This is the last "piece" about this. . . at least from me.
After Rita things slowly (mind melting slow) started to move forward. Eventually we were allowed in Orleans parish to assess the damage to the grandparents home. I took a few days off work (I'd found a job by this point). It was forceful reminder of everything that had happened. I practically grew up in their home, spending most of my summers there while my mom worked. It was obvious when we pulled up that it was a total loss. While the building was still standing there was a stillness to it that spoke volumes. That with the brightly painted 'X' with numbers stood as ugly reminder of how many lives (human and pets) were lost. The door was barricaded shut by the fridge which had fallen over as it floated around the kitchen. The back storm door was locked from the inside so you couldn't open it to get to the back door.
Being pint sized I was able to slip through the front door between the fridge and the door. I had to climb over so much...stuff...to get through the house and to the back door. Of course the lock was sticking (water will do that) so it took me a while to finagle it open. Every second I stood there in the dark flooded house my heartbeat picked up. I felt like I wasn't alone although I knew I was. My fear was running high. It was at least 100 degrees and humid inside, obviously with no breeze. Having that stupid but necessary mask on wasn't helping. I ended up having to break the storm door by kicking it repeatedly (grandma wasn't happy but it was the only way). Once inside, we got most of the windows open and I started the horrible task of documenting this tragedy in pictures.
That 1st day we didn't do much except walk around in a daze, trying to wrap our brains around what had happened. We KNEW what happened but to be standing there in the middle of it, seeing the water line from the not quite 8 feet of water, seeing all their material possessions, memories, and collections destroyed in one fateful moment as the waters came barging in. There were many trips back to their former home. Some I was there for, others I was not. Each time we tried to salvage what we could and trash what we couldn't. You would think as the days went on, it got easier...but it didn't. If anything it got so much harder. Because the more you dug around, the more mangled memories you found. Good and bad, happy and sad...all of them broken by raging waters.
At one point I was mucking about in their bedroom, I was the only one who could fit through the tiny opening...I had to clear debris (I am pint sized, NOT EASY) to finally wedge the door open enough. I found my mom and dad's wedding album. It was on the top shelf in a closet. It was okay! I mean a little damp but only at the bottom. Most of the pictures were saved. Granted my parents are divorced but this is still part of history, part of MY history and it gave us a little glimmer of hope that not everything was lost. I also managed to shimmy my way into the attic to see what I could salvage. It was very bright and had fresh air, thanks to the two ginormous holes ripped through the roof. This time my spidey senses were spot on. I was NOT alone. My hidden companion hissed and growled and had glowing eyes. Could of been a cat, could of been a racoon...I didn't stick around long enough to find out.
It took many, many hours to go through the entire house. This is 50+ years of stuff. I ended up with a few items my grandma couldn't take but didn't want to toss or put in storage. They were items that held a special place in my memories. Nothing of monetary value but invaluable to me.
Once done with their house I was called into action again by the other side of my family. My paternal grandma's house was also damaged and uninhabitable. While it wasn't flood waters for her, the gaping holes in the roof allowed the driving rain to...well rain inside. It caused insane amounts of damage. I helped clear out her stuff as well. Once it was all said and done I said "If I never step foot in a flooded house again, it will be too soon." Oh how those words would come back and haunt me 7 years later on the anniversary of this catastrophic storm.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Sunday, August 30, 2015
10 years ago, still seems like yesterday - PART 3
More than a week but not quite two went by and we were still without power in Baton Rouge where we were staying. We'd located most of our family and friends but we still weren't allowed to go home. . .to see how much we lost. The BR looked like a war zone. Trees were down everywhere, roads were blocked and low lying areas were flooded. When we were allowed to, we stood in lines to get food, to get water, to get ice, to get necessities, to get answers. We got the first four eventually but answers were few and far between.
We finally got word that our parish was reopening. There was still no electricity but we could go home. We much preferred being there with no lights rather than crowding my cousin's house with the rest of the fam and no lights. So we packed up our belongings, our animals & my mom and headed home.
Debris littered the streets and highways but getting home took much less time than getting out. As we turned down our street we were greeted with some neighbors who had managed to make it back. We saw our house, it was fine. *whew*. No water and limited wind damage. A few downed trees and our fence was completely gone, but none hit the house...how, I have no idea but we considered ourselves extremely lucky! You could see the water line in the front lawn. Clearly the water had risen significantly if it got that high by us. Our neighborhood had NEVER flooded in a storm, not even Andrew (1995) which flooded other parts of our town (as told by the older neighbors).
Clean up and settling back in was unpleasant but at least we had a home still. Plus the electricity didn't stay off for long after we got back. It was another week or so (I think) before my mom was allowed back into her parish (not Orleans). They wouldn't let anyone in UNLESS they had an address in the parish. Thankfully I hadn't changed mine on my license yet so I was allowed to accompany her and my boyfriend worked for the state so his badge got him in as well.
Her house was still there, yay! No flooding, yay! Giant tree resting on the roof, boo! The drive to her house looked even sketchier than the drive to ours. Trees were down...all lying in the SAME direction. Clearly straight line winds, immensely strong winds, did this. We are talking about 100 year oaks and other MASSIVE trees, completely UPROOTED. I monkey-ied my way up the fallen tree and onto her roof to get a better look. It was absolutely sobering. As far as you could see in any direction there was complete destruction. We took lots of pictures and opened the windows to air things out. She had quite a bit of water inside because of the holes punched in the roof thanks to the tree. We deemed her house unlivable for now, so we got a few more necessities for her, locked it down and headed back to our house.
It took weeks to get her insurance crap 1/2 way straight so she stayed with us. Before they could even think about scheduling her house to be fixed we had ANOTHER hurricane. Rita came barreling in. She hit much more west of us (we did NOT evacuate) but she was a b**ch as well. More trees came down by us (clearly weakened by the 1st storm) and the temporary levees breached again. Once again the city was inundated with water.
We finally got word that our parish was reopening. There was still no electricity but we could go home. We much preferred being there with no lights rather than crowding my cousin's house with the rest of the fam and no lights. So we packed up our belongings, our animals & my mom and headed home.
Debris littered the streets and highways but getting home took much less time than getting out. As we turned down our street we were greeted with some neighbors who had managed to make it back. We saw our house, it was fine. *whew*. No water and limited wind damage. A few downed trees and our fence was completely gone, but none hit the house...how, I have no idea but we considered ourselves extremely lucky! You could see the water line in the front lawn. Clearly the water had risen significantly if it got that high by us. Our neighborhood had NEVER flooded in a storm, not even Andrew (1995) which flooded other parts of our town (as told by the older neighbors).
Clean up and settling back in was unpleasant but at least we had a home still. Plus the electricity didn't stay off for long after we got back. It was another week or so (I think) before my mom was allowed back into her parish (not Orleans). They wouldn't let anyone in UNLESS they had an address in the parish. Thankfully I hadn't changed mine on my license yet so I was allowed to accompany her and my boyfriend worked for the state so his badge got him in as well.
Her house was still there, yay! No flooding, yay! Giant tree resting on the roof, boo! The drive to her house looked even sketchier than the drive to ours. Trees were down...all lying in the SAME direction. Clearly straight line winds, immensely strong winds, did this. We are talking about 100 year oaks and other MASSIVE trees, completely UPROOTED. I monkey-ied my way up the fallen tree and onto her roof to get a better look. It was absolutely sobering. As far as you could see in any direction there was complete destruction. We took lots of pictures and opened the windows to air things out. She had quite a bit of water inside because of the holes punched in the roof thanks to the tree. We deemed her house unlivable for now, so we got a few more necessities for her, locked it down and headed back to our house.
It took weeks to get her insurance crap 1/2 way straight so she stayed with us. Before they could even think about scheduling her house to be fixed we had ANOTHER hurricane. Rita came barreling in. She hit much more west of us (we did NOT evacuate) but she was a b**ch as well. More trees came down by us (clearly weakened by the 1st storm) and the temporary levees breached again. Once again the city was inundated with water.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
10 years ago, still seems like yesterday - PART 2
FOUR hours later we made it to Baton Rouge. Normally that drive takes about 45 min - 1 hour from where I live. We took back highways and little know routes, steering clear of Airline Hwy and I-10. My mom and grandma took about 6 hours and my uncle and grandfather (who waited until the last freaking second to leave) took even longer. If I remember correctly, they waited too long to initiate "contra flow", the highway systems were overwhelmed. But they had to get people off the roads before the storm hit. Honestly it was tad insane. Cell phones were already messing up because everyone and their momma (literally) was on the phone trying to see where everyone was. 7 people, 6 dogs, 2 snakes, some feeder mice, 1 cat and 1 bird in a 1 bedroom house was a little crowded BUT it was safe...right?
It didn't seem like very much time had passed before the tell tale signs of a super storm started to make themselves known. The animals were a wreck! The dogs could not sit still. My cat chewed a hole in the underside of my cousin's box spring to hide in it. And to be truthful we were all on edge as well. The TV was on a 24/7 loop of local news recapping what we all already knew, Katrina could easily wipe NOLA and the Mississippi Gulf Coast off the map. Eventually the power went out and we were left to sit there listening to WWL News Radio by candle/lantern light as the wind howled outside. It was hot as Hades in the house...it was August people...so we chanced opening the front door (it had a latched screen door) and some windows. We attempted to sleep at some point...an unspoken agreement to leave the radio on to hear any updates they might have. I remember laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying to comfort my trembling dogs. Between the screaming wind and driving rain, it sounded like someone was snapping twigs outside, mixed with something that sounded like a giant taking a step (all I needed was to hear Fe Fi Fo Fum). We knew what was happening...the winds were so strong tree limbs were breaking and the ancient oaks all around us were falling on their sides. No one said it, but we were all thinking it. We were 60+ miles inland from NOLA. . .if it's this bad here. . .there might be nothing left to go home to. As Katrina moved further inland we all sat around the radio quiet and listening. That is when they said something I will NEVER forget. The newscaster said in a broken voice "The levees have failed, the City of New Orleans is under water". The grandparents were very very quiet. They lived in the City not a suburb like the rest of us. The reports were still patchy but it was clear that it was unbelievably bad. And while no one had said it on the radio we all knew they were dancing around the subject of loss of life. . . how many people stayed. . .how many people didn't make it.
Up until now we hadn't heard much about any place else other than Louisiana. The first report we heard about Mississippi just about broke me. Yes my city was flooded but they basically said NOTHING was left of the Mississippi Gulf Coast. Where houses and businesses once stood, now there were only the foundations and scattered debris giving you a glimpse of the lives that were lived there. The casinos were pretty much gone. "It looked like a bomb went off." They couldn't tell us how much was left anywhere. . .what we might go home to. . .or if there was a home still there. They were calling us all refugees. Life along the gulf coast was forever changed. . .again.
It didn't seem like very much time had passed before the tell tale signs of a super storm started to make themselves known. The animals were a wreck! The dogs could not sit still. My cat chewed a hole in the underside of my cousin's box spring to hide in it. And to be truthful we were all on edge as well. The TV was on a 24/7 loop of local news recapping what we all already knew, Katrina could easily wipe NOLA and the Mississippi Gulf Coast off the map. Eventually the power went out and we were left to sit there listening to WWL News Radio by candle/lantern light as the wind howled outside. It was hot as Hades in the house...it was August people...so we chanced opening the front door (it had a latched screen door) and some windows. We attempted to sleep at some point...an unspoken agreement to leave the radio on to hear any updates they might have. I remember laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying to comfort my trembling dogs. Between the screaming wind and driving rain, it sounded like someone was snapping twigs outside, mixed with something that sounded like a giant taking a step (all I needed was to hear Fe Fi Fo Fum). We knew what was happening...the winds were so strong tree limbs were breaking and the ancient oaks all around us were falling on their sides. No one said it, but we were all thinking it. We were 60+ miles inland from NOLA. . .if it's this bad here. . .there might be nothing left to go home to. As Katrina moved further inland we all sat around the radio quiet and listening. That is when they said something I will NEVER forget. The newscaster said in a broken voice "The levees have failed, the City of New Orleans is under water". The grandparents were very very quiet. They lived in the City not a suburb like the rest of us. The reports were still patchy but it was clear that it was unbelievably bad. And while no one had said it on the radio we all knew they were dancing around the subject of loss of life. . . how many people stayed. . .how many people didn't make it.
Up until now we hadn't heard much about any place else other than Louisiana. The first report we heard about Mississippi just about broke me. Yes my city was flooded but they basically said NOTHING was left of the Mississippi Gulf Coast. Where houses and businesses once stood, now there were only the foundations and scattered debris giving you a glimpse of the lives that were lived there. The casinos were pretty much gone. "It looked like a bomb went off." They couldn't tell us how much was left anywhere. . .what we might go home to. . .or if there was a home still there. They were calling us all refugees. Life along the gulf coast was forever changed. . .again.
Friday, August 28, 2015
10 years ago, still seems like yesterday - PART 1
This is long but interesting...at least I think it is.
So many things have changed in 10 years. So many things haven't. But the things that have changed are mostly for the good, I think. We learned so much that day. We learned that mother nature is a force to be reckoned with. That she is 100% capable of wiping us out without a second thought. I am sure there will be a zillion posts about this anniversary and although I hate being a "follower" I will jump on the bandwagon, just this once. I never want to relive that day but I think it is important to remember everything that happened that lead us to this point. I am not good with exact time frames but I can give you a round about time of the happenings in my world.
I was 24, living with my long term boyfriend, in a house we bought earlier that year in a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of New Orleans (a bit rural but still a city, we have a Walmart, HELLO!). I had just been laid off from my job and was in the midst of finding somewhere else to work while finishing my Master's Degree. To say my life was upside down is a bit of an understatement. The week of Katrina I had 3 interviews. One was VERY promising, he basically told me I had the job when I was leaving. The entire week and a bit prior I'd been paying little attention to the news and happenings in the world but I made sure to know about the weather. When you are from this area, you watch the weather during hurricane season. I kept hearing about this storm and its potential development, etc etc etc. The City of New Orleans had cried wolf (evacuate) before (Georges & Ivan come to mind) and the storm went somewhere else, so while I took the caution seriously, I wasn't very concerned. When they said LEAVE the last two times, we left, but my gut said it was silly to do so and I was more annoyed than anything (especially sitting in traffic for ELEVEN hours just to get to Lafayette). This storm was different and I told my boyfriend that. I had a VERY bad feeling...I was actually scared. I know people say in hindsight you say this but I swear, before anything happened...I just had the worst feeling in my gut. As the days ticked down, I did what I always do, I prepared for a storm. I bought water, canned food, batteries, candles, lanterns, dog/cat supplies, money, Rxs, etc. We took the boards out of storage and put them in the front of the shed in case we needed to board the windows. We went through the motions as we've all done many, many times before.
I woke up a couple days before (I think) and thought I was hallucinating. This had to be a bad dream. This B**ch was basically a Cat 4, expected to get to a Cat 5 and pointed straight for Louisiana/Mississippi. It took up almost the entire gulf. I sat there gaping at the TV. My boyfriend's work called him in to do emergency prep while I started prepping the house. Thankfully at that time he mainly worked from home so it wasn't too bad. I honestly don't remember when it happened exactly (could have been the same day, could have been the next...its all a blur) but I remember every television in my house going off and announcing an Emergency Statement. Our parish was under a Mandatory Evacuation (1st time in History for this parish). They were expecting a storm surge taller than my house, winds gusting well over 150 mph and driving rains...she was called a "doomsday storm" more than once. The weather forecasters were so somber...they KNEW this was going to be extremely bad. Before long there were police patrols in the streets repeating over and over, "Get out...we will not be able to help you if you stay." We packed what we could, put the important stuff in the attic and prepared to go...north.
I called my mom to make sure she was leaving. She actually fought with me about having no where to go and said my grandparents were staying as well. To say I lost my $hit is an understatement. But none of them would budge. All I kept hearing was "we stayed for Betsy and Camille, this will be fine." Finally my younger cousin called me FREAKING out. She lived more north where she was in school, granted not REALLY north...not even Central LA but still North of us. She told us to go to her place. It was small but we were welcome. Together we convinced (barely convinced) our family to heed the warning and get the F out! I am not ashamed to say I used tears to get our Patriarch to listen. By this point the wind had begun to blow a bit. She was still well offshore but she was so big...it is the most disturbing feeling...you have the sun blazing and a nice breeze on a seemingly BEAUTIFUL summer day but there is nothing but the sound of people packing up their lives. No birds, no animals, no bugs really...nature had left. My two dogs were pacing paths in the grass and my cat was no where to be found, they were clearly nervous. After boarding up the windows on our new home (can I tell you how creepy it is to be inside a boarded house!), we packed up what we could in our cars (including our pets) and headed to our state capitol.
So many things have changed in 10 years. So many things haven't. But the things that have changed are mostly for the good, I think. We learned so much that day. We learned that mother nature is a force to be reckoned with. That she is 100% capable of wiping us out without a second thought. I am sure there will be a zillion posts about this anniversary and although I hate being a "follower" I will jump on the bandwagon, just this once. I never want to relive that day but I think it is important to remember everything that happened that lead us to this point. I am not good with exact time frames but I can give you a round about time of the happenings in my world.
I was 24, living with my long term boyfriend, in a house we bought earlier that year in a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of New Orleans (a bit rural but still a city, we have a Walmart, HELLO!). I had just been laid off from my job and was in the midst of finding somewhere else to work while finishing my Master's Degree. To say my life was upside down is a bit of an understatement. The week of Katrina I had 3 interviews. One was VERY promising, he basically told me I had the job when I was leaving. The entire week and a bit prior I'd been paying little attention to the news and happenings in the world but I made sure to know about the weather. When you are from this area, you watch the weather during hurricane season. I kept hearing about this storm and its potential development, etc etc etc. The City of New Orleans had cried wolf (evacuate) before (Georges & Ivan come to mind) and the storm went somewhere else, so while I took the caution seriously, I wasn't very concerned. When they said LEAVE the last two times, we left, but my gut said it was silly to do so and I was more annoyed than anything (especially sitting in traffic for ELEVEN hours just to get to Lafayette). This storm was different and I told my boyfriend that. I had a VERY bad feeling...I was actually scared. I know people say in hindsight you say this but I swear, before anything happened...I just had the worst feeling in my gut. As the days ticked down, I did what I always do, I prepared for a storm. I bought water, canned food, batteries, candles, lanterns, dog/cat supplies, money, Rxs, etc. We took the boards out of storage and put them in the front of the shed in case we needed to board the windows. We went through the motions as we've all done many, many times before.
I woke up a couple days before (I think) and thought I was hallucinating. This had to be a bad dream. This B**ch was basically a Cat 4, expected to get to a Cat 5 and pointed straight for Louisiana/Mississippi. It took up almost the entire gulf. I sat there gaping at the TV. My boyfriend's work called him in to do emergency prep while I started prepping the house. Thankfully at that time he mainly worked from home so it wasn't too bad. I honestly don't remember when it happened exactly (could have been the same day, could have been the next...its all a blur) but I remember every television in my house going off and announcing an Emergency Statement. Our parish was under a Mandatory Evacuation (1st time in History for this parish). They were expecting a storm surge taller than my house, winds gusting well over 150 mph and driving rains...she was called a "doomsday storm" more than once. The weather forecasters were so somber...they KNEW this was going to be extremely bad. Before long there were police patrols in the streets repeating over and over, "Get out...we will not be able to help you if you stay." We packed what we could, put the important stuff in the attic and prepared to go...north.
I called my mom to make sure she was leaving. She actually fought with me about having no where to go and said my grandparents were staying as well. To say I lost my $hit is an understatement. But none of them would budge. All I kept hearing was "we stayed for Betsy and Camille, this will be fine." Finally my younger cousin called me FREAKING out. She lived more north where she was in school, granted not REALLY north...not even Central LA but still North of us. She told us to go to her place. It was small but we were welcome. Together we convinced (barely convinced) our family to heed the warning and get the F out! I am not ashamed to say I used tears to get our Patriarch to listen. By this point the wind had begun to blow a bit. She was still well offshore but she was so big...it is the most disturbing feeling...you have the sun blazing and a nice breeze on a seemingly BEAUTIFUL summer day but there is nothing but the sound of people packing up their lives. No birds, no animals, no bugs really...nature had left. My two dogs were pacing paths in the grass and my cat was no where to be found, they were clearly nervous. After boarding up the windows on our new home (can I tell you how creepy it is to be inside a boarded house!), we packed up what we could in our cars (including our pets) and headed to our state capitol.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
If Chirstian Grey was a sentient Ice Cream Cone. . .
 |
| It's a shirt |
Cream for me – Stracciatella
I'd rather planned on having you for dessert
Whip me
If you move again, I'll brain-freeze you so hard.
Come, I want to show you my...freezer-room...
Lips and tongues may melt my...cones...
But spoons and...bowls... excite me
X-cream
The pleasure is worth the freezer burn
Anyone interested in a swirly? (ewwww)
Ahhhhahahahaa, I'm going to stop now...
Monday, August 24, 2015
Alight, who dumped the crazy juice into the drinking water???
Seriously though. Everyday, just about, I get a news alert about some jacked up person with a weapon and it makes me feel stabby. Yes I know I just eluded to violence in response to violence but the difference between the crazy I'm talking about and my "feeling" is I won't actually go out and stab someone!
I'm not getting into the gun law debate...that $hit is crazy as well. But I do want to point out that it appears that no matter where you go in the world psychopaths with guns are in competition with each other to see who can amass the higher body count. This isn't a video game people!!! It is f**king terrifying.
Side Note - I don't believe violent games/movies create violence...I think most times it is a lack of intelligence and a lack of self control that creates violence. Untreated severe mental illness not included.
We have the nut jobs in the states who have opened fire in public spaces like movie theaters and offices. We have the loony toon on the train in Europe who was thankfully taken down by some brave individuals before he could do anything really stupid. We have the INSANE crime in NOLA. No really...it is so f**king bad it gives me migraines to watch the news. When you get an alert that a 13 year old robbed an elderly man at gunpoint you know the world has gone to $hit and its plain to see why you have lost Faith in Humanity. In the same day you also get an alert saying that a during a routine traffic stop some jack@$$ shot a State Trooper in the head...in the HEAD...what is happening?!?!?! Then you remember that a month ago a 13 year old was arrested because he raped an 8 year old. How...what...why...how do you ...*hangs head in defeat*.
Yes, I know the state of our mental health, healthcare sucks BUT the crazy is running rampant. I am saying crazy...maybe its more like delusional...drug induced...self inflicted insanity. Alcoholics, drug addicts, and mentally unstable persons have been around for a very long time. This isn't anything new. So I am really confused as to WHY it is such an epidemic of violence in recent years that is blamed on these things. Is it because we are more connected so we hear about more? Are the mind altering substances that much "better"? Are more people partaking in them? Is it because these individuals were raised by parents who lived in an "enhanced" state? Or is it because people were never taught to respect life...or even deal with life for that matter?
Look, life sucks. . . it isn't easy. . .and bad things happen even to really good people. But as an adult, you cannot continue to blame your bad behavior on anyone else. Even if you had a craptastic childhood or marriage or whatever...there comes a point where you have to take responsibility for YOUR actions.
Yes, it is easier said than done but if we RESPECTED life as much as people seem to take it for granted, I think the world would be a much different place. A better place...maybe. And as sad as I am to say this if you want to end your life...I don't like it but so be it...all I ask is that you quit taking a room full of innocents with you in the process!
UPDATE!!!!! WTF it got worse. This is NOT how I envisioned starting my day...
Then I logged into Facebook and was bombarded with the story from like every news station, it is horrible!!! Link to "breaking news"
I'm not getting into the gun law debate...that $hit is crazy as well. But I do want to point out that it appears that no matter where you go in the world psychopaths with guns are in competition with each other to see who can amass the higher body count. This isn't a video game people!!! It is f**king terrifying.
Side Note - I don't believe violent games/movies create violence...I think most times it is a lack of intelligence and a lack of self control that creates violence. Untreated severe mental illness not included.
We have the nut jobs in the states who have opened fire in public spaces like movie theaters and offices. We have the loony toon on the train in Europe who was thankfully taken down by some brave individuals before he could do anything really stupid. We have the INSANE crime in NOLA. No really...it is so f**king bad it gives me migraines to watch the news. When you get an alert that a 13 year old robbed an elderly man at gunpoint you know the world has gone to $hit and its plain to see why you have lost Faith in Humanity. In the same day you also get an alert saying that a during a routine traffic stop some jack@$$ shot a State Trooper in the head...in the HEAD...what is happening?!?!?! Then you remember that a month ago a 13 year old was arrested because he raped an 8 year old. How...what...why...how do you ...*hangs head in defeat*.
Yes, I know the state of our mental health, healthcare sucks BUT the crazy is running rampant. I am saying crazy...maybe its more like delusional...drug induced...self inflicted insanity. Alcoholics, drug addicts, and mentally unstable persons have been around for a very long time. This isn't anything new. So I am really confused as to WHY it is such an epidemic of violence in recent years that is blamed on these things. Is it because we are more connected so we hear about more? Are the mind altering substances that much "better"? Are more people partaking in them? Is it because these individuals were raised by parents who lived in an "enhanced" state? Or is it because people were never taught to respect life...or even deal with life for that matter?
Look, life sucks. . . it isn't easy. . .and bad things happen even to really good people. But as an adult, you cannot continue to blame your bad behavior on anyone else. Even if you had a craptastic childhood or marriage or whatever...there comes a point where you have to take responsibility for YOUR actions.
Yes, it is easier said than done but if we RESPECTED life as much as people seem to take it for granted, I think the world would be a much different place. A better place...maybe. And as sad as I am to say this if you want to end your life...I don't like it but so be it...all I ask is that you quit taking a room full of innocents with you in the process!
Friday, August 21, 2015
Stop tempting fate dammit! The universe is listening and she is a b**ch!
You know how they say "never say never" or don't say "what could go wrong". It's like "noooooooo! don't put that thought into the universe!!!" Because we all know that means the universe is gonna be an @$$hole just to prove you wrong.
Well the NWS or NHC whichever one it was sure did f**k this one up! About 1 - 1 1/2 weeks ago they released a statement saying that "it was going to be an inactive hurricane season". The news story popped up on my phone and I may have gone a bit batty for a minute. But think about it...
1. Late August 1992 Hurricane Andrew was an @$$hole from Florida to Louisiana.
2. Mid September 1998 Hurricane Georges caused the first mass exodus out of the NOLA area (at least that I remember). That is one evacuation I will NEVER forget! Dude ELEVEN hours to get to Lafayette...Lafayette is normally a 3 hour trip!!!!!!!!!
3. Mid September 2004 Hurricane Ivan caused the second mass exodus out of the NOLA area...it missed us and DESTROYED Alabama and Florida. He was also a f**k nut
4. August 29, 2005 Hurricane f**king Katrina did what everyone was fearing the last two major storms would do to the NOLA area & MS Gulf Coast.
5. September 24, 2005 Hurricane Rita (Katrina's "baby" sister) decided she wanted to mess with the gulf coast also and ripped apart East Texas and West Louisiana AND re-broke the temp levees in NOLA.
6. September 1, 2008 Hurricane Gustav proved that even a Cat 2 can put us back in the stones ages. We had no electricity, phones sucked and everyone and their Momma wanted us to help them.
7. September 13, 2008 Hurricane Ike wanted to be a bad@$$ also and f**ked up East Texas.
8. August 28, 2012 (almost 7 f**king years to the day of Katrina's bull$hit) Hurricane Issac decided he wanted to show everyone that even a barely Cat 1 can be a d**k. He stalled over South Louisiana and kinda moved a bit and on the anniversary of that b**ch storm he made my life a living hell!
Do you see why I am pissed off?!!?!? Yes there were others but these directly affected me so that's why they are the ones I listed. Who does that?!? It is f**king August...we are in PEAK hurricane season!!!!! Most of the worst storms that have hit, have hit late August - Mid September (see above). Why would you put that thought into the Universe?!!??
Sure enough some deity with a sense of humor decided to give us all a scare. Because almost immediately after that jack@$$ pronouncement we got an alert saying a "Tropical Wave" in the Atlantic had a 50% chance of development. Everyday it got worse. 60% chance, 80% chance...we are watching this one closely...surprise b**ches meet TS Danny, No wait Hurricane Danny and today "Hey y'all Hurricane Danny is a Cat 2". Yes he is still pretty far out and small and they anticipate "weakening" but there is a chance he could go straight into the effing Gulf and then who knows what, actually I know what...*people freaking the f**k out* that's what.
I just don't understand why they said anything. I'm not usually superstitious but come on! We can see that it's been a "slow" season but no one felt the need to say it out loud!
UPDATE - So apparently Mr. Danny is a Cat 3...yay...
Well the NWS or NHC whichever one it was sure did f**k this one up! About 1 - 1 1/2 weeks ago they released a statement saying that "it was going to be an inactive hurricane season". The news story popped up on my phone and I may have gone a bit batty for a minute. But think about it...
1. Late August 1992 Hurricane Andrew was an @$$hole from Florida to Louisiana.
2. Mid September 1998 Hurricane Georges caused the first mass exodus out of the NOLA area (at least that I remember). That is one evacuation I will NEVER forget! Dude ELEVEN hours to get to Lafayette...Lafayette is normally a 3 hour trip!!!!!!!!!
3. Mid September 2004 Hurricane Ivan caused the second mass exodus out of the NOLA area...it missed us and DESTROYED Alabama and Florida. He was also a f**k nut
4. August 29, 2005 Hurricane f**king Katrina did what everyone was fearing the last two major storms would do to the NOLA area & MS Gulf Coast.
5. September 24, 2005 Hurricane Rita (Katrina's "baby" sister) decided she wanted to mess with the gulf coast also and ripped apart East Texas and West Louisiana AND re-broke the temp levees in NOLA.
6. September 1, 2008 Hurricane Gustav proved that even a Cat 2 can put us back in the stones ages. We had no electricity, phones sucked and everyone and their Momma wanted us to help them.
7. September 13, 2008 Hurricane Ike wanted to be a bad@$$ also and f**ked up East Texas.
8. August 28, 2012 (almost 7 f**king years to the day of Katrina's bull$hit) Hurricane Issac decided he wanted to show everyone that even a barely Cat 1 can be a d**k. He stalled over South Louisiana and kinda moved a bit and on the anniversary of that b**ch storm he made my life a living hell!
Do you see why I am pissed off?!!?!? Yes there were others but these directly affected me so that's why they are the ones I listed. Who does that?!? It is f**king August...we are in PEAK hurricane season!!!!! Most of the worst storms that have hit, have hit late August - Mid September (see above). Why would you put that thought into the Universe?!!??
Sure enough some deity with a sense of humor decided to give us all a scare. Because almost immediately after that jack@$$ pronouncement we got an alert saying a "Tropical Wave" in the Atlantic had a 50% chance of development. Everyday it got worse. 60% chance, 80% chance...we are watching this one closely...surprise b**ches meet TS Danny, No wait Hurricane Danny and today "Hey y'all Hurricane Danny is a Cat 2". Yes he is still pretty far out and small and they anticipate "weakening" but there is a chance he could go straight into the effing Gulf and then who knows what, actually I know what...*people freaking the f**k out* that's what.
I just don't understand why they said anything. I'm not usually superstitious but come on! We can see that it's been a "slow" season but no one felt the need to say it out loud!
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Help! Someone please save me from the headless...no wait bodiless...horse...bug...?
Why do weird things only happen to us?! So we have dragonflies EVERYWHERE and I am cool with them most of the time. They land on me or my pups and I just watch them. They are so pretty...usually. My love of them ends about the time the sun sets and its dark out because large insects landing on me in the dark is $hit I have nightmares about.
Last night, like any other night, I let the pups out before I went shower. It was already dark so I turned on the porch light. Something landed on the back of my NECK! "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I'm sorry but the images that flew through my mind were not of friendly creatures. I could feel the little insect legs crawling on my spine! So I spazzed out trying to get this creature with a death grip off my bare neck. When I recovered from my freak out with my hair sticking out in every direction I saw a medium dragonfly on the door. "you @$$hole!" *shudder*. The pups finished their nightly routine and wanted to go in. We all know if I open the door with the creature on the door it will fly inside. So I am throwing sticks at the door trying to spook it into flying off. Well my sticks didn't scare the bug but it got the attention of my husband who happened to be sleeping and didn't know I was outside. He opened the door to investigate and it immediately flew in "dammit" *hangs head in defeat*.
So it's perching on the ceiling taunting my cats and dogs *wing flutter* "bzzzt" *wing flutter*. My other half decided to swat it with a towel. You know, stun it and toss it out. So he hits it and we can't find the f**king thing. It did the mother of all disappearing acts. "Where...it was just...*confused stare* I don't understand!" Even the animals were like "hey, where'd he go??" Then I turned around and I heard "pahhahahahaha". "What....? What...?! *spinning in a circle*" It was on my back....seriously, is this a f**king cartoon?!?!?! What is happening??!? Well my movement made it fall off...and we lost it AGAIN! Alright Houdini, WTF?!? 15 minutes later we look up, that mofo is perched on the ceiling again *argh*. Is there a f**king portal in this house?!?! How'd he do that?!?
So he swats it again and it lands on the rug. He says "aw, I killed it, there isn't a body, just a head, some legs and 3 wings". He goes to pick it up and it starts fluttering around, "Ahhh, what tha f**k!" So now we are both laughing like loons because there is a bodiless (is that even a word?!?) dragonfly...erratically flying...and the cats are losing their ever loving minds. I lean over to get the towel to cover it back up just as hubs looked away at the cats. When we turn back to the fluttering creature its f**king gone!
"What, hold up...where...it was right there?!!?" *pointing at empty space*
"It's only got a head an three of the four wings, where the hell is it!!?!??"
We searched everywhere! It was no where to be found! We looked under the couch, under the entertainment center, in the cubby holes...that f**ker clearly flew into another dimension. So we nervously sit on the couch before realizing we didn't pick up the body. But it was okay because Convict decided he wanted a snack "ewwwwwwwwww!" We were watching Mythbusters for at least 20 minutes when Speedy, who was sleeping by my feet suddenly picks up his head and looks at me. What's left of the f**king dragonfly is PERCHED in the middle of his head. Eyes pointed in my direction and still moving wildly. I swear to God it was planning it's revenge! Wait was it mind controlling my dog....
Speedy jumped up
It fell off
He tried to eat it "nooooo!"
The yell scared him so he peed *fail*
It flew haphazardly at my face "ahhhh!"
I knocked it to the floor "$hit!"
Demon spawn tried to eat it "stooooop"
Hubs intervened, "Drop it!"
The creature got stepped on *double fail*.
I mean I have to give it props...it put up one hell of a fight to live...and we didn't WANT to kill it...it just kinda...happened.
I didn't drink last night but I really wanted a glass (or bottle) of wine by the time it was all said and done.
Last night, like any other night, I let the pups out before I went shower. It was already dark so I turned on the porch light. Something landed on the back of my NECK! "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I'm sorry but the images that flew through my mind were not of friendly creatures. I could feel the little insect legs crawling on my spine! So I spazzed out trying to get this creature with a death grip off my bare neck. When I recovered from my freak out with my hair sticking out in every direction I saw a medium dragonfly on the door. "you @$$hole!" *shudder*. The pups finished their nightly routine and wanted to go in. We all know if I open the door with the creature on the door it will fly inside. So I am throwing sticks at the door trying to spook it into flying off. Well my sticks didn't scare the bug but it got the attention of my husband who happened to be sleeping and didn't know I was outside. He opened the door to investigate and it immediately flew in "dammit" *hangs head in defeat*.
So it's perching on the ceiling taunting my cats and dogs *wing flutter* "bzzzt" *wing flutter*. My other half decided to swat it with a towel. You know, stun it and toss it out. So he hits it and we can't find the f**king thing. It did the mother of all disappearing acts. "Where...it was just...*confused stare* I don't understand!" Even the animals were like "hey, where'd he go??" Then I turned around and I heard "pahhahahahaha". "What....? What...?! *spinning in a circle*" It was on my back....seriously, is this a f**king cartoon?!?!?! What is happening??!? Well my movement made it fall off...and we lost it AGAIN! Alright Houdini, WTF?!? 15 minutes later we look up, that mofo is perched on the ceiling again *argh*. Is there a f**king portal in this house?!?! How'd he do that?!?
So he swats it again and it lands on the rug. He says "aw, I killed it, there isn't a body, just a head, some legs and 3 wings". He goes to pick it up and it starts fluttering around, "Ahhh, what tha f**k!" So now we are both laughing like loons because there is a bodiless (is that even a word?!?) dragonfly...erratically flying...and the cats are losing their ever loving minds. I lean over to get the towel to cover it back up just as hubs looked away at the cats. When we turn back to the fluttering creature its f**king gone!
"What, hold up...where...it was right there?!!?" *pointing at empty space*
"It's only got a head an three of the four wings, where the hell is it!!?!??"
We searched everywhere! It was no where to be found! We looked under the couch, under the entertainment center, in the cubby holes...that f**ker clearly flew into another dimension. So we nervously sit on the couch before realizing we didn't pick up the body. But it was okay because Convict decided he wanted a snack "ewwwwwwwwww!" We were watching Mythbusters for at least 20 minutes when Speedy, who was sleeping by my feet suddenly picks up his head and looks at me. What's left of the f**king dragonfly is PERCHED in the middle of his head. Eyes pointed in my direction and still moving wildly. I swear to God it was planning it's revenge! Wait was it mind controlling my dog....
Speedy jumped up
It fell off
He tried to eat it "nooooo!"
The yell scared him so he peed *fail*
It flew haphazardly at my face "ahhhh!"
I knocked it to the floor "$hit!"
Demon spawn tried to eat it "stooooop"
Hubs intervened, "Drop it!"
The creature got stepped on *double fail*.
I mean I have to give it props...it put up one hell of a fight to live...and we didn't WANT to kill it...it just kinda...happened.
I didn't drink last night but I really wanted a glass (or bottle) of wine by the time it was all said and done.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
If you try to dull my sparkle...I will throw glitter on you *muahahahaha*
I am the happiness fairy, be nice or I'll glitter you. So that whole being allowed in public thing has come full circle again. I've always been quirky/hyper-ish/slightly outgoing. A BFF childhood friend of mine has always compared my other BFF and I to a couple of bouncing skittles (Hyper and we wear BRIGHT clothing or weird clothing...clothing other people may find strange...). Anyways, even with my other half over 500 miles away, I still have a tendency to be bouncy and bright. Put us together and we have a dance party in the grocery store (it has happened and it was amazing).
So in public being "different" is frowned upon. Don't try to deny it...anyone who is not a child that doesn't conform to the norm is weird. Well consider me a super freak because I am, well, me.
Things that are frowned upon (recent experiences):
1. Dancing in public - Not like full on routines or booty dancing or couples dancing. I am talking about when music comes on in a store and you like the song and you kind of bounce around to the beat. NOT vulgar, get your mind out of the gutter. Just keeping rhythm. My husband still looks at me strange but he smiles...he has adjusted, resistance is futile. Strangers either love it *big smile* or give me the stink eye *stupid girl*. I don't get it. Live a little people. Pull the sequoia out ya butt and have some fun.
2. Singing in public - Again, not belting it out like Mariah gone tone deaf. Just humming along or quietly singing along. Why is this weird?!?!?! It's not like I burst into a full on routine like in a Disney movie. Quit hatin' or I'll sing louder and follow you around the store (just kidding...maybe).
3. Acknowledging kids - Not in a creepy way. But if a child approaches me or speaks to me, I am not going to ignore him/her. The parents always apologize but it doesn't bother me. Precocious kids are adorable. I know, I know "stranger danger" but kids are kids...they are curious by nature. If a little girl holds out her hand and introduces herself, I'm not going to be rude. But I will always look at the mom/dad first to make sure they aren't about to kill me (some parents be cray cray). The parents are usually fine and smile because I am acknowledging their kid, it's the other people around that freak out like I'm some sort of pedophile.
4. Smiling is weird - Why is this weird?!?! I smile quite a bit. There are two types of people. People who smile back or tell me I have a lovely smile and others who look at me like I am mental. It's not a huge crazy smile...its just a smile. What is wrong in your life that a SMILE offends you??? I'm not mental, I'm just enjoying my day and trying to spread my good spirits...quit being a Debbie Downer.
5. Being helpful - If I overhear something or notice someone having an issue, I am going to offer assistance. Again two types of people. People who thank me profusely for my kindness and others who are @$$holes, acting like I just tried to rob them. You can refuse my assistance without being a jerk. I was offering to help you get those groceries to the car not trying to steal your Eggos (I have my own basket) or your screaming child. I'm just nice, GEEZ! What makes this one worse is I look 100% not threatening. I am barely 5'1", maybe a buck seventeen...at most...but I guess no one can be trusted...I get it, doesn't mean I have to like it *plfeet*.
It just concerns me that everyone is so distrusting and negative. I know they have reasons to be...I watch the news (unfortunately)...
I may become the happiness fairy...carrying a vial of "pixie dust" to sprinkle on @$$holes to de-@$$hole them.
But since this is real life and not a movie this may get me arrested...ya know fear of (insert bio-weapon/drug/other issue of choice).
Side Side Note - I have my moments of distrust as well. I am not careless but I tend to trust my gut feelings about people/situations and it hasn't steered me wrong yet *knock on wood*.
Side Note - I call her my other half...because she is. Yes, I am married and I call him my other half but its different. Her and I are two sides of the same coin...actually we might be the same side...if you knew us...you would understand.
So in public being "different" is frowned upon. Don't try to deny it...anyone who is not a child that doesn't conform to the norm is weird. Well consider me a super freak because I am, well, me.
Things that are frowned upon (recent experiences):
1. Dancing in public - Not like full on routines or booty dancing or couples dancing. I am talking about when music comes on in a store and you like the song and you kind of bounce around to the beat. NOT vulgar, get your mind out of the gutter. Just keeping rhythm. My husband still looks at me strange but he smiles...he has adjusted, resistance is futile. Strangers either love it *big smile* or give me the stink eye *stupid girl*. I don't get it. Live a little people. Pull the sequoia out ya butt and have some fun.
2. Singing in public - Again, not belting it out like Mariah gone tone deaf. Just humming along or quietly singing along. Why is this weird?!?!?! It's not like I burst into a full on routine like in a Disney movie. Quit hatin' or I'll sing louder and follow you around the store (just kidding...maybe).
4. Smiling is weird - Why is this weird?!?! I smile quite a bit. There are two types of people. People who smile back or tell me I have a lovely smile and others who look at me like I am mental. It's not a huge crazy smile...its just a smile. What is wrong in your life that a SMILE offends you??? I'm not mental, I'm just enjoying my day and trying to spread my good spirits...quit being a Debbie Downer.
 |
| I smile like this |
 |
| NOT like this |
It just concerns me that everyone is so distrusting and negative. I know they have reasons to be...I watch the news (unfortunately)...
I may become the happiness fairy...carrying a vial of "pixie dust" to sprinkle on @$$holes to de-@$$hole them.
But since this is real life and not a movie this may get me arrested...ya know fear of (insert bio-weapon/drug/other issue of choice).
Side Side Note - I have my moments of distrust as well. I am not careless but I tend to trust my gut feelings about people/situations and it hasn't steered me wrong yet *knock on wood*.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Because f**k you, that's why
I'm not really as angry as that title seems, just more flabbergasted by people and their inability to realize when they should shut the f**k up. I've said it before and I'll say it again if you have already asked a woman if/when she wants kids and she says eventually *smile*...DROP IT. Don't keep asking every time you see her, IN FRONT of everyone. Don't randomly respond to a cute pic of her and her (insert lil one) asking when she is gonna have one. Don't remind her every time you see her that she is getting older. Just f**king stop!
1. Not everyone wants kids. It is not required for married (or unmarried) persons to reproduce.
2. Not everyone CAN have kids.
3. It is not your right to know WHY I don't have kids
4. If you ask me repeatedly I am eventually going to give you an asinine answer
5. Don't be offended if I respond to your rudeness with rudeness
6. Oh yea and its not okay to shove a child in my arms and say "doesn't that feel right" because that increases your chances of being throat punched ten fold
I love my littles but geez! It comes in spurts. I wont hear a peep from anyone about my childless marriage *rolls eyes* and then suddenly everyone wants to know when there will be a little NOLA Gurl/Guy walking around. Okay, new people asking, I don't care. People who have asked repeatedly and KNOW that I've had some issues shut the f**k up! You don't seem concerned, you are badgering me and my husband. Someone being concerned says quietly (as in out of group conversation) "so, anything? *concerned eyes* (not pity, there is a difference)". I say no *shrug*, they say okay just checking. That, that is OKAY. Standing in a group of people (half of whom I do NOT know well) and LOUDLY saying, "so you knocked up yet?" makes me want to go on a murder spree.
So since I am a tad moodier than usual (I hate being a girl :P) my responses may not have been nearly as polite as they usually are. So now instead of letting morons make me feel bad or embarrassed about my "issues", I'm gonna embarrass them.
To that lovely person that KNOWS what I've been through who confronted me in a large group, my response was spot on. I said "Um no, I am apparently defective. Remember? *sips champagne*". It seems, being confronted with harsh reality makes people uncomfortable. You asked, I responded. You can't deal with blunt truth, stop asking brazen questions. What I've learned is that if you make them uncomfortable, they stop asking you questions that make you uncomfortable (usually) AND they don't offer the canned bull$hit "aw, honey it will happen" or "God will (insert miracle)" or "You know when we were trying to have (insert kids name), *goes into LONG story about conception that no one needs to know*". I wasn't asking for support or advice...you asked me, I answered...that should be the end of it. When you get real, they usually shut up and walk away. If I would have brought it up, TOTALLY different.
Like I said, I don't care if people inquire, I'm not a heartless person. I care if people are @$$e$ about it. I am just tired of all the crap. There are ways to ask me what's going on without making me feel second-rate or the center of UNWANTED attention (and pity...I hate the pity stares...I am fine people... really).
So that's my story. From now on @$$hole questions, get @$$hole answers. And no, we don't know for sure what's up with us BUT that still isn't a reason for people to think it is okay to bombard me with VERY personal questions in a crowd or on FB. We are fine. I am not freaking out or depressed or anything actually. If $hit don't happen, it don't happen. End of story. But when people start making a big deal about it, I start feeling inferior...bad about myself...less of a woman....something MUST be wrong with me...its really sucky man. Anyway, if you want to know what's going on, ask me in private and don't post $hit on my Social Media, rude!
1. Not everyone wants kids. It is not required for married (or unmarried) persons to reproduce.
2. Not everyone CAN have kids.
3. It is not your right to know WHY I don't have kids
4. If you ask me repeatedly I am eventually going to give you an asinine answer
5. Don't be offended if I respond to your rudeness with rudeness
6. Oh yea and its not okay to shove a child in my arms and say "doesn't that feel right" because that increases your chances of being throat punched ten fold
I love my littles but geez! It comes in spurts. I wont hear a peep from anyone about my childless marriage *rolls eyes* and then suddenly everyone wants to know when there will be a little NOLA Gurl/Guy walking around. Okay, new people asking, I don't care. People who have asked repeatedly and KNOW that I've had some issues shut the f**k up! You don't seem concerned, you are badgering me and my husband. Someone being concerned says quietly (as in out of group conversation) "so, anything? *concerned eyes* (not pity, there is a difference)". I say no *shrug*, they say okay just checking. That, that is OKAY. Standing in a group of people (half of whom I do NOT know well) and LOUDLY saying, "so you knocked up yet?" makes me want to go on a murder spree.
So since I am a tad moodier than usual (I hate being a girl :P) my responses may not have been nearly as polite as they usually are. So now instead of letting morons make me feel bad or embarrassed about my "issues", I'm gonna embarrass them.
To that lovely person that KNOWS what I've been through who confronted me in a large group, my response was spot on. I said "Um no, I am apparently defective. Remember? *sips champagne*". It seems, being confronted with harsh reality makes people uncomfortable. You asked, I responded. You can't deal with blunt truth, stop asking brazen questions. What I've learned is that if you make them uncomfortable, they stop asking you questions that make you uncomfortable (usually) AND they don't offer the canned bull$hit "aw, honey it will happen" or "God will (insert miracle)" or "You know when we were trying to have (insert kids name), *goes into LONG story about conception that no one needs to know*". I wasn't asking for support or advice...you asked me, I answered...that should be the end of it. When you get real, they usually shut up and walk away. If I would have brought it up, TOTALLY different.
Like I said, I don't care if people inquire, I'm not a heartless person. I care if people are @$$e$ about it. I am just tired of all the crap. There are ways to ask me what's going on without making me feel second-rate or the center of UNWANTED attention (and pity...I hate the pity stares...I am fine people... really).
So that's my story. From now on @$$hole questions, get @$$hole answers. And no, we don't know for sure what's up with us BUT that still isn't a reason for people to think it is okay to bombard me with VERY personal questions in a crowd or on FB. We are fine. I am not freaking out or depressed or anything actually. If $hit don't happen, it don't happen. End of story. But when people start making a big deal about it, I start feeling inferior...bad about myself...less of a woman....something MUST be wrong with me...its really sucky man. Anyway, if you want to know what's going on, ask me in private and don't post $hit on my Social Media, rude!
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Dammit Internet, I could have died!
Imagine sitting on your kitchen counter (yes I do that, shoosh), enjoying a delicious banana, when your significant other walks in and hands you his phone. Its a story...a story about bananas. I was 3/4 of the way through the f**king banana!!!
Here is the story
The basic gist of the story is there are parasitic worms in bananas *gag*. *in my head* "Ahhhh, OMG! I've eaten two in the last couple days!!!" *not in my head* Very calmly, I skimmed the story...as I did, I threw away the rest of the banana I was munching on. I also spit out what I was chewing...*unladylike spitting of food into the bin*
I felt insanely ill thinking about WORMS in my f**king GI Tract! Then I realized it was Walmart bananas and breathed a sigh of relief *whew*. My nanners are from Winn Dixie (Thank God!).
But when I read this line "They are asking, if at all possible, to burn the bananas", I got suspicious. We hear that kind of $hit from Sci-Fi movies...not in real life...usually...plus I would think WDSU would have said SOMETHING by now. Then as I looked closer I realized I'd never heard of said News Site. So I went to my trusty friend www.snopes.com and surprise, surprise it is a fake news site and a fake story (halle-f**king-luiah). I still felt ill though. Just the possibility of ingesting parasitic worms *shudder*.
Of course, they could have been the "good" kind of parasitic worms *tee hee hee*.
Side Note: Not everything on the Internet is real...this is my usual mantra...and I fell for it *doh*.
Here is the story
The basic gist of the story is there are parasitic worms in bananas *gag*. *in my head* "Ahhhh, OMG! I've eaten two in the last couple days!!!" *not in my head* Very calmly, I skimmed the story...as I did, I threw away the rest of the banana I was munching on. I also spit out what I was chewing...*unladylike spitting of food into the bin*
I felt insanely ill thinking about WORMS in my f**king GI Tract! Then I realized it was Walmart bananas and breathed a sigh of relief *whew*. My nanners are from Winn Dixie (Thank God!).
But when I read this line "They are asking, if at all possible, to burn the bananas", I got suspicious. We hear that kind of $hit from Sci-Fi movies...not in real life...usually...plus I would think WDSU would have said SOMETHING by now. Then as I looked closer I realized I'd never heard of said News Site. So I went to my trusty friend www.snopes.com and surprise, surprise it is a fake news site and a fake story (halle-f**king-luiah). I still felt ill though. Just the possibility of ingesting parasitic worms *shudder*.
Of course, they could have been the "good" kind of parasitic worms *tee hee hee*.
Monday, August 10, 2015
Why haven't we invented Transporters yet?? Teleporting...? A Vortex Manipulator...? Something that means I can travel without strangers...something that doesn't include me springing for a private jet.
Has anyone ever seen that Jimmy Kimmel skit with Sir Patrick Stewart playing the part of the annoying airline passenger?!?!?! Because I remember watching it ages ago and I laughed my @$$ off! Not only because its freaking hilarious but also because how can you NOT love Sir Patrick Stewart?!!??!
With that said, on my flight back home the other day I had all of those annoying characteristics and more in ONE passenger seated behind me. I should mention it was a later flight...after 7PM and it had been delayed a bit before we boarded.
We were delayed longer because of weather and he b**ched constantly. He wouldn't shut up about how we'd been "sitting in the plane for 30 minutes and weren't moving", blah blah blah. Yea well I'd rather be sitting here than trying to take off in a mini hurricane, just saying!
Then he wanted to talk to everyone around him. "Hey, you ever been to New Orleans? It's a great place! I've been many many times. Bourbon is the best. This one time..." Meanwhile I am just trying to sink as low as I can in my seat and read my book so he'll stop including me in the one sided conversation. I think he realized this because then he started SHAKING my seat trying to get my attention (what is your f**king problem?!?!). He had also stuck his arm between the seat and wall and kept tapping my shoulder.
We finally took off and he started f**king clapping and cheering and WHISTLING! OMG STAHP!
The entire 1 1/2 hour flight his knee was in my back. He was so slouched, his GD knee was WEDGED in my back. Which isn't kicking but its a close second when it comes to annoying.
Then...oh then, he opened his dinner. Yea, I don't care usually when people eat on a plane BUT it was something...Greek or Cajun or Hot Wings or some mixture. My point is the smell of Garlic and other things was almost nauseating in the tiny space.
He didn't climb over anyone to go pee BUT he did practically run everyone over trying to exit the plane. I thought it was common knowledge that you wait until the people in front of you exit??? He wasn't a small guy either...he was built like a f**king linebacker.
But you see my adventure didn't end there. The part I left out...that ISN'T in the video is the absolutely DISGUSTING part. Mid-Flight I kept hearing him clear his throat, like obnoxiously *aheeming* and *back sniffling*...I figured whatever smelly thing he was eating had spice or something. Then it happened. He f**king sneezed! I am not talking about a normal "ahchoo". I am talking full on DAD sneeze.
He didn't even try to cover his mouth/nose. It was so forceful that even though there was a f**king seat back behind me my hair blew forward! And...oh god it gets worse...and I didn't have my sweater on like I usually do and my arm that was near the window was suddenly moist and there were a few droplets on the page I was reading. I freaked. Normally I'd not cause a scene and I didn't say anything to him but I did say something along the lines of "*ahhhh* that is disgusting! Great now I am going to get the plague!". I didn't scream it...I said it just loud enough to be heard. He didn't even apologize or offer me a napkin...thankfully the flight attendant was right there and handed me a bunch of napkins and some hand sanitizer (THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS) which I rubbed on my arms and face and hands...basically all exposed skin. This leads me to the present. You see, a few days after my flight, I started to feel funky *crap*. I don't have the full blown Plague, I have more of a Plague Light. Which still sucks but not quite as bad. *fingers crossed* it doesn't decide it wants to be full blown Plague.
With all this said, it reminded me of something I saw on imgur or tumblr or reddit...I dunno, one of them and I've been laughing so hard my sides hurt...or maybe its a new symptom of the Plague...who knows.
Lesson: "Humans very well may be the Klingons of the Universe"
(I didn't come up with that, Source).
With that said, on my flight back home the other day I had all of those annoying characteristics and more in ONE passenger seated behind me. I should mention it was a later flight...after 7PM and it had been delayed a bit before we boarded.
We were delayed longer because of weather and he b**ched constantly. He wouldn't shut up about how we'd been "sitting in the plane for 30 minutes and weren't moving", blah blah blah. Yea well I'd rather be sitting here than trying to take off in a mini hurricane, just saying!
Then he wanted to talk to everyone around him. "Hey, you ever been to New Orleans? It's a great place! I've been many many times. Bourbon is the best. This one time..." Meanwhile I am just trying to sink as low as I can in my seat and read my book so he'll stop including me in the one sided conversation. I think he realized this because then he started SHAKING my seat trying to get my attention (what is your f**king problem?!?!). He had also stuck his arm between the seat and wall and kept tapping my shoulder.
We finally took off and he started f**king clapping and cheering and WHISTLING! OMG STAHP!
The entire 1 1/2 hour flight his knee was in my back. He was so slouched, his GD knee was WEDGED in my back. Which isn't kicking but its a close second when it comes to annoying.
Then...oh then, he opened his dinner. Yea, I don't care usually when people eat on a plane BUT it was something...Greek or Cajun or Hot Wings or some mixture. My point is the smell of Garlic and other things was almost nauseating in the tiny space.
He didn't climb over anyone to go pee BUT he did practically run everyone over trying to exit the plane. I thought it was common knowledge that you wait until the people in front of you exit??? He wasn't a small guy either...he was built like a f**king linebacker.
Below is the video from Kimmel Live, so fitting
With all this said, it reminded me of something I saw on imgur or tumblr or reddit...I dunno, one of them and I've been laughing so hard my sides hurt...or maybe its a new symptom of the Plague...who knows.
(I didn't come up with that, Source).
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Why is consent such a difficult concept?
I was talking to one my my male friends the other day and he was telling me about some news article he read. It was a story about how in another country...India maybe...there is a new method of deterring rapes.
Basically women are given this contraption that fits inside their lady parts. It contains inverted razor blades which are no harm to the woman BUT if a man sticks his d**k in it he will regret it. It will go in with no issues but when pulling back the "barbs" dig into the skin and the contraption slides easily out of the woman. The man has no choice but to go to the hospital because the only way to remove it is surgically.
My response was GOOD! Maybe that'll deter would be rapists...after a few men end up in the ER. My friend said "but...but that's so archaic. It's based on a medieval torture device!" I was trying to be patient so I said "I'll never understand why men think they can stick their d**k in whatever they want! It is not your privilege to f**k anything that moves." My friend finally said "I've never really thought of it that way..."
My point is my friend is a good guy. He wouldn't force himself on anyone...he'd KILL anyone that touched me or his sisters. But he still couldn't grasp WHY any woman would need to go to such drastic measures. Why aren't men....boys taught they can't just put their d**k in it?!? I don't understand!!!
Friday, August 7, 2015
You don't have to agree with someone100% to think they are amazing
This isn't about anything crazy or deep. Just that last night I watched the last Daily Show with Jon Stewart...and cried my eyes out at the end! He has been my nightly "news" person for the last SIXTEEN years!!! That's a long time to watch the same show most nights before bed. Did I miss it sometimes? Of course but I watched it more often than not. I even watched it when I was with my Ex who HATED the show saying it was an insult to intelligent people or something like that.
I should also mention I was heartbroken when Colbert signed off as well. I watched both of those shows for so long. Its been hard to adjust to not seeing Colbert on my TV anymore...now I have to adjust to both being gone, albeit Colbert is coming back on The Late Show.
My point is you don't have to agree with him or even like him to appreciate his wit, his intelligence, his opinion. He wasn't opposed to saying controversial things...bringing to light the idiotic things that "normal" news reporters would never say. It's called SATIRE people...quit being so sensitive! No one was safe and it was HILARIOUS! It did make you think though...think passed all the BS that was beat into our heads everyday.
If you had half a brain you could understand what he was saying and not take offense, because what he said was usually spot on (you do know he had writers also...right?!?!). I hate politics, I hate politicians, and I hate political news correspondence. But when you have someone dissect it in a comedic way, it helps me not want to stab my eyes out. Yes I watch "real" (I use that term lightly) news but I liked his take on it better. He clearly was doing something right...he was on the air for 16 years...16 years!!! People obviously liked his way of dissecting the world.
With that said I posted on different Social Media last night that I was sad it was the last show with him. And the responses I got back in private messages were astounding. If you have to call me names in a PM instead of publicly you are a coward. Just because I enjoyed his show doesn't make me Unpatriotic, a Baby Killer Supporter (WTF really?!?), Reverse Racist (I don't even get that one), Ignorant (I don't think I am the ignorant one here), etc. Thankfully there were only a few. I did get one public response saying "Good!" which that's fine...if you don't like him, that is fine but why the other bull$hit?!?! The rest were positive (and public), agreeing that he will be missed.
I go online everyday and see things I think are awful from some of my "friends"...things I don't necessarily agree with but I am not going to bully them in PM. If I feel the need to say something I will but I refuse to attack people. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Do I now think some are bigots or racist or uninformed...yes...but most of the ones that post that crap publicly are in fact ignorant and you can't argue with stupid so when it gets out of hand, I ignore them and move on.
That is all...and yes I just about sobbed when he said:
I should also mention I was heartbroken when Colbert signed off as well. I watched both of those shows for so long. Its been hard to adjust to not seeing Colbert on my TV anymore...now I have to adjust to both being gone, albeit Colbert is coming back on The Late Show.
My point is you don't have to agree with him or even like him to appreciate his wit, his intelligence, his opinion. He wasn't opposed to saying controversial things...bringing to light the idiotic things that "normal" news reporters would never say. It's called SATIRE people...quit being so sensitive! No one was safe and it was HILARIOUS! It did make you think though...think passed all the BS that was beat into our heads everyday.
If you had half a brain you could understand what he was saying and not take offense, because what he said was usually spot on (you do know he had writers also...right?!?!). I hate politics, I hate politicians, and I hate political news correspondence. But when you have someone dissect it in a comedic way, it helps me not want to stab my eyes out. Yes I watch "real" (I use that term lightly) news but I liked his take on it better. He clearly was doing something right...he was on the air for 16 years...16 years!!! People obviously liked his way of dissecting the world.
With that said I posted on different Social Media last night that I was sad it was the last show with him. And the responses I got back in private messages were astounding. If you have to call me names in a PM instead of publicly you are a coward. Just because I enjoyed his show doesn't make me Unpatriotic, a Baby Killer Supporter (WTF really?!?), Reverse Racist (I don't even get that one), Ignorant (I don't think I am the ignorant one here), etc. Thankfully there were only a few. I did get one public response saying "Good!" which that's fine...if you don't like him, that is fine but why the other bull$hit?!?! The rest were positive (and public), agreeing that he will be missed.
I go online everyday and see things I think are awful from some of my "friends"...things I don't necessarily agree with but I am not going to bully them in PM. If I feel the need to say something I will but I refuse to attack people. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Do I now think some are bigots or racist or uninformed...yes...but most of the ones that post that crap publicly are in fact ignorant and you can't argue with stupid so when it gets out of hand, I ignore them and move on.
That is all...and yes I just about sobbed when he said:
"This show isn't ending. We're merely taking a small pause in the
conversation. A conversation which, by the way, I have
hogged … So rather than saying goodbye, or goodnight, I'm just going to
say: I'm going to get a drink, and I'm sure I'll see you guys before I
leave. So here it is – my moment of zen."
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Sometimes I want to fake an accent so people don't know where I am from...is that weird???
That sounds terrible...and I really am proud of my heritage BUT when traveling in other countries it becomes PAINFULLY obvious that I am not the norm for Americans. I am not exaggerating. We were out of the country recently and were told more than once by Europeans and citizens of the country we visited that we did not seem American. Not because of our look...because of our attitudes.
While I am fully aware the rest of the world basically laughs at us (come on we are a nutty/spoiled bunch), I guess I didn't really grasp why. And yes I know every country has its crazies or rude people or @$$holes but I am not really talking about that. Our citizens are just different and I am fairly different from many of my fellow citizens. For instance, I have zero desire to go bankrupt buying designer things or live in a over-sized house, in a neighborhood I can't afford or have a car I can't make payments for without cutting back on things like food...I think you get the picture. I always felt like I was weird because this stuff didn't matter to me but now I am realizing I am better for it. And I don't mean people that can afford it...I mean people like me who live semi-comfortably but probably shouldn't blow $600 on a f**king purse when they aren't able to buy necessities...can you eat that purse? No. That material stuff doesn't matter to me, it doesn't tell me you are of higher stature...it tells me you don't understand the value of money. I'd rather spend my extra money and time, traveling the world but that is just me...more power to you if that material item gives you the joy and memories I have from visiting other countries. I am not being a travel "snob". I've had friends & family ask how we can afford to travel so much...they WANT to travel but they can't think beyond the purchase of (insert unnecessary EXPENSIVE item).
Moving on, why do I say this...because when I travel outside the US and see Americans who do manage to travel, I cringe. It is clear many have zero appreciation for other cultures and expect everyone to bend to their needs and wants. "I am important because I am me", um no...you aren't really that important, you are just another person in a sea of people. Yea they may travel there because it is "exotic" but they don't attempt to learn, understand, or respect these places. It isn't all of us, obviously, but it is a frightening majority. When I go to a foreign country, I want to be a part of it. I learn key phrases in their language or learn their terminology (we all know words mean different things in other English speaking countries, WTF is a nappy?!?! I know now but I had to look it up). It just hurts my head when I see others from my nation being disrespectful to locals (or other guests) because of a language barrier. Sorry honey, you are in THEIR country...they may not know English well but at least they are trying. I don't hear you trying to speak in their language. Or b**ching because they don't have some American food/drink. Who cares?!?! You are in a foreign country...try something new! My favorite was "you know you talk funny right?!?" said to a British person in a immensely disrespectful way. Yea well you "talk funny" to them also and that's not even proper English!!! Just saying! Stop being a tw@t!
Side note - control your spawn...no one wants to hear lil Johnny screaming his brains out (at theinfantile age of 10) because the resort has Pepsi and not Coke and then hearing you yell at him to shut up, arguing with him instead of putting your foot down and then giving in and saying you'll buy the f**king $2.50 small BOTTLED Coke in the gift shop that isn't part of the all inclusive you clearly spent A LOT of money on. Give him a water, its better for him anyway.
My point is I've noticed I can scan a room of hundreds of people and pick out the Americans mostly because they are the ones being ignorant and rude. Not all...for instance, there was this older retired couple who were just adorable and friendly and kind, we want to be like them when we grow up! Clearly there are others like us but we seem to be few and far between. At least where I was recently those rude/ignorant are the types of Americans we saw... Which is probably why when making friends with a British couple they were shocked when we spoke because we didn't act like the other @$$es at the resort.
Side Side Note - I've been told in my miniscule travels that the locals appreciate it when you attempt to communicate in their language. It might not be perfect but it's a show of respect...something many in our country seem to be lacking these days.
While I am fully aware the rest of the world basically laughs at us (come on we are a nutty/spoiled bunch), I guess I didn't really grasp why. And yes I know every country has its crazies or rude people or @$$holes but I am not really talking about that. Our citizens are just different and I am fairly different from many of my fellow citizens. For instance, I have zero desire to go bankrupt buying designer things or live in a over-sized house, in a neighborhood I can't afford or have a car I can't make payments for without cutting back on things like food...I think you get the picture. I always felt like I was weird because this stuff didn't matter to me but now I am realizing I am better for it. And I don't mean people that can afford it...I mean people like me who live semi-comfortably but probably shouldn't blow $600 on a f**king purse when they aren't able to buy necessities...can you eat that purse? No. That material stuff doesn't matter to me, it doesn't tell me you are of higher stature...it tells me you don't understand the value of money. I'd rather spend my extra money and time, traveling the world but that is just me...more power to you if that material item gives you the joy and memories I have from visiting other countries. I am not being a travel "snob". I've had friends & family ask how we can afford to travel so much...they WANT to travel but they can't think beyond the purchase of (insert unnecessary EXPENSIVE item).
Moving on, why do I say this...because when I travel outside the US and see Americans who do manage to travel, I cringe. It is clear many have zero appreciation for other cultures and expect everyone to bend to their needs and wants. "I am important because I am me", um no...you aren't really that important, you are just another person in a sea of people. Yea they may travel there because it is "exotic" but they don't attempt to learn, understand, or respect these places. It isn't all of us, obviously, but it is a frightening majority. When I go to a foreign country, I want to be a part of it. I learn key phrases in their language or learn their terminology (we all know words mean different things in other English speaking countries, WTF is a nappy?!?! I know now but I had to look it up). It just hurts my head when I see others from my nation being disrespectful to locals (or other guests) because of a language barrier. Sorry honey, you are in THEIR country...they may not know English well but at least they are trying. I don't hear you trying to speak in their language. Or b**ching because they don't have some American food/drink. Who cares?!?! You are in a foreign country...try something new! My favorite was "you know you talk funny right?!?" said to a British person in a immensely disrespectful way. Yea well you "talk funny" to them also and that's not even proper English!!! Just saying! Stop being a tw@t!
Side note - control your spawn...no one wants to hear lil Johnny screaming his brains out (at the
My point is I've noticed I can scan a room of hundreds of people and pick out the Americans mostly because they are the ones being ignorant and rude. Not all...for instance, there was this older retired couple who were just adorable and friendly and kind, we want to be like them when we grow up! Clearly there are others like us but we seem to be few and far between. At least where I was recently those rude/ignorant are the types of Americans we saw... Which is probably why when making friends with a British couple they were shocked when we spoke because we didn't act like the other @$$es at the resort.
Side Side Note - I've been told in my miniscule travels that the locals appreciate it when you attempt to communicate in their language. It might not be perfect but it's a show of respect...something many in our country seem to be lacking these days.
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