Just kidding. Maybe. Almost.
So the sig other was leaving for a last minute work trip. The night before I was in a mood. I was annoyed and being petty. I grumpily did things while he packed. One of those things involved opening a toy for the cats. I don't know why but I took that moment to open the damn toy.
I was using a scissors to pop a zip tie. Again I was pissy so I may have used more force than I realized. The scissor slipped...ACROSS MY THUMB.
Series of Events that happened in less than 5 seconds:
I yipped
I dropped everything
I grabbed my thumb
I darted to my bedroom
I hear "are you okay"
YES!
About this time the pain receptors kicked in and I fell to my knees before I got to my bathroom sink.
My medical crew arrived to investigate. This is when I realized I was crying because two dogs and two cats were trying to lick my face and my hand. They were very concerned.
I feared looking at my hand based on the pulse I could feel in my injured thumb.
I shakily stood and took a peek. The second I removed the pressure blood just poured out. f**k f**k f**k!!!
I ran it under cold water and bent over to breathe and call for help. "okay I am NOT okaY".
In his most caring voice, said "you need to put peroxide on it, water wont help"... "Oh f**k you very much" AHHHHHH. So yea, I guess I deserved the attitude after my pissy mood all night but I almost sliced off my thumb can I get a little sympathy?!?!?
I probably needed stitches, it would not stop bleeding!!!! I could see where the scissor went DEEP under the skin and down part of my nail. But it was midnight and Health Insurance co-pays for ER Visits suck so I cleaned the $hit out of it, put Neosporin on it, and wrapped it
That Mo**er F**ker THROBBED ALL NIGHT. I couldn't sleep. Every time I moved I hit it and woke up. I had to bandage it for 3 days....it would start bleeding otherwise every time I touched it.
So why Nature Herpes you ask? Well because right after, I did a run run in the woods woods. My luck I would fall and get some weird bacteria...I didn't want to get nature herpes so I wore a finger condom. They exist...and go on JUST LIKE A CONDOM. Just roll it on and make everyone giggle....
Showing posts with label nature. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nature. Show all posts
Monday, February 10, 2020
Monday, September 11, 2017
Buddy, he thought you were dinner
Saw this:
It's just an Orca (I say, as I sit safely in my living room). Yes, they have the nickname "Killer Whale" but from what I understand they usually leave humans alone. Now a great white or bull shark...totally different story. They don't like how we taste but they sometimes take a nibble first...unfortunately their nibbles are usually like an entire leg and that tends to be life threatening.
This one probably thought the surfer was a seal. It investigated, nudged the board, realized nope not a seal and moved on. Had the guy been swimming in the water the whale probably wouldn't have even swam up because seals don't have legs or whatever.
Would I have been $hitting a brick...probably but that is still SUPER COOL!
It's just an Orca (I say, as I sit safely in my living room). Yes, they have the nickname "Killer Whale" but from what I understand they usually leave humans alone. Now a great white or bull shark...totally different story. They don't like how we taste but they sometimes take a nibble first...unfortunately their nibbles are usually like an entire leg and that tends to be life threatening.
This one probably thought the surfer was a seal. It investigated, nudged the board, realized nope not a seal and moved on. Had the guy been swimming in the water the whale probably wouldn't have even swam up because seals don't have legs or whatever.
Would I have been $hitting a brick...probably but that is still SUPER COOL!
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Yogi!!!!
No but really...how terrifying?!?!!?
Whoa!
So he managed to open the screen but couldn't get the sliding glass door open (THANK GOD!). And he was hella pissed because he couldn't get to the food. I think I'd $hit a brick!
Poor guy just wanted some brownies.
Heeeeeey boo boo, I'ma smarter than the average bear!
Someone call the ranger, he's getting out of control!
So he managed to open the screen but couldn't get the sliding glass door open (THANK GOD!). And he was hella pissed because he couldn't get to the food. I think I'd $hit a brick!
Poor guy just wanted some brownies.
Monday, July 18, 2016
I shall name it Houdini...then kill it! After screaming like I'm being murdered and having a mini freak out in the back yard....
Sooooooooooooooo I HATE one thing about living in the South. While I don't like the heat, humidity, hurricanes, etc...those aren't what I am talking about. I am talking about bugs. Not all bugs...one in particular!
Right, so we all know which bug I am referring to. If not see here and here and here.
Moving on, Saturday night was just like many other Saturday nights. I was being a bump on a log watching mind numbing TV. As per my usual routine I let Speedy out to tee tee, hubs was asleep on the couch. I opened the back door and *BAM* something jumped...ONTO MY FACE. I squeaked a little but I realized it was frog. Listen here buckaroo, you don't want to come in my house, you will get eaten. So I maneuvered him off my face and into on of my potted plants. Speedy and I were star gazing listening to the fiesta across the street (not super loud but I could hear the music). After a bit we went back to the door.
Now mind you I had no outside lights on (I was star gazing) so the only light is from the Moon and the little showing through the closed blinds. I turned to open the door.
Cool, no frogs or lizards! I turned back to Speedy with my hand on the knob and pushed. (this all happened in SECONDS)
What...?
*Jumps back* WHAT?!? while my eyes zero in on NOT A F**KING FROG
Speedy pushes the door the rest of the way open to go in as I yell "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
The f**ker is half dead thanks to my fumigation so it kind of just falls off the door...onto the dog.
He jumps
I scream for real
he realizes whatever is on him is not letting go AND mom is freaking out
He runs INSIDE
F********k *still freaking out* trying to get the dog out of the doorway
He shakes
It takes flight
I run back outside losing my god dammed mind
I am yelling "its inside, its inside"
Speedy is trying to find and kill whatever is distressing mom
Hubs is trying to figure out why I am losing my mind while still half asleep
Not wanting this thing to disappear IN my home I run in screaming ala William Wallace, shoe raised in hopes of Victory
Its f**king M.I.A.
*$hit $hit $hit*
Then I see old lady stalking my couch
She dives
It comes running out at top speed (well top speed being half dead)
Speedy goes for it
Old Lady goes for it
I go for it
Hubs yells "what the f**k is going on?!?!?!"
I beat the creature into oblivion with my shoe while the animals watch
As the haze clears I hear "I think its dead..."
I smoosh it one more time for good measure
Hubs goes to sweep it up
It flips over and attempts to run on like two legs with its guts hanging out
I start screaming again
Hubs is freaking a bit
The dog is barking
The cats are stalking
Our neighbors have now turned OFF the music and are listening to this fiasco, I assume
I throw my shoe at it and it stops moving
Hubs flings it out the door with the broom and we slam the door and lock it...because, ya know, bugs don't come through locked doors *rolling eyes*
How the hell am I supposed to go to sleep after that?!?!!? I couldn't. Every time I shut my eyes, all I saw were those bugs flying at me. I am getting chills now just thinking about it *shudder*.
But seriously, I don't know where the thing came from. One second it wasn't there and the next it was at eye level twitching its little antennas, taunting me!!!! I didn't here it flutter past my head so I don't think it flew to the window... I just don't know...
Right, so we all know which bug I am referring to. If not see here and here and here.
Moving on, Saturday night was just like many other Saturday nights. I was being a bump on a log watching mind numbing TV. As per my usual routine I let Speedy out to tee tee, hubs was asleep on the couch. I opened the back door and *BAM* something jumped...ONTO MY FACE. I squeaked a little but I realized it was frog. Listen here buckaroo, you don't want to come in my house, you will get eaten. So I maneuvered him off my face and into on of my potted plants. Speedy and I were star gazing listening to the fiesta across the street (not super loud but I could hear the music). After a bit we went back to the door.
Now mind you I had no outside lights on (I was star gazing) so the only light is from the Moon and the little showing through the closed blinds. I turned to open the door.
What...?
The f**ker is half dead thanks to my fumigation so it kind of just falls off the door...onto the dog.
He jumps
I scream for real
he realizes whatever is on him is not letting go AND mom is freaking out
He runs INSIDE
F********k *still freaking out* trying to get the dog out of the doorway
He shakes
It takes flight
I run back outside losing my god dammed mind
I am yelling "its inside, its inside"
Speedy is trying to find and kill whatever is distressing mom
Hubs is trying to figure out why I am losing my mind while still half asleep
Not wanting this thing to disappear IN my home I run in screaming ala William Wallace, shoe raised in hopes of Victory
Its f**king M.I.A.
*$hit $hit $hit*
Then I see old lady stalking my couch
She dives
It comes running out at top speed (well top speed being half dead)
Speedy goes for it
Old Lady goes for it
I go for it
Hubs yells "what the f**k is going on?!?!?!"
I beat the creature into oblivion with my shoe while the animals watch
As the haze clears I hear "I think its dead..."
I smoosh it one more time for good measure
Hubs goes to sweep it up
It flips over and attempts to run on like two legs with its guts hanging out
I start screaming again
Hubs is freaking a bit
The dog is barking
The cats are stalking
Our neighbors have now turned OFF the music and are listening to this fiasco, I assume
I throw my shoe at it and it stops moving
Hubs flings it out the door with the broom and we slam the door and lock it...because, ya know, bugs don't come through locked doors *rolling eyes*
How the hell am I supposed to go to sleep after that?!?!!? I couldn't. Every time I shut my eyes, all I saw were those bugs flying at me. I am getting chills now just thinking about it *shudder*.
But seriously, I don't know where the thing came from. One second it wasn't there and the next it was at eye level twitching its little antennas, taunting me!!!! I didn't here it flutter past my head so I don't think it flew to the window... I just don't know...
Thursday, June 23, 2016
I got nature in my eye!
So I am not a girly girly girl. I like dressing up and being pretty sometimes but I also like playing in the garden, camping, and dancing in the rain. Which is why when I am told there are TRAIL RUNS, I am usually one of the 1st to sign up. I love them. I love running but trail runs are so fun!!! Its not your typical run. You aren't on asphalt. You are in the woods, by a stream, enjoying nature. Until nature turns on you and you wonder what on EARTH you were thinking!!!
So getting back from vacay where you are eating horribly and NOT exercising and then doing a race is probably not the best idea. Make that race a trail run and I feel like you are just asking for trouble. That is what I did. But I was ready to get back into the swing of running. At the @$$ crack of dawn we headed out. We'd been checking the weather. Two days before 20% chance of rain, day before 30% chance of rain, night before 45% chance of rain (hmmmm), day of 60% chance of rain (ummmm), arriving at the race 90% chance of rain (well f**k).
Hmmm that looks ominous...but we live in the South...that's a summer shower...it'll blow over...
So we continued on...then this happened
I'm pretty sure we just drove through a water spout...HALP! Shut-up! It'll blow over!!!!
We get to the race and pre-race selfie...
Ooooo f**k you, what is BEHIND us?!?!!? It's moving south....*whew*...that is moving AWAY from us. It'll be fine...we'll be fine...its FINE! But just in case we left our phones and earbuds in the car...ya know to be safe.
So we get to the start line and the guy on the PA is like "I know we are supposed to start at 8 but since people were delayed because of weather we are delaying the start time slightly but not too much"...K.
8:09: "The lightening you are seeing is moving away from us, no need for concern, we will start soon. The trail is clear, a little muddy, only a few spots maybe ankle deep water"...ummmm kaaaay, I mean I am a little concerned...its wet and I am about to be in the woods!
8:15ish: "Ummmm, weather reports show some storms over the lake and NOLA East. They are, uh, moving in a South Easterly direction....so, uh, yea basically they are moving right towards us *nervous laugh*. We will start shortly". WTF?!?!?
8:19: *star spangled banner* starts playing. It ends. The thunder crashes so loud my teeth clanked, the sky opens up in a deluge and we hear a *horn*. Seriously?!?!?! We are starting now?!?!?!
So we went. All 200 or so of us took off running INTO the woods. I don't mind running in the rain, keeps ya cool. Well me and my bestie are a giggling mess running and dodging branches when we hear *screaming* up ahead. Ummmm, no bueno...what is happening. We come around a bend and there is literally a STREAM flowing across the trail. Ankle deep my @$$ that is over that girls shins!!!! Can't go over it...can't go around it...gotta go through it...and "holy f**king $hit that is cold!!!". Once that was done we were like "oh, mud is fine, this is fine, we are fine. A little rain wont kill us" *thunder crash* "$hit". We go a little further and the ENTIRE TRAIL is knee deep water. Hmmmm I mean it must just be this section...right?!? .5 mile in and people are turning around. What should we do?!? "We aren't p***y's, we got this!" 1 mile in, STILL IN KNEE DEEP WATER. WTF were we thinking?!?!?! This is a 5k!!! Holy mother of f**k, I'm gonna die. We are in SOUTH LOUISIANA...what if there is a gator or a snake or just a raging f**king creek...*lightening streaks overhead*. OMG hold my hand, I might wash away!!! Oh yea and its STILL RAINING.
So yea, 3.1 miles of wading through water...in the rain...in the lightening...IN THE WOODS. There was maybe .1 miles of just mud. The rest was just below knee deep to OMG I think that touched my vag, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
That was not a trail run...that was a trail swim. I had mud, twigs, NATURE in the most unusual places. We were soaked to the bone. We were cold. It took us 1:20 to finish a 5k!!!!!!! I usually do a 5k in 35 min or less.
Should we have run it...probably not. But hey now we have a funny story to tell, ha...ha...ha *sigh*.
So getting back from vacay where you are eating horribly and NOT exercising and then doing a race is probably not the best idea. Make that race a trail run and I feel like you are just asking for trouble. That is what I did. But I was ready to get back into the swing of running. At the @$$ crack of dawn we headed out. We'd been checking the weather. Two days before 20% chance of rain, day before 30% chance of rain, night before 45% chance of rain (hmmmm), day of 60% chance of rain (ummmm), arriving at the race 90% chance of rain (well f**k).
Hmmm that looks ominous...but we live in the South...that's a summer shower...it'll blow over...
We get to the race and pre-race selfie...
So we get to the start line and the guy on the PA is like "I know we are supposed to start at 8 but since people were delayed because of weather we are delaying the start time slightly but not too much"...K.
8:09: "The lightening you are seeing is moving away from us, no need for concern, we will start soon. The trail is clear, a little muddy, only a few spots maybe ankle deep water"...ummmm kaaaay, I mean I am a little concerned...its wet and I am about to be in the woods!
8:15ish: "Ummmm, weather reports show some storms over the lake and NOLA East. They are, uh, moving in a South Easterly direction....so, uh, yea basically they are moving right towards us *nervous laugh*. We will start shortly". WTF?!?!?
8:19: *star spangled banner* starts playing. It ends. The thunder crashes so loud my teeth clanked, the sky opens up in a deluge and we hear a *horn*. Seriously?!?!?! We are starting now?!?!?!
So we went. All 200 or so of us took off running INTO the woods. I don't mind running in the rain, keeps ya cool. Well me and my bestie are a giggling mess running and dodging branches when we hear *screaming* up ahead. Ummmm, no bueno...what is happening. We come around a bend and there is literally a STREAM flowing across the trail. Ankle deep my @$$ that is over that girls shins!!!! Can't go over it...can't go around it...gotta go through it...and "holy f**king $hit that is cold!!!". Once that was done we were like "oh, mud is fine, this is fine, we are fine. A little rain wont kill us" *thunder crash* "$hit". We go a little further and the ENTIRE TRAIL is knee deep water. Hmmmm I mean it must just be this section...right?!? .5 mile in and people are turning around. What should we do?!? "We aren't p***y's, we got this!" 1 mile in, STILL IN KNEE DEEP WATER. WTF were we thinking?!?!?! This is a 5k!!! Holy mother of f**k, I'm gonna die. We are in SOUTH LOUISIANA...what if there is a gator or a snake or just a raging f**king creek...*lightening streaks overhead*. OMG hold my hand, I might wash away!!! Oh yea and its STILL RAINING.
So yea, 3.1 miles of wading through water...in the rain...in the lightening...IN THE WOODS. There was maybe .1 miles of just mud. The rest was just below knee deep to OMG I think that touched my vag, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Should we have run it...probably not. But hey now we have a funny story to tell, ha...ha...ha *sigh*.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Help! Someone please save me from the headless...no wait bodiless...horse...bug...?
Why do weird things only happen to us?! So we have dragonflies EVERYWHERE and I am cool with them most of the time. They land on me or my pups and I just watch them. They are so pretty...usually. My love of them ends about the time the sun sets and its dark out because large insects landing on me in the dark is $hit I have nightmares about.
Last night, like any other night, I let the pups out before I went shower. It was already dark so I turned on the porch light. Something landed on the back of my NECK! "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I'm sorry but the images that flew through my mind were not of friendly creatures. I could feel the little insect legs crawling on my spine! So I spazzed out trying to get this creature with a death grip off my bare neck. When I recovered from my freak out with my hair sticking out in every direction I saw a medium dragonfly on the door. "you @$$hole!" *shudder*. The pups finished their nightly routine and wanted to go in. We all know if I open the door with the creature on the door it will fly inside. So I am throwing sticks at the door trying to spook it into flying off. Well my sticks didn't scare the bug but it got the attention of my husband who happened to be sleeping and didn't know I was outside. He opened the door to investigate and it immediately flew in "dammit" *hangs head in defeat*.
So it's perching on the ceiling taunting my cats and dogs *wing flutter* "bzzzt" *wing flutter*. My other half decided to swat it with a towel. You know, stun it and toss it out. So he hits it and we can't find the f**king thing. It did the mother of all disappearing acts. "Where...it was just...*confused stare* I don't understand!" Even the animals were like "hey, where'd he go??" Then I turned around and I heard "pahhahahahaha". "What....? What...?! *spinning in a circle*" It was on my back....seriously, is this a f**king cartoon?!?!?! What is happening??!? Well my movement made it fall off...and we lost it AGAIN! Alright Houdini, WTF?!? 15 minutes later we look up, that mofo is perched on the ceiling again *argh*. Is there a f**king portal in this house?!?! How'd he do that?!?
So he swats it again and it lands on the rug. He says "aw, I killed it, there isn't a body, just a head, some legs and 3 wings". He goes to pick it up and it starts fluttering around, "Ahhh, what tha f**k!" So now we are both laughing like loons because there is a bodiless (is that even a word?!?) dragonfly...erratically flying...and the cats are losing their ever loving minds. I lean over to get the towel to cover it back up just as hubs looked away at the cats. When we turn back to the fluttering creature its f**king gone!
"What, hold up...where...it was right there?!!?" *pointing at empty space*
"It's only got a head an three of the four wings, where the hell is it!!?!??"
We searched everywhere! It was no where to be found! We looked under the couch, under the entertainment center, in the cubby holes...that f**ker clearly flew into another dimension. So we nervously sit on the couch before realizing we didn't pick up the body. But it was okay because Convict decided he wanted a snack "ewwwwwwwwww!" We were watching Mythbusters for at least 20 minutes when Speedy, who was sleeping by my feet suddenly picks up his head and looks at me. What's left of the f**king dragonfly is PERCHED in the middle of his head. Eyes pointed in my direction and still moving wildly. I swear to God it was planning it's revenge! Wait was it mind controlling my dog....
Speedy jumped up
It fell off
He tried to eat it "nooooo!"
The yell scared him so he peed *fail*
It flew haphazardly at my face "ahhhh!"
I knocked it to the floor "$hit!"
Demon spawn tried to eat it "stooooop"
Hubs intervened, "Drop it!"
The creature got stepped on *double fail*.
I mean I have to give it props...it put up one hell of a fight to live...and we didn't WANT to kill it...it just kinda...happened.
I didn't drink last night but I really wanted a glass (or bottle) of wine by the time it was all said and done.
Last night, like any other night, I let the pups out before I went shower. It was already dark so I turned on the porch light. Something landed on the back of my NECK! "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I'm sorry but the images that flew through my mind were not of friendly creatures. I could feel the little insect legs crawling on my spine! So I spazzed out trying to get this creature with a death grip off my bare neck. When I recovered from my freak out with my hair sticking out in every direction I saw a medium dragonfly on the door. "you @$$hole!" *shudder*. The pups finished their nightly routine and wanted to go in. We all know if I open the door with the creature on the door it will fly inside. So I am throwing sticks at the door trying to spook it into flying off. Well my sticks didn't scare the bug but it got the attention of my husband who happened to be sleeping and didn't know I was outside. He opened the door to investigate and it immediately flew in "dammit" *hangs head in defeat*.
So it's perching on the ceiling taunting my cats and dogs *wing flutter* "bzzzt" *wing flutter*. My other half decided to swat it with a towel. You know, stun it and toss it out. So he hits it and we can't find the f**king thing. It did the mother of all disappearing acts. "Where...it was just...*confused stare* I don't understand!" Even the animals were like "hey, where'd he go??" Then I turned around and I heard "pahhahahahaha". "What....? What...?! *spinning in a circle*" It was on my back....seriously, is this a f**king cartoon?!?!?! What is happening??!? Well my movement made it fall off...and we lost it AGAIN! Alright Houdini, WTF?!? 15 minutes later we look up, that mofo is perched on the ceiling again *argh*. Is there a f**king portal in this house?!?! How'd he do that?!?
So he swats it again and it lands on the rug. He says "aw, I killed it, there isn't a body, just a head, some legs and 3 wings". He goes to pick it up and it starts fluttering around, "Ahhh, what tha f**k!" So now we are both laughing like loons because there is a bodiless (is that even a word?!?) dragonfly...erratically flying...and the cats are losing their ever loving minds. I lean over to get the towel to cover it back up just as hubs looked away at the cats. When we turn back to the fluttering creature its f**king gone!
"What, hold up...where...it was right there?!!?" *pointing at empty space*
"It's only got a head an three of the four wings, where the hell is it!!?!??"
We searched everywhere! It was no where to be found! We looked under the couch, under the entertainment center, in the cubby holes...that f**ker clearly flew into another dimension. So we nervously sit on the couch before realizing we didn't pick up the body. But it was okay because Convict decided he wanted a snack "ewwwwwwwwww!" We were watching Mythbusters for at least 20 minutes when Speedy, who was sleeping by my feet suddenly picks up his head and looks at me. What's left of the f**king dragonfly is PERCHED in the middle of his head. Eyes pointed in my direction and still moving wildly. I swear to God it was planning it's revenge! Wait was it mind controlling my dog....
Speedy jumped up
It fell off
He tried to eat it "nooooo!"
The yell scared him so he peed *fail*
It flew haphazardly at my face "ahhhh!"
I knocked it to the floor "$hit!"
Demon spawn tried to eat it "stooooop"
Hubs intervened, "Drop it!"
The creature got stepped on *double fail*.
I mean I have to give it props...it put up one hell of a fight to live...and we didn't WANT to kill it...it just kinda...happened.
I didn't drink last night but I really wanted a glass (or bottle) of wine by the time it was all said and done.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Apparently Angry Birds is based on some factual data
I am not suggesting you go catch a bunch of wild birds and slingshot them at oversized Lincoln Log creations with really fat green pigs to test this theory, but their representation of cardinals is SPOT ON!
At least I am assuming this is a Cardinal
To me that looks like an exaggerated cardinal so *pleeft*. Also, I've encountered cardinals in my yard who wanted nothing more than to peck my eyes out and they had a similar stare...
With that said when I got to work today I heard a ruckus coming from the side parking lot. As I've stated before I really need to know when to leave well enough alone but I am curious by nature so I investigated. I saw a small red streak flitting back and forth between two pickups. WTH?!? Then I realized what it was doing. That ANGRY little bird was ATTACKING the other bird...you know, his reflection.
He was hella pissed too! "I'ma kill you Mother F**ker!!!!"
I inched closer and that's when he saw me. "Uh oh!"
*running in heels*...*screeeeeech*..."OMG!!!!! *run-crouching with hands over head*" I got in the building right as it came up behind me! I closed the door which happens to be glass and that f**ker landed on the handle outside and STARED at me. "Holy crap! I think that thing actually wants to kill me!" Before I could get my phone out it chirped, pecked at the glass a couple times, and flew off *whew*. Oh well, I guess it will go back to attempting to murder its reflection.
*10 minutes later* "*screaming* What the f**k!!!!! *slam*" I crept out of my office to see my boss...completely disheveled...she said she was chased by a bird from her car to the building....hmmm apparently he is NOT content with only murdering his reflection. What if he's still out there at lunch time...
At least I am assuming this is a Cardinal
 |
| Not my pic |
He was hella pissed too! "I'ma kill you Mother F**ker!!!!"
 |
| Not my picture, I couldn't get near the damn thing |
 |
| Not my pic |
*10 minutes later* "*screaming* What the f**k!!!!! *slam*" I crept out of my office to see my boss...completely disheveled...she said she was chased by a bird from her car to the building....hmmm apparently he is NOT content with only murdering his reflection. What if he's still out there at lunch time...
Friday, August 15, 2014
I officially live in the swamp
Okay so I don't live in "the" city or even a close suburb. I live further out...not rural but more rural then say Kenna Brah. I encounter strange creatures all the time. Things that unless you live near a waterway or woods you normally don't see in a subdivision.
The first time I saw an armadillo in my back yard I was taken aback. Armadillos don't live in neighborhoods! Of course then the dogs tried to play with it (or kill it, not sure exactly) and it curled up in a ball and I was yelling because rabies, hello! Anyways since then I have seen some strange things when in my backyard in a seemingly suburban area.
Last night was no exception. I was watching Shark After Dark when my pups decided they needed to go outside, NOW! Okay okay geez. So we went out into the night. I don't turn on the back porch light because it attracts bugs and then they fly inside when I open the door. Plus with less light I can see the sky better. So I was gazing at the stars when I heard the dogs take off running *crap*. I can't see that well and it was late so I stayed on the patio whispering loudly "come here!" I could barely make out their profiles along the back fence. Old man lost interest first and went inside but convict was just staring into the night. *dammit dog, grumble*. Finally after a few minutes he came to my side but still wouldn't go to the door. He was just staring away from the house. He started whining and looking at me like "don't you see it!" and I was like "uh no and I am not sure I want to". Then out of no where something the size of a small bird goes zipping passed my face screeching. I am talking high pitched, ear drum busting screech. I hit the deck, quite literally...no really that is going to leave a bruise *sigh*. And he took off running after it. It slammed into the bushes not far from me. I only knew where it went because the bush was shaking.
Convict was staring at the bush, ears up, curious stare, whining. I was in ninja crouching tiger stance, as in standing, bent knees, ready to pounce...not sure what I was going to do but it felt like the right way to stand. Of course, me being curious by nature walked up to the bush to investigate instead of high tailing it inside. I am not sure what I expected, it was very dark. So I nudged the bush with my foot, nothing. Hmmm maybe it flew off in all the commotion. So I nudged it harder, still nothing. If this was a comedy/horror it would have attacked my face at this point but since I don't live in a movie that (thankfully) did not happen. Convict was still staring so clearly something was in there. At this point logic should have told me to abandon my quest and go to bed. Logic be damned! I got really close to the bush and started peering inside. I heard a scuffle and jumped back. I crept back up (seriously why was I not going inside) and peered in again. That's when something caught the faint glow of the street light. Two rather large glowing eyes were staring back at me. Did I scream and run??? Nope, I said "hi there, and what are you?" Then my brain FINALLY kicked in and I was like hmmmmmm maybe just maybe I should leave this tiny creature alone before it eats my face. So I dragged convict inside and went to bed.
I am thinking it was a bat. I've seen bats flying way up high at night before but I've never had one dive at my face screeching. I'm calling this close encounters of the bat kind.
The first time I saw an armadillo in my back yard I was taken aback. Armadillos don't live in neighborhoods! Of course then the dogs tried to play with it (or kill it, not sure exactly) and it curled up in a ball and I was yelling because rabies, hello! Anyways since then I have seen some strange things when in my backyard in a seemingly suburban area.
Last night was no exception. I was watching Shark After Dark when my pups decided they needed to go outside, NOW! Okay okay geez. So we went out into the night. I don't turn on the back porch light because it attracts bugs and then they fly inside when I open the door. Plus with less light I can see the sky better. So I was gazing at the stars when I heard the dogs take off running *crap*. I can't see that well and it was late so I stayed on the patio whispering loudly "come here!" I could barely make out their profiles along the back fence. Old man lost interest first and went inside but convict was just staring into the night. *dammit dog, grumble*. Finally after a few minutes he came to my side but still wouldn't go to the door. He was just staring away from the house. He started whining and looking at me like "don't you see it!" and I was like "uh no and I am not sure I want to". Then out of no where something the size of a small bird goes zipping passed my face screeching. I am talking high pitched, ear drum busting screech. I hit the deck, quite literally...no really that is going to leave a bruise *sigh*. And he took off running after it. It slammed into the bushes not far from me. I only knew where it went because the bush was shaking.
Convict was staring at the bush, ears up, curious stare, whining. I was in ninja crouching tiger stance, as in standing, bent knees, ready to pounce...not sure what I was going to do but it felt like the right way to stand. Of course, me being curious by nature walked up to the bush to investigate instead of high tailing it inside. I am not sure what I expected, it was very dark. So I nudged the bush with my foot, nothing. Hmmm maybe it flew off in all the commotion. So I nudged it harder, still nothing. If this was a comedy/horror it would have attacked my face at this point but since I don't live in a movie that (thankfully) did not happen. Convict was still staring so clearly something was in there. At this point logic should have told me to abandon my quest and go to bed. Logic be damned! I got really close to the bush and started peering inside. I heard a scuffle and jumped back. I crept back up (seriously why was I not going inside) and peered in again. That's when something caught the faint glow of the street light. Two rather large glowing eyes were staring back at me. Did I scream and run??? Nope, I said "hi there, and what are you?" Then my brain FINALLY kicked in and I was like hmmmmmm maybe just maybe I should leave this tiny creature alone before it eats my face. So I dragged convict inside and went to bed.
I am thinking it was a bat. I've seen bats flying way up high at night before but I've never had one dive at my face screeching. I'm calling this close encounters of the bat kind.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)