Who knew lotion could be so dangerous...!

So my lovely bestie got me hooked on this monthly "soap" box. Its not all just soap though.  Its hair stuff and makeup and perfume oil and wax tarts and and and.  AND 99% of it smells amazing.  A while back it got me some weird attention when ordering food (see here).

Whenever I wear or use something I always have someone say "that smells so good, what is that?!?!"

Well it happened again...like a weird one...not a "oh that smells good".

This month was Jurassic Park themed *squeeeeeeee*

There is a Body Milk *snicker snicker* called "Spared No Expense" that smells like happiness at the beach.

So in the evening after I shower and in the morning before I dress I use it.  I've only had it since Monday, so not even a week.  Last month was 80's themed and there was a perfume oil called "Billy Jean" and it smells like summer and childhood memories. 

I don't have the scent descriptions in front of me but I can tell you they are soooo good.  Separately, I love them.  Well this week I've been wearing them together and *head explodes*. 

They mesh perfectly. 

Moving on, we had a visitor this week...a person I've NEVER MET.  Well he helped me with a couple of things in my office.  After two days, I guess he felt more comfy with me.  So we are talking and he takes a deep breath and says "You smell like sunshine and rainbows".  And I just...WHAT?!?!

I don't know what sunshine and rainbows smell like but that was.... well unexpected....

I said thanks but he had this weird smile .... 

He recovered quickly and it was all business and talks about our families.  Its fine, I think I just make people very stupid comfortable because of my personality.  Seriously, he wasn't being oogy, I think we became fast friends and I wasn't expecting that reaction from someone I knew less than 48 hours. 

He's not said anything again thankfully...he's probably embarrassed...that was a 13 on the 1-10 scale....

You know you have too much money when you pay to put baby foreskin on your face

What the actual f**k Hollywood?!?!?!  Look I get it, you want to look younger.  So do I but I draw the line at Korean Baby Foreskin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IFL Science posted this LINK.  I just...what?!?!?

This can't be real.  "Cate Blanchett credits her youthful glow to a treatment that uses the foreskins of Korean newborn babies. Aka, a penis facial."  Oh come on Kate...really...? 

Blanchett told Vogue Australia. "It’s something – I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just cause it smells a bit like sperm – there’s some enzyme in it so Sandy refers to it as the penis facial."

REALLY?!?!?  It smells like sperm?!?!?  I can't with you people! 

All I can picture is people laying on a table with a bunch of tiny foreskins stuck to their faces!!!!! And that my friend is wrong on soooooooooooooooo many levels.

Its the best I can do.  I refuse to google "foreskin mask". That's just asking for gross stuff. 

Okay the actual name isn't Penis Facial.  "the Hollywood EGF facial. It involves a cleanse, an intensive TCA peel, micro-needling, an electrifying mask, and, finally, FDA-approved Epidermal Growth Factor (EGF) serum."

Hold up, swol up....how do we know its the EGF (Foreskin Goop) making you look younger?!?!  Couldn't it have been the 10 other things you had done BEFORE the dick cream??????

Also, "EGF is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from Korean newborn baby foreskin" does it only work if its Korean newborn foreskin??? What if we can get you a deal on American or Mexican or Canadian Foreskin...? 

$650 & 2 year waiting list to have ground up baby penis skin rubbed into your freshly needled face. 

If you want a real "penis facial" I'll charge you $250 to sit in a steamy bathroom and let Fetish Frank jizz on your face and then rub it in.  Hell, I bet Frank would do it for free. 

What is even happening?!?!?

Apparently, its synthetically made in a lab...but if it is why does it keep saying Korean Baby Foreskin?!?!!?!?!

Side Note:  When I googled "y'all need Jesus gif" I got the below and now I am so confused!!!

In today's issue of What the f**k is happening....

I saw this:

Link

So let me get this straight.  You created an ad that, like a pregnancy test, can tell if you are pregnant.  Therefore revealing a coupon for a crib.  Okay.  Right.  There has got to be a better way to do this!!!!!  Because after pissing on this you have to bring it to the store to use the coupon.  I'd hate to be the cashier getting handed a bunch of pee soaked coupons.  Just the levels of gross.  Y'all!!!! I know its only in Sweden now but...ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Do y'all hate your employees?!!?!?

A close second WTF was this (not gross):

Is this for real?!?!?!  First of all those are two very conflicting things.  Frozen vs Hot....we are talking opposites here.  Did you miss that day in kindergarten???

This exists...the word you were looking for is Milkshake.  Or McFlurry, Frosty, DQBlizzard, etc.  Just make it with Chocolate ICE CREAM or chocolate syrup or whatever!

Calm down there, Hannibal

Went get lunch...almost became lunch....

Me: *standing in line being oblivious*
Guy: You smell delectable
Me: *trying to ignore the conversation behind me*
Guy: *tap tap* Seriously what is that scent, I could devour you
Me: *wtf* *turn around* Excuse me?
Guy: Sorry but whatever your wearing smells so incredibly tasty
Me: *blushing* Right...um its an oil perfume I just got as a sample...

Guy: *looking dazed* What scent is it?!

Me: Uhhhh I...don't....know...I remember something about pomegranates and marshmallows...
Guy: Since I can't eat you, guess I'm getting pomegranates and marshmallows for dinner

Me: *jaw drop* what?!

Guy: No...wait...no...sorry....
Me: Its...wow...ok....*hysterical laughter*
Guy: *beet red* Jesus...seriously...sorry!!! 

I ordered my food and went and hid in the corner until it was ready....

What just happened?!?!?  What is in my new perfume...?!?!?  Who says that?!?

I really don't think he was hitting on me intentionally.  I don't even think he realized what he was saying...maybe...was I being punk'd?!?!!?

SIDE NOTE - this was paraphrased but you get the gist and he truthfully was CREEPY about it!

What in the what what did I just read...?

*link*

I, um, who comes up wit this?!!?!

“63% of the females (37 of 59) tested harbored male microchimerism in the brain. Male microchimerism was present in multiple brain regions.”

Uh huh....and how exactly does that happen...?  Well glad you asked...

"Sperm is alive. It is living cells. When it is injected into you it swims and swims until it crashes headlong into a wall, and then it attaches and burrows into your flesh. If it’s in your mouth it swims and climbs into your nasal passages, inner ear, and behind your eyes. Then it digs in. It enters your blood stream and collects in your brain and spine."

I mean there were 3 other rare options but this was the last...what on Earth?!?!?  This cannot be real... right?!?  I feel like this is something taken out of context...otherwise this is just weird AF.