One of these things is not like the other

Okay so being weird Science girl, I get the Space.com Newsletter.  Its fun and I am up to date on all the new and wonderful things happening with NASA, etc.

So I get one today SUBJECT: Life on Mars Could Have Gotten an Early Start | Russia Is Launching Its Fastest Cargo Ship Today: Watch Live!

Sweet!

Here are some of the article titles:

Life on Mars Could Have Gotten an Early Start, 'Black Beauty' Meteorite Suggests

LINK

Fascinating!

Russia Is Launching Its Fastest Cargo Ship to the Space Station Today: Watch Live!

LINK

Oooooo nice

Students Send Human Spit, Baby Teeth and More to Space ... for Science

LINK

Wait...what?  Why...?  Did we learn nothing from Doctor Who???  Don't send your DNA into space!  Do we want the Sycorax to take us over???  I mean its not blood but ..... 

No...?

The End Is Nigh for NASA's Planet-Hunting Kepler Space Telescope

LINK

Well that's kinda sad....

And then there is this....WTAF?

I have never searched for ways to...no...I...WHAT?!?!?
Also, what does this have to do with SPACE?!?!?
Is there an issue with "hair down there", when you are way up there??? 
Is this directed at the "Plant Brain" humanoids? 
Why is there no head?!?!?!
Is it a Vase? 
Why should a vase be concerned with "hair down there"? 

I'm out...Happy Monday...

I can't stop laughing....*snort*

I was on Pinterest and this popped up in my feed...two posts...side by side... and all I can see is The Doctor judging the mannequin's exposed boobie.

Or maybe he's checking it out...who knows. 

Either way he's looking right at it and having thoughts. 

I know I know its a nursing dress but at first glance it looks like the latest fashion craze..."check out my under boob". 

And don't say that is preposterous...remember this?!?!!?

What do you mean that's not covered?!?!

What is the point of insurance?  You force me to buy various forms of insurance to "protect me" but seriously what is the point.  I have health, vision, dental (because apparently those two don't fall under Health), Auto, Homeowners, Flood, Wind & Hail (because apparently those two don't fall under Homeowners), Home Warranty, & Life.  Do you know how much money that is annually and I don't get $hit!  It's basically just for catastrophic things now.

Every claim I have ever made I had to fight for it.

Flood - We flooded years ago.  1/2 the f**king parish flooded.  It wasn't a "busted" pipe it was "an act of God".  I fought tooth and nail to get what we got and we STILL had to do 35% of it ourselves because NFIP (FEMA) barely paid out.  And I'm not talking about contents...this is to FIX the f**king house.  Contents was an even bigger fight.

Health - I had an issue.  Not "pre-existing".  They wanted to charge me $3,000 on top of the $2,000 deductible because it was gonna be done in the outpatient clinic of a hospital.  But if I went to a Diagnostic Service it would be $250.  What the ACTUAL f**k?!?!  Because it was listed as a "hospital" even though it was in a clinic they wanted to charge me like I was being admitted.  My doc did it that way so he could do the procedure at the clinic but when I told him, he said "sweetie go where you need to, that is insane!" 

Auto - Many moons ago someone TEXTING and driving slammed into the side of me.  The police didn't issue a ticket because they "couldn't determine fault, with out a doubt".   After the fact, that b**ch lied and her insurance company tried to come after me, even though no fault was deemed.  We ended up walking away (thank god for pictures and WITNESSES) and each paying for our own damages but I fought tooth and nail to NOT pay an insane amount of money for her P.O.S. vehicle.  If I wouldn't have fought I would have been forced to find $4,000 because my insurance was refusing to pay because "no fault" or something.  I don't remember all the details, I just remember opening a bill and wanting to murder someone because I was 22 and poor.

Homeowners - Broken/Blocked sewerage line.  All the toilets and tubs were backing up.  Made the claim.  They came out.  The "break" was literally at the edge of the foundation.  Since it wasn't UNDER the foundation they wouldn't pay.  We are talking literal centimeters  and I was out of pocket $1,100.  Was quoted $4,500 but I knew a guy...  Basically we did ALL the manual labor and he charged us for the materials and repair. But it was 1/2 under...actually way more than 1/2 under, nope not covered.

Vision - its cheaper for me to pay out of pocket with a coupon.  For real.  How is that even possible?  I kept MINIMAL coverage for medical emergencies. 

Home Warranty - What a f**king JOKE!
Contract: We pay for drainage issues.
Me: *claims a drainage issue*
Them: No that's a shower pan issue.
Me: How do you know?  
Them: Well it sounds like a shower pan and that's cosmetic.
Me: How is that cosmetic?!?!!?  I'm not asking you to remodel my bathroom, I'm having a DRAINAGE issue.  As in its DRAINING OUT THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE!
Them: We don't cover that...
Me: But its a drainage problem.
Them: We cover all drainage problems EXCEPT shower pans.
Me: Where is that in the contract?
Them:  *reading back my contract* 
Me: Everything you just said...there are no EXCEPTIONS but it says it covers Drainage problems. Define Drainage.

Them: Um....hold Please

I talked to 3 more people.  When I countered what they were saying they got another "manager". 

Me: I am not trying to swindle y'all.  I just want the WARRANTY we paid for to pay for what it says it will pay for...a DRAINAGE problem.  

Them: Its a shower pan and that's cosmetic. We only pay for mechanical.

Me: You said Drainage how is that "mechanical"?

Them: The drain fails, that is mechanical. 

Me: Soooo if it was a shower pan and that "failed"

Them: It is cosmetic.

Me: How is it cosmetic?!?  I don't even know if I HAVE a shower pan, my house was built in the 70's!!!!

Them: It is rejected

So again, what's the point.  What will they pay for?  Nothing.  They will f**king pay for NOTHING.  They use legal loopholes to charge us out the @$$ for "coverage" and then don't pay out $hit!  Its a scam.  It covers about 5% of issues and that's it.  Everything else is out of pocket based on bull$hit.  That sounds like the worst agreement in history! Pay us lets say $3,100 annually and when you need us ONCE in 15 years for a $4,500 claim we say f**k you.  

Who can afford that?!?!?

I'm so over adulting!!!!!!!!!!!

Side Note - I don't have "crappy" insurance. Its good insurance, through reputable companies!!!  

But you ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Dan....

Or arms in this case. 

No this isn't me making fun of an amputee, I'm not an @$$hole.  So I am driving to work and the car in front of me IN THE LEFT LANE can't decide if they want to do 50 mph or 80 mph.  They also can't decide if they want to brake early or brake once they are on top of the car in front of them.  They seemed to be doing okay staying their lane for the most part so I really couldn't figure out what was going on other than they were smoking and were really focusing on that.  I mean his/her hand was hanging out the window with said cancer stick.

There were quite a few cars on the road so passing them wasn't going well for me. I finally had a break to my right so I decided I was going around this idiot.  As I pulled up next to him I noticed he was on the phone...an old school flip phone...hi Gibbs!

Anyways, then I realized he was also still smoking the cigarette. 

How are you driving?!!?!?  He was in an older model Camry so I know it wasn't a self driving vehicle.  I didn't see a passenger so no one was holding the wheel for him. And I couldn't see a knee wedged up so no driving with his knee(s)...what is happening?!?


Conclusions:

1.)  This man has a unique deformity that has afforded him an extra arm.  Must come in handy...I'll see myself out....

2.) This man has a unique deformity which allows his pleasure stick to perform amazing feats.  Like gripping a steering wheel and...well steering it. 

3.) He is an alien and has talents we mere humans can only dream of.

maybe....

4.)  And most UNLIKELY!  He was doing the trust drive.  You drive a little with no hands (TRUSTING your alignment and wheels to keep going straight).  And correct as needed with a tap from a hand or a knee. 

It was very odd...and made me speed up because my luck he'd hit a pot hole and come flying at me...

That's it, where is the "unlucky" rabbits foot...it needs to be salted and burned!

For real though, can we get a "reset the day button".  A do-over, like in video games.  $hit is going down fast lets try again. 

1.  My cable company *cough* Comcast *cough, cough* sucks real big donkey d**k.  I've tried and tried and tried and f**king tried to make it work with them and it just isn't (stupid contract keeping me in a bad relationship*grumble grumble*).  They will be fine for like 2 months and then I have to call and freak out because my service is $hit or because they billed me wrong or pick something, its probably happened!  Because of said $hitty service we bought our own cable modem for the interwebs and shockingly enough $hit suddenly works...you can't tell me they don't f**k with your stuff when they have access to it...I sound crazy but I don't think I am.  Anyways, I returned their CRAP modem and got a receipt.  This was in JULY!  It was removed for August, then in September it popped back up on my bill...hold up Mother F**ker what you trying to pull here?!?!?!?  I try to call and I can't get through.  The call immediately drops WTF.  I had FIVE OTHER PEOPLE try from their cell phones (all ATT) and they can't get through...I had someone from a Verizon phone call and it worked...hmmmmm. Also, landlines work....hmmmmm. Whatever, I call, I lose my $hit its credited back and I am told the phone issue is an ATT issue.  Okaaaaaaay.  They say its a Comcast issue (I'll get to that in the next).  I loud cap Comcast on Twitter and finally someone believes me because HIS phone which isn't in LA can't dial the 800# either...I think I heard angels sing. 

 

Anyways....October bill and November bills are fine and suddenly I get a letter "Ooooops we've been billing you wrong, you will see a $10 charge for your Wireless Gateway on the next bill".  What the actual f**k?!?!?!  I DON'T HAVE THAT ANYMORE!  So I try to call and the stupid f**king 800# wont work.  I don't have a landline so I loud cap them AGAIN on Twitter.  He was helpful but didn't believe me.  I sent a picture of the receipt and the letter.  He said "July?!?!?!" Yes f**king July!  Stop trying to bill me for stuff I don't have!!!!  It gets "fixed" after they call me.  And I am told again the phone thing is an ATT issue, call them.  Mother F**ker!!!!

2.  After the 1st insanity with Comcast in September, ATT does some research.  They can't see anywhere its blocked.  They reset my something to my phone.  They checked that I don't have 800#'s blocked (clearly, I don't because I can f**king call them).  They are very nice and concerned and trying to be helpful.  I get to a top tech dude and he is baffled.  They put in a service ticket.  They call me four days later and say its a Comcast issue and they will work with them to fix it.  K, thanks, bye.  After the most recent fiasco I call them AGAIN. I get another tech dude.  He basically does the same $hit and blames Comcast.  I finally had had enough and said "I don't care whose problem it is tell me HOW to fix it!" I told him it started after Baton Rouge and the surrounding areas flooded.  I know for a fact that a MAJOR ATT hub went under and we ALL had service issues for the next week.  So maybe check that and quit putting me off.  I think I stunned him with my "infinite" f**king intelligence.  Look dude I'm not a moron, I did my own investigation before I called.  He opened another ticket so they can see exactly what is happening and let me know.  Great....

3.  My 4 y/o f**king car decided that it wants to leak oil.  Why?!!?!? So I call two different dealerships that service my type of vehicle and ask questions.  Mind you I've already looked up recalls and known issues and *gasp* this is a known f**king issue with the y/m/m of my car *face palm*.  I leave detailed messages with the service admin for a tech or manager to call me but I leave out my knowledge of the issue, just say whats happening. 

• Dealership 1 calls me back.  Oh that sounds like a cracked oil pan (mind you I haven't hit anything and it just started when the temp dropped below 35). More than likely that is it and it will cost roughly $625 because of labor and parts.  So I said, I've been told its a faulty drain plug.  So they say well probably not but if its that, it is $354 because of labor & parts.  I said the part is like $50...you can't tell me it will take you 2.5 hours to replace a plug....? They said yes...okay I'll call y'all when I am ready.

• I get an email from Dealership 2.  "We have received your inquiry on the (y/m/m of my current car).  That is an excellent choice!   A sales team member will make every effort to contact you within one hour or less to answer any questions you made in your initial contact and see how we can help you. We realize you have a choice when shopping for a vehicle and we thank you for giving us a chance to earn your business."  
  WHAT THE F**CK?!?! My response may have been a tad @$$hole-ish.  "Yea, I know a (y/m/m of my current car) is great...I own one.  I bought it from y'all....I wanted a quote about a repair that I've been informed is a flaw in many (y/m/m of my current car)'s...it leaks oil." less than a minute later I get a call from a service tech.  I explain the issue.  He says (without me saying anything about the "known" issue)  "Oh, they probably left the old gasket on the drain plug.  Each new oil filter has a new gasket.  If they don't remove the old one the drain plug doesn't fit as snugly so it leaks." I ask about cost...he said "do you need an oil change? That's all it will cost."

So based off this info...one dealership wants to charge me $600+ dollars to fix something that isn't wrong when the other dealership will fix it for $69. 'Scuse me while I scream into a pillow.  

4.  I went purchase something at a store on my way home.  There were 4 people in front of me at checkout.  I got to the counter.  Got my stuff rung up and the f**king system crashes.  Not just reboots...CRASHES. The poor clerk was so distraught.  He tried everything.  I couldn't leave...I needed to make that purchase.  45 min later I am finally on my way home.  Wine and soft PJ's are calling my name.

5.  I got home and one of the pups had had explosive poopies all over the place.  It smelled like something died in my house.  I legit started crying...and laughing...but mostly crying.  F**k a glass of wine & PJs, someone give me a bottle of Scotch and a punching bag!  

Yay for it being my last day of work for the week.  I don't think I can handle much more stupidity...

I have so many questions. The first of which being, how exactly does a 2' tall dog $hit 5' up the wall from inside a kennel....?

Soooooo clearly my animals like to test my sanity from time to time.  Its like they have ESP.  "OMG mom totally had a rough day dealing with 5 year olds stuck in adult bodies...lets destroy something!!!"

Yesterday was brutal.  1st day back after the whirlwind Christmas/New Year holidays AND it was a Monday.  That's like the stars anti-aligning or dark zodiac or something.  

After a day of dealing with juvenile BS from a 45 year old, I headed home to relax for a bit before meeting some peeps for dinner.

I was greeted at the door by a dog.  Hmmm that is odd...you are supposed to be kenneled.  As I ventured further into the dark house I could hear the other one whining...well at least one of you is still locked up.  I flicked on the hall light and saw a kennel down the hallway and something on the floor.....

The breakdown:
- *flicked on light* Ummmmm how'd you get the kennel out of the office??? *whine*
- What is that dark....ewwwwwwww...so tummy issues then...? *huff from dog*
- How'd you get out???
- How did you open the back "wall" of the kennel?
- How did you get out AFTER said wall was detached????? 
- It collapses inward...Are you a f**king mouse?!?!
- *whining* *tap dancing* Okay okay, lets go outside
- *to the other one* I STG dog if you so much as look at that nastiness I will hurt you!!!
- I started cleaning.........and gagging.........I don't like being an adult....someone else adult....I don't wanna
- I looked up...how the f**k did you get $hit spray that high up the wall?!!!?? *stands up* that's almost as tall as me!!!!
- Closer examination revealed caked on dried $hit on the bars of the kennel, how in the...???
- Uhhhh so we had the accident while still locked up...I'm so confused!!!
- Then we broke out...? *whine* *sneeze* *huff* Right...okay....WTF dog?!?!

Conclusion: He felt ill and freaked out (he doesn't like to be icky).  He kicked the pan out from under the kennel (how? I have no idea).  He "walked" the kennel into the hallway and couldn't hold it any longer.  He angled his butt-hole between the bars, aimed up (how the actual f**k!?!?), and painted the wall.  That gives a who knew meaning to downward dog!!!! He realized he didn't want to be that close to the wall/door frame splattered with what I imagine would happen as a result of eating late night Taco Bell with Extra Hot Sauce and jalapeños after a night of binge drinking cheap tequila and wallowing in self pity.  So he somehow OPENED the back of the kennel and climbed out without damaging the actual kennel, the walls (aside from the liquid nightmare of poop art), or himself.  And greeted me at the door tail wagging "Hi mom!".

It took me almost an hour to get every remnant of DRIED inky looking goo off the wall, off the floor, out of the crevices of the door frame and floor boards.  Thank god for rubber gloves, disposable sponges, bleach cleaner, and value packs of paper towels!!!!  He went out three times in that hour.  We opted NOT to feed him last night and do the chicken and rice method.  Upon further examination (mainly because the other one kept sniffing his butt) he has irritated (pink) skin around his bunghole.  Secondary Conclusion...he has an actual case of the red@$$ *face palm*. 

He seemed fine this morning...no more flying $hits...YAY!  If he greets me at the door again I may cry...just saying. 

Side Note - After cleaning up the mess, I changed for dinner and sat down to relax for a bit on the couch.  I sat on a freshly coughed up hair ball.  FML!!!!!

Alight, who dumped the crazy juice into the drinking water???

Seriously though.  Everyday, just about, I get a news alert about some jacked up person with a weapon and it makes me feel stabby.  Yes I know I just eluded to violence in response to violence but the difference between the crazy I'm talking about and my "feeling" is I won't actually go out and stab someone!

I'm not getting into the gun law debate...that $hit is crazy as well.  But I do want to point out that it appears that no matter where you go in the world psychopaths with guns are in competition with each other to see who can amass the higher body count.  This isn't a video game people!!! It is f**king terrifying.

Side Note - I don't believe violent games/movies create violence...I think most times it is a lack of intelligence and a lack of self control that creates violence.  Untreated severe mental illness not included. 

We have the nut jobs in the states who have opened fire in public spaces like movie theaters and offices.  We have the loony toon on the train in Europe who was thankfully taken down by some brave individuals before he could do anything really stupid.  We have the INSANE crime in NOLA.  No really...it is so f**king bad it gives me migraines to watch the news.  When you get an alert that a 13 year old robbed an elderly man at gunpoint you know the world has gone to $hit and its plain to see why you have lost Faith in Humanity.  In the same day you also get an alert saying that a during a routine traffic stop some jack@$$ shot a State Trooper in the head...in the HEAD...what is happening?!?!?! Then you remember that a month ago a 13 year old was arrested because he raped an 8 year old.  How...what...why...how do you ...*hangs head in defeat*.

Yes, I know the state of our mental health, healthcare sucks BUT the crazy is running rampant.  I am saying crazy...maybe its more like delusional...drug induced...self inflicted insanity.  Alcoholics, drug addicts, and mentally unstable persons have been around for a very long time.  This isn't anything new.  So I am really confused as to WHY it is such an epidemic of violence in recent years that is blamed on these things.  Is it because we are more connected so we hear about more?  Are the mind altering substances that much "better"?  Are more people partaking in them?  Is it because these individuals were raised by parents who lived in an "enhanced" state?  Or is it because people were never taught to respect life...or even deal with life for that matter? 

Look, life sucks. . . it isn't easy. . .and bad things happen even to really good people.  But as an adult, you cannot continue to blame your bad behavior on anyone else.  Even if you had a craptastic childhood or marriage or whatever...there comes a point where you have to take responsibility for YOUR actions.

Yes, it is easier said than done but if we RESPECTED life as much as people seem to take it for granted, I think the world would be a much different place.  A better place...maybe.  And as sad as I am to say this if you want to end your life...I don't like it but so be it...all I ask is that you quit taking a room full of innocents with you in the process!

UPDATE!!!!!  WTF it got worse.  This is NOT how I envisioned starting my day...

Then I logged into Facebook and was bombarded with the story from like every news station, it is horrible!!!  Link to "breaking news"

Apparently Angry Birds is based on some factual data

I am not suggesting you go catch a bunch of wild birds and slingshot them at oversized Lincoln Log creations with really fat green pigs to test this theory, but their representation of cardinals is SPOT ON!

At least I am assuming this is a Cardinal

To me that looks like an exaggerated cardinal so *pleeft*.  Also, I've encountered cardinals in my yard who wanted nothing more than to peck my eyes out and they had a similar stare...

Not my pic

With that said when I got to work today I heard a ruckus coming from the side parking lot.  As I've stated before I really need to know when to leave well enough alone but I am curious by nature so I investigated.  I saw a small red streak flitting back and forth between two pickups. WTH?!? Then I realized what it was doing.  That ANGRY little bird was ATTACKING the other bird...you know, his reflection.

He was hella pissed too! "I'ma kill you Mother F**ker!!!!"

Not my picture, I couldn't get near the damn thing

I inched closer and that's when he saw me.  "Uh oh!"

Not my pic

*running in heels*...*screeeeeech*..."OMG!!!!! *run-crouching with hands over head*" I got in the building right as it came up behind me!  I closed the door which happens to be glass and that f**ker landed on the handle outside and STARED at me. "Holy crap!  I think that thing actually wants to kill me!"  Before I could get my phone out it chirped, pecked at the glass a couple times, and flew off *whew*.  Oh well, I guess it will go back to attempting to murder its reflection.

*10 minutes later* "*screaming* What the f**k!!!!! *slam*" I crept out of my office to see my boss...completely disheveled...she said she was chased by a bird from her car to the building....hmmm apparently he is NOT content with only murdering his reflection. What if he's still out there at lunch time...

Why does this exist?!?!?

So my Facebook is on a roll with weird/sponsored posts.  I apparently "Liked" YouBeauty at some point in my Facebook fun and now I see products/trends that concern me.  Somethings are silly like using the dried sperm of a virgin camel mixed with matured octopus mucus as a primer to reduce wrinkles, you know "Beauty Stuff".

Then there are things like this...WHY!?!?!?

My computer renamed the file "FullSizeRender" which made me laugh even harder

Curiosity got the best of me and I clicked the link and apparently you can share your orgasm (from the inside) via "FaceTime".  I just don't...WTF!? There are so many reasons why this seems like a bad idea.  For one does that really turn someone on?  "Here's a vid of the INSIDE of my Hoohah, watch how it squirts." 




I would think the "O" face via FaceTime would be much more, um, exciting.  Also, what if you FaceTime the wrong person?!?  "Sorry dad that was meant for that guy/girl I met last night." Talk about needing counseling.







I mean with descriptions like "The vibe is waterproof and rechargeable, like that even matters when it has a camera in it. It’s also compatible with FaceTime, so you can share your big moment with friends across the 4G network." With your FRIENDS?!?!?  I am close with my friends but that is a whole other level.... I sense sarcasm, I am fairly certain YouBeauty is just as confused as me but they posted it so yea.  Favorite quote "It puts the view only gynecologists used to be privy to in your hands."


As if I wasn't confused enough this popped up in my feed today....

At least its my fav color

 
Is this a thing?  I am old...this must be a new trend.  Look, I don't care if you have pit hair or if you dye it.  I don't have any but I am grossed out by body hair (on myself) in general so clearly this wouldn't be my thing.  BUT the term Pit Puffs makes me think of marshmallows and now I am grossed out.  Next we are going to have "dreadpits".  "You can look like a beached squid as you tan." Someone should do this pronto and sport it as the latest in fashion.  What if they made extensions for those who can't grow long enough Pit Hair...I should invent this...I could be a millionaire!

I think I just melted into a puddle of goo

So there was this Con recently...I mean there is one like every weekend somewhere.  But  this one was lucky enough to have Mr. Tennant.  Okay, I MIGHT be a little jealous...okay, no totally jealous...that is soooo cool!!!

Anyways, someone uploaded this panel question to You Tube and I swear I dissolved into a fit of giggles.  It was adorable...it should be illegal to be that flipping charming.  And what was said...what was said...everyone's favorite 10 said "Rose was a girlfriend... even if they didn't say it."

WHAT?!!?!?  Who didn't know this?  Are you blind...were people not paying attention when they said goodbye on the beach...the first time!?!?!?  "The four of us and....the baby..." yea yea she said its mums but STILL!!!!!!!!!  Look at the scene again...look at it!!!!!  

Ten freaking years later and this Ship is somewhat confirmed. I mean I always thought it was but it is never said, "Rose Tyler....." (insert gross sobbing).  Then what he said about the 2nd time saying goodbye on the beach...I think I snorted...really man ??? "nobody wants to watch someone who looks like you and basically is you getting to do all the shagging you didn't get to do." *dead*. Did you hear that?  That noise was thousands of fangirls/boys squealing, then fainting around the world. 

So I guess this little video makes up for it being Monday and finding wildlife in our office.

Me: Don't touch the turtle
Friend: Why??? Is jus' turtle...
Me: No, its a snapping turtle...don't...
Friend: *reaches for it* Aye, he try bite me!!!
Me: *sigh* Yea...that's, that's kinda what they do....