I think my puppy has Turrets

I am being silly, I have a cousin with Turrets and know how the tics work and how rough it can be for them.  But for ease of reference, I am referring to the Hollywood, "comedic" Turrets that has shown up in movies, like the below, both of which are accepted by their friends/new friends who help them with the quirks.

This scene from one of my all time favs, Boondock Saints! 
NSFW - It has cursing!

And this scene from Deuce Bigalow
NSFW - LOTS OF CURSING!

Why my puppy you might ask?  Well he does this thing.  At first I thought it was a "he's sleeping and a dream woke him up" thing but now I am not so sure.  And it's not like a "Mom mom mom I heard something", it almost seems involuntary.

For example, the other night he was just sitting in the middle of the living room playing, then he barked REALLY loud.  He looked startled and the other dog was like, "what's wrong with you!?!?", then he barked twice more (different sounds), he *sighed* and then went back to playing.  Hmmmmm, odd.

Then in the middle of the night (we are talking like 3AM) he wigs out, same kind of barking, *sighs* and goes back to sleep.  Both instances have happened more than once.

So as a joke I said "maybe he has Turrets..." and now me and my hubs substitute his "bark" with curse words.  As in "F**K, @$$", "Nipple bitter, yaih yaih yaih yaih yaih" and the like.  Which is great amusement for me and the hubs but I don't think Speedy is amused.  I am convinced he understands us and is plotting revenge.

I wonder if its possible for an animal to have that kind of thing...?  If its true I now have two animals with possible "quirks".  I have a narcoleptic cat (see this post) and turrets dog....I live in an animal asylum.  But I still love them to bits. 

Artax, noooooooo!

So I got on FB to pass some time and I saw this.

Without reading the caption/article title I got really sad.  Do you know why?!?!  Come on!!! Any child of the 80's should have had the SAME reaction!!!!

I was like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Artax, don't succumb to the sadness!!!!!" That is one of the worst scenes in a kids movie!!! I cried then and I still cry now!  Then I looked closer at the pic and said "wait...that's not Atreyu...", hold up "Isn't Artax white...???" 

Soooooooooooo NOT the scene from The Never Ending Story when Artax "dies" in the Swamps of Sadness, whew.  Wait, what happened here then...?  I'm not reading the story because I fear sobbing into my sleeve.  Plus the site name looks sketch...shareably.net, no thanks.

Is this a thing?!?! Why is this a thing?!?! Who needs rainbow eyeliner?!?! Wait, I need that but I won't do this....

You know in grammar school when they tell you not to eat glue and/or crayons...it is because those things, while nontoxic, were not meant for continuous human consumption.  Right...RIGHT!?!?!

So I would assume the same applies to things like not using Colored Pencils as eyeliner.  You know because although they are nontoxic, they also aren't up to code with the makeup code enforcer peeps standards for cosmetics. 

With that said...why is this a thing?!?!  Made so popular by YouTube makeup hackers that Crayola had to issue a statement about why its a bad idea.  I just can't understand.  I don't think I would ever be like "Hey, I really like this shade of pencil, let me put it on my lash line." 

This is the article from Cosmo. As B97 said..."Who needs to be told this?????"


Makeup goes through a fairly rigorous trial before being released to the public.  Things are added to it to prevent bacteria from growing on it and it is made so that it WON'T irritate most skin types.  So why would you think that something, albeit nontoxic, that isn't meant for skin use be okay to be used as makeup...?  That might not make sense, I am flabbergasted and having issues forming proper sentences. 

Seriously though, what's next?!?  "Hey don't want to spend $8 on a new liquid eyeliner, just use a Sharpie, I mean it's nontoxic so it's safe...right?"  And I mean you know it will last, how long does it take you to scrub sharpie off your hands? Don't mind that weird smell that makes your eyes burn, that is normal.  I just...wow!

Also, Wet n Wild, NYC, Nyx...those are cheap enough ($0.99, $2)  MAKEUP brands that are sold at most Drugstores and have a plethora of colors available!

My favorite quote from the article, "It's like how you can eat a jalapeño pepper, but you wouldn't want to put it in your eye." ~ Dr. Mark Jacquot, O.D., clinical director at LensCrafters

At least most of B97's followers agree with us...bad idea!

Can you take away an adult's phone? Suspend their Facebook? Stop the insanity?!?!

Okay let me clarify I am an adult.  I am speaking of someone who is much older than me.  You know a "baby boomer".  But someone who is embracing the advances in tech instead of muttering about how anti-social they are making us. 

The problem is...I think they are over-embracing.  I use social media, I use all kinds of tech, BUT I make sure I don't stay glued to it 24/7.  For instance, I miss things ALL THE TIME that are posted on FB because I am not constantly on it.  Others are on it always and they see all.  No really, I can't tell you how many times I am lost in the conversation because it revolves about something posted on FB/Twitter/Pinterest/etc. and no one seems to feel the need to explain the post for those of us that may have missed it because we are doing other things, like I dunno...WORKING!

Point being you can do whatever you want, if being glued to a phone/tablet/laptop is your thing more power to you but please...please...please just be an observer most of the time.  You don't have to like/share/comment on everything. It isn't necessary.

It amazes me how fast this person sees my stuff.  I post pics from an activity, I suddenly have 15 notifications all from the same person...I'm talking within seconds of me posting it most of the time.  All I can think is that they have an alert on FB that goes off every time I post something.  It is rather creepy.  I feel like I am being stalked.  They also comment on EVERYTHING!  Even if it isn't necessary...its things like "cute pic" on everything they see...even when it isn't very cute (or meant to be cute) at all.  Or talking to the subject of the picture, even if said subject doesn't have a FB and is say a dog/cat.  Here and there is fine but every.single.time. OR signing every comment with Love, (insert name).  I know who you are...I can see your name and picture....STAHP...it makes me want to block them from seeing my stuff.  I've made passing comments but they aren't received well.  The issue is if I say something more direct I am being a "biotch" or being "silly".  I am NOT, I am being annoyed and want you to quit cyber stalking me!!!  Fine, "like" everything I post, I'll give you that *developing migraine*. 

Then there is the 3,000+ daily posts about non-sense.  Recipes, DIYs, political BS that isn't true half the time....the list is endless.  Yes it is your FB, you can do what you want but one YOU HAVE A PINTEREST USE IT!  And two at least make sure the $hit you post is somewhat accurate.  If I see one more Obama bashing article that is untrue but a praising article about Gov Jindal that is also UNTRUE I am going to lose my mind.  I am not supporting or bashing either of the above, I am stating that unless it is TRUE (from a reliable source) don't share it...also, if its from The Onion know it is satirical....you look dumb...and for the love of all that is holy DO NOT tag me in any of that CRAP!

My social media consists of me posting pics of my activities (sometimes), my animals (when they are cute/funny), pics I took (rarely just me, i.e. no selfies), me being sarcastic, on twitter...crap about TV Shows/Movies, on Pinterest whatever I want, no one looks at it anyway (Ha!).

And no I did not see that thing you posted at 12AM about the deadly virus that our president secretly released into the populace to kill only non Muslims.  *bashing head on desk* That is not true nor is it logical...how can you target...I mean in fiction MAYBE but how can you even remotely BELIEVE that!?!?!?

So I am thinking about hijacking their phone and changing a bunch of settings for my own sanity.  I never thought I'd have to use child controls, ya know since I don't have those, much less on a grown @$$ person. 

It's not just this one person either.  I've seen others of the same age do it to other people I know, this is just an account of my own personal Social Media Hell.....

Maybe I should host a "Social Media Etiquette" seminar.  I'll go over things like "if you post it EVERYONE can see it", "Nothing is ever truly deleted from the internet", "Just because you think it, doesn't mean you should post it", and my personal fav "Just because it is online doesn't make it true".

Side Note:  If that deadly virus thing turns out to be true, Ima feel real bad for like 2 seconds, then I am going to laugh hysterically...but I won't apologize for this rant, nope...not.gonna.happen.

Supernatural Thoughts

Season 10 Finale...What?!?!?! 

My thoughts....HERE.

Let's play a game...is this a real headline or not?

$30k in human hair stolen from store

I..what?!?  Is it real...

...yep, it is real!  What is even funnier is the "caption" from WGNO... "An unbe-weave-able heist!".  Really?!?!  Think they'll get in trouble for being funny?!?  I hope not because I think it is flipping hilarious and it made me click the link to read the story.  I know "weaves" (especially real hair) can be pricy.  The better the quality, the more expensive.  So I can understand (understand, not agree with) why the thieves targeted this type of store.  But, like, for real?!?  What you gonna do with $30K in stolen hair?!?  

Is there an underground market for that kind of stuff?  "Hey, kid wanna try some good weave?" Instead of tennis shoes hanging from a power-line, is there a hair brush or straightener dangling to identify where to get your "illegal" locks.  Just remember it IS "Hot Hair" *tee hee hee* so buy at your own risk.  

I just found it...oddly interesting...

Can't...contain...the....Smart@$$...response...*gah*

You know I am patient...to a point...then something happens and I become the most sarcastic thing known to these parts. 

You ever just hear something that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO out there that you can't help but be an @$$ when responding?!? I do...often...and I have to attempt to contain my sarcasm...it rarely works. 

If I sent you this picture, with a note that said "can you tell when my puppy woke me up?"...it is pretty self explanatory...right?!!?

  

So how would you respond if someone said "I don't know what I am looking at...is that an arrow?"

I...what?!?!  It says "Sleep"...I added a note that should tell you its some sort of sleep chart...there is an OBVIOUS spike at 5AM.

So I responded "Yes, 'It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat'".  (I was just listening to that song) Apparently that was an @$$hole answer because I got called all kinds of mean things via text. 

What made it worse (or better) was said person also responded with "is that something on your phone?" I said sort of. It's a fitness tracker, that is the app it connects to.   Which got the response "I don't know what that is...." So I said that brightly colored thing I always wear...then I took a pic of it and sent it.  The response was "Oh, look at your wedding ring!!! :)" 

Okay A.D.D. there is a VERY bright watch looking thing that is the focal point of the pic and the topic of the previous conversation.  So I said "Right...I didn't tell you I had a fitness chip put in my wedding band?  Its the latest rage." Again...NOT the right thing to say...more colorful insults...well they were meant as insults all they did was make me laugh harder. 

I swear I am a nice person...usually...

What you mean I talk funny...?

In all my 30 odd years I have NEVER thought I had an accent.  Apparently I do but it isn't necessarily "Southern" and it isn't necessarily "Yat" but something mixed.  If you don't know what "Yat" is...well it is a way we speak in the NOLA area.  Its abrasive and most of it makes no sense unless you are from down here.  I KNOW there are a bazillion lists of "Words only New Orleanians know" or "Southern Slang" or whatever but in my profession I speak to quite a few peeps from out of town and now I am making my own list (if you don't like it, bite me). 

What brought this on?  Well I went to the store and my husband said "Are you making groceries?" to which I replied "Yes" without a second thought.  He said "the fact that you didn't even flinch at that terminology baffles me."  That is just what we say. I was brought up hearing that so it doesn't seem odd to me. Its not like he's from Canada or something...he's from 60 Miles north of NOLA!!!

So here is my list of $hit I say because I from NOLA/Louisiana: (don't shoot me if I spelled it "wrong".  There are like a million ways to spell some of dem. Also, different areas have different meanings for some...this is what they mean where I come from)

1.) Makin' Groceries - It means I am grocery shopping or going grocery shopping. 
2.) K&B Purple - It's a color that we can only apply to this particular local drug store chain that sold out to Rite Aid like 20 years ago. 

3.) Down the Bayou - South, usually anything South of Hwy 90.  i.e. Lafourche/Terrebonne/etc. Parishes
4.) Up the Bayou - Please don't make me explain that
5.) Going to The Island - Grand Isle, its all we got, shooosh
6.) Tha Parish - St. Bernard (Chalmette)
7.) Neutral Ground - It's not a median!
8.) Streetcar - It's not a Trolly!
9.) Hurricane - A really strong fruity drink that WILL kick your @$$
10.) A Storm - What most others call a Hurricane i.e. "There's a storm in the Gulf"
11.) The devil's beating his wife - Its raining while the sun is out
12.) Cockroach - A palmetto bug (bug who shall not be named), they effing fly!!!
13.) Doodlebug - Roly Poly, Pill Bug, those little grayish things in your garden that curl up into a ball!
14.)  Where'd you go to school? - We are asking about High School NOT college...its a thing...I can't explain it
15.) Grammar School - Primary School/Elementary School - I'm not sure if its a southern thing but people look at me funny when I say Grammar School...
16.) Boude' - Angry/Pout "Don't show me that Boude' face" usually said to a pouting child/baby
17.) Chouchoot - Thingy...usually an unidentifiable thingy...usually said when I can't remember the name of something.
18.) Bebette - a critter...something scary...a small monster...thing
19.) Dressed - This is something for Po-boys/Burgers/Sandwiches...basically its asking or stating you want Lettuce, Tomato, Pickles and Mayo
20.) Po-Boy - The most amazing sandwich ever!  Some might compare it to a hoagie or sub but its WAY better and on better bread (French Bread FTW!)
21.) Freesons - Goosebumps, Gooseflesh...a sign that you are cold
22.) Gris-gris - I ain't telling you, then you will know :P
23.) Envie - Craving "I got the envie for some pickles."  sometimes said when a woman has baby fever or is um feeling frisky "Ooooo that gurl got the envie"
24.) Peeshnick - like a pinch or flick
25.) Qui C'est q'ca? - What's that?
26.) Toc-toc - Also, known as Popcorn for you uninteresting people *wink*
27.) Trinity - Not the religious thing...this is for cooking (celery, onions and bell pepper) 
28.) Arrete toi - Stop! - Said to my puppy recently which got me some stares from the hubs
29.) Minou (Meenew) - Cat
30.) Couillon (Couyon) - idiot
31.) Cayoodle - Mutt
32.) Get Down - As in "You gonna get down at my house?" Like get out the car, go inside
33.) Pass by - Visit someone
34.) Shotgun - It's a house NOT a Weapon, well it is a weapon...it depends on context
35.) Mais, talk about - Obviously....Almost like saying well yea

minou

36.) Come see - Come over here
37.) Bobo - I had no idea this was a down here thing!  Its a cut or minor injury. 
38.) Brake Tag - Also known as an "Inspection Sticker" but I don't like saying that
39.) Go Cup - apparently in other areas you can't bring your alcoholic beverages out of the establishment...who knew
40.) Hickey - Not the thing ya boi gives you on your neck...its a bump on the head
41.) What is this North, South, East, West - Oh you mean Towards the lake, Towards the river, Uptown, Downtown...gotcha
 42.) Sunday Dinner - usually takes place around 2PM at Mimi's (Mamie, Mawmaw, Mamare, etc) house. And it's a BIG meal.

Dats all I got...for now...These are things I have said recently to out of towners and got the blank stare.   I love when they try to correct me...like I am not WRONG, or a Couillon (ha!), I just speak differently.

Tall, skinny...and sometimes scruffy

I have very strange taste, I think.  I've noticed I have a type...well I knew I had a type but it is PLAINLY evident in my taste in fav characters in TV/Movies.  Thankfully I married my "type".  He's not SUPER tall but he's taller than me (which I guess isn't saying much) by at least 8 inches so *plfeet*.  He's skinny...but fit and a right bottomless pit when it comes to food (it really is fascinating how much he can eat) and on occasion he gets lazy and has some scruff and I like it (see I am a WEIRDO!).

Anyways, watching Lost Girl the other night when half naked Dyson came on screen and I said out loud (I was home alone) "OMG I do have a type!".

But come on...how can you not be a little attracted to this?!?

Seriously though...

Can you guys just...

NOT be so...

 Really...

 



 STAHP...

 This should be illegal...

 

OMG!

Also, I am starting to think I have a thing for British peeps...7 of the 11...what the hell is my deal o_O

I still think its Aliens!

So I saw this video being shared repeatedly in my Facebook feed and I am a bit concerned.

Here is a LINK to the Video. That link isn't working anymore, this this one or this one.

My first thought is ALIENS!  Someone call The Doctor &/or Mulder & Scully we are under attack, maybe.  I mean it sounds like some weird mix of Close Encounters of the Third Kind with War of the Worlds (2005). Tell me I am not right?!?

Close Encounters:

War of the Worlds:

So of course I was going to reply with my fav Meme

But someone beat me to it on every post...DOH!

Anyways, I read down on the comments on a few of them.  Some people were like "Aliens, haha.  No...I hear trumpets...it sounds like the '7 Trumpets of Revelation', praise Jesus", others were like "Praise the Lord, he is watching out for us." A few were like "Angelic Trumpets, it is beautiful!" Still others were like "God is good, he sends us such beauty." Thankfully there were some peeps like me saying "Um that is creepy!" or "That isn't beautiful, it is terrifying!"


My first thought was, "wow you are quite the set of religious buffs".  My second thought was "Wait...Revelation...doesn't that mean the end of times...?" I might be Catholic by upbringing but I couldn't for the life of me remember the lore about the trumpets so I went to my old friend Google.

"Seven trumpets are sounded, one at a time, to cue apocalyptic events that were seen in the vision of the Revelation of Christ Jesus, by John of Patmos, as written in the Book of Revelation of the New Testament." Source

Hold up...that...that...THAT is the beginning of the Apocalypse! Screw calling The Doctor, someone call the Winchesters! That isn't beautiful!!!  Stop saying it is so wonderful!  If that noise is the Angelic Trumpets do you know what that means?!!?!?  That means we are all f**ked! Sorry but I don't care how "religious" you are...the END OF THE WORLD...the RAPTURE is not something that sounds pleasant...I don't want to experience it!  Haven't you people seen "This is the End"?!?!?! I, for one, don't want to get my @$$ kicked by Hermione while trying to avoid a seven headed beast emerging from the ground, hoping I ascend soon...just saying.

So what do you think it is???  The original poster said the sound "comes from the sky"...what on Earth (or not on Earth) could it be?!?!

I thought boys were told NOT to stick IT in "random" holes

Also known as a Glory Hole (I'm not defining that, look it up)...boys are so weird!

I mean I don't have one of those appendages but I can't imagine looking at a random "hole" and being like "I'm gonna stick my d**k in it", just saying.  With that said IFLScience posted an article (see here)  that made me question reality and weep for the future of humanity (hahaha).

Soooo instead of using your, um, hands at the Hospital/Donor/Doctor's office to get a sample you use this monstrosity, "because you are shy" or whatever.  But wouldn't this be just as uncomfortable?

Would it be in a private room? Would it be like a room full of these and a bunch of guys standing around with their pants around their ankles while a machine sucks them off?  How do you "clean it" after every use? Can you ensure you don't mix the "samples"? How long before someone gets "stuck" in it because it wont "let go"?  Apparently there are different settings you use to control the experience...but wouldn't  that be distracting?  "OMG so close, wait gotta change the intensity from gentle massage to Hoover with a twisting motion."  These are legitimate questions!!!  It seems so weird to me but I am a girl so I guess I will never understand...IFLScience hit the nail on the head with the below statement.

"We're not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable. Here’s to technology."
~ Best quote EVER!

Seriously though I have this mental image of a bunch of guys standing around getting their jollies...and it isn't for anything medical related.  I see this being used in OTHER places...its basically a robotic prostitute.  Sorry escorts, looks like you may have some competition.  I am assuming nothing can replace a warm body BUT this might be a less guilt inducing alternative.  The future is here, people. 

Side note, the FB comments were pretty funny!

P.S.  Skynet will be harvesting the "samples" to create a race of cybernetic organisms to destroy the human race.  Our horniness will be our downfall.  I think I just discovered the origin plot for the Terminator. 

I just geeked out over a Crime Drama person...character...thing

Two posts in one day, count yourself lucky!  I was working on something for a Client and they said they needed to add someone to their account.  Okay, email me.

I just got the email...the new person wants his user info to be ahardy.  What?!?!?  Is he also grumpy and Scottish?!?  Please tell me he's at least a detective.

His name is not the same.  Darn, hahaha.  If his name would have been Alec or even Alex, I may have died laughing. But he is a security guard...I've been laughing for ten minutes.  Can you IMAGINE that character being a Mall Cop.  That would be HILARIOUS!  I watched the crap outta that, ha!

My co-workers are wondering why I find this so funny. Educate yourself people!  Watch British television, tee hee hee.

What a pig...actually not a pig, that is an insult to pigs! *Creeper Alert*

I'm not sure if you know this but the place to pick up women is at the drug store.  Even if said women are 100% not interested. A quick flirt is one thing but this was RIDICULOUS!

I was pulling into a local drugstore when the door to the car in the next spot flew open.  I politely stopped to let them get out (they were backed into the spot).  The door closed, I pulled in and proceeded to collect my coupons to head inside.  It wasn't until I went to get out of my car that I saw the driver of the other car hovering in front of my on his phone.  "hmmm, odd".  But I thought nothing of it and got out (I should have realized then that he was a weirdo). He said "Hello!" and walked ahead of me, like he was waiting for me.  "Uh...hi", then he suddenly stopped and turned to look at me (CREEPY!). 

Maybe if he looked like this...nah

 

 

I stopped...he was wearing a sleeveless superhero shirt and board shorts with flip flops, about my age.  Nothing special, just a normal looking guy.  He was staring a hole through me!  I took a WIDE route around him so as not to get too close.  He LAUGHED and then followed me inside.  *thinking* "does he think I am flirting...why is that funny...its NOT funny, I am freaked out a bit!".  I did my shopping and went to get a snack for my office.  As I turned down the snack aisle, I literally ran into him.  The things I was holding fell to the floor.  He bent to pick them up (okay that was nice) but the whole time he was on the floor he was looking UP at me... I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable because he looked almost predatory (an I am about to devour you look) and I had a freaking dress on. 

He handed me my stuff, I said thanks and started to walk away.  He stopped me and said "I like your smile." Uhhhhh, thank...you... *bee line down the aisle*.  I heard him laugh again. WTF?!?  As I was checking out I felt someone walk up behind me.  Something lightly touched the back of my arm. *sigh, thinking* "Are you kidding me?!?" Okay at this point every red flag/siren/danger Will Robinson is going off in my head.  I glanced over my shoulder and guess who (OMG!).  He says "I just wanted to let you know I think you are really pretty." (still lightly touching my arm) *annoyed laugh* "Thanks....".  I turned back around and he LEANED forward (WTH, Personal Space!) and loudly whispered in my ear "I'd like to see you again." Okay that is it, should I become atomic biotch or just ignore him.  The cashier is looking like she is ready to kill him for me (she knows me, I am a regular customer).  I didn't turn around, I just held up my left hand and said "Sorry, married." The cashier laughed.  He said nothing and STAYED in my personal space, until I was done.  I felt like he was sniffing my hair but I think I was just being paranoid. I didn't use my PIN, I did signature because he was WAY too close to me.  Once done I practically ran out the store, almost running over a guy in a suit in the process. 

I'm about to become a statistic

As I was getting in my car I noticed his car was still running (Odd) but I couldn't see in (DARK tinted windows).  At this point I am thinking I am about to be kidnapped or something (I should stop watching Crime Dramas).  I wanted to leave before he came out (unsuccessful).  I backed out as he was getting into his car. He unabashedly STARED at me with this weirdo smile (like Norman Bates level creepy smile/stare). 

Not sorry, haha

He then got into the car where there was a female, I could see through the windshield.  WTF?!?!  Okay maybe it's his sister.   Then they started making out...not just a kiss/peck...borderline pornographic...okay still could be his sister, right...?  Time to make my exit!






I just...he was pretty much aggressive in his pursuit of me and he had a girlfriend/wife/f**k buddy waiting in the car.  Were they looking to add someone to their bedroom fun?  Or was he just a twat booger?  Or was there something else going on? Either way WHO DOES THAT AT A DRUGSTORE?!?!?!  I can understand a chance meeting, maybe (like romantic comedy style) but I was CLEARLY not interested and he kept on with is creepy self.  Completely unnerving!

Mother Nature's Revenge, also known as "Adventures in Gardening"

So either Mommy Dearest is sending evil minions to scare the $hit out of me OR she approves of my effort to try and be "greener" and is sending me "friends".  Either way I've seen creatures I didn't know existed...or didn't want to know existed. 

Let's start with "cute" and go from there...

Awww a pretty little butterfly *le sigh*...until you realize it lays eggs all over your citrus plants which hatch into "bird poop" caterpillars that eat everything in sight...ewwww

Not my pic

Hi! Let me in, please.

I feel like he wants to be my friend.  How can something furry and smiling be evil (hmmm, looks can be deceiving, you stay outside)

More cute and furry!  What kind of beautiful creature will you grow into???

Mothra is that you?!?

OMG what is that?!!?!?

Why are you so big?

What do you want?

Why aren't you yellow 

anymore???

Well, well, well what are you?  Another pollinator?  You look pretty

Not my pic

Not my pic

Hmmm what are these...?

Wait why is my squash dying...? WTF did you put in my SQUASH?!?!

Not my pic

Not my pic (but freaking accurate!)

I should have known! 

Clearly you are evil!

I have a winged Sith living in my yard...

What on Earth are you???  Why are you on my tomato plant, bad caterpillar! And why do you have caterpillar dreads?  *google search* Oh okay, you are a Hornworm (and you will have a new home soon) *keeps reading* "Tiny wasps also help to manage this pest by laying eggs inside the caterpillar's body." Ummmmm. "Next, the wasp larvae chew through the caterpillar's skin to pupate. Each white object you see on the caterpillar's body is the cocoon of one of these wasps."  Holy $hit!  *Source* Nature is RUTHLESS!  *Mental Note* Don't piss off braconid wasps. (No but really, don't kill them, they are good guys! The wasps not the green thing)

What kind of wacked out Arachnid are you?!?!  While I am glad you are on the other side of the glass, I'd rather you not make a home in my yard (unless you kill other things that will kill my plants).  I think it might be some sort of baby Crab Spider (Diaea Dorsata). 

Then there is this EVIL thing.

"Satan's Pet"

Yes it is dead.  No I am not sorry.  It was huge, and territorial and there were 5 of them.  It's some sort of wasp (Cicada Killer) and apparently it thought it could "squat" in my yard.  There was a battle...we won...losses were necessary (on their side). 

So I think the apocolypse started...

I mean we've had crazy weather before but recent storms took the cake!  I am semi okay with bad weather like a Hurricane because we have time to prep (I don't like them but I can mentally ready myself for the possible aftermath) but when its sudden, it is so much more terrifying!!!  There was a memorial service for someone I know very well.  All hell broke loose while in said service.  Can I just say the lights going out during one of these is a bit unsettling...and I've read we weren't the only ones that had this lovely experience...INSANITY!

So the day started okay.  Get ready, drive into town.   We knew some nastiness was headed our way but we apparently didn't know HOW bad it would be.  As we pulled up to the church there was a slight drizzle starting..."oh shoot, lets get inside". . . it went downhill quickly from there.  As we were talking to our family and friends I felt our phones buzzing like crazy.  We went to the restroom and realized our family that is a bit north and west of where we were was freaking out.  Apparently a tornado touched down in that city and chaos ensued.  Schools were pulling kids into hallways, offices were locking the doors and "hunkering down", there was hail and power was out all over.  "Oh $hit!" We told them where we were and they basically said "stay put, it is BAD!"

As we made our way back to the others we were discussing how insane that is.  We were telling one of our peeps what was going on when our phones started buzzing again.  WTH!?!?  It was our "parish" emergency response system.  "Seek shelter immediately.  Possible Tornado.  Strong winds. Hail."  Oh no, our poor dogs!!!  So I texted my neighbor to see if he was home.  He wasn't but he said his house alarm went off ...something about his garage door.  He asked our other neighbor that was home to check on our houses.  His response "I will once the weather passes.  There are straight-line winds, sideways rain, I'm in the bathtub.  It looks like a white out and like it is midnight." (it was 10AM)  At this point WE are starting to get nervous.  People are running into the church soaked and windblown.  It is beginning to get nasty by us too.  Very quickly the windows darkened.  It wasn't like "hey it is cloudy out" it was more like "hey, who turned out the lights." (count the shadows) You could hear the wind picking up and rain pelting the church.  We are telling some peeps at the service what was happening in our hood when "BANG" a loud, almost explosion and the lights went out.  "F**k!" (no one said it but we were all thinking it).  Then the generator kicked on. . .but you see it only powers SOME of the lights.  Like enough to see so it was still a little dark.  There was a lot of nervous laughter and talking.  People were still making their way to the service (soaked) while the priest was lighting candles. 

As we were about to start, whispering amongst the attendees is increasing and more phones are buzzing.  Apparently it was now flooding outside.  People were scrambling trying to get to their cars BEFORE water gets in them and others are calling to say they can't get to the church because of high waters and wind.  *memories of our flood flashing in my head*  Finally we begin.  The wind is steadily howling, debris (not just rain) is slamming into the church.  And then pretty much every phone in the place went off (Emergency Response System does NOT follow the phone on silent rule...it overrides it).  Well that was a terrifying "seek shelter" message..."F**k!" again thought NOT said aloud.  Dead silence, we start the service again and then *bang, bang, bang*.  Doors are flying open.  Not all but more than one.  We are talking HEAVY wooden and steal doors being BLOWN open.  *jfc, okay lets just ignore it* So we all just sang and prayed and remembered (distraction was helpful).  By the time we left the worst of it was over.  But the evidence of what went through was ever present.  Power lines down, tree limbs all over, trash cans everywhere, trees snapped in half, so much DEBRIS...it looked like a weather war zone.

When we finally got home it was to terrified animals BUT our house was okay.  Lots of debris and only a partial tree down in the yard (whew).   Apparently winds were clocked at around 60-70MPH near mi casa and over a 100MPH not far from where we were.  Are you kidding me!?!?!?

The ONLY times that happens down here is during a hurricane...at least that used to be the case but lately (like in the last 3 years) this is more common.  We don't get tornadoes...that only happens in the Midwest. . . RIGHT?!!?!?  Yea WRONG.  A while back I was awakened by our ERS going off at 4AM right as the SIRENS went off.  "Good morning, WTF!?!?"  The sky is falling chicken little...no really...seriously GTFI (Get the F**k In)...this is NOT a drill.  Maybe I need a sign that says "the end is near".  Who wants to build an Ark/Sky boat?

Why does this exist?!?!?

So my Facebook is on a roll with weird/sponsored posts.  I apparently "Liked" YouBeauty at some point in my Facebook fun and now I see products/trends that concern me.  Somethings are silly like using the dried sperm of a virgin camel mixed with matured octopus mucus as a primer to reduce wrinkles, you know "Beauty Stuff".

Then there are things like this...WHY!?!?!?

My computer renamed the file "FullSizeRender" which made me laugh even harder

Curiosity got the best of me and I clicked the link and apparently you can share your orgasm (from the inside) via "FaceTime".  I just don't...WTF!? There are so many reasons why this seems like a bad idea.  For one does that really turn someone on?  "Here's a vid of the INSIDE of my Hoohah, watch how it squirts." 




I would think the "O" face via FaceTime would be much more, um, exciting.  Also, what if you FaceTime the wrong person?!?  "Sorry dad that was meant for that guy/girl I met last night." Talk about needing counseling.







I mean with descriptions like "The vibe is waterproof and rechargeable, like that even matters when it has a camera in it. It’s also compatible with FaceTime, so you can share your big moment with friends across the 4G network." With your FRIENDS?!?!?  I am close with my friends but that is a whole other level.... I sense sarcasm, I am fairly certain YouBeauty is just as confused as me but they posted it so yea.  Favorite quote "It puts the view only gynecologists used to be privy to in your hands."


As if I wasn't confused enough this popped up in my feed today....

At least its my fav color

 
Is this a thing?  I am old...this must be a new trend.  Look, I don't care if you have pit hair or if you dye it.  I don't have any but I am grossed out by body hair (on myself) in general so clearly this wouldn't be my thing.  BUT the term Pit Puffs makes me think of marshmallows and now I am grossed out.  Next we are going to have "dreadpits".  "You can look like a beached squid as you tan." Someone should do this pronto and sport it as the latest in fashion.  What if they made extensions for those who can't grow long enough Pit Hair...I should invent this...I could be a millionaire!

Yep I am a "nerd" AND adorable, HA!

Apparently it is unexpected if you are semi-attractive and "nerdy".  I am not a super model but I know I am attractive to some.  And I am also quirky.  I wear a ton of fandom stuff.  Half of it is so obscure most people wouldn't realize its a "nerd" thing unless they were in said fandom (or on Tumblr, hahaha). 

I was shopping at this electronics store recently and it was funny...well at least for my husband.  I had on one of my fandom shirts and some BLUE chucks. Anyways, I was talking tech with a sales person (surprise I am actually NOT an idiot when it comes to tech) when he asked what I do for a living.  He was like 6'5"...I was in my flat @$$ converse...I came up to like his nipples.  So for him to be reading my shirt he had to kind of come down to my level which is just awkward (can we say PERSONAL SPACE). 

Him:  Oh, so you work for a Doctor or insurance company?
Me: *still playing with the potential purchase* No, I work for (Insert company name). 
Him: Oh...but your shirt says "The Doctor Medical Group", I just assumed...
Me *nervous laughing* Um...no...it's kind of a...nerdy thing.
Him: What is it?
Me:  So have you heard of this, uh, show called Doctor Who?
Him: No
Me: Oh
Him: Oh wait is that that British Sci-Fi show, with the Blue Box?
Me: *turning red* Yep.  *pointing to shirt* see the logo...its the Blue Box
Him:  Oh my God you are a nerd...and adorable
Me: *Crimson* Hahahaha, thanks...I think.
Him:  I like your shoes too *wink*
Me: *thinking OMG* Soooooo do you have this in stock?


All in all he was actually super nice and a GREAT sales person.  Very helpful.  I am just a weirdo hahaha. 

So you are going to "punish" me for that?!?!

People can be REALLY self-centered.  Just because you don't drop everything to accommodate them, they get angry. I don't like games...I don't fall for guilt trips...I don't like drama!

Person: I know its only 24 hour notice but can you come over tomorrow to celebrate (insert YOUR life achievement)?
Me:  Sorry, can't. We wont be available tomorrow
Person: Why?
Me:  Um well we have plans.  
Person: What is more important than celebrating your (Insert the thing).
Me:  We are going to (Insert a REALLY fun thing) and have had tickets for over a month.
Person: Okay, what about the next day?
Me:  We aren't available until later in the evening
Person: What?  Why?
Me:  Husband has work
Person: *said very snidely* I thought he wasn't going to have to work as much on the weekends
Me:  He doesn't...he has a schedule...if I had more than a 48 hour notice we could have figured something out.  What about the day after that?
Person: Oh we have plans.  Guess we will just celebrate YOUR (Insert the thing) without you.
Me: Okay if you must

I don't do well with games.  Look, I am sorry I have a life and whatnot but if you give me more than a 24 hour notice we can probably figure something out.   And yes I know it has been a CRAZY couple of weeks.  But why be a jerk about it?!?!  We are busy and if you are going to be an @$$ I don't want to go anyway *raspberry*.