If they appear when angels are near, why are they such @$$holes?!?!

So I saw this today:

And while I've heard that before I don't get it.  I read the article.  It is very sweet but I think if that is the case...I attract the wrong angels.  Or better yet my loved ones that have moved on are a bunch of pranksters even in the afterlife! I have a family of cardinals that lives in my front yard and they are 100% @$$holes.  This is the bird that chases me around when I do yard work.  Or chases me to the front door of my office because its reflection insulted his mum or something.  There is absolutely nothing "angelic" about it. 

You want to go inside?  You can try...I dare you. (not my pic see watermark)

This is also the bird that perches himself on the "wreath hook" on my front door and glares daggers at me until I decide to go in the side door.  So either I pissed off someone of the divine realm or cardinals are just mean as f**k!  I will say though, they have never actually harmed me, just spooked me a bit (I like my eyes NOT pecked out).  They mostly watch me and complain from a distance.  They sit on my windowsills and stare inside (CREEPERS!).  They fuss at the dogs from the fence.  They stare at me when I get the mail.  They shred my paper to make their nests and crap all over my summer door hanger thingy. 

Come to think of it...if they were human, I'd have a TRO...

Apparently Angry Birds is based on some factual data

I am not suggesting you go catch a bunch of wild birds and slingshot them at oversized Lincoln Log creations with really fat green pigs to test this theory, but their representation of cardinals is SPOT ON!

At least I am assuming this is a Cardinal

To me that looks like an exaggerated cardinal so *pleeft*.  Also, I've encountered cardinals in my yard who wanted nothing more than to peck my eyes out and they had a similar stare...

Not my pic

With that said when I got to work today I heard a ruckus coming from the side parking lot.  As I've stated before I really need to know when to leave well enough alone but I am curious by nature so I investigated.  I saw a small red streak flitting back and forth between two pickups. WTH?!? Then I realized what it was doing.  That ANGRY little bird was ATTACKING the other bird...you know, his reflection.

He was hella pissed too! "I'ma kill you Mother F**ker!!!!"

Not my picture, I couldn't get near the damn thing

I inched closer and that's when he saw me.  "Uh oh!"

Not my pic

*running in heels*...*screeeeeech*..."OMG!!!!! *run-crouching with hands over head*" I got in the building right as it came up behind me!  I closed the door which happens to be glass and that f**ker landed on the handle outside and STARED at me. "Holy crap!  I think that thing actually wants to kill me!"  Before I could get my phone out it chirped, pecked at the glass a couple times, and flew off *whew*.  Oh well, I guess it will go back to attempting to murder its reflection.

*10 minutes later* "*screaming* What the f**k!!!!! *slam*" I crept out of my office to see my boss...completely disheveled...she said she was chased by a bird from her car to the building....hmmm apparently he is NOT content with only murdering his reflection. What if he's still out there at lunch time...

**Take 1** Someone should video me doing yard work or house work. Not in a creepy way. I really think I could bring laughter to millions.

I am not one to shy away from #get$hitdone.  I will get dirty/icky if I need to.  I do manual labor when necessary.  I only truly fear one critter (bug who shall not be named).  People should learn from  me (not really, that could be bad).  Also, I act a fool in public...maybe I should have my own sitcom. 

Take 1:

When trimming the hedges (bushes) always beware of wildlife.  It can come in many forms.  The form I am used to dealing with is a royal @$$hole.  His people are known as wasps and they basically claim all lands.

Ima f**k you up! (Not my pic)

So when I hedge, I keep a can of Wasp Spray near by.  The problem is they don't always reveal themselves right away.  This causes me to look like a ninja while gardening. 

Not my pic

My neighbors can regularly see me "dancing" in the front yard.  *run close to the bush, snip-snip, run away from the bush, rinse, repeat*  This gives me the opportunity to run like my @$$ is on fire if indeed there are wasps hiding out.  My recent hedging did not disappoint.  I was "dancing" when a wasp came at me, "ahhhhhh run away, run away!" But I got him, muhahahaha.  As I was about to do my victory jig something pegged me in the head.  *crouching tiger*  

Not my pic

WTF?!? I looked up and saw nothing.  Hmmmm.  So I continued trimming.  Out of no where this bright @$$ red bird flies at my face *scream* *drop trimmers* *runs away*. 

Caw caw mother f**ker! (not my pic)

I swear I looked like Ace Ventura when he encounters bats! 

Not my gif

 Am I in a Hitchcock film?!?!  I slowly approached the bush and kicked it (smart, I know).  *screeeeeeech* *chirp chirp chirp* *running away* "ahhhhhh its going to peck my eyes out!". 

Who needs wings, when I can just dive bomb your face! (Not my Pic)

I crept back to the bush (seriously, I need to learn when to just give up) and gently parted the branches. 

Not my pic

Only to be almost face to face with a royally PISSED OFF momma bird and 3 lil babies.  "dawwwww" *smiles*.  *screeeeeeech* "$hit!" Here comes daddy *running away* "Okay okay, I'll stop trimming, geesh!".