I mean it's clear like water

So we are in our reconnect with our High School Friends era.  Which honestly is f**king great.  I love it.  

Every year there is an event (chicks only) where everyone gets together from all years and throws down.   It's a great time. 

There's food, drinks, talking, pics, dancing...everything. 

I am a seasoned adult...as in I know how much I can/should drink.  But sometimes...you forget that just because it's clear doesn't mean you can drink multiple glasses of it!

We had a great time.  My glass was never empty...the problem was it wasn't water...it was vodka tonic. 

We talked for hours, dropped it like it was hot and took the most ridiculous pics and videos.  We even went OUT after.  What the actual hell were we thinking?!?!!?

Anyways I was fine...until I wasn't.  I was fully functional all night after multiple drinks...until the car ride home.

I wasn't like "I'm gonna vomit" bad but when I got out the car...the world went sideways. 

I'll show you in gifs. 

So I ended up with a busted knee.  Bleeding like a stuck pig. My drunk @$$ besties laughing their @$$e$ off as they try to stop the bleeding. My friends boyfriend coming out and being like "she good...ok going back to bed".  We were laughing so hard because it wouldn't stop bleeding!!!!!  Too much alcohol + scraped knee = murder scene. Hubs picked me up and asked me what happened.  I literally said "well I got out the car and then there was the ground"

Lawd help him, he loves me hahaha.  

Who needs their pinky finger anyway???

I love when you go to a place and they are like "but first sign this waiver so we are not liable for injuries" and we all do that because "what could happen?!?"

Well you could almost lose a freaking finger!

Picture it Sicily 1945... wait...no no.  Picture it USA 2026... and someone has the bright idea to go Axe throwing.  

Something I learned...I SUCK at Axe throwing.  But I am hella scary with a throwing star.  Who knew!?!?!

Throwing the Axe it ping pongs all over the place.  Throwing star...on point almost every time.  Hmmmm am I a ninja!?!?

I went back to the Axe a few times and it was not great.  I bet you are thinking that's how I almost lost a pinky.  If you are thinking that....you would be WRONG!

Nope I was not injured by any of the sharp objects we were hurling across the room.  Ohhhhh hohoho nope.  

This chick got injured riding a mechanical bull.  I forgot to take off my rings  It hurt and I fell but I thought all was good.  

Then I saw the blood.  So much blood!!!!!

Uh oh....OH NO.  I tried to hide it but the worker saw and was like "OMG".   He runs to get a first aid kit while I'm like "its fine, I'm fine" and my friend was like "you are shaking...that's a lot of blood".  Its FINE.  

6 alcohol pads later and 3 bandaids and I'm GREAT!  I mean I'm missing some skin...a quite a bit of skin, *haha...ha*.  

I get back to my hotel and am like I need to clean this better.  The front desk lady was like "OMG".  I'm fine I swear.  She hands me MORE alcohol pads, 'sporin, lots of bandages and offers to help.  I swear I am fine *panic laughing*.

I get to my room and shower and go to clean it.  Oh....$hit...that's....not great.  I have a HOLE in my finger where the diamond tore out a chunk. *more panic laughing*.  I clean it wrap it up and go to bed. 

I woke up with more blood....CRAP.  Rinse repeat.  It hurts like a Mother F**ker, its swollen, and I am scared to unbandage it.

So the lesson is...axe throwing is dangerous but bull riding with rings way worse.  

I was wrestling a velociraptor

Surprise surprise, I got injured. So I somehow have "tennis" elbow.  

1. I do not play tennis

2. I do not lift weights

3. Whhhhyyyy

About a month and a half ago I noticed it hurt when I picked up my yeti.  The heck?!?!

At first I thought I was imagining it but it got worse and worse.  So I googled it and DAMMIT it's totally "tennis" elbow.  I got an arm band thingy with the "knob" that pushes into your arm.  It's hard to explain but if you google tennis elbow treatment, you'll see one.  

It helped a lot, along with not using my arm...which is difficult because I AM RIGHT HANDED!!!

But I still didn't know what I did.  After some reflection....I realized...I injured myself by OVER USING my arm while using my new Steam Cleaner.  OMG I am so old....

Of all the stupid ways to get hurt. I am NOT telling people this!!!!!

Well It got better so about a week ago...I used it again.  Ya know...the cleaner.  OW!!!!!!!!!!  

I am back in pain.  Can't use my arm...much.  And now I have a SLEEVE.  Like one of those old people copper compression things.  

Well with the sleeve its WAY more noticeable so people are like OMG what happened?!?  

And I don't want to be like "I got a little too aggressive cleaning" but like what am I supposed to say.  

People are trying to guess.  So far

"OMG did you fall off your bike?!?!"

"Too much 3rd Base with the hubs?"

"Which dog is an @$$hole??"

"Sleep wrong?"

"How drunk were you.....?"

"Wait do you play tennis??"

"5lb weights were too much weren't they?"

Alas, nothing so interesting...so I've started coming up with ridiculous things.  

"I joined a trapeze group."

"Too many one armed pull-ups"

"Arm wrestled a kangaroo"

"Water Ballet with Alligators"

"Aliens"

"This one time at band camp..."

You get the picture.  I told my cousin the real reason and she's made fun of me for the last week.  

That street jumped up and attacked me!

So we went on this AMAZING out of country vacation.  But like it was a foreign country so being careful and cautious is important.  As in getting sick or injured would probably not be great. 

So what does this chick do?  On night ONE, this chick COMPLETELY sober picked a fight with the street and the street won. 

Let me set the scene.  We are high on life (and jet lag).  We are so excited to be in this beautiful exotic tropical country.  We walked to dinner in daylight but on the way home...the sun had set.  There were no street lights because light pollution, etc.  So there we are walking DOWNHILL on a two lane PITCH BLACK road. 

We had our phones out but that's all we had on us.  As we are cutting up and laughing I stepped on a jagged piece of road.  My ankle twisted and I went down HARD. 

Somehow (do not ask me how) I caught myself with my hands (and my poor phone).  I felt my right knee hit but not hard and it wasn't bleeding 

My screen looked like it was cracked to shit at the bottom of the screen but the phone was working.

Then hubs grabbed my hand to keep walking and said "you're hand is wet". 

I look with my phone and see blood steadily dripping from the heel of my palm.  

I'm ok though.  

We get back to the condo and I SCRUB my hands with antibacterial soap and hot water.  I had f**king gravel in my palm.  

I tweezer the debris out, put some 'sporin on it, and bandaid the crap out of it. 

The next day I take a peek and it's actually not that bad. 

But I do look like I have a snake bite on my palm.  Literally there are two DEEP perfect circles.  I don't know what I fell on....  My other hand has a scrape but its not bad at all.  My knees are fine.  My phone looks like shit but it still works fine and it's just the screen protector scratched up.  

So Day ONE of a eight day vacation and I busted my hand.

Someone cover me in bubble wrap!

We have been just bombarded with rain the last few weeks.  And not just like an afternoon shower.  It's just a daily deluge of rain combined with psycho winds and crashing thunder & lightening.

Like lightening that lights up your whole house in a bright flash then thunder that crashes so loud you instinctively hit the floor because clearly something just f**king exploded.  

Well I was on my way home from an outing when mother nature just pressure pissed all over us.  We could barely see the road driving home.  When we pulled up it was still raining but not quite as hard.  I did a "one two three" and prepared to run for the door.  As I exited the car and started to run, I realized very quickly this was a bad idea. 

I felt my foot slipping in my shoe.  In slow motion I tried to catch my balance on the hood of the car but it was too late.  

My left leg gave way and I went down.  Out of pure instinct I threw my yeti to catch myself, but the angle of the fall was off so my hands didn't do much to help.  

I landed HARD on my left hip, left leg bent under me, and my left elbow hit the bumper of the car.  I sat stunned in the pouring rain trying to assess the damage for what felt like an hour but was only seconds.

Hubs tried to help but I said just get the stuff I dropped.   As I tried to get up lightening exploded behind my house blinding and scaring the absolute $hit out of me.  

Instinct kicked in again and I tried to run...I fell flat on my chest, but caught myself before my face hit.  Hubs also ran and then was like WTF, where is she?!?!  I literally hummed both shoes at my house and took off running barefoot as another blast of lightning lit up the sky.  

Once safely inside the pain shot through my left side.  I crawled into the living room and just sat on the floor holding my foot and leg rocking in pain.  Once I removed my hand blood started dripping from my foot.

I limped to the shower and hosed myself down.  EVERYTHING hurt/burned.  Then I practically bathed in peroxide. 

My toes wouldn't stop bleeding. 

Once I got a closer look...in my fall I removed MULTIPLE layers of skin from my last three toes and I am pretty sure broke the second to last one as there was a BURNING sensation not affiliated with the missing skin area.  

I dressed and wrapped each toe. Then carefully bandaged the horrific brush burn that takes up most of my left shin/calf.  

Let this be lesson kids....shoes matter....

Seriously I should be the flipping poster child for "don't run in flip flops".

I fell down a mountain

I swear I am coordinated....sometimes.  I can dance and not fall or trip but ANY OTHER ACTIVITY...I end up on my butt...or face. 

So I went hiking, like up a mountain.  I was being so careful!!!!  

I made it up with little incident except getting winded (altitude).  About half way down I stepped on a loose rock.  My left leg slide forward... hubs tried to catch me but he was a little too far ahead.

I had two options try to balance a risk falling off the trail and down a steep rocky slope or just sit/fall.  

I sat...the problem is my right leg had bent under me during the slide so when I sat, my shin & knee hit hard...and I was still sliding. Once I stopped I just sat there assessing.  Pain...yes!!!!!  but I was still on the trail and not tumbling down the side of a mountain, winning!!!

As I shakily stood, pain shot down my leg.

I leaned against the rock wall and carefully tested my leg.

It hurt but was easing, okay so not broken *whew*.

I carefully hobbled down the rest of the mountain.  When I got to the car I pulled up my pant leg.  I had two decent gashes and lots of scrapes.  It wasn't bleeding too bad but was already starting to bruise.  

So what does one do after they fall down a mountain and injure their leg?!?!?! They hike another mountain the next day.  

Wear a "condom", you don't want Nature Herpes!

Just kidding. Maybe. Almost.

So the sig other was leaving for a last minute work trip.  The night before I was in a mood.  I was annoyed and being petty.  I grumpily did things while he packed.  One of those things involved opening a toy for the cats.  I don't know why but I took that moment to open the damn toy.

I was using a scissors to pop a zip tie.  Again I was pissy so I may have used more force than I realized.  The scissor slipped...ACROSS MY THUMB.

Series of Events that happened in less than 5 seconds:

I yipped
I dropped everything
I grabbed my thumb
I darted to my bedroom
I hear "are you okay"
YES!

About this time the pain receptors kicked in and I fell to my knees before I got to my bathroom sink.

My medical crew arrived to investigate.  This is when I realized I was crying because two dogs and two cats were trying to lick my face and my hand.  They were very concerned.

I feared looking at my hand based on the pulse I could feel in my injured thumb.

I shakily stood and took a peek.  The second I removed the pressure blood just poured out.  f**k f**k f**k!!!

I ran it under cold water and bent over to breathe and call for help.  "okay I am NOT okaY".

In his most caring voice, said "you need to put peroxide on it, water wont help"... "Oh f**k you very much" AHHHHHH.  So yea, I guess I deserved the attitude after my pissy mood all night but I almost sliced off my thumb can I get a little sympathy?!?!?

I probably needed stitches, it would not stop bleeding!!!!  I could see where the scissor went DEEP under the skin and down part of my nail.  But it was midnight and Health Insurance co-pays for ER Visits suck so I cleaned the $hit out of it, put Neosporin on it, and wrapped it 

That Mo**er F**ker THROBBED ALL NIGHT.  I couldn't sleep.  Every time I moved I hit it and woke up.  I had to bandage it for 3 days....it would start bleeding otherwise every time I touched it.

So why Nature Herpes you ask?  Well because right after, I did a run run in the woods woods.  My luck I would fall and get some weird bacteria...I didn't want to get nature herpes so I wore a finger condom.  They exist...and go on JUST LIKE A CONDOM.  Just roll it on and make everyone giggle....