I swear I wasn't watching ... that!

So a recent lovely Sunday I was being a lazy $hit doing nothing.  I was hanging out doing one of my fav things to do in October.....WATCH HORROR MOVIES!!!!

Since my house is decorated as a mini house of horrors its only fitting, right?!  Well during my "me" time someone rang my doorbell.  "Hmmmm, who could that be...?"  I decided to ignore it, I'm busy.  They rang it again... "Ugh fine!"  

I opened the door to the most adorable little boy.  He was in his cub scouts uniform, he had glasses, and he was so freaking nervous.  As soon as I walked out he started reading from a sheet of paper, "hello, my name is _____.  I am with troop ____.  I am selling popcorn.  Would you help my troop, please?" *looks up with the most adorable grin ever*  

Me *thinking* fuuuuuck how can I say no to that?!?!?! *said* of course sugar!

I go inside to get my money and come back.  I left the door partially open because I had the psycho barkers penned up (I had an extra for the day so there were 3).  They were losing their $HIT barking the whole time.  As I am filling out the form, the pups got silent.  And all you could hear what I was watching....

*moaning*
*screams*

Me: I'm watching a scary movie.

*skin slapping*, *more moaning*

*blood curdling scream*

*knocking* "No stop, let me out, let me out!!!!" 

Me: *ah hem* Here's my money *nervous grin*

Kid: Thanks miss!!! I'll deliver it when we get it.
Dad: *suspicious stare* Um thanks...have a...good day...?

Me: Bye!!! *sounds of a murder* Have a great day! *waving*

I feel like dad thinks I was watching a porno...I was not but sometimes there is a fine line between porn and horror.

I don't want to be hugged by a bear...bears have claws and sharp teeth and are like 10 feet tall...I'll just stick to slobbery puppy hugs, thanks

So I was leaving an appointment and my contact said "Peace, Love, and Bear Hugs", to which I smiled and said "Bye".  Then I stopped in my tracks...wait...

...but when I turned around they were gone.  Was she wishing me well or threatening me?  I think I felt threatened.  Bear hugs don't sound pleasant, they sound painful.  I know, I know...a "bear hug" is normally referring to a super tight squeeze someone gives you. If you are little (like me), many times you are lifted off the ground as well.  But at this point all I can think of is a rabid Yogi coming at me with claws out and that's just terrifying!

Yes, I know its a Koala but I couldn't find a rabid Yogi pic, so it seemed fitting

Moving on, later I saw this.

It is tagged as "Cute Christmas Cookies".  Sorry, but that is NOT cute...it's a tad morbid!  That is Frosty and friends in the throws of death! You killed my snowman! What kind of mom does that?!?! Okay I find it "cute" but I also have a bit of a dark sense of humor.  I'd probably serve them to kids if they were misbehaving and say "you see what you made me do! Now Frosty won't be able to help Santa."  Then again I don't have kids of my own and that would probably be frowned upon as scarring or something.

Next subject, what on Earth does this even mean?!?!

Is this the newest bat$hit crazy movement?!?!?!  No $hit porn can't be my significant other but who the f**k thinks that is the case???  People use porn because they don't HAVE someone to spend that kind of time with...usually.  And if this is directed at married/committed persons who watch porn instead of being with their family then those "persons" should have a chat with their sig other.  If this is directed at those who are "addicted" to porn (see Don Jon) then yea I kind of get it (not really) but those people probably have other underlying issues and they aren't the majority.  Yes there are sex addicts but it wasn't caused by watching porn, its caused by irregular brain things.

This is stupid.  Like really stupid.  Like this is a joke, right?  Nope, it isn't.  I don't get it.  I don't partake in that industry but I've seen videos.  I still don't think there needs to be a movement against it.  If you want to watch a chick get it up the @$$ from a guy dressed as a donkey, while you get off, that's your thing (sorry for the visual).  If you want to get your partner into your fetish...that could be good or bad or maybe you should have a different partner. 

My point is I find this ridiculous.  Porn doesn't break up relationships or cause sex crimes, it is just the scapegoat.  There are other factors at work here but watching people have rough/different/fantastical sex on a video is being blamed.  Yea some of it is WAY out there but come on.  If you can't distinguish between fantasy and reality there is something else going on with you.  If your hubby is watching that and you don't like it then maybe you should have a chat.  Or if your boyfriend wants to "hurt" you during fun times because he saw it online and you don't like that...you may want to find a new boyfriend. 

People are varying levels of f**ked up.  The porn industry realized that and is making a profit off of it.  Look, if there is a market out there to watch Daleks in sexual situations, there is a market out there for everything.  You can't fault them for exploiting it.  People will get their jollies somehow...at least with porn its usually not harming another person. 

Wait, hold up! Who wants to have sex with a homicidal pepper pot?!?!?!?!

Okay okay okay...hear me out...I did NOT come up with the idea.  I've read some crazy fanfiction but not anything close to...WTF?!?

I was actually reading a seemingly innocent article I linked to via The Doctor Who Hub (Facebook page), I think.  It was titled "Doctor Who: 10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About the Daleks".  A simple top ten list of "facts" you may or may not have known.  The list was actually interesting, "Hmmm, dual origin...I didn't know that." Anyways, I got to the Number 1 "fact" and I quite literally shot coffee out my nose.  I do not recommend doing that!  It burns like a mofo and now all I smell is coffee *le sigh*.  

No really though...what would you do if you were reading an article about one of the most notorious beings in the whoniverse and you read "They Have Starred in a Porno".   

Then I read on, "In 2005 the Daleks checked off another box in Pop Culture Bingo by starring in a pornographic film called Abducted by the Daleks. It’s exactly what you think, with three women being taken by the Daleks and forced to do sex stuff with them and with each other."

I can't even fathom the visuals.  I've never watched Doctor Who and thought "Ooooo a Dalek, it's so...SEXY! *growl*" I'm more along the lines of "OMG run away, run awaaaaay..." I know they were sued but according to the article you can find it online.  I have never been so tempted in my life to look up a porno on the internet just so I can laugh my @$$ off!

There is actually more to this pic for a t-shirt but it made the concept too "sweet". You should check it out!

For god's sake they have a f**king plunger and a whisk!!!  How do you...what is it like an "insert and twirl" thing...*ahhhh my eyes*.  Speaking of eyes...did they...did they use the eyestalk...

Also, its...its like this weird flesh blob cyclops octopus looking THING on the inside...HOW DOES THAT WORK!??!?!  I mean there are those "tentacles"...oh...oh sweet baby...naaah...maybe...

Actually on second thought...I may not want to know.  Something tells me the people that made this didn't really know about the Daleks...ya know the whole "hate and destroy everything, unless its a Dalek" mantra, i.e. EXTERMINATE! Which would lead me to believe these aliens wouldn't give a flying f**k about...um...sexual gratification...especially from a lowly human...maybe from The Oncoming Storm but that's a whole other sordid story that I am NOT writing...WHAT IF these are Daleks that escaped from the Dalek Asylum...in that case RUN! Oh God what have I done...I put that thought in the universe *twirling aimlessly around the room*.