - GROSS!!! That is how you get weirdo infections in your nether regions...don't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say after that the music went off and didn't come back...at least not while we were there....

99% of the time, flashers aren't local. The locals are usually judging the flashers. Its a f**king plastic bead, put your tits away!

*****Begin Transmission*****

I am not talking about Bourbon St.  Truthfully, I don't care what happens on Bourbon.  There aren't CHILDREN on Bourbon.  Well, there shouldn't be children on Bourbon.  It really isn't a place for youngins....at least at night and ESPECIALLY during Mardi Gras Season.  

I was at a f**king parade.  Yes, it was a parade just outside of the Quarter but its still a family parade.  Its a nerd parade.  Some of the costumes are sexy but nothing raunchy or questionable or something that you would be like "OMG little Johnny shouldn't see that!".  I mean other than the obvious Aliens trying to hide among the masses, its a fairly normal parade. 

I am not a fuddy duddy.  When I go to parades, I don't expect a royal treatment.  I know its going to be crowded.  I know I'm going to get shoved and stepped on.  I know there will be drunk idiots.  But there is a point when my calm  understanding of parade people stops being accepting and starts moving me more towards throwing elbows.

So we got there early and had a spot right on the barricade. Which for me is AWESOME because I am a little on the short side so me being front and center is wonderful.  I'd had some beers myself so I was making friends with EVERYONE...such a social butterfly at times *hehehe*.  I met people from San Diego, Houston, India, San Jose and Miami.  There were a few kids in the vicinity and I went into my usual NOLA tour guide mode.  Meaning I love that people visit my city so I want to make them feel welcome.  It was great.  We were enjoying this crazy goofy parade and chit chatting and just having a grand old time...until about 1/2 way through the parade.  That is the point where chaos entered in the form of a VERY drunk girl and two of her friends.  I don't mind drunk.  I really don't.  But stupid drunk that ends up with me injured...that my friends I CANNOT STAND!

As I've mentioned I am little and I tend to get lost in the crowd, which is why my husband usually tries to stand behind me to kind of keep me safe (daaaaaw).  Well Mrs. Drunky McDrunkerson decided that the best way for her to see the parade was on top of me.  Like literally ON TOP OF ME.  I was smooshed against the f**king barricade.  She was leaning over me.  Like all her weight on little ol' me.  I could feel her f**king nipples through her bra and two shirts and my two shirts.  Get off b**ch!!!!!  I would lean back a bit and she would move.  Then almost jump over my head to get to the parade peeps.  One of her jump forward moments ended with her losing her balance, slipping of the curb and latching on to me for stability.  She was at least twice my size.  I went forward into the barricade.  My skinny little chicken leg went between the bars and my forearms slammed into the top of it.  It f**king HURT!

My husband did what any husband would do, grabbed her and threw her off of me.  No fight ensued and she did apologize.  Yea yea yea whatever, stupid c**t...

Somehow she wormed her way next to me...between me and this adorable FAMILY from out of town.  Crazy drunk girl took the girls out.  She wasn't unattractive but really?!!?!?  So there they are eye level with me and just above a little girls head.  It was their daughters b-day.  Happy b-day little bit, have some tits in your face.  Are you for real?!?!!?  There are CHILDREN right next to you, put those away!!! 

But alas, she did not....she did cover them by pulling her bra cups back up...so no more nips.  And look I am not ashamed of the tatas but using them like that just cheapens them.  Sorry, not sorry.  

Then...oh yes, it gets better.  Then she looks at me and says "why aren't yours out?!!?" *shocked* "Ummmm, no I don't think I'll be doing that".  She says, "why not, you get more beads that way!!!" *WTF*  "Yea, no one wants to see my tiny tatas".  I was trying to be tactful but still let her know PUT YOUR BOOBS AWAY!  Instead her friend, who I will admit was quite attractive, turned to me and said "I wouldn't mind seeing them".  Oh....Oh my *blushing*...did I just get hit on by a very attractive girl?!?! *hehehehe* 

Still no, these puppies are staying under wraps.  After that it got a little better.  Her two friends were keeping her tamed but the boobies still stayed on display.  What kills me is the parade peeps weren't like "YEA, whoohooo boobs!!!" Instead they were like "Oh...what....ummmm..." *looking anywhere but at the boobs* and then handed me whatever trinkets they were giving away.  Because there were also KIDS IN THE PARADE!!!!

Seeeeeeeeeee you don't have to show your boobs to get Mardi Gras stuff!!!!  Just smile and wave.  That's all I did and I had all kinds of crap to bring home.  I like this parade because almost everything is homemade.  Its fun little things you get. 

I woke up Sunday with the mother of all bruises on my thigh.  There is a hard lump and its a lovely shade of red purple blue green.  My forearms are beat up too and I have a bruise on my ribs....probably from falling into the barricade. 

Lesson:  Drinking at parades is fine.  But try not to injure other people in your quest for cheap crap you can buy at the Wal-Mart. Oh and most people from NOLA don't show their boobs for beads!  We frown upon that.  Keep that $hit for Bourbon and leave it off of the parade routes.  

*****End Transmission*****