Shine bright like a diamond

Link

All I see is....

Side note - I STILL LOVE THAT SONG... *end transmission*

Also, I am 99.9% certain I owned glitter sunscreen back in the 90's and it didn't end well for me....

...SPF 30 MY @$$!!!!

Sooooo excuse me if I don't trust the "SPF 50" it claims....

Also, all I can imagine is a bunch of Twihards running around the beach claiming to be a brooding 200 y/o teenage vamp.

Looking back...what even was Twilight?!?!?

Side side note - No one "hated" Twilight more than the main star...

And I have to agree.  Can't believe I am admitting this...*sigh* I read the books...I saw the movies... why.did.he.have.to.chew.the.baby.out.of.her?!?!?

You know you have too much money when you pay to put baby foreskin on your face

What the actual f**k Hollywood?!?!?!  Look I get it, you want to look younger.  So do I but I draw the line at Korean Baby Foreskin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IFL Science posted this LINK.  I just...what?!?!?

This can't be real.  "Cate Blanchett credits her youthful glow to a treatment that uses the foreskins of Korean newborn babies. Aka, a penis facial."  Oh come on Kate...really...? 

Blanchett told Vogue Australia. "It’s something – I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just cause it smells a bit like sperm – there’s some enzyme in it so Sandy refers to it as the penis facial."

REALLY?!?!?  It smells like sperm?!?!?  I can't with you people! 

All I can picture is people laying on a table with a bunch of tiny foreskins stuck to their faces!!!!! And that my friend is wrong on soooooooooooooooo many levels.

Its the best I can do.  I refuse to google "foreskin mask". That's just asking for gross stuff. 

Okay the actual name isn't Penis Facial.  "the Hollywood EGF facial. It involves a cleanse, an intensive TCA peel, micro-needling, an electrifying mask, and, finally, FDA-approved Epidermal Growth Factor (EGF) serum."

Hold up, swol up....how do we know its the EGF (Foreskin Goop) making you look younger?!?!  Couldn't it have been the 10 other things you had done BEFORE the dick cream??????

Also, "EGF is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from Korean newborn baby foreskin" does it only work if its Korean newborn foreskin??? What if we can get you a deal on American or Mexican or Canadian Foreskin...? 

$650 & 2 year waiting list to have ground up baby penis skin rubbed into your freshly needled face. 

If you want a real "penis facial" I'll charge you $250 to sit in a steamy bathroom and let Fetish Frank jizz on your face and then rub it in.  Hell, I bet Frank would do it for free. 

What is even happening?!?!?

Apparently, its synthetically made in a lab...but if it is why does it keep saying Korean Baby Foreskin?!?!!?!?!

Side Note:  When I googled "y'all need Jesus gif" I got the below and now I am so confused!!!

I always wanted to look like a spider was crawling out my nose....

JFC people why is this now a thing?!?!

Again I am 100% to each his own but most people try to get rid of noticeable nose hair not put it on display!!!  Also, I'd be itching at it the whole time!

Surely this is a joke...right!?!?

LINK

Yes, its totally a joke but can you imagine?!?!  I know how I react to a tiny stray hair grazing my nose, I can't imagine having f**king lashes glued to it! 

What if you sneezed?!

*ahhhh choo*
Bless Yo-eeeeeew
What?
Um...you got a little something...*touching nose*
*looks in mirror* *giant green booger hanging from your nose lashes*

Or...or

*aaaaahhhhh chooo*
OMG WTF MAN!??! 
*nose lashes stuck to your friend's face*

Ahhh hahahah.  I can't...y'all this would be so bad for me. 

1) I'd keep touching them, therefore looking like I was picking/petting my nose
b) I would be the person with a boogie just a chillin'
3c) I would totes sneeze and loose my new hairs to the velocity

Oh...OH How would you blow your nose??!?!  I feel like this would complicate that significantly....

Whatever the case...I'm glad this is a ha ha...it is a ha ha...I hope to God its a HA HA.

I didn't know hair grew under your eyes....

So I saw this:

Sweet!  I need help with that...mine get puffy and dark.  Its hereditary so I need all the help I can get.
Then I got to number six...Rosemary:

Wait, stimulates hair growth...? And my imagination went wild.

Le me with dark puffy undereyes...I need essential oil!

I should make - Rosemary Green Tea Under Eye Toner

What probably happens...Le me with no more baggy under eyes

 Where my imagination went....

The f**k kinda bull$hit is this?!?!  Has anyone in history had to shave their under eyes?  Well growing hair there would reduce the appearance of under eye bags....

Why does my brain work like this?!?!?!?!?!

In reality "Rosemary essential oil contains ceffeic and rosemarinic acid, both being strong anti-inflammatory agents that help reduce inflammation. It also acts as a mild diuretic that reduces swelling."  Which would help with puffy dark circles.  Ahhhh I see.  So no hairy under eyes.  Got it.

I am so weird.....

Soooo should I or shouldn't I rub a lemon in my axilla...area...

Click bait *ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*, *psycho music*, screw you interwebs

I saw this on Pinterest and it piqued my curiosity.

Mainly because the only response I had was "ummmm I dunno...it would burn...I guess".  Oh and "why is there an 'it' in there...it doesn't need an 'it'...take out the 'it'!!!"

So I stupidly clicked the link. 


1. Some video started screaming at me (I hate those things!)
2. It was one of those click through slide shows (I REALLY hate those things)
3. This was the first slide

     3a.  Okaaaaay.  That is how to use Citrus on skin...not specifically underarms...lets click through
4. Next was "moisturize" (Cassandra is that you???), then "sunscreen", then like vitamins or some
    nonsense....
     4a. Not ONE f**king slide talked about armpits (wow that sounds much worse when I say it out 
     loud)
5.  The site was so "loaded" with BS it killed my web browser

So now I am annoyed because I had to log back in to everything AND I still don't know what happens when you put lemon on your pits.

My assumptions are it will shrink pores and reduce acne...I don't know why I need this kind of treatment for my arm pits but its on Pinterest so it must be good...right?!?! 

Maybe it kills bacteria that causes odor...or you will just smell lemony fresh...for a bit. 

Can you imagine my hubs coming home and seeing me rubbing half a lemon under my arm....?!?!

How hard do you "rub"? 
Do you leave it on or rinse it off?
Do you do this before or after showering?!?!!?
Does it matter what kind of lemon? 
Can I just use lemon juice from a jar (Not from concentrate)? 

I have so many questions....

***Directions unclear: I now have "fresh" squeezed lemon juice and I smell like a walking can of pledge...who is thirsty? Also, I seem to have attracted ants...***

SIDE NOTE - I am NOT actually trying this...it just sounds like something that would end badly for me.  #mypitsareonfire

SIDE SIDE NOTE - I'd somehow get it in my eye and go blind or something

What is with all the Vagina posts lately!?!?!?!?

Which is directly affecting the amount of posts I have about the Vag.  Because I can't help but comment.  This one wasn't YouBeauty, believe it or not...it was posted by none of than Mr. Sulu a.k.a. George Takei (whom I ADORE!). 

Anways, scrolling through my FB and I see this....

Okay that sounds like an STD, can we at least have a different name for it????  And I have to agree with Mr. Takei, I had no idea this was a thing...over there.  So OF COURSE I read the article. It's technically NOT your vag that gets the treatment...its the outter area of the hoohah (I am not getting medical here, you can figure it out).  Apparently older women who are dating younger men are realizing their lady parts are looking a little worse for wear.  I guess saggy/wrinkly anything can make you self conscious which includes um...lips but can't we just use some lotion and move on...? 

"These facials reportedly give ladyparts back their youthful glow using a combination of steam treatments and applying a mixture of coconut oil, egg whites and vitamins."

Right...okay...sooooo is this like that thing I posted about a few months ago??? Go take a hot shower and moisturize just like you would ANY OTHER PART of your body...right?!?!  This just seems like the most ridiculous waste of money.  It promises "to give women the vagina of a 25-year-old”... 

OMG really?!?!?  While I guess some men (probably "men" you don't want to be involved with anyway) may get weirded out by older looking hoohah, but most 25 year old men I've known are really just worried about getting laid. If it is with a Cougar, even better.  This to me sounds more like a "lets point out something that will make women even MORE body conscious and make money off of it."

I read some comments from men saying "If I could make my d**k look 25 again, that'd be great" but I really don't think most men care about that either.  If it still gets up that is all that really matters...right?!?  I dunno, what is next? Lip lifts?  You laugh but I bet this is a thing you can do!  It's like a facelift for your snatch. 

I don't get it but more power to you if that's what you want to do.  And honestly I am not judging the women who are doing it.  If that helps their confidence go for it girl, I just feel like it was created to exploit self conscious older women.  When men age it is dignified, their wrinkles are seen as a new layer of attractiveness and their gray hair is sexy (usually).  When women age they are expected to nip, tuck, steam, moisturize, dye and cover up the fact that they are getting older.  And yes I know there are men out there who are VERY self conscious about their aging bodies but as a whole our society glorifies the bodies of aging men while shamming the bodies of aging women. 

I WISH I could time travel into the future and see what the people of that time think about all our beauty treatments.  Do you think they'll get stranger in the future (like The Capitol) or do you think as a society we will mature into accepting that things change and people get older...embrace it.  I'm leaning towards the former but who knows.  Only time will tell. 

My luck I'd travel too far into the future and find a desolate wasteland where humans vacated the planet long ago and moved to Mars or something.  "OMG, don't drink the water!!!"

Side Note - Apparently this has been around for a few years...