This is important...

...a bit graphic but it's important!!!  I try not to go all serious too often on here but I was almost the one in five.  I got "lucky" but it should NEVER happen.  To women, to men, to children, to anyone.  You have no right to claim another person's body without their permission...EVER!

Lady Gaga released a new video for a song called "Til it happens to you". 

Here is an article talking about the video.

Why is consent such a difficult concept?

I was talking to one my my male friends the other day and he was telling me about some news article he read.  It was a story about how in another country...India maybe...there is a new method of deterring rapes.  

Basically women are given this contraption that fits inside their lady parts.  It contains inverted razor blades which are no harm to the woman BUT if a man sticks his d**k in it he will regret it.  It will go in with no issues but when pulling back the "barbs" dig into the skin and the contraption slides easily out of the woman.  The man has no choice but to go to the hospital because the only way to remove it is surgically.  

My response was GOOD! Maybe that'll deter would be rapists...after a few men end up in the ER.  My friend said "but...but that's so archaic.  It's based on a medieval torture device!" I was trying to be patient so I said "I'll never understand why men think they can stick their d**k in whatever they want! It is not your privilege to f**k anything that moves." My friend finally said "I've never really thought of it that way..." 

My point is my friend is a good guy.  He wouldn't force himself on anyone...he'd KILL anyone that touched me or his sisters.   But he still couldn't grasp WHY any woman would need to go to such drastic measures. Why aren't men....boys taught they can't just put their d**k in it?!? I don't understand!!!

I might not be the bravest person but I'd like to think I would have done SOMETHING...

I'm just going to leave this here...

If you've read my stuff before, you know how I feel about blaming the victim.  The article doesn't victim blame exactly but some of the comments on FB made me want to stab people.  She was RAPED in broad daylight...not just raped, gang raped...while bystanders did nothing...NOTHING! 

This is the article.

This is a link to the FB page comments.

I am not going to beat a dead horse by repeating my mantra but people saying things like "how could she not remember she was raped?" (FYI being drugged really messes with your head, just saying!) and "She was on Spring Break, she should know that's what people do." and "She should have been more careful." (how about men shouldn't think that its OKAY to do this.) It made me want to cry.  Cry for her, cry for these "kids" who think THIS is normal because its "Spring Break", cry for humanity...God this is just sick!

Do men and women learn different definitions to words?!?!?!

I ask because I was watching an after school special...or lifetime movie...or one of those real crime shows where they show the police investigation and arrest, etc. 

There was a girl who accused someone of rape.  She was a little intoxicated and a "friend" took advantage of her.  His response made me want to scream.  Actually I think I did scream.  He said "well she didn't fight back or say no".  WHAT?!?!?!  That still isn't consent!!! She said she remembered being scared, frozen with fear.  Frozen with fear AND intoxicated does not equal "stick your d**k in me". 

Consent - permission for something to happen or agreement to do something

Where in that exchange did she agree or give permission!?!?!?!?  Failure or inability to refuse sexual advances is NOT consent. 

What killed me further was people were saying things like: 
 
"How could she have been frozen with fear? He was her friend." 
"Your instincts should have kicked in and you should have said no if you really didn't want to have intercourse."
"The fact that you didn't resist, implies you were okay with it."

OMG Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  This is what rape culture is...it "manifests through the acceptance of rapes as an everyday occurrence, and even a male prerogative. It can be exacerbated by police apathy in handling rape cases, as well as victim blaming, reluctance by the authorities to go against patriarchal cultural norms, as well as fears of stigmatization from rape victims and their families." You know the whole, "well she dressed sexy so she was asking for it" attitude.

I can tell you from first hand experience that your body doesn't always react to the screaming in your head.  Let me set the scene.  Cute little college girl (that's me) goes to the bar with her friends. She is dancing and drinking (legally) until the bar closes.  She meets many cute guys but wasn't interested because her BOYFRIEND was at home studying.  One in particular bought her a couple beers and tried to dance with her even after she said many times "I have a boyfriend" but he said its okay, I'll still buy you a drink.   Once the bar shut down her and her friends walked back to their apartment complex where they and her boyfriend lived.  There was an after party at his place.   Before heading to his apartment cute little college girl went in hers which was in the same building to freshen up.  Her friends went ahead to the party.  She was only going in for a second so locking the front door (something that rarely happened) wasn't even on her mind.  She went potty then went in her room to check her makeup.  Once done she turned towards the bedroom door.  There was a figure standing there.  It was the guy from the bar.  

*thinking* "holy shit what are you doing in my room?!!?" What I said was, "uh, hi..." He walked into my room a little.  I backed up.  He said something along the lines of "you were flirting with me all night." I took another step back (towards my bed, I was panicking).  My brain was screaming "RUN!!!" but I could barely move...could barley form a sentence.  He stepped further in and pulled the light chain throwing my room into near darkness.  I said shakily "I have a boyfriend, you need to leave." He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back onto the bed.  He climbed on top of me and started kissing my neck.  At this point my instincts did kick in.  I managed to roll out from under him and bolted out the door.  I ran top speed in HEELS to my boyfriends apartment and burst into tears.  I told him and my friends what happened.  He was livid!!!  Him and two guy friends went to my apartment to see if he was still there.  Thankfully he left.  They asked if I wanted to report it.  But what was I going to say.  I didn't know his name or anything about him.  Just that I met him at the bar and he followed me home.  

His intention was clear.  I bought you drinks, therefore I get to f**k you.  He KNEW I didn't want anything from him.  He pursued me with the intention of taking what he wanted.  You know how I know.  Because he didn't approach me outside the bar to chat or ask for my number.  He followed me HOME without me knowing and waited until I was alone to make a move.  

I panicked.  I froze.  I did the same thing this girl did but thankfully hadn't had enough alcohol to completely hinder my senses.  Granted I never said the word "No".  I said "I have a boyfriend, you need to leave." But to me that is plainly saying I do not want to sleep with you, I said leave.  I was backing away from him...not sexily like "come hither", I was in flight mode but he was blocking the exit.  I didn't react to his pushing me onto the bed and sucking on my neck...I went limp...look my fear basically paralyzed me, it CAN happen.  But because I never went into Ninja mode he kept on.

It could have been bad, really bad.  But he was really drunk so I think that helped.  He was much bigger than me and if he wouldn't have been so intoxicated, I am 100% certain I wouldn't have been able to get away.   My only hope would have been my friends/boyfriend would have wondered what was taking so long and come to my rescue.  

This is one of the MANY things wrong with our society.  I am sure that had I not gotten away and he had assaulted me...I would have been blamed.  I would have been told I shouldn't have worn that backless shirt, shouldn't have accepted drinks if I didn't intend to "put out", should have actually said the word "No" because my body language wasn't clear enough.  That, my friend, is terrifying.