Because your insides will fall out, that is why!!!!!

"I'll take things my neighbor's have been hearing me scream for $1000, Alex"

Right, so we have a puppy.  Like a baby...well she was a baby when we got her...now she is..actually she is still a baby.  Anyways, she is old enough to be fixed so we did that...you know responsible pet owners and whatnot. 

Vet: Keep her calm.  No running, jumping, playing for 7 days
Me to Vet: Okay
Me in my head: how the f**k do you keep a lab/beagle puppy calm for 7 days?!?!?
Vet: Don't let her get at the incision
Me to Vet: Um...I need a cone then because she's crazy.
Vet: Don't get her wet
Me to Vet: Okay
Me in my head: What is she a f**king gremlin...also SE LA...its always WET!

We get home...she immediately jumps on the couch...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH no no no no no!!!!

So the cone of shame is going over so well...like she's not running in reverse trying to get away from it while screaming like a tortured baby.  No...not her...NEVER!

So we go get her a neck brace looking thing that is inflated.   Now she just looks like she wants to go swimming and is no longer screaming.  Score 1 for mom and dad. 

Not her but close

Over the course of 6 days:
She played
She ran
She jumped off the back of the f**king couch
And she was fine.  *whew*

We tried...she is just f**king crazy!  And we still have Speedy sooooo yea.  She needs a sedative!

The evening of day 6 (AFTER VET HOURS).  She somehow pops the neck brace...but its subtle so we can't tell. We realize it looks funny but its too late.  She managed to lick her incision.  She laid on her back and the two pieces of skin were gaping down the length of the whole incision.  Thank GOD she is mostly healed so it wasn't bleeding.  So I call the Em Vet and she's like I'm sure its fine.  Bring her in, I won't charge you to look at it. 

We get there "Ummmm I'm glad you brought her, we need to glue that back up".  

She didn't want to to sedate her again so a vet tech and my self restrained the INSANE pup while the Doc cleaned it, put antibiotics on it, and glued her back together.  Her new nickname is Humpty Dumpty.  

Meanwhile she literally screamed.  I've never heard a dog f**king scream but she did.  And then all 25 lbs of her kicked out one leg and threw a 4ft trash can across the room.  WTF dog. 

She's fine.  Back in the Cone and looking like a perpetually pissed off lampshade...

But she's fine.  Well except she is now in the cone for 5-7 more days...GREAT!