Ever had an epiphany while riding around looking like Elliot rescuing E.T.?

It's been a rough week so to destress I've been riding my Bike since I still can't run.  As I was pedaling along listening to some True Crime my brain threw me into a memory that I had completely forgotten about.  Mind you it was 100% unrelated to anything I was listening to, it just...happened. 

I was remembering when I was around 8 years old.  I was being "tormented" by another kid.  We were both being babysat at the same house.  This wasn't anything new.  This kid regularly picked on me.  They would bully me both physically and verbally.  And if I ever stood up to them, they would somehow convince me  that I would get in trouble if I didn't do what they said.  

On the occasions I did go to the adult, our sitter would correct it at times but most of the time I was just told I was being a "tattle tale" and to just go do something else and avoid the other child.  Which just resulted in me getting tortured further.  Good job adulting there lady! Mind you this isn't like a teenage sitter.  We are talking like a 50 y/o woman. 

Anyways, this particular memory was just like the others.  Me being bullied and pushed around and told what I can and cannot do.  Being told how ugly I was, how bad I was at whatever we were playing, how they were better at sports and I sucked... I mean pick something it was just a BARRAGE of bull$hit.  I did what the adult told me to do and ignored it and removed myself from situation.  Which got my hair pulled and me pushed into the dirt. I walked away again. 

This B**ch followed me and continued the taunt.  I distinctly remember we had been playing house.  I was "sweeping" the floors.  I was ignoring my tormentor as best I could.  I was stewing.  This had been going on since I could remember.  This kid and I grew up together and they were so mean to me.  I was trying to play alone when they shoved me from behind which caused me to fall pretty hard into a tree.  

I was so mad! I was so hurt! I was so angry! I grabbed th broom from the bottom and spun around at full speed.  I hit them as hard as I could with the handle in their side.  I hit them so hard I knocked the wind out of them and they hit the ground.  I screamed "LEAVE ME ALONE" and walked away. 

This is where my "kindness" f**ked me.  I was crying because I was so frustrated.  Then I felt bad because they were crying and were hurt because of me.  This is where I had the epiphany as an adult.  Because you see instead of going tell on me...this demon of a child BLACKMAILED me.  

That's they best I could describe it.  Literally for the rest of the break this f**king psycho child used my temporary moment of aggression as a way to CONTINUE TO BULLY ME. Anytime I "stepped out of line" by their standards, this sociopath kid would be like "you better do what I say or I'm going to tell the adult what you did to me.  I'm going to tell them how you beat me with a broom handle until I cried. And that you only stopped when I begged you to.  And they'll believe me because I have a bruise to prove it". And since I was a good kid and didn't want to be in trouble, I f**king listened.  

They legit tormented me for over a week with no push back from me because I was scared of getting in serious trouble.  

I was gaslighted by a narcissistic EIGHT YEAR OLD.  How does an 8 year old become that??!?!!?  

I am not saying I was right.  I do not believe in hurting others, unless in self defense.  And I am not proud of how I reacted.  I'm really not.  I think I had blocked that memory until today.   I'm not sure why my brain decided it was time to remember but I'm glad it did.  

As an adult, I know I subconsciously learned from this situation.  I'm more aware of others and avoid narcissists if possible..its like I know the signs.  That kid is a seemingly normal adult.  We are still in touch and they are no longer a narcissistic tw@t waffle.  They no longer manipulate and torture others.  I am glad for that for them, their kids, and well me.  

So I am not sure why I had to remember that event today but I don't believe in coincidences so if I am remembering that...there is a reason, and I am not thrilled about finding out what that reason is.... 

Don't date/marry/f**k sadistic, manipualtive, @$$holes...even if they are attractive!

Okay so there was a lot of joking on my part about how crazy shouldn't be so attractive when I was watching that show on Netflix.  You know the one with the guy and the girl and the other guy and other girl and the superpowers....thing (*pssst* it's Jessica Jones if you didn't figure that one out).

Anyways, watching crazy psycho (unfortunately attractive) Kilgrave makes you go "WOW so glad that superpower doesn't actually exist!"  I can't imagine someone having that much power of suggestion over me.  That is a whole other level of f**ked up.

Then something in the real world happens and you go "F**K some people in REAL LIFE manage to do that without mind controlling superpowers" ...I need an adult!!!!

I say this because I know a lady.  She is older than me by a few years but has been married for much longer.  It was an awful relationship.  From day two no one in her life "liked" him.  Everyone liked him at first because he was SUPER HOT and charming (hence the "day two").  He knew just what to say but something was always off.  Simmering under the surface, you just got a "danger Will Robinson" vibe.  She wasn't a bad person, she just tended to make emotional decisions which weren't always good decisions.  She was full of love, very caring...highly empathetic.  She had some kids from previous relationships (not judging just stating fact) before she met this person.  It was a whirlwind love affair that confused and concerned everyone around her because SHE started to change.

The first incident happened before they married.  One of her children was injured and brought to the ER.  CPS was called (this is normal).  CPS determined the child had suffered multiple instances of abuse from the BF most likely  (no one said what but I think we all assumed the worst). No charges were pressed but CPS said he is not allowed around your kids or we will take them away.  She chose him over her babies.  Her babies almost went into foster care before family stepped up.  WTaF?!?! What sane person...in charge of their own faculties willingly gives up their right as a parent?!?!?  And for a BF for that matter!?!?! Okay I know some people do but this was way out of character for her, yet she was "okay" with it.  Is she having a mental break?!?!?

She married Casanova, had another child, and basically stopped talking to EVERYONE.   She came to functions and stuff but wasn't the same.  She was spaced out...not really there...most of what she said made little or no sense (and no she wasn't on drugs she had to be tested regularly for work).  If her hubby snapped she was at his side doing whatever he asked..."hmmm that's...odd."  She went from strong willed to a complete submissive. 

*sirens* *red flags* *danger, danger*  but no matter what we said she still stayed with him.  He cheated on her.  He lied to her.  He put her in horrid financial situations.  He physically hurt her but she never pressed charges...  The typical "I fell into a wall" excuse.  Somehow he still managed to charm his way into people's hearts (or heads) and convinced them SHE was cuckoo.  And yet she stayed.  She defended his every indiscretion.  He "loved" her.

*Flash Forward a few years* She FINALLY had enough of the cheating and left *angels singing*.  But he still has a hold on her.  I don't understand. Its like she is 100% brainwashed.  He can convince her to do ANYTHING!  One day she rants and raves about his crazy manipulation to everyone.  Then the next she is saying how he is being such a great guy through all of this.  *rinse, repeat*  He has turned their child against her.  Convinced her that she is in the wrong for leaving his cheating @$$.  Convinced her that HE SHOULD HAVE FULL CUSTODY because she doesn't DESERVE their spawn and she should pay him...even though she makes significantly less than him.  He somehow convinced her they should still be intimate (this one FLOORS ME).  Convinced her to file a whatever that royally screws her over and costs him nothing.  Even with everyone SCREAMING "no don't do that" she still did it. He got the house, BOTH cars, the tax refund, their business SIGNED OVER TO HIM, and so much more.  She got diddly...well an STD (a curable one but still!). What is happening?!!?!?  Can't someone step in and say this is not right...something is very wrong...she is under duress.....anything...? 

Yes you can say she is just an idiot but it still doesn't add up.  Anyone can see something isn't right.  No one f**ks themselves that badly on purpose.  She has no self worth.  She has no monetary worth.  She has insane trust issues.  For years he did whatever (and whoever) he wanted and she just did what she was told.  Now she is "out" but he is still telling her what to do...and she feels like she has to comply. 

Its like a sick compulsion.  She freaks out if she goes against him.  We are talking a legit panic attack.  Every time she goes against him, she freaks the f**k out until she "fixes" it.  You tell me that's not scary as $hit!  This isn't some mutant from the Comics who has a "power"...this is Joe Blow from podunk.  He doesn't have a super power but he still CONTROLS HER MIND.  Its not magic.  It's manipulation.  It's brainwashing.  It's AWFUL.  He has no conscience.  He has no self control.  No one made him do anything.  He is a bad person. 

We have a real life Kilgrave walking among us.  He is 100% human and there is nothing we can do except watch our loved one crash and burn.