Turtles do not belong in there!!!

So I saw this:

What did I say last time?!?!! Why does this keep happening!??!?!

Then I read the article and...

Link

"Doctors found a small dead turtle in her vagina, which caused a “serious infection,”"

"The 26-year-old woman said she had been partying with a group of British friends a few days earlier but doesn’t remember what happened that night,”

Did...did the "friends" put it in there????

Who....who does that?!?!?!? 

Who does that to a "friend", no less!?!?!

She was birthing Cthulhu

'Sup link to artist

Can you imagine going down on your girl and seeing f**king tentacles coming out of her lady cave?!?!?

Saw this...

And thought SURELY that is a fake news site!  That did NOT happen.  Its tabloids or something.  So I googled it...

Okay the only one I MIGHT trust is foxnews.  So I went to my trusty friend SNOPES.  Nothing confirmed or debunked but it was a rural area in Columbia soooooo.  

"Afflicted by sharp abdominal pain, and terrified by what seemed to be budding stems sticking out..."

“My mom told me once that if I don’t want to get pregnant, I should insert a potato, and I believed her...”

"...lived for two weeks with the potato inside..."

“I had to use sterilized material to go ahead and take out the tuber so that the girl wouldn’t have to go through the embarrassment of having to go to a medical center,”

I know its from 2014 and glad she was okay but HOLY CRAPBALLS!

And just because I don't know what I just watched, you get to see it too!

It's a Happy Hole NOT a Salad Bowl

After all the Goop posts I started following that Doctor that always debunks her $hit.  One she's super smart/very informative and two she's pretty funny. 

I've been a little busy so I am behind on my reading....but anything titled "Don’t cleanse your vagina with a cucumber. Please." has got to be interesting. 

LINK

OK look I have clearly always been on the same page as this doc but JFC ladies...  Its self cleansing.  It doesn't need to be reset with herbs, wasp nests, or vegetables!  If you have an issue you probably need a cream and/or a pill.  Peeling a freaking cucumber and sticking it in your lady parts is NOT a solution. 

"...whatever else passing as the vaginal snake oil du jour at best do nothing but have real potential for harming good bacteria..."

Listen to the doctor....also inserting and twisting anything in your peesh for 20 min is called masturbating...

So if you want to do that, buy a B.O.B. not a pre-pickle. 

It's not a f**king storage cubbie!

LINK

Stop putting weird $hit in your vajayjay!!!!

Things you can put in your lady parts:
- fingers
- penises
- fake penises
- feminine hygiene products
- Lubes/Creams made for it
- Other toys MADE to put in there

Things you should NOT put in your hoohah:
- Syringes (WTF MAN?!?!)
- Money (Ewwwww, have you seen that special about how germy money is?!?!)
- Pills (that $hit can be ABSORBED into your...look its just a bad idea and makes me think of instant DEATH)
- Weird herbals suggested by that wacko celebrity
- Honestly if you have to think "hmmmm, should I put this in there"; you probably SHOULD NOT!

But seriously drugs are BAD.  Don't drink and drive...don't get high and drive...don't drive impaired...just STOOOOOOOOP!  

Also, I remember a few years ago a friend of mine who works in the ER admitted someone with a...wait for it...SUNGLASSES CASE stuck in the peesh.  Not like a tiny travel case.  Like those MONSTER things you see at Sunglass Hut for designer glasses....STOP PUTTING WEIRD $HIT IN YOUR HUMP HOLE!