Please stop talking...pretty please...oh dear this is painful

Right so I am apparently too nice...and too friendly.  Complete strangers tell me the weirdest and sometimes very personal things.  But its not a bad thing and I guess sometimes people just need to get it out.

Right so called someone I am not necessarily close to but have known via business for years.  And the following happened:

Jane: Hello.
Me: Hi Jane! I need your help with _______
Jane: *Silence* Hi...NOLA Gurl
Me: *less joyous* Did you see my email?
Jane: Yes but...but I haven't really been in...I...did I tell you about my relative?
Me: Wha...? No...
Jane: They died...

Me: *danger will Robinson* *abort abort* Oh honey I am so sorry...
*thinking this was the end of it and we'd move to another subject*
Jane: They had (insert AWFUL disease) and...well I am one of many...and...they well they caused it themselves.  They started (insert bad habit) after a bad relationship.  And their kids stopped coming around and we gave up.  And their mom took care of them when they got too sick.  And...well I decided to help to give the mom a break.  But I made sure those kids started mending the relationship because they would regret it. 

So I helped and it was okay.  We talked and bickered and I helped them to bed.  Then things went bad.  They were drooling excessively.  Something just wasn't right.  So we called an ambulance and within 24 hours they died of an internal hemorrhage. 

And the funeral was yesterday....
(short version...there was much more but...)
 Me: Why are you at work?  I mean I know its a distraction but...are you okay...? 
(I know, I know dumb question...obviously NOT okay but I was on the verge of tears.)

Jane:  If I stay home I'll cry all day and night.  It was a big funeral. It was nice but its all a blur.  We are doing something as a family to try to heal.  They weren't that old.  I am just scattered.

Me:  I can't even imagine.  Again I am so incredibly sorry...but at least you got to see them again before they died. 
Jane:  Yes...that helps.  I was....I was the last person they saw.

*suddenly back to business* 
I gave my condolences again and we disconnected. 

I was CRYING at my desk after.  How horrible!  I mean I know they were suffering with this illness but Jiminy Cricket that hurt me and I don't even know them.  Its just so sad.

My take away.  Don't take anyone for granted.  You never know when they may not be there anymore.  Even if you are fighting...even if they are stubborn...try to make amends because you just don't know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Yes, I'm crying over a mascot

Okay not just any school mascot.  My school mascot!  I'm a Tiger.  I went to LSU.  I bleed purple and gold.  I remember when Mike V passed and we got Rosco, from that day forward known as Mike VI.  He would be our mascot for a long time.  He was only two when we got him.  Tigers in captivity...especially ones that are cared for like our Mikes.  Seriously have you seen the enclosure....I think its nicer than my house! But he deserves it, he's a good boy.  So imagine the collective cry of pain when we found out our Mike, our only 11 year old wonderful Mike was diagnosed with terminal cancer.   He still had a good 10-15 years left. 

So LSU did what any caring "pet owner"  would do.  They got him the best treatment available.  Saturday we were told the cancer came back with a vengeance.  They gave him 1-2 months to live, saying they would euthanize before he suffered.  Today is Tuesday...3 days after getting that news...we were told Mike VI was humanly euthanized. 

Yea, I teared up.  Its freaking Mike!  We go visit him before LSU games.  We go visit him when we go to campus.  He is part of LSU!  He isn't a caged Tiger.  He is spoiled.  He is very well taken care of.  He isn't forced to do anything he doesn't want to.  He didn't like going into the Stadium so he doesn't.  He can "hide" from the crowd in his enclosure.  Its not living in the wild but he was born in captivity....there is no going back into the wild after that.  My point is he didn't have a bad life.  And now, not by anyone's fault, he is gone way too soon. 

I saw this online earlier today.  I don't know who wrote it so I can't give credit but I thought it was so perfect.

Today we lost one of our own:

"LSU sighed the day Mike died, and stood in silence with a tear in our eye.

The 12th man stood and bowed his head, he prayed for the safe journey of our beloved dead.

Rebels took a knee and the Bulldogs howled knowing they would miss Ole Mike's growl.

Razorbacks stomped and shook their head when they heard the news that Mike was dead.

The War Eagle flew, started to soar and looked at LSU cause he could see Mike no more.

Big Al was tough, but silently cried and there was a calm in that old Crimson Tide.

Time heals the heart, but love does it best. We will miss you forever.

Signed, The Men and Women of the West."

May you rest in peace, MikeVI.

Just call me...f**k he doesn't have a NAME...only "The Narrator"...fine, call me...The...Narrator...

1st rule of Fight Club...well at least I'm not Tyler Durden...

So I came to an uncomfortable realization.  I think I use TV/Movies to express emotions that I don't normally..."express".  I mean I have emotions but some seem to come out more freely when entranced by a show...or a book...usually a show...occasionally a "short story" (not Fan Fiction) *uncomfortable laugh*.  They are my "meetings". 

I know I know I know you are over there like:

But hear me out.  I get happy, I get sad, I get in-between...I prefer happy.  So I am ALWAYS "happy"...even when I should probably be sad.  But I don't like to be sad, so as much as I preach "its okay to cry"...I usually don't.  At least not in-front of others...rarely in-front of others.

The thing is I don't do it because I can't feel...I do it because I don't want to (do not Freud me...I know this isn't "normal"). 

I find that I find my release...my coping...my "its okay to cry" coming from fiction...crap!

I relate sad things in fiction to things that happen (or could happen) in my life or around me and have an emotional response.  I am am empathetic person.  If you are sad, I can relate and get sad...I just don't always fully project it until I am alone.

For example...watching the Series Finale of Lost Girl...not terribly sad but sad enough.  Tamsin f**king died after childbirth...that is a relatable thing...*level: tears*.  Her daughter grows up loved but without a mother...also relatable...*level: sobbing*.  Bo and the gang watch out for her...Bo says to her "I won't let you become a 'Lost Girl'..." JFC just rip my heart out people! *level: rocking in corner*

My point is it wasn't THAT sad to illicit the response(s) I had to it.  I find this happens with other shows/stories.  I wasn't a fan of Danny Pink on Doctor Who but I teared up when he died/sacrificed himself...don't even talk to me about Clara's death *level: don't f**king touch me*.  The parting of The Doctor and Rose...RELATABLE...*level: snot bubble*.  I could also just say...Vincent Van Gogh *level: silent ugly sobs*.  The series finale of House (dammit House!!!) *level: laughing through tears*.  Or...Allegiant (the book) *level: denial...why is my face wet, its not sad...she isn't DEAD* Hmmm, maybe I just don't like endings...the finality of things.

Crap, now I'm Freud-ing myself. 

No worries, I am not developing a split personality.  I will not have a Tyler Durden side that creates a club where we beat the $hit out of each other just to "feel".  But I do have a feeling I am not alone...others are probably similar.  I don't know why we do it (and I'm not gonna analyze that, EVER) but it works for me so why change it.

Shut up Tyler!

A TV Show broke me - Send help...preferably hot firefighters...oh and wine...

I reviewed the season finale you know Hell Bent...at that other place....  So if you want to read that hot mess of a blog post feel free.  I think I am still processing what happened.  Oh and its full of SPOILERS so you have been warned.  Why am I here? 

Well because someone posted the below and I think I died all over again.  Clara & The Doctor broke me.

LINK in case the embed thing messes up again.

Okay, I know I say shows make me cry sometimes.  And they really do.  But only a few episodes from New Who have turned me into a complete blubbering mess. Vincent & The Doctor, Doomsday, The End of Time: Part Two.  There are others that made me sad but these made my husband look at me with concern.  My original viewing of Hell Bent made me sad.  It did.  I teared up.  But since my DVR cut off at the end I wasn't a mess so to say.  The above video absolutely wrecked me and now I don't think I could watch Hell Bent again without losing it.  Stupid TV Show making me emotional. 

Please enjoy while I rock in the corner with my blankie.