I think I need a detox

I know many say that when they want to lose water weight which yes that would be nice.  But in this instance I think I forgot my age and am paying for it....immensely.  

Friday - Sake

Saturday - Sangria & Wine

Sunday - Craft Beer + Red Wine

Monday - soooo much craft beer 

I don't know when I decided I was 21 again but it was the wrong decision and am swearing off Alcohol for at least a couple weeks.  

I don't generally drink a lot.  I'll have a few glasses of wine on the weekends but mostly nothing on a school night.  But this past weekend, I thought I was back at LSU. 

So it wasn't like an intentional binge.  Like the intention wasn't to get drunk.  It was just a busy bunch of social events.  Those events where you are having fun and not paying attention to how much you have consumed.  Until you have to wake up SUPER early to bring someone to a procedure and want to vomit in the parking garage. 

Plus I am at that point in my life where a hangover lasts way more than 24 hours.  I have been DYING all f**king day.  I smelled a hamburger and thought I was gonna revisit my late night steak dinner. 

I remember everything.  I didn't drive.  Pics are super cute. No bad decisions really (except killing my liver). I haven't had an alcoholic beverage since 6PM yesterday, well water and Dr. Pepper (why do I crave that when I am dying).  That is almost 30 hours at this point.  And I still feel like my insides are vibrating.  

Getting "old" SUCKS!!! 

Watered down Harley Quinn

This is why I never try anything new. Okay that isn't true.  This is why I shouldn't try anything new.  The funny thing is...it wasn't new.

So for the long holiday weekend I decided to use some hair chalk and create this lovely mermaid look.  I've used this particular hair chalk a few times before so

My hair was purple, pink, orange, & teal.  It looked AWESOME!!!!  Since I knew it would wash out I wasn't too concerned. 

I began to panic after I swam all day Sunday and still had pigment.

I washed when I got home and saw a TON of pigment in the water.  When I got out my hair was pastels of the same colors and kinda blended.

Don't get me wrong, it looked super cool but...

Monday I was in the Sun all day and sweaty.  I washed my hair again that night.... more pigment in the water...so I washed it twice... I never do that!

When I got out I noticed the Teal and Orange were gone but the Pink and Purple were now faded but very much noticeable.  That is when I realized it was just in the front and tips.  Left side almost a blue and right side pink. 

All I needed was smeared lipstick and intense eye makeup. 

HOW AM I GOING TO HIDE THIS?!?!!?  

Tuesday no biggie but Wednesday BIG meeting.  I washed my hair 5 times Tuesday night and did a Deep Condition (suggestions from others).  Still fairly obvious shades of Pink/Purple/Blue.  I couldn't fix it with drugstore dye. I was told using the wrong shade of blonde could possibly turn the Pink ORANGE and the purple....GREEN. 

Which is what would happen because lets face it....this is ME!  So I got super creative with my hair style today and somehow managed to hide 95% of the color.  The rest looked almost natural with some hair shadow and blonde spray temp coverage....

So as of right now, I have this watered down Harley thing going on with my hair.  Honestly it looks super cute but yea....

Talk about a stinging sensation in your nether regions......

Okay this one is a month or so old but I just came across it and WTF people?!?  I am going to say this again...

QUIT PUTTING WEIRD $HIT IN (or around) YOUR VAGINA!!!

LINK

Wait does that say "handmade".  I know its Etsy but no thanks....also...from MALAYSIA *danger Will Robinson*

"The instructions advise customers to boil the oak galls and then use them as a feminine hygiene wash around the time of their period. It also advises drinking one boiled oak gall for 40 days to “restore elasticity of the uterine wall.”"

Oak Galls...that's a fancy name for a wasp nest.  Well a GALL wasp...nest.  

Then it says "popular misconceptions about sexual health and the vagina. Namely, the myth that only tight and dry vaginas are desirable and healthy."

WHAT?!?!  I've heard of wanting a tight one *rolling eyes* but a dry one.  That sounds AWFUL! Who wants someone going in dry.  That sounds horribly painful for ALL involved.   *shudder*

The internet is great but these fly by night pseudoscience crazies are seriously endangering people with their crap.  

You want a tighter vajayjay do some kegels.  A dry who-ha is NOT healthy...just...please talk to a medical professional before sticking anything...unusual...in or around your happy hole, especially something that promises some crazy whatever results.  

Don't drive in a tornado or tornado like weather...its a bad idea...just don't do it!

Okay so we all know this right?  I mean I know this.  The problem is when you don't know how bad the weather is gonna be and you are already driving. 

So I met some friends in from out of town for drinks.  I knew bad weather was coming in overnight but not till after midnight, so I could leave by 10PM and be fine, right?  WRONG!

Right at 10 I started getting alerts on my phone, hmmmm odd.  Then I got a text from my mom...then from my hubs...then from my Godmother all about the impending weather...Uh oh, what is going on?!?  I pull up the weather map and there is a solid wall of red about 70 miles WNW of my house...should be at my house in 45 min - 1hour.  CRAP! Takes me 20 min to get home... Must leave NOW.  As if on cue a bolt of lightening so bright it lit up the entire area streaked across the sky, followed a bit after by a crash of thunder so loud it literally shook the building.  We were on the 2nd floor...it was f**king scary. 

Okay, I must leave 10 minutes ago.  I tried to rush our waitress but she was petrified and took FOREVER with my check.  Those precious minutes are gonna bite me in the @$$ aren't they..?

So I FINALLY left.  Minimal rain and wind but the light show that was happening...have you seen War of the Worlds?  That's what was f**king going on!

I was doing good.  At the rate I was going I should make it home WELL before the worst of it hits.  And then you factor in other drivers who are MORONS! So apparently what you are supposed to do in a lightening storm (little rain/wind) is slow down to a crawl while driving across a waterway and STARE at the f**king insanity happening all around you. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  That isn't what you do.  You f**king drive because you don't want to be on the god blessed road when the bottom falls out!!!!!!!!!

So that was what happened.  I was half way across the bridge when Armageddon occurred.   The rain started coming down harder and harder.  The wind kicked up a bit but it was manageable.  We were all going maybe 40 MPH with flashers on.  You couldn't see much except when the lightening lit everything up.  This was 100% unnerving because we were over WATER and couldn't see $hit! 

Then it happened.  My phone went bat$hit crazy.  The radio went bat$hit crazy.  There were Emergency Alerts coming from basically everywhere.  Seek shelter NOW!  Where am I gonna find shelter I am on a f**king bridge?!?!!?

Before the reality of the situation could sink in a solid wall of white...water...rain...something...came CRASHING over the bridge from my left. I didn't hit the brakes, I just took my foot off the gas, I am fairly certain I screamed like a crazy person, and I prayed to anyone listening.  The wind was insane, the rain was insane, my car went from the left lane to the right lane....and then it was mostly over.  WTF?!?!!?  All the cars around me were stopped.  We all slowly started going again...before I knew it we were all going about 70 *f**k this $hit* MPH to get off the damn bridge. 

Clearly I am alive and made it home safely.  I can't believe I drove in that.  After the debacle at the restaurant I should have just stayed at my friend's house until after midnight. 

Lesson - Weather forecasts are just guesses...they have a 50/50 shot of getting it right.  This was moving WAY faster than they thought...I should have known better and just stayed put.