It's not a f**king storage cubbie!

LINK

Stop putting weird $hit in your vajayjay!!!!

Things you can put in your lady parts:
- fingers
- penises
- fake penises
- feminine hygiene products
- Lubes/Creams made for it
- Other toys MADE to put in there

Things you should NOT put in your hoohah:
- Syringes (WTF MAN?!?!)
- Money (Ewwwww, have you seen that special about how germy money is?!?!)
- Pills (that $hit can be ABSORBED into your...look its just a bad idea and makes me think of instant DEATH)
- Weird herbals suggested by that wacko celebrity
- Honestly if you have to think "hmmmm, should I put this in there"; you probably SHOULD NOT!

But seriously drugs are BAD.  Don't drink and drive...don't get high and drive...don't drive impaired...just STOOOOOOOOP!  

Also, I remember a few years ago a friend of mine who works in the ER admitted someone with a...wait for it...SUNGLASSES CASE stuck in the peesh.  Not like a tiny travel case.  Like those MONSTER things you see at Sunglass Hut for designer glasses....STOP PUTTING WEIRD $HIT IN YOUR HUMP HOLE!

Seriously, Drugs are bad, mmmkay (how many times do I have to say this?!?!)

So I was sitting in bumper to bumper NOT MOVING traffic listening to KKITM when I noticed a Police vehicle on the other side of the highway.  The officer was out of his vehicle talking to a lady.  I didn't see her vehicle so I thought maybe she'd run off the road and it was in the woods. 

Then I looked closer... she had on a bright colored t-shirt....and that's it.  I thought maybe she had booty shorts on but the t-shirt wasn't that long.  Then I thought flesh colored tights but I mean it looked like bare skin. 

That's about when I realized the officer was trying to get her attention and she was looking everywhere BUT at him.  Oh my, what is going on over there.  He was snapping his fingers and moving to get in her line of sight but she was clearly laughing her @$$ off and looking all around.  At least she seemed happy.  This is when she did the funniest and stupidest thing ever. 

She "booped" him on the nose.  I was horrified and amused at the same time (police officers don't like to be touched by someone they are probably going to arrest). 

Nose boops are sweet.  They are cute.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaw

But their "boop" was more like....

You could tell even from the distance that he was trying so hard not to laugh.  Then the poor dear just started spinning in circles on the shoulder of the HIGHWAY. 

We started moving so I didn't see what happened but I am 99% sure she ended up in cuffs in the back of the cruiser.  Bless her heart, she was HIGH AS A KITE. Honey, it is 8:15AM on a Thursday!!!!

For real though, I hope she is okay.  Glad the officer got to her; that is a BUSY highway, she could have been hurt or killed....

Drugs are bad mmm'kay...and so are idle minds...or is that hands...I'm really bad at these words of wisdom

Driving in a neighboring parish I was behind what looked like some sort of police vehicle.  As I got closer, I could read what was on the back, "Meth Lab Response Team".  What?!?  I mean I know we have "Narcotics" teams but when did we start having teams specific to the type of drug??? 

Then I thought about it and realized they are probably HIGHLY specialized because Meth Labs are a bit volatile.  Add in the ones that are mobile (yes there are mobile meth labs...one blew on the interstate a few years back) and you have a 2 ton bomb on wheels, *I so scared*.   So I guess that kind of response team makes quite a bit of sense but it is terrifying to think that the threat is present enough to warrant the creation of such a team. 

In other news I made an ice...thing and I don't know how....

It's a unicorn ice.  It's the last of its kind...and I killed it *muahahaha*.  I laughed as it melted away in my lime water, "Mmmm tastes like extermination".  Wait...ewwwww.  Sorry, sorry, I'll stop channeling my inner pepper pot serial killer.  It's like it froze mid-splash...but I don't have THAT good of a freezer.  I'm lucky if my ice trays freeze after hours of being in there.  How did this happen?????  Maybe my freezer is trying to kill me...

Moving on.  I saw Speedy smacking his lips and kind of foaming a bit around the mouth,"hmmm odd".  Concerned  what he could possibly have gotten into now, I yelled.  He shook his head and I saw something fall on the floor *raised eyebrow*.  Hmmm, it looks like "Ahhh ewww" *drops it back on the floor* WTF?!?!

Please ignore my neglected nails

Yes, that is what you think it is, I think...well as long as you think its some sort of arachnid.  All that is left is the body and ONE leg.  And can I just say, I am not scared of spiders (obviously, I am holding its remains) but that "body" is quite large for my liking.  He's fine so I am thinking not poisonous BUT why is my house suddenly the real life set of Arachnophobia?!?!  Two days before this he started jumping around shaking his head and we found a half dead (shoosh) LARGE house spider on the floor.  Recently, I've cleared WAY more webs from my corners than I'd like to admit.  And we've both been the victim of tiny spiders crawling on us while sitting on the couch.  Did I drop acid and forget???  I don't understand!!! I use Home Defense and I've been using it for YEARS with no issues!  It's tag line is "Kills bugs inside, keeps bugs out!"!!! It keeps everything else out...WTH!?!?!

Ahhhhhhh!