I am apparently that 1 in 5...yay

This is a female thing.  Nothing gross just giving a warning.

So I'm dying.  Not really but I kinda feel like it.  Occasionally...not every month but some months I have a weird pain.  The first time it happened and I really noticed it I thought I pulled a muscle or had appendicitis.  The next time it happened it was on the other side.  That's when I started paying attention.  It happens every few months or so, not every month but about midway through when it does.

Turns out I am the 1 of the 1 in 5 females that has Mittleschmerz otherwise known as Mid-Cycle Pain.  Basically I can feel it when I ovulate and it is f**king weird!  We should know by now I have fertility issues, as in we aren't preventing but nothing is happening.  It's to the point where the doc is like "you may want to talk to a fertility specialist" and I'm like "k...but I'm poor".  Well not poor but I don't think we can afford or can justify that.....whatever, a consultation can't hurt...right?

Anyways back to my weirdness.  

I've had this most of my adult life, I just...I thought it was other things, like digestive issues or something.  But when you are tracking cycles you start to put the puzzle pieces together.  So now I know when I feel like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in one side or the other mid-cycle I am in fact releasing an egg...good to know.  I mean it is good to know but I'd rather just track temps and pee in a cup.  I could do without the throbbing pain, nausea and downright uncomfortableness.  I especially hate when it hits when I'm out in public.  I think the two old ladies the farmers market thought I was dying as I dramatically leaned over the lemons and grabbed my side.  I have a decent pain tolerance but this f**king hurts. 

No I don't punch my side!

I've been told it can last a few minutes to a few hours normally...apparently my body is on the few HOURS regime.  It's not easy to sit at a desk and try to focus when you feel like you're being dissected from the inside.  I should be able to take a sick day for this!  

Have I mentioned I sometimes hate being a girl?  Because for reals this $hit is for the birds!

Chivalry Is Dead...or just plain old kindness...the will to help others...BEING A DECENT HUMAN BEING!

I am not a "the man has to do all the work" kind of girl but I appreciate kindness...whether its from a man or a woman.  Just kindness.  The desire to help another person.  Hold open a door, help load groceries, say THANK YOU!

What had happened was I went to the store for some gardening supplies.  I am FINALLY getting my garden all Spring-ified.  Doing that requires soil, at least 3 massive bags of it.  The hubs was doing yard work so I went alone.  I managed to drag them from the pile into my basket with minimal effort.  I say minimal...it required some interesting moves and a knee lift to flip the bag over into the basket without the basket rolling away.  I think it could be the next dance craze.   




After I finished and did a "subtle" victory dance...

I noticed no less than 4 rather large men standing nearby watching. Not one offered assistance...and one of them was a store employee!  They literally just watched little petite me manhandle 3 bags of soil that are something like 40lbs each!

Whatever it was already done.


I finished my shopping and headed to my car.  New challenge...get oversized bags of soil into my car without having the basket roll away.  For some reason THIS was more challenging.  Why you may ask...well because the f**king basket was being blown by the wind and wouldn't sit still long enough for me to get a good grip to the f**king bag. 

I put my foot through the bottom bars so that it wouldn't move but once I had the bag hoisted up my foot was stuck so I was hopping around on one leg with a 40lb bag of wet dirt as the basket still tried to roll away. I was almost pulled into a split when my foot came loose and I instead tumbled backwards INTO my trunk with a 40lb bag of what is essentially "fancy" mud on top of me. 

The basket escaped and rolled off into the sunset as I grumbled some very unladylike words to anyone who would listen.

My hero turned out to be a 60 something year old woman who had a f**king oxygen tank.  She managed to help me get unpinned while her 8 yr old grandson fetched my basket.  She was my savior.  I am not mocking her for having a tank or for helping me.  I am calling out the 7 people who were nearby who watched me almost injure myself and didn't lift a finger to help me.  Who instead let a medically challenged woman and a young child help me. 

She also offered to help me get the other bags into my car.  I couldn't in good conscience ask her to lift anything so I asked if she could just hold the basket still while I maneuvered the bags.  And still not one f**king person offered help out of 5 men and 2 women watching this unfold.  All of them were young-ish....all capable of at least holding the run away basket.  Nope, no help, they just watched or pretended like they didn't see.

That is MESSED up!  I always offer help, especially if I see someone struggling.  I may not be big but two people lifting a whatever is a lot easier than one!  I thought it was common courtesy to help someone. 

Faith in Humanity LOST.......well some FAITH was saved by the wonderful woman who offered to help me even though she didn't have to. 

Don't date/marry/f**k sadistic, manipualtive, @$$holes...even if they are attractive!

Okay so there was a lot of joking on my part about how crazy shouldn't be so attractive when I was watching that show on Netflix.  You know the one with the guy and the girl and the other guy and other girl and the superpowers....thing (*pssst* it's Jessica Jones if you didn't figure that one out).

Anyways, watching crazy psycho (unfortunately attractive) Kilgrave makes you go "WOW so glad that superpower doesn't actually exist!"  I can't imagine someone having that much power of suggestion over me.  That is a whole other level of f**ked up.

Then something in the real world happens and you go "F**K some people in REAL LIFE manage to do that without mind controlling superpowers" ...I need an adult!!!!

I say this because I know a lady.  She is older than me by a few years but has been married for much longer.  It was an awful relationship.  From day two no one in her life "liked" him.  Everyone liked him at first because he was SUPER HOT and charming (hence the "day two").  He knew just what to say but something was always off.  Simmering under the surface, you just got a "danger Will Robinson" vibe.  She wasn't a bad person, she just tended to make emotional decisions which weren't always good decisions.  She was full of love, very caring...highly empathetic.  She had some kids from previous relationships (not judging just stating fact) before she met this person.  It was a whirlwind love affair that confused and concerned everyone around her because SHE started to change.

The first incident happened before they married.  One of her children was injured and brought to the ER.  CPS was called (this is normal).  CPS determined the child had suffered multiple instances of abuse from the BF most likely  (no one said what but I think we all assumed the worst). No charges were pressed but CPS said he is not allowed around your kids or we will take them away.  She chose him over her babies.  Her babies almost went into foster care before family stepped up.  WTaF?!?! What sane person...in charge of their own faculties willingly gives up their right as a parent?!?!?  And for a BF for that matter!?!?! Okay I know some people do but this was way out of character for her, yet she was "okay" with it.  Is she having a mental break?!?!?

She married Casanova, had another child, and basically stopped talking to EVERYONE.   She came to functions and stuff but wasn't the same.  She was spaced out...not really there...most of what she said made little or no sense (and no she wasn't on drugs she had to be tested regularly for work).  If her hubby snapped she was at his side doing whatever he asked..."hmmm that's...odd."  She went from strong willed to a complete submissive. 

*sirens* *red flags* *danger, danger*  but no matter what we said she still stayed with him.  He cheated on her.  He lied to her.  He put her in horrid financial situations.  He physically hurt her but she never pressed charges...  The typical "I fell into a wall" excuse.  Somehow he still managed to charm his way into people's hearts (or heads) and convinced them SHE was cuckoo.  And yet she stayed.  She defended his every indiscretion.  He "loved" her.

*Flash Forward a few years* She FINALLY had enough of the cheating and left *angels singing*.  But he still has a hold on her.  I don't understand. Its like she is 100% brainwashed.  He can convince her to do ANYTHING!  One day she rants and raves about his crazy manipulation to everyone.  Then the next she is saying how he is being such a great guy through all of this.  *rinse, repeat*  He has turned their child against her.  Convinced her that she is in the wrong for leaving his cheating @$$.  Convinced her that HE SHOULD HAVE FULL CUSTODY because she doesn't DESERVE their spawn and she should pay him...even though she makes significantly less than him.  He somehow convinced her they should still be intimate (this one FLOORS ME).  Convinced her to file a whatever that royally screws her over and costs him nothing.  Even with everyone SCREAMING "no don't do that" she still did it. He got the house, BOTH cars, the tax refund, their business SIGNED OVER TO HIM, and so much more.  She got diddly...well an STD (a curable one but still!). What is happening?!!?!?  Can't someone step in and say this is not right...something is very wrong...she is under duress.....anything...? 

Yes you can say she is just an idiot but it still doesn't add up.  Anyone can see something isn't right.  No one f**ks themselves that badly on purpose.  She has no self worth.  She has no monetary worth.  She has insane trust issues.  For years he did whatever (and whoever) he wanted and she just did what she was told.  Now she is "out" but he is still telling her what to do...and she feels like she has to comply. 

Its like a sick compulsion.  She freaks out if she goes against him.  We are talking a legit panic attack.  Every time she goes against him, she freaks the f**k out until she "fixes" it.  You tell me that's not scary as $hit!  This isn't some mutant from the Comics who has a "power"...this is Joe Blow from podunk.  He doesn't have a super power but he still CONTROLS HER MIND.  Its not magic.  It's manipulation.  It's brainwashing.  It's AWFUL.  He has no conscience.  He has no self control.  No one made him do anything.  He is a bad person. 

We have a real life Kilgrave walking among us.  He is 100% human and there is nothing we can do except watch our loved one crash and burn. 

Okay 2016, I have had enough!!!

Is this what getting older means?!?!?!  It means all of my idols, childhood crushes, favorite celebs, etc. are f**king dying.   I know Prince was around way before I knew who he was but he shaped my generation just as much.  1999 was our anthem!  I say this because I was the class of 1999.  This song was literally our anthem!  So much talent.  So many amazing songs.  A true artist.  And now he's gone.  He was 57 years old.  Whatever the cause comes out to be, this is tragic. 

I was all over SE LA so I couldn't collect my thoughts until late.  I was getting in my car to go to another customer when a heartbroken T-pot came on B-97 during the iPod shuffle and broke the news.  I hadn't received a news alert yet so I was completely shocked.  I thought, "No way!  He isn't that old.  This is CLEARLY a hoax".  But it wasn't.  B-97 did the awesome thing and dedicated the iPod Shuffle to the legend that was Prince.  They only played 5 songs but it was enough to make me want to go find my old CDs.  I know I have some.  Sadly, my CASSETTE tapes are obsolete and drowned in the flood anyway (stop laughing).  Because I for SURE had Prince on tape.  Of course I did, he's f**king Prince!!!! 

Anyway, my heart was broken into a million little pieces...AGAIN.  Hearing any one of his songs brings back a FLOOD of memories.   I remember where I was, what I was doing, who I was with.  That's just me.  I have a weird connection to music.  I mean I know many are like this as well but not all my friends/family are so they don't usually get my nostalgia when an artist like this leaves us so suddenly. 

I just can't believe another icon is gone.  I'm probably gonna watch the Superbowl half time show at least one more time and listen to his songs.  Some say its really $hitty to binge after they die when you could have enjoyed them when alive or whatever. I think that's jerkhole statement.  It's not that we didn't appreciate them in life, its that we are honoring them in death.  You don't have to blast about someone everyday to have an appreciation for them.  So quit being a tw@t and let me bask in the memories created by his music.

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry"

If they appear when angels are near, why are they such @$$holes?!?!

So I saw this today:

And while I've heard that before I don't get it.  I read the article.  It is very sweet but I think if that is the case...I attract the wrong angels.  Or better yet my loved ones that have moved on are a bunch of pranksters even in the afterlife! I have a family of cardinals that lives in my front yard and they are 100% @$$holes.  This is the bird that chases me around when I do yard work.  Or chases me to the front door of my office because its reflection insulted his mum or something.  There is absolutely nothing "angelic" about it. 

You want to go inside?  You can try...I dare you. (not my pic see watermark)

This is also the bird that perches himself on the "wreath hook" on my front door and glares daggers at me until I decide to go in the side door.  So either I pissed off someone of the divine realm or cardinals are just mean as f**k!  I will say though, they have never actually harmed me, just spooked me a bit (I like my eyes NOT pecked out).  They mostly watch me and complain from a distance.  They sit on my windowsills and stare inside (CREEPERS!).  They fuss at the dogs from the fence.  They stare at me when I get the mail.  They shred my paper to make their nests and crap all over my summer door hanger thingy. 

Come to think of it...if they were human, I'd have a TRO...

I didn't know a 250lb muscle man could giggle like a school girl

I'm not being mean it just caught me off guard!  Apparently "really pissed off" Nola Gurl is f**king funny. 

I was sitting at my computer FUMING about the level of idiocy I have to deal with.  I'm not kidding about the level of DUMB.  I had one person ask me the same question FIVE different ways.  I was about to say "just because you re-word a question, doesn't change the F**KING question!!!"  This isn't Judicial Court.  This isn't a trial!  This crap will not make me change my answer!!!

Examples:
- Did you eat my lunch made of cheese and crackers?
- Hmm my lunch of cheese and crackers has gone missing, do you know anything about that?
- I seem to have misplaced my lunch of dairy and crispy things, think "someone" ate it?
- Do you think "Someone" ate my lunch? Where else will I get aged milk product and baked crisps?
- If I were to have cheese and crackers, would you have eaten them?

My answers would be no, no, no, no - the store, no.  NO ONE ATE YOUR F**KING LUNCH...that's how I want to respond but I don't.

And no, the idiocy I was dealing with wasn't about lunch, it was about how systems work...but you get the idea (I Hope) with my lunch example. 

With that said I was reading this kind of crap and deciding how/if I should reply when muscle man walked up.  I didn't look up.  He asked me a  question.  I didn't respond.  He said "NOLA Gurl, are you okay?" I responded very quietly, "I am about to go crazy stabby white girl on some people",. as my right eye twitched and I death gripped my mouse.

He legit giggled and snorted. *surfacing from my anger induced haze*  What?!?!  He just laughed...and laughed....and laughed and said "I'll come back later" and walked away giggling.  I guess he wasn't expecting THAT from me. 

Hmmmm maybe I should be more careful about what I say in front of the owner.....

"The TV show made me do it" would not stand up in a court of law......right?

TV isn't the devil...networks aren't the devil...watching shows about the devil/demons/the occult doesn't make you a sinner.  Soooo why all the fuss?  I thought we lived in a "free" country.  I thought we had "free will".  Free will and free country mean you don't have to watch certain shows.  I certainly choose not to watch reality TV.  I don't like it, so I don't watch it, but I'm not gonna cause a big fuss about its immorality. 

"But what if my kids see it!"

Well, do as my parents did back in the day...tell them NO!  You all have "parental" controls now, use them.  Way back when my parents just said "don't watch MTV" or "Don't let me catch you watching Beavis and Butthead" so of course we did watch it and while that show was 10 kinds of WRONG, I didn't think it was a good idea to cover my brother in honey and stick him near an ant pile.

They also couldn't stop us from watching HBO.  We were told not to but after a certain time they were sleeping and "Real Sex 29" or whatever was on.  And I am fairly certain my brothers watched it ALL THE TIME (ew).

Today, people are LOSING THEIR MINDS over the shows Lucifer and Damien...more so Lucifer and it is hilarious!  None of them have watched the show(s)...that is obvious but they have some crazy strong opinions as to why, and I quote, "shows like this allow evil into our houses".  Really...really...?  Are you sure shows like "Cheaters", "Keeping up with the Kardashians", & "16 & Pregnant", to name a few, aren't to blame?  Because I am pretty sure those travesties are based on REAL PEOPLE and REAL EVENTS, where as Lucifer and Damien are works of FICTION!

My opinion, its dumb.  "But 'Lucifer' glamorizes the devil!  It makes you feel sorry for him and want to be his friend".  Okay that is kind of true.  Sort of.  I mean he is still the DEVIL.  He is still a "bad guy".  The show does humanize him a bit but he's still scary.  And he doesn't try to hide the reality that he is in fact the devil.  He tells everyone and everyone CHOOSES to ignore him.  Think about THAT for a second!  The show doesn't depict him as being sneaky.  He is blatantly doing immoral things and calls himself the Devil and people disregard him. 

The thing that KILLS me more is when they are like "they make it look like Lucifer was wronged by God!" Alright, I see what you are saying but shouldn't you learn your angelic tales a bit.  Overly simplified version.  Lucifer was one of the favorites.  He was an archangel.  He was the "Morning star", the "Bringer of Light" and he fell from grace because he didn't agree with what God was doing and thought he could do it better.  He wanted to be worshiped.  He was cast into hell for having an opposing opinion. I am not defending the biblical devil, I am just paraphrasing.  The show, which is based loosely on a comic (NOT THE BIBLE), gives you things from his perspective.  In the show, he got bored, he made himself human, and is learning how being human kind of sucks. 

And honestly it is f**king HILARIOUS.  It really is.  If my holy roller mother can appreciate it for what it is (satire) then all you crackheads needs to quite your over analyzed b**ching.  In the show he says he can't affect free will.  He CAN make you tell him your darkest desires and wants.  Then use them against you.  Unfortunately that is not just a devil trick...that is a trait of humanity.  Find someones weakness and use it against them.  There is no such thing as "the devil made me do it".  The devil can tempt you.  The devil can persuade you.  The devil cannot make you do anything.  You have to choose right vs wrong.  Here is comes again...FREE WILL.  We.all.have.it. 

Its funny they are so focused on this (probably bc the name of the show is Lucifer) because Supernatural touched on this YEARS ago.  Luci on that show is trying to tempt Sam.  He can't force him into anything, Sam has to decide for himself.  The devil comes across as kind and caring...just misunderstood.  And Sam decides to choose Lucifer to save the world.  Is he a bad guy, of course, but my point is they went down a similar path and I don't recall as much of an outrage. 

So here it is, you can have an opinion (just like me) but
- a TV show called Lucifer/Damien isn't going to bring evil into your life. 
- a TV show called Lucifer/Damien isn't going to tempt you to do immoral things. 
- a TV show called Lucifer/Damien isn't going to make your children devil worshipers. 

Plus these are both rated "Mature" meaning, your spawn shouldn't be looking at them anyway.  You can opt NOT to watch it.  No one is forcing you to watch it.  But I wouldn't be so focused on these if you are allowing little Johnny and Jane to watch "Real Housewives of _______" with you.  Those are probably worse morally than watching a fictional show about the devil.  At least with Lucifer/Damien you can teach that it isn't real....with reality TV...even as scripted as it is...that is still a shining example of human depravity.  

I feel threatened...I don't feel safe...

Look I try my hardest not to be easily offended but I do not take threats to my person lightly.  Let me set a scene.

I got home from work and decided to wash my car.
I changed into running Capri pants and a tank top.
I washed my car.
THAT'S IT!

While bent over scrubbing bug guts off my bumper I heard "*sucking teeth* Yea gurl".

I glanced over my shoulder and saw 5 teenage boys on bikes riding by.  I IGNORED them. 

They stopped not far from my house but said nothing else. They were making me uncomfortable because I knew they were watching me. 

After wearing myself out scrubbing BUG GUTS and bird $hit off my car, I had no muscle power left to Rain-X my windshield, so I asked my other half for help.  As he was wiping my windshield I was picking up the washing supplies.  Those "kids" came back by right as I walked inside.  That's when I heard something that made my skin crawl.  I heard *in a deep voice*, "hey man, Ima F**K your wife." 

My husband reacted (NOT violently) and they took off.  While my neighbor who happened to be outside BBQ-ing yelled something about them being disrespectful. 

We aren't talking about a bunch of ankle biters.  These teens were much bigger than little old me, some bigger than my husband.  It wasn't an "appreciation" of my body (which is still a bit uncalled for), that was a vile statement.  He didn't say "Your wife is hot", he said "Ima f**k your wife". 

It was a statement of fact.  You didn't hear it, there was a clear threat in his voice.  My gut said run.  I was legitimately frightened.  My husband is concerned for me.  He doesn't want me to be home alone.  And honestly I don't think he is overreacting.  It may have been a "funny" joke to them but it made me extremely uncomfortable. 

I shouldn't feel unsafe in and around my own home.  I don't know them.  They aren't kids from my neighborhood.  What if they come back when I am home alone?  What if they actually mean me harm?

I'm just glad my other neighbor was outside and heard all of it. 

And just to clarify there was no sexy bending...there was no wet t-shirt...there was nothing that suggested I wanted any type of attention much less THAT kind of attention.  I was just washing my f**king car! 

I'm sure if they were confronted they would say it was all in harmless fun.  Yea I bet that's what people say when they threaten the President online.  "Oh it was just a joke, no need to overreact" until that one time, it isn't JUST a joke. 

No fooling me...I hate pranks!!!!!!! But these, these I am okay with.

My first glimpse into 4/1/2016...I knew it was a joke but soooooooo mean!

The sad thing is some people probably think this is real and are licking their phones....

*pahahahaha* Sorry but its funny...I mean it sucks that some people had major issues but I can't stop laughing!!!

 

Silly, silly, silly

Now that's just mean

 

Noooooo its fake?!? I'd totally buy this stuff!

What on Earth?  *snort* By the way I totally read that as Pica"snatch" at first and thought  picaboo got hacked.

And then there is TimeHop...that took a glimpse into the future instead of the past.  And its pretty funny....oh dear what if any actually happen?!?!?!

This is the kind of silliness I can get behind...no one is hurt (well Gmail...)...its cheesy but its fun.  Can you imagine the women who actually go into labor today?!?!?

W: Oh dear, I think I'm in labor
M: Ha  ha   ha very funny
W: No really sweetie the baby is coming
M:  Yea yea yea April Fools
W: GOD DAMMMIT I'M NOT KIDDING
M: *looking up* did you wet yourself?
W: I don't know what happened officer.  When I came to he was bleeding with a black eye