You know you have too much money when you pay to put baby foreskin on your face

What the actual f**k Hollywood?!?!?!  Look I get it, you want to look younger.  So do I but I draw the line at Korean Baby Foreskin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IFL Science posted this LINK.  I just...what?!?!?

This can't be real.  "Cate Blanchett credits her youthful glow to a treatment that uses the foreskins of Korean newborn babies. Aka, a penis facial."  Oh come on Kate...really...? 

Blanchett told Vogue Australia. "It’s something – I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just cause it smells a bit like sperm – there’s some enzyme in it so Sandy refers to it as the penis facial."

REALLY?!?!?  It smells like sperm?!?!?  I can't with you people! 

All I can picture is people laying on a table with a bunch of tiny foreskins stuck to their faces!!!!! And that my friend is wrong on soooooooooooooooo many levels.

Its the best I can do.  I refuse to google "foreskin mask". That's just asking for gross stuff. 

Okay the actual name isn't Penis Facial.  "the Hollywood EGF facial. It involves a cleanse, an intensive TCA peel, micro-needling, an electrifying mask, and, finally, FDA-approved Epidermal Growth Factor (EGF) serum."

Hold up, swol up....how do we know its the EGF (Foreskin Goop) making you look younger?!?!  Couldn't it have been the 10 other things you had done BEFORE the dick cream??????

Also, "EGF is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from Korean newborn baby foreskin" does it only work if its Korean newborn foreskin??? What if we can get you a deal on American or Mexican or Canadian Foreskin...? 

$650 & 2 year waiting list to have ground up baby penis skin rubbed into your freshly needled face. 

If you want a real "penis facial" I'll charge you $250 to sit in a steamy bathroom and let Fetish Frank jizz on your face and then rub it in.  Hell, I bet Frank would do it for free. 

What is even happening?!?!?

Apparently, its synthetically made in a lab...but if it is why does it keep saying Korean Baby Foreskin?!?!!?!?!

Side Note:  When I googled "y'all need Jesus gif" I got the below and now I am so confused!!!

$hit, I've time traveled again....

So nothing screams I *heart* the 90's more than a chunky heel and sparkly flower things.

So imagine my shock when in my email I have:

Where's my butterfly clips and body glitter!?!?!

What were we thinking?!?

So I clicked it and saw the below... "OMG military chic also screams 90's...".  Its not exact but its close....

I mean I still have my docs because f**k y'all, docs are comfy.

Also, I do not remember my cheapy boots costing 39.99....o_O

Obviously these aren't quite as "Holy $hit 90's" as the 3" platform military style things I used to wear but its definitely pulling at my memories here.

I mean I owned something like the below back in the day so yea....

I know they say styles come back around but that makes me feel old so *plfeet*...

**side note** totally saw another chick in the mall with high-top docs and fishnets with jean shorts and a baggy band shirt & flannel.  I had to do a double take.  I wore that!  That is grunge chic and that was me...OMG stahp!  

obvi not me but you get the gist!

I always wanted to look like a spider was crawling out my nose....

JFC people why is this now a thing?!?!

Again I am 100% to each his own but most people try to get rid of noticeable nose hair not put it on display!!!  Also, I'd be itching at it the whole time!

Surely this is a joke...right!?!?

LINK

Yes, its totally a joke but can you imagine?!?!  I know how I react to a tiny stray hair grazing my nose, I can't imagine having f**king lashes glued to it! 

What if you sneezed?!

*ahhhh choo*
Bless Yo-eeeeeew
What?
Um...you got a little something...*touching nose*
*looks in mirror* *giant green booger hanging from your nose lashes*

Or...or

*aaaaahhhhh chooo*
OMG WTF MAN!??! 
*nose lashes stuck to your friend's face*

Ahhh hahahah.  I can't...y'all this would be so bad for me. 

1) I'd keep touching them, therefore looking like I was picking/petting my nose
b) I would be the person with a boogie just a chillin'
3c) I would totes sneeze and loose my new hairs to the velocity

Oh...OH How would you blow your nose??!?!  I feel like this would complicate that significantly....

Whatever the case...I'm glad this is a ha ha...it is a ha ha...I hope to God its a HA HA.

I have questions...mainly how does one wipe...?!?

I am all about "to each his own".  I really don't care what you wear, your style, your taste, etc.  I think its great when people have their own style.  But sometimes I have practicality questions...this is one of those times.

Don't get me wrong these look really cool but....

HOW....?!?!?

My lady parts just screamed in fear.  I really think I would severely injure my hoohah even with a wad of TP.

Now these aren't so bad but I feel like the jewels would catch on EVERYTHING....

I mean what if you want to...have a little fun alone...even with a toy, there is still the risk of vag stab. Gives new meaning to mid-cycle bleeding....  "Ooops, looks like I have a piercing now". 

Oh come on!  Do you have a hand maiden doing your hair?!?!!?  How do you TYPE?!?!  I am so confused....

Again...do these people not touch their hair?!?!  My hand would be stuck and I'd have to chop off 5".

*evil witch cackle* Come closer my pretty, so I can stab your eyes out *ahhhhahahahahaa* Wait didn't the chick in X-men have nails that grew like this?!?!?!

Sorry!  I mean go 'head gurl, if this is your thing.  I just think I would injure myself and/or not be able to perform daily functions...like peeing (wiping) without assistance!  I am clumsy enough without sharp objects attached to my fingers. I'd probably poke my own eye out.

Police Officer:  how'd she die?
Husband: She fell on her fancy nails
Police Officer: *sigh* that is the 5th one this month!