Showing posts with label i don't understand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i don't understand. Show all posts

Saturday, September 20, 2025

Popcorn+Wine for dinner = Dead people (?) and a Tsunami

The 1st thing I remember is it was night time.  Like 8 or 9 PM.  I was in my little Mazda and was going to deliver sorted cards to my "new" contact at public safety.  But I was bringing them to his house.  He lived in an apartment building.  I was driving around what looked like Uptown New Orleans looking for this "complex".  It had a horseshoe driveway and looked almost like Notre Dame Seminary on Carrolton. At some point I remember thinking I should call him and make sure he's home (LOL what?!?!).

There were a TON of cars in various states of disrepair so no parking.  I found a spot on this weird stretch of Neutral ground where others were parking.  I couldn't find the apartment, 8-XXX.  I can't remember the rest of the number now but I remember the 8.  I realized as I was walking around the 8 was the building number and I was parked in front of Building 4.  

There were people EVERYWHERE but they weren't paying attention to me.  They were all very...dark.  I don't know how to explain it.  Like they weren't all dark skinned...just like in shadow and gave me the heebies.  I headed back to my car to get the cards and the dream shifted to a memory.  But a "Dream" memory.  

In the memory, I was going to my "old" contact's townhouse to drop off the sorted cards.  She lived with her husband and I missed her dearly.  She passed away (she has passed away in reality).  I was in her townhouse. It was very 80's with the brown tones and wood paneling.  She gave me the biggest hug and told me she always looked forward to my visits. She had dinner for us to enjoy together but her husband wasn't home yet.  There was lots of chatting and laughing.  It felt so good to be with her.

Then I was back at my car getting the GARBAGE bag out (in reality it would have been very organized boxes).  Some people I knew saw me and said they would walk with me to building 8 since they were going to a party at building 15.  The girl didn't want me going by myself...she was very worried about me being alone with all these people out.  The bag was heavy but we were making our way around.  These people were like in a trance moving around almost in a daze...and like I said, shadowed.  We were "bright".  The shadowed people didn't move out of the way.  It was like they didn't really see us.  I really felt like we didn't belong and I knew if I touched one it would be bad. 

Then I was back in my car driving around New Orleans in the early morning but like an exaggerated, weird AF version of the streets.  Things looped around to nowhere.  If you weren't careful you ended up on a bridge that went (?) to I don't know where but I was terrified of going over it.  It was really tall and the otherside was dark as heck. 

I was on what I think was Tchoupitoulas Street but it had a "street car" and was even more narrow than it actually is.  I went through a tunnel (WTF) and my GPS was like "Nah B may a u-ey".  But the U-turn took me back into the tunnel and there were tracks for the street car and I didn't think I was supposed to go in there.  So I was waiting outside of it and I saw a light and was like "I knew it, there is a train".  Seriously what is happening?!?!? People already in the tunnel moved to the side of the walls (WTF) and the "train" shot out of the tunnel but it was a model train like the ones my brother used to have. 

It jumped again and I was bringing breakfast to to my work bestie's house.  The "new" contact from Public Safety was with me and another guy that was shortish, fit, older with white hair and a white beard.  My bestie lived in an attached house....like it was a house attached to another house....  He answered the door in jeans and an undershirt.  It was like 7AM or something.  I was like sorry for the early hour but we have brekkie. 

He was grumpy and said he needed coffee but let us in.  He swiped his hand dramatically over his head and eyes (he is lacking in the hair dept) and glared at the two men behind me.  He said his family had already left for the day.  It was a tiny kitchen with a table in the middle to fit 5, like short rectangle.  But it had a lot of stuff on it.  It reminded me of the table at my grandparents house...ALWAYS covered in crap.  

We sat down to eat and before I could cook the chicken bites one of the other guys put a piece of raw chicken on bread and ate it (AHHHHHHH!).  Anyways, I grabbed the rest and popped it in the oven.  

It jumped again and the table was gone and there was a mattress in the middle of the kitchen and an old small box TV on a stand.  Bestie was like "I sleep in here sometimes" (WUT?!?!?).  I was sitting on the counter and felt the sink move.....so I moved over because the sink was detaching from the counter. Dude with the white beard went to use the sink and I said "be careful his house is breaking".

I somehow fell asleep in the dream and woke up snuggled with "new" contact and when we woke up we jumped apart like whoa whoa WTF?!?!  Bestie was FUMING.  He was like "don't touch her!".  And pulled me off the counter.  Then we realized we were late for something and left.   

We were standing outside his front door when we heard sirens.  It was a Tsunami warning (WHAT?!!?).  When I looked up, I could see the pacific ocean about a mile away and a HUGE wave coming at us.  We started running for higher ground and as I was running up this HUGE hill I thought "we don't have hills in NOLA!!!".   As I looked back at the wave coming at us I realized we weren't high enough.  It was on land now and I could see people in the distance being flung off their safe perches by the water.  

We turned right and there was a STEEP grass covered bigger "hill" going higher so we booked it up that hill.  All four of us were together.  We collapsed at the top as the wave surged below us.  I was leaning against a rock or something next to bestie and he was looking away.  We were celebrating that we made it but I noticed he wouldn't look at me.  I said his name and he looked at me with red rimmed eyes, tears covering the blue and spilling down.  And I realized his home was down there and said "Oh _____ I am so sorry" and I tried to give him a hug but he said "No, don't...you can't hug me when I am like this".  So I placed my hand on his arm and he broke down crying and then fell into me.  So I hugged him and said "Shhh, its ok. Its going to be ok.  They are ok.".  I looked at my phone (which was like an old school silver panasonic with a keypad and a small screen) to make a call and realized I didn't have service.  

Monday, September 25, 2017

It's not a f**king storage cubbie!


LINK

Stop putting weird $hit in your vajayjay!!!!

Things you can put in your lady parts:
- fingers
- penises
- fake penises
- feminine hygiene products
- Lubes/Creams made for it
- Other toys MADE to put in there

Things you should NOT put in your hoohah:
- Syringes (WTF MAN?!?!)
- Money (Ewwwww, have you seen that special about how germy money is?!?!)
- Pills (that $hit can be ABSORBED into your...look its just a bad idea and makes me think of instant DEATH)
- Weird herbals suggested by that wacko celebrity
- Honestly if you have to think "hmmmm, should I put this in there"; you probably SHOULD NOT!

But seriously drugs are BAD.  Don't drink and drive...don't get high and drive...don't drive impaired...just STOOOOOOOOP!  

Also, I remember a few years ago a friend of mine who works in the ER admitted someone with a...wait for it...SUNGLASSES CASE stuck in the peesh.  Not like a tiny travel case.  Like those MONSTER things you see at Sunglass Hut for designer glasses....STOP PUTTING WEIRD $HIT IN YOUR HUMP HOLE!

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

"Your washer might kill you"...Oh and "hey gurl, hey"

Yea I was one of those unfortunates that got that notification.  The washer...not the...nevermind.  I mean it didn't literally say that BUT if you denied the "mandatory" recall you were then liable if the washer lid flew off and killed someone...

Anyways, I did the "right" thing and scheduled a tech even though my washer wasn't doing the psycho crazy vibration thing because reasons.  BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!  The tech came out and did the recall repair and get this...GET F**KING THIS!  After the stupid "fix" my washer started showing the symptoms of the recall...WTF over?!?!


Yea that's right AFTER they "fixed" it, it started error-ing out, shaking violently, basically just being an @$$hole. So I called the help line.   I wanted to murder someone after that call.  They essentially said "oh well".

So, I sure did BLAST them on Twitter.  I went into full attack mode.  And guess what...guess f**king WHAT?!? I suddenly got all the help in the world.
Flash forward, they wanted to send ANOTHER tech out but we were moving and they said just call us when  you are all settled.  So I called as instructed.  I AGAIN felt stabby.  I was told that I broke it during the move.  I went ape$hit, got a manager, and the manager said...can  you "prove" you reported it before you moved it because there is no record of you EVER calling in before today.  Can I just thank every deity out there for f**king Twitter?!?!  So I said yes I can.  I started rattling off dates and conversations.  That b**ch had NO RESPONSE.  So they said I would get a call from customer whatever person.  FOUR days later nada.  So I went back to Twitter.  I didn't publicly blast them this time but I messaged them.

Again, twitter to the rescue.  Within 24 hours the social media manager deemed my washer a lost cause and offered me a refund.  Yes please!
Moving on, we bought another washer and it was finally delivered today *yay*.

The delivery guy was awesome.  He was super nice and professional.  And I am 100% oblivious!  At the end of the interaction:

Him: so this number here, is this yours?
Me: Yep
Him: If they contact this number you'll give us a *shy smile*...on a scale 1-5...?
Me: Five for sure!
Him great!
Me: *friendly smile*
Him: So can you receive texts at that number?
Me: *thinking its a text survey* yep!
Him: Great!  *big dopey smile* So what's this other number?
Me: Oh that's my husband
Him: Oh *smile falls* so I shouldn't text you later to ask you to dinner?
Me: *crap* Oh...um no...no that wouldn't be good
Him: Oh Ok, right...do I still get a five...?
Me: Yes, of course

JFC!  He was hitting on me and I had NO IDEA.  I mean I didn't have my rings on and I was distracted (working) but is my game that off that I am that oblivious?!?!?

Also, 3 hours later I was eating alone at a quick service place.  I smiled at at police officer...I am always smiling people!  This is not anything new!!!  He walked over to me and sat down *$hit*.  He then cockily smiles at me and says (STG) 

Officer: Do you eat here often
Me: *what?!?!?*  Ummmmm no....
Officer: *leans forward* You should
Me: *puts left hand on table* I ...no....
Officer: *sees my rings* Oh...sorry.  Just thought you should know, you are very pretty *winks* have a great night.
OMG, y'all I looked like @$$ today.  I had on yoga pants and a t-shirt...no makeup...hair in pigtails...not even REMOTELY trying!!!  All I can think is my new perfume oil has some jacked up pheromones in it that attracts EVERYONE!!!!

Sunday, June 11, 2017

I have questions...mainly how does one wipe...?!?

I am all about "to each his own".  I really don't care what you wear, your style, your taste, etc.  I think its great when people have their own style.  But sometimes I have practicality questions...this is one of those times.


Don't get me wrong these look really cool but....

HOW....?!?!?


My lady parts just screamed in fear.  I really think I would severely injure my hoohah even with a wad of TP.


Now these aren't so bad but I feel like the jewels would catch on EVERYTHING....


I mean what if you want to...have a little fun alone...even with a toy, there is still the risk of vag stab. Gives new meaning to mid-cycle bleeding....  "Ooops, looks like I have a piercing now". 


Oh come on!  Do you have a hand maiden doing your hair?!?!!?  How do you TYPE?!?!  I am so confused....


Again...do these people not touch their hair?!?!  My hand would be stuck and I'd have to chop off 5".


*evil witch cackle* Come closer my pretty, so I can stab your eyes out *ahhhhahahahahaa* Wait didn't the chick in X-men have nails that grew like this?!?!?!


Sorry!  I mean go 'head gurl, if this is your thing.  I just think I would injure myself and/or not be able to perform daily functions...like peeing (wiping) without assistance!  I am clumsy enough without sharp objects attached to my fingers. I'd probably poke my own eye out.

Police Officer:  how'd she die?
Husband: She fell on her fancy nails
Police Officer: *sigh* that is the 5th one this month!