You know you have too much money when you pay to put baby foreskin on your face

What the actual f**k Hollywood?!?!?!  Look I get it, you want to look younger.  So do I but I draw the line at Korean Baby Foreskin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IFL Science posted this LINK.  I just...what?!?!?

This can't be real.  "Cate Blanchett credits her youthful glow to a treatment that uses the foreskins of Korean newborn babies. Aka, a penis facial."  Oh come on Kate...really...? 

Blanchett told Vogue Australia. "It’s something – I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just cause it smells a bit like sperm – there’s some enzyme in it so Sandy refers to it as the penis facial."

REALLY?!?!?  It smells like sperm?!?!?  I can't with you people! 

All I can picture is people laying on a table with a bunch of tiny foreskins stuck to their faces!!!!! And that my friend is wrong on soooooooooooooooo many levels.

Its the best I can do.  I refuse to google "foreskin mask". That's just asking for gross stuff. 

Okay the actual name isn't Penis Facial.  "the Hollywood EGF facial. It involves a cleanse, an intensive TCA peel, micro-needling, an electrifying mask, and, finally, FDA-approved Epidermal Growth Factor (EGF) serum."

Hold up, swol up....how do we know its the EGF (Foreskin Goop) making you look younger?!?!  Couldn't it have been the 10 other things you had done BEFORE the dick cream??????

Also, "EGF is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from Korean newborn baby foreskin" does it only work if its Korean newborn foreskin??? What if we can get you a deal on American or Mexican or Canadian Foreskin...? 

$650 & 2 year waiting list to have ground up baby penis skin rubbed into your freshly needled face. 

If you want a real "penis facial" I'll charge you $250 to sit in a steamy bathroom and let Fetish Frank jizz on your face and then rub it in.  Hell, I bet Frank would do it for free. 

What is even happening?!?!?

Apparently, its synthetically made in a lab...but if it is why does it keep saying Korean Baby Foreskin?!?!!?!?!

Side Note:  When I googled "y'all need Jesus gif" I got the below and now I am so confused!!!

I need a drink, to go for a run, and a punching bag

No one listens.  No one reads.  No one cares.  I am trying to help YOU, you ignoramus!

That man needs an old priest and a young priest

What the actual...!?!!?

This man is a bendy straw.

LINK

I've never actually seen someone do the Exorcist walk.  I mean I used to be able to walk around in a back bend but this is a WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL. 

Sir, do you even have bones?!?!?

Steve's face makes this 1000 times funnier. 

He's like "Nah son" as he runs in the other direction. 

And I like pickles!!!!

I've seen all kinds a of weird pickle themed food lately.

Fried pickles...I mean anything fried is good, right...haha...ha...HA

Stuffed pickles...well adding a little cheese and ham couldn't be THAT bad....

Dill pickle bread...I guess that wouldn't be overly pickle-y..."If you assume this bread has a mild pickle flavor, think again. The dough replaces all of the water with pickle juice, adds a ton of dried dill AND a whole chopped dill pickle" OMG...my fingers are swelling just thinking about the sodium.

Dill Pickle soup...ummmm I...I dunno.

Pickle juice snowballs....f**k you man that's just weird.

Pickle Popsicle...you just froze some pickle juice, didn't you?

And today I saw, "Pickleback Corn Dog Bites"

Dude....DUDE!

And wow I just sounded like Bubba...

Anyways, you basically "core" a pickle.  Shove a hot dog in it.  Batter that b**ch up and fry it.

Link

You think I'm kidding.  Man I love a good pickle but WTF did I just watch...

Eeeep

That slide right on in... 

I mean you're gonna eat that right...don't waste the giblets.

Slower you sl*t!

I need an adult, I need an adult!!!!

"Like...a....GLOVE!"

Just a corn dog, nothing to see here

Surprise mother f**ker, its a pickle dog!

What would Rick think??!?!?

Sorry, not sorry.

OMG I should put pickle Rick in place of the pickle!

UPDATE: Ooops, stupid alignment BS.  Fixed now....

Jesus take the wheel.....

Not like that, not like that!!!!

LINK

Can you imagine driving down the road and suddenly your wheel pops off...

Ok, ok, "Calmly" downshift and brake and AHHHHHHHHH!

Ya know what sing...just f**king SING!

So you are telling me Eternal Damnation is in my future....k

People that hide behind religion and use it as an excuse to be an @$$hole are not actually good people. 

You can be Catholic and not spit on a woman walking into Planned Parenthood.

You can have your beliefs and not call someone a whore because they got pregnant without being married.

You can think whatever you want but it doesn't give you the right to make someone else feel like they are below you because they messed up or believe differently. 

No matter what you believe...what religion you follow or don't follow...what God you pray or don't pray to, its not an excuse to harm another person whether that is physically or emotionally. 

Jesus said "let he who is without sin cast the first stone".  Basically meaning you don't know someone's situation, don't judge.  Instead maybe try to help them without being a jerkface!  Not "OMG you sinner, let me burn your house down". 

You are not the judge of others.  He said "Treat others as you want to be treated".  If you want people to be butts to you, okay fine but this usually isn't the case.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER!  Not, only love people who see things from your point of view and believe what you believe.

I was "informed" because I love and support my family member and friends who happen to be gay, I will go to hell. That I should "love them from a distance" because their souls are dammed.  WTF...really?

I was "informed" that because I took on the roll of "Aunt" to a child not related to me who happened to be born with no father known...I am perpetrating Satan's plan. Ummmm...what?

I was "informed" (again) that because my parents are divorced and had the marriage annulled years later the church considers me to be illegitimate.  Are you serious right now...?

I might not be a practicing Catholic at the moment but from where I stand I do more things in Jesus' image than most of the practicing Catholic's I know. 

WWJD...Yea I don't think he would abandon those who have been ousted by society.  Let a mother and child be forgotten because she made a "mistake".  Not love me because my parents made a VERY DIFFICULT decision and realized their marriage was toxic to each other and not a good environment for ME.  Was it all butterflies and rainbows...no, it sucked BUT it worked out in the end. 

"Things are either right or wrong, there is no gray area".  Yes...true...I guess.  But Forgiveness and Acceptance was my takeaway...not persecution and hatred.

Just my thoughts...rant over...people suck...love your neighbor...be excellent to each other and party on dudes! 

Netflix got jokes

So the stupid app freaked out.  Like full on crashed and wouldn't let me do anything.  So I searched the error code.

"it typically points to information stored on your device that needs to be refreshed. Follow the troubleshooting steps for your device below to resolve the issue."

Hmmmm okay. 

1. Restart your device

Didn't work

1a. On the error screen in the Netflix app, select More Info or More Details and continue to Step 2. If you don't see More Info or More Details, continue below.

Hmmm okay

1b.  Navigate up and select Settings or the Gear icon  and continue to Step 2. 

I don't...I don't see that.... 

1b1. If you don't have Settings or the Gear icon , continue below.

DAMMIT!

1b2. Pull up the deactivation screen by entering the following sequence using the arrow keys on your device's remote:

Okay got the remote and....WTF?!?!?  Are you serious?

"Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, Up, Up, Up, Up"

Am I resetting Netflix or getting unlimited lives in Contra....?

By the way it didn't work!!!!  I had to eventually uninstall and reinstall the stupid thing!  Whatever, I'm watching Black Mirror again so suck it Netflix Error!

Yea, no my car doesn't smoke, thanks.....

Yo, you people that flick your lit cancer stick out the window going 80mph down the interstate can f**k off!  That is still LITTERING!  You shouldn't do that.  The local wildlife is holding up unsuspecting hikers looking for their next nicotine fix!

Sometimes I see them coming and they explode in a blast of embers on my windshield. 
Other times I see the flying smoke stick zooming past my window. 
And still other times I completely miss them. 

Anyway, as I was driving, suddenly, it looked like my f**king car was on fire! 

...wait....no...

Side Note - She is my freaking spirit animal.  I LOVED her!  I watched that show ALL THE TIME and still do when reruns are on!!!

Moving on.  There I was lala-ing along when traffic slowed in-front of me.  As I slowed down I noticed the front of my car...

OMG IS THAT SMOKE?!?!?! 
My car isn't that old...it should not be smoking! 
Is there a tiny fire????

So I kinda panicked for a sec.  I was so worried it would overheat and damage something. 

Weird...no lights or alarms are going off. 
Ugh what is that smell?!?!

I turned off the outside vent, what is that?!?!?!

*ew ew ew ew ew* Move people!  The exit is right there!!!!

My car could explode at any second, MOVE!

So I got off at the next exit and stopped at in the first parking lot I saw.  I popped the hood and walked to the front of my car. 

Odd the smoke isn't coming from under the hood. 

Then I saw the little cherry glowing in my grill *WTF*.  There was a f**king cigarette wedged in my front grill...STILL LIT!  It was only about half smoked...if that.  Basically someone lit it and then threw the f**king thing out the window.

You'd think going 80 down the Interstate would have blown it out or whatever.  But it was protected. 

When it hit my grill it bent in half and the lit end was inside, partially protected from the wind.  The "smell" was the slight charring of plastic, mixed with cigarette smoke coming in my A/C vent.  I pulled it out, stomped it, and threw it away.  I dumped a load of sanitizer in my hand and drove the rest of the way with the windows down because my car now smelled like @$$ baked in the sun. 

Flicking a butt out the window is still littering.  Its gross. Its dangerous to wildlife...AND TO OTHER DRIVERS.  If you are hell bent on smoking in your car...KEEP IT IN YOUR CAR!