I used to dance to this song. My BFF and I did that weird pop/hump air to this song. How did I forget about this song?!?!

This is like a throw back to my early teens.  I mean the song came out in 1993.  I was what...12.  OMG I wasn't even a teen yet!  I was going to sock hops & CYA dances and dancing to this!  CYA Dances!!!!!  That is the CHRISTIAN Youth Association.  How WRONG is that?!?!  I even had a cassette tape of it!!!!  Mom what were you thinking?!?! 

I don't even think I understood the whole reference.  I mean I was 12 so I knew SOMETHING but just, just listen to the lyrics!!! Oh and watch the video.  I am having flashbacks of shaking it like a dog and doing the Fire Hydrant.  Wow...just wow.  That's just wrong wrong wrong.  And we thought we were hot $hit dancing like that.  Good doG!

PLEASE!!!Gemme dat donkey butt and dem big ole legs! Update: on Facebook   #12Gauge  https://www.facebook.com/TwelveMuzik/
Posted by Calvin MrGrind Howard on Friday, October 16, 2015

Its only forearms!!! That's like the least sexual patch of skin, right!?!?

Least sexual...is that proper English...?  Whatever I am a tad delirious.  But what is it about forearms!?!?  Like I don't mean all the time.  But the rolled up shirt sleeves...its like instant panty drop.  Is that just me?  I doubt its just me.  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe my other half needs to get home from work already.  Maybe I should get the sleep.  Seriously though...

Why

is

so

this

freaking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOT!?!?

 

 

Okay, I am done now...I think...maybe...I just don't understand why that is so appealing.  Like when the hubs does it, I have to restrain myself from jumping him because we are usually heading out...weird, right?  I'm going to have a cold shower and sleep off this randomness...night night.

I find myself oddly attracted to that woman...

So face swap is usually something terrifying.  Its usually so creeptastic that most would call it the stuff of nightmares. Then there are the odd few that fit and fit well. 

This is the whole article that prompted this. 

Most people said "OMG this is so uncomfortable" and I'm over here like "ya know David Tennant makes a fairly pretty woman". Followed by, "hmmmm...did I just think that out loud...?". 

My Evidence

Seriously though...while I think Billie is gorgeous, and this pic isn't half bad...I am not like "damn 'he' hot".  But I am like "hmmmm 'she' cute" and I am starting to question my sanity.  This one makes me a tad more uncomfortable but it still fits for both of them...clearly I have different taste...

Anyways, the others were a bit more creepy but I will add Karen made an attractive 'man'. 

So my conclusion...I don't know but I'm not as creeped out as I should be according to the article and I think that says something about my mental state...maybe. 

And here we have a skelton shaking its hips...they don't lie

Shut up, I am funny.  And delirious.  I probably find it funnier because of the delirium.  This should be a wild ride...buckle up. 

I found this while cleaning...First I had NO idea peeling labels could be so gratifying.

I mean look at that pure unadulterated ecstasy.  Oh yea, peels so good!  I feel dirty just looking at this.  I clearly happened upon someone in the midst of enjoying their fetish.  Oh my bad...I'll just...soooooo what are you going to DO with that label...?  But for real...what was the photographers direction???  "I want you to peel that label like you are on the verge of experiencing the most satisfying orgasm of your life." 

I am concerned...I think my friend is saving body parts. *gulp*

What do I do!?!?!  Except that is clearly NOT human. Alien?  Fae?  Dragon?!?!  Do I call Mulder or the Winchesters or maybe Bo?  I was informed it is a "Buddha's Hand"...right...sure...*wink, wink*.  So really...are you a hunter???  What is it?!!?!?  Why is it in Vodka???  What else are you hiding...?  *eeeeep*

So these are NOT craft pieces...

These are edible ball bearings, also known as dragees.  They are basically sugar with a shiny coating.  It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize that these were "food", considering I didn't know what the definition of dragees was.  Then all I could think of was "Have you ever had those little cakes, with the crunchy ball bearings on top... ever had those... those things? Nobody else in the entire galaxy has ever even bothered to make edible ball bearings! Genius!" (10th Doctor - Fear Her) These look like real metal, dammit (yes, I know that is the point).  I feel like I'd crack a tooth or something. 


*lalala* when suddenly a life size blowup Batman hiding in the aisle.  Jesu....I need an adult and new pants!!!!!  That is f**king terrifying!

I'm Batman

Why!?!?  Seriously though.  It is fairly true to size...well I mean like small adult size.  If I got down in the same position it was only slightly larger.  Can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night and seeing that silhouette in the living room?!?! *ahhhhh* "I need new undies...and possibly a new heart".  Also...what is with the arm/fist placement.  It is very...uh..."suggestive".  He's like semi stroking it AND enjoying it!  Or a least doing the motion.  No really when the air catches it, the arm lazily pumps up and down while the head slowly nods...."Oh my god, does no one else see how wrong this is?!?!?"  Everything about this screams *not suitable for children* NC-17...X-Rated...(okay maybe I am being a tad dramatic) but there were so MANY parents placing children to take pics in the arms of this blow up "masturbating" monstrosity.  (I would have taken a video but there was a line of kids waiting)

No no no no nooooooooooooooooo! This week has been AWFUL!

I didn't post anything Monday because its been an insane week work wise but after this morning I have to take a moment... two...TWO brilliant, talented artists died of cancer just days apart.  My little geeky heart can't handle it!!!

I woke up Monday morning (f**k you Monday) to a news alert saying David Bowie passed away.  Then I woke up this morning (f**k you Thursday!) to a news alert that Alan Rickman passed away.  What is happening!?!?!?

David Bowie was such an amazingly talented man.  He will always be the Goblin King who sings about Magic and seduces unsuspecting selfish older sisters, along with a few other choice roles he played...I'm gonna go watch Zoolander again just for that scene.  His music will always hold a special place in my heart.  It's a little weird, I guess, but its so good.  You can't tell me that when listening to Space Oddity or Heroes or Starman or Life on Mars or Let's Dance that you don't get all weirdly happy inside.  His music was/is so unique yet speaks to so many different types of people.  So Monday I listened to David Bowie Radio ALL DAY and watched the Labyrinth when I got home.  I danced around my living room singing "Dance Magic, Dance" while my dogs looked at me like I was a lunatic. He's f**king David Bowie, dammit!  He is a legend!  He was only 69!!! Sorry but these days that is NOT old.  As some people joked (in a nice way, not @$$holes), he didn't die, he just went home.

This song took on a bit of a different significance Monday:

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare
This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in the most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today
For here am I sitting in my tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do

Then this morning "famed actor Alan Rickman has died at 69".  What, noooooooo! How...what....69 also....ahhhhhhhh!  Alan Rickman was an insanely talented actor.  Of course he is the loved/hated Professor Severus Snape but he is also the Sheriff of Nottingham, Hans from die hard, Alexander in Galaxy Quest (which I just watched again like two days ago), Marvin (HGTTG), The Blue Caterpillar, and countless other roles and characters he brought to life.  I love his voice and his sense of humor.  He is/was so dry but it was so perfect.  If you haven't seen the Tonight Show interview where he inhales Helium, you need to look at it PRONTO!  I just can't believe he is gone too!  Both in the same week!

"If only life could be a little more tender and art a little bit more robust" - Alan Rickman 

I'm fine, it's fine, I'm...gonna go sit in a dark room and binge watch Harry Potter for the umpteenth time.  RIP to two unbelievably talented entertainers who were taken a bit too soon.  

 

I'm an unintentional oddball and it's HILARIOUS!!!!

At least for me...and people who find my humor amusing. Okay okay not too oddball-esq unless you get the reference.  And its not even that odd more just I don't always have a filter to stop my weirdness.

I am very cautious about being "weird" at work with persons other than my co-workers whom have known me FOREVER!  But when it comes to telemarketers my brain apparently checks out.

So I got a call from some "hey you won a free trip, all you have to do is buy this BS" companies.  I try not to be rude and just hang up.  Its their job, I have to cut them a little slack.  Well I unconsciously did something and it was, well, soooo stupid *beating head on desk*.

Me: Hello....
Person: Hi, I'm looking for NOLAGurl 
Me: *cautiously* This is NOLAGurl
Person: Hi NOLAGurl, I was calling to let you know you won a trip to sunny Orlando for four.
Me: Um...how?
Person:  You must have signed up for it
Me: *Not recalling ANY contests*  *light bulb* Ya know I don't think I did.
Person:  Well I have your name and number
Me:  Yea but you said my maiden name...a name a haven't used in over 4 years (ha, gotcha!)
Person: Oh...but you won and all you have to do is pay taxes
Me:  I appreciate the call but I am not interested
Person: But its free
Me: What is your definition of free?
Person: *quiet* Well. Here is the website *rattles off web address*...its legit...look it up....if you change your mind you can call me back...
Me: K...what is your name and number?
Person: Jessica *last name*, *phone number*
Me: *scribbling info* Thank you Jessssssiiiicah
Person: Whoa, creepy..You said it kinda like him...
Me: *thinking* Huh....oh...OH... F**K!  *Said* Oh my...*stuttering* I didn't mean to actually say that out loud! *sigh* Sorry... *dying of embarrassment* Wait... *realizing she got the reference*
Person:  No worries, *giggle* it just caught me off guard.  Seriously though at least check it out and call me back with any questions.

Ugh, I am so...just...not normal.  Excuse me while I crawl under my desk...What are the chances of me talking to someone who was probably in a different time zone...possibly a different country who happened to call me, of all people and would get an obscure reference like that.  At least her whole attitude changed from aggressive sales person to "friend".  Anyone else would have just been like "well she's weird...". It was 2 parts hilarious and 1 part embarrassing.  Oh well at least it was funny...ish.  And I obviously didn't scream it like a complete psycho.  Also, my voice is incapable of pitching that low, but you get the idea.  So thank you Jessica for making my day a little less "blah" *muah*. Welp, guess I am obligated to call her back now and listen to the spiel about the "free" trip since I unconsciously imitated a sociopath while talking to her. 

*pow* right in the fandom, I love this goofy idea so much it hurts a little

So I went to Wizard World NOLA this past weekend.  Before the show began I got a Groupon email.

I'm sorry what?!?!? Doctor Who Burlesque, you say.  Who doesn't love a good Burlesque show?!?!?  No really I've been to a few, super neat. Is that weird?  Anyway, burlesque and Who, OMG!

So I opened it.

Does that....does that say Doctor Who-Ha?!!??!  OMG I just shot hot tea out of my nose!  They saw the opportunity and they took it!!!! Oh and look a female Eleven...cute! 

I wanted to know more. *click*

My first thought, "OMG I want to go!".  My second thought, "does that say 'wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey burlesque adventure through space and time'? Scratch that I NEED to go!"

Alas, I realized it was for 9PM...on a Sunday night...in the City not far from Downtown... "Dammit!".  *le sigh*  As much as my little nerdy self would have loved a Who themed sexy dancing thing, there was no way I could justify that.  Ya know work and all.  Stupid adulting getting the way of my fun *grumble, grumble*.  Also, the convention ended at like 6....what would we do for three hours...I mean we could have found something but that would probably cost MONEY...so no.  Not to mention we planned on going EARLY to the Con, mainly bc my photo-op was for 11:30 and because we could do more exploring before the crowd poured in.  After that you just people watch *hehehehe*. 

So we did not go, "boooo".  And it was tempting.  It was advertised the entire time we were in the Con.   I wonder how it was?  Horribly cheesy...I hope so!!!

Happy King's D-ahhhhh what is that?!?!

Okay so being from NOLA we do this thing called King Cake launching Mardi Gras Season (officially beginning 1/6 - King's Day).  The tradition is to put a Baby or other trinket...like a bean or a nut or whatever but usually its a baby, in the king cake and who ever "gets the baby" buys the next cake.  This goes on through Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday) also known as the day before Ash Wednesday...the first day of Lent.  Obviously this tradition has some of its roots in Christianity but the origins vary.  Look it up, seriously...there are a gazillion articles about it.  

Moving on...in other parts of the country/world there are other similar traditions.  They vary from place to place but the base is essentially the same. It is a round-ish cake with a baby (or trinket), the person that gets the baby gets the next cake. 

With that said I saw this pic and I feel very uncomfortable. My friend shared the page...all I saw was the picture. 

OMG you killed it!

Its a jewelry tutorial site.  Apparently she uses "recycled" products to create stuff.  While most of her stuff looks cool...this is a bit...unsettling, at least to me.  I mean its a baby corkscrewed through the torso! Couldn't we have found a different way to adhere the baby to the ring?!?!  I mean its a figure of a baby FGS!  I'm sure glue would have worked...or maybe wrap the wire around the baby.  Its like a plastic baby murder ring...I dunno, it just seems wrong. 

You can see the website in the pic, check it out.  Her other stuff is kinda neat, she is quite talented, seeeeeeee. I'm really not trying to be a jerk...its just that particular item weirded me out.  Sorry...

That was a very misleading headline!!!! I was extremely confused...concerned...and a bit grossed out.....

What I saw:

"This Speaker Lets Your Vagina Play Music"

What else am I going to think with that pic and headline other than "If you have enough air coming out of your hoohah to play music you might want to see a doctor ASAP".  Or you may want to contact America's Got Talent because this is a new one in my book!!!!!

My curiosity won out and I read the article.  OMG that makes so much more sense...still weird and disturbing though.  So its a speaker you stick into your vag that plays music for your unborn child.  Ahhhh okay.  Sooooo why would you want to stick a vibrating silicone speaker in your lady parts, when you can just put headphones/a speaker on your belly and be done with it...?  Call me old fashioned but this is weird and unnecessary, right? 

"With Babypod, babies learn to vocalize from the womb."
Ummm while I am all about early development and intelligence...this is weird.  I'm having flashes of a freshly birthed newborn quoting Shakespeare or something.  Oh God what if mom listens to death metal...welcome future serial killer. I'm totally joking...we all know serial killers listen to classical music *see Hannibal Lector*.

"Something great has been achieved, babies start to communicate before birth."
This makes me uncomfortable.  Kicks and stretches and cute stuff on the ultrasound, okay but communication...even remedial forms from a fetus...it sounds very sci-fi esque. *ultrasound noise*  "And here we see your baby at 22 weeks...wait...is he flipping us off?!?  What an @$$hole!"

Ya know what if I ever am able to get preggo, I think I'll just stick to headphones on the belly, if that.  It may be old school but I see no difference in the delivery of the music.   If its in your vag there is still a barrier between the tunes and the baby.  I just...this is just weird!  It seems like a scam to get expecting moms to spend $133 (seriously?!?!?!) on something that may or may not do anything other than piss off your unborn baby because it wants to sleep not be vibrating, while listening to your stupid music.  Dammit mom I hate you and I'm not even born yet!!! This is how the Stewies of the world are created!

I have so many questions. The first of which being, how exactly does a 2' tall dog $hit 5' up the wall from inside a kennel....?

Soooooo clearly my animals like to test my sanity from time to time.  Its like they have ESP.  "OMG mom totally had a rough day dealing with 5 year olds stuck in adult bodies...lets destroy something!!!"

Yesterday was brutal.  1st day back after the whirlwind Christmas/New Year holidays AND it was a Monday.  That's like the stars anti-aligning or dark zodiac or something.  

After a day of dealing with juvenile BS from a 45 year old, I headed home to relax for a bit before meeting some peeps for dinner.

I was greeted at the door by a dog.  Hmmm that is odd...you are supposed to be kenneled.  As I ventured further into the dark house I could hear the other one whining...well at least one of you is still locked up.  I flicked on the hall light and saw a kennel down the hallway and something on the floor.....

The breakdown:
- *flicked on light* Ummmmm how'd you get the kennel out of the office??? *whine*
- What is that dark....ewwwwwwww...so tummy issues then...? *huff from dog*
- How'd you get out???
- How did you open the back "wall" of the kennel?
- How did you get out AFTER said wall was detached????? 
- It collapses inward...Are you a f**king mouse?!?!
- *whining* *tap dancing* Okay okay, lets go outside
- *to the other one* I STG dog if you so much as look at that nastiness I will hurt you!!!
- I started cleaning.........and gagging.........I don't like being an adult....someone else adult....I don't wanna
- I looked up...how the f**k did you get $hit spray that high up the wall?!!!?? *stands up* that's almost as tall as me!!!!
- Closer examination revealed caked on dried $hit on the bars of the kennel, how in the...???
- Uhhhh so we had the accident while still locked up...I'm so confused!!!
- Then we broke out...? *whine* *sneeze* *huff* Right...okay....WTF dog?!?!

Conclusion: He felt ill and freaked out (he doesn't like to be icky).  He kicked the pan out from under the kennel (how? I have no idea).  He "walked" the kennel into the hallway and couldn't hold it any longer.  He angled his butt-hole between the bars, aimed up (how the actual f**k!?!?), and painted the wall.  That gives a who knew meaning to downward dog!!!! He realized he didn't want to be that close to the wall/door frame splattered with what I imagine would happen as a result of eating late night Taco Bell with Extra Hot Sauce and jalapeños after a night of binge drinking cheap tequila and wallowing in self pity.  So he somehow OPENED the back of the kennel and climbed out without damaging the actual kennel, the walls (aside from the liquid nightmare of poop art), or himself.  And greeted me at the door tail wagging "Hi mom!".

It took me almost an hour to get every remnant of DRIED inky looking goo off the wall, off the floor, out of the crevices of the door frame and floor boards.  Thank god for rubber gloves, disposable sponges, bleach cleaner, and value packs of paper towels!!!!  He went out three times in that hour.  We opted NOT to feed him last night and do the chicken and rice method.  Upon further examination (mainly because the other one kept sniffing his butt) he has irritated (pink) skin around his bunghole.  Secondary Conclusion...he has an actual case of the red@$$ *face palm*. 

He seemed fine this morning...no more flying $hits...YAY!  If he greets me at the door again I may cry...just saying. 

Side Note - After cleaning up the mess, I changed for dinner and sat down to relax for a bit on the couch.  I sat on a freshly coughed up hair ball.  FML!!!!!

Send help, I'm having a geeky panic attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to do *breathing into paper bag*.  Its like in 6 days.  WWNOLA is happening soon...right...I.can't.contain.the.fangirl. 

So here is a link to the celebs that will be there (and a few that have canceled, booo).  I've been geeking out since they announced the peoples.  So originally I was trying to figure out how to pay for a Photo Op with Mr. Smith because for some reason I had tunnel visioned on him being there.  When I realized there were so many other Doctor Who peeps and Marvel peeps, I just...I mean how do you choose?!?!?!  I'd be happy with any of them but we are doing another BIG trip next year (now this year) so alas, aside from MAYBE a ticket to the con, no big spending for me *le sigh*.

 

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell for a gift I received a pretty cool thing.  Like REALLY really cool!  I mean clearly I am loved (and they know me well).  I got a photo op with a celeb at WWNOLA.  What?!!?!?  Ahhhhhhhh *pass out*.

The one I got is with Jenna Coleman.  OMG are you f**king kidding me!?!??!  *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*.   I know I said Mr. Smith BUT BUT BUT its Jenna.  She's so adorable and I really did like her as Clara.  I was running around in circles when I saw it.  I mean legit fangirling like a complete nutter.  I am such a weirdo!  So of course, I've been telling people and they are like "Oh cool...I forgot you, uh, like that...stuff".  *ugh* no one gets me *plfeet*.  Someone else geek out with me dammit!

My dilemma...I've never done a celeb photo op.   I mean photo yes but nothing "organized".  I don't fear me being awkward, I am usually fine but I don't know what to wear *waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*.  I only got the gift like 2 weeks before the con.  I didn't have time to really create a cosplay....or an outfit...I mean I have a bunch of Who t-shirts.  I could totally wear one of those.  But then my stupid creative brain was like "didn't you want to cosplay?!?  You even wrote down what you would wear if you went to WWNOLA.  You know...the diner outfit?" OMG shut up brain! It's true...I have it written down but didn't buy anything because poor and whatnot.  Oh and didn't think I was even going.  But then I was like wait is that weird!?!?  I'd be a blonde (a bit taller, maybe) Clara wannabe, taking a pic with Clara...I am sure people have been very weird with celebs in photo ops but I really don't fancy being weird.  I think I am over thinking but I am so excited. 

So what do I do?!?!?!  Should I attempt to make the outfit?  Or just do a t-shirt?!?!  Maybe my Back to the Future/Who Crossover shirt...Oooo or maybe the Alice in Wonderland/Who crossover shirt or, or...or....  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh too many options, someone make the decision for me!!!

People baffle me, maybe that is why I like psychology...

I've never been one to follow the crowd.  Well I say that.  I mean I follow the crowd if its something I want to do but I've not normally been one to do something just because everyone else does it.  This gets me a bit of grief from time to time because it is apparently frowned upon.  Sorry but that isn't going to change.

With that said I am 100% confused by people who CHANGE once they have a sig other or a new friend.  Now I am not talking about growing into a relationship with a person and becoming a better version of you.  Obviously every relationship changes each of us...for better or worse.  I am talking about those who change to "show off" or because they think the new person in their life expects it.  I am all about meeting new people but if adding people to your life makes you an @$$hole then I recommend not doing that.

I've never felt the need to knock another person because I have a new addition in my life.  This confuses me...does not compute.  ya know I try very hard not to take things personally but when things happen REPEATEDLY, I'm eventually going to take offense.  Just because you are "happy" or  even "sad" doesn't mean you get to yell at others, call them insulting names, try to make them feel bad because they aren't doing whatever you deem necessary at that point...basically don't be a tw@t.  Also, constantly telling them you are now having sexual relations really isn't necessary.  I mean good for you, I am happy for you but telling me you are now sexually active once a night is enough.  And I don't really want to hear about licking of the genitals and how a rough tongue really does things.

I just don't grasp why we must change for the worse to let a newbie know we are "fun".  Because let me tell you being a jerk to your family/friends because you have a new friend or f**k buddy doesn't win you any points.  Truthfully, if I was with a person doing that I would run very quickly in the other direction.  Who is to say that insanity isn't going to be directed at you one day?!?

What is sad is these persons who change like this aren't usually like that.  They are normally quite kind and funny without being an @$$hat. Its like they force this "cool" persona to try and prove they are worthy but it really just makes me want to slap them.  Just be you!  Why is that so hard??? Being the REAL you is what your new friend/sig other wants.  Not some fake personality you create so you look "cool".