JFC, that was just...CREEPY!

So the trailer came out today for the new Netflix Show Jessica Jones.  Like I've said before, I don't know much about the comic but it seems VERY interesting and I like the girl that plays Jessica. 

With that said this is our first REAL look at the show, not the bits we were shown in the teasers.  We see more of Luke, which again I don't know much about him but I think I will like him.  We finally get to "experience" Kilgrave and holy $hit, I feel like I need a shower now.  He is so f**king creepy!  And its weird because I am used to David Tennant as a more lovable/likable (albeit sometimes grumpy) character.  Which I guess this will just show his amazing acting abilities, right? Right! Anyways, after that trailer *shudder*.  It's not like we got a huge dose of him but enough to make me uncomfortable in the best way. 

This series looks to be rather dark and from what I gather the villain in the comics is one disturbing mofo so if we get even just a taste of that in the series it will be...well disturbing.  I.can't.wait.  Again, the voice is immediately recognizable but holy creeptastic Batman!  I mean freeson level freak you out (that is Cajun French look it up) .  I dunno man, I think its the mind control thing.  Not being in control of yourself is terrifying.  Especially if the person in control is a sadistic psychopath.  An attractive sadistic psychopath but a psycho nonetheless.  

I've watched more than 1/2 of Daredevil (FINALLY) so hopefully by November 20th I'll be ready for this one.  I've had it in my head I must finish Daredevil first so yea.  Who else is geeking out right now?  It was extremely hard to contain the fangirl at my desk.  I just wanted to squee with delight.  I love love love super hero stories!  You should totally check out the trailer.  LOOK AT IT!

And here I was thinking how impressive my quads are...not so impressive NOW!

Excuse me ma'am, I think you dropped...something...wait...where is that...string attached...

 

So I read the stupid article.  Actually the article isn't stupid but the f**king webpage is so loaded with so much CRAP that it sucks to view it.  It crashed Firefox TWICE!   

What kind of crazy kegel exercises is she doing?!?!

"She can also shoot things out of there. Anami thinks shooting pin pong balls from your vagina is 'every woman’s god given right'."  I swear I saw this in a movie once...and no it wasn't porn.  Was it her?!?!?

I just...count me impressed... "The process of lifting involves inserting a jade egg inside her vagina. She then ties the objects she wishes to lift and wraps the other end around the jade egg."

 

Maybe I need to rethink my exercise routines...of course if I started "lifting" random objects with my hoohah, I think my husband may get a tad concerned/scared.   Doing that is like the equivalent of a meat head flexing his muscles and crushing concrete or something.  Its an non-verbalized warning...f**k with me & I'll break "you".  

Oh look honey, skyscrapers IN the...sky...?...wait......what.......noooo.......*run away, run away*

Whaaaaaa...?

Soooo I saw this today and just...hmmmm.  Read the article because it explains it as an optical illusion (fata morgana) but...but...but...I dunno.  Again, there is a whole group of scientists saying "nothing to see here, nothing to see, move along" meanwhile the cracks in the universe are back and Pete's world is bleeding through...or is that "Peter's World"...is it Gallifrey??? Oh $hit, I hope not...Nah, not pompous enough...Or did Ultron steal another city? Did anyone check to see if a City is "missing"???  Maybe Jack planted that stupid beans again...crap, giants are @$$holes.  Did anyone read Saga of the Seven Suns...?  Is it a mining facility?  Are the Hydrogues & Faeros going to show up and burn us all to ash?!?!?  These were my thoughts BEFORE the article...This one I didn't think of but it is applicable, GLITCH IN THE MATRIX, call Neo we have a problem.  Also, someone said "Asgard confirmed" which, okay yea I guess I get that one too but it wasn't my first thought.

My confusion (and inner conspiracy theorizing) is because they say the reason we see it is because our eyes/brain can't compensate for the refracted light causing us to see "things" that aren't there.  But...but how does the camera capture it?  Like I get that the camera is seeing the same refracted light but wouldn't putting it on "film" disperse the illusion?  Kind of like when we try to take a picture the majestic moon and end up with a pin head dot in a sea of black.  And wouldn't people be seeing DIFFERENT things if it's an illusion?  Or is this like a group think thing?  Because a few people said "city" every one is now seeing a city.  Or is it really a reflection of the city below...but I didn't see a city below that looked like that...I so confused.

I dunno man, it's just weird and apparently has happened before.  Someone said this happened in China around 2008 ...another city in the sky.  What are the freaking chances of that?!? Where is Mr. Tsoukalos to explain this?!?!?

SIDE NOTE - I am being silly for the most part.  I do understand science, etc.  I just think the explanation is weird.

Our VoIP system is gonig to get me put on some watch list!!!!

So we have this lovely VoIP system at work which allows me to work from ANYWHERE and it is great, right?  Right!  Well what it does is it forwards calls from my office phone to my cell phone so no one is the wiser that I am not in fact sitting at my desk (nothing that new here).  When it does this I see the phone number calling, along with my 3 digit extension tagged on to the end of it.  That is how I know it is work call.

Well after I installed an OS update on my iPhone I started seeing strange Caller IDs.  Normally when I get a call and the person isn't in my contact list, it just says the city they are calling from (Baton Rouge, LA; Amite, LA; New Orleans, LA).  Well with the forwarded calls it now looks like I am recieving calls from all over the world.

I was REALLY confused one day when it said incoming call from Iran...WTF?!?!  Apparently my extension being added to the end of the number is making my phone think the first two digits are the country code.  So when I get a call from different area codes, I get crazy countries.

Examples:

985 numbers are Iran
318 numbers are Netherlands
225 numbers are Côte d'Ivoire
337 numbers are France
504 numbers are Honduras
601 numbers are Malaysia 

So I feel like one day an unmarked black SUV is going to be parked by my house and when I go to get the mail in my Pajamas I will be abducted by some unknown three letter government agency. We are talking full on True Lies situation.  

If y'all don't hear from me for a while THIS is what happened...no doubt. 

OMG he IS a Disney Prince

WTF man?!?!  I hate adorable people.  And by hate, I mean I adore them and wish to be their friend.  So I've seen on the internet where this particular celebrity is said to be a "real life Disney prince" and while I can see it by looks, I've never really watched interviews or anything like that with him.

Last night I watch one and seriously, ADORABLE!.  Is it weird to call a 30+ year old adorable?  I mean he is literally like two months older than me, almost to the day.  Well toooooooo bad because that is the only word I see befitting.  If you haven't guessed this person is Tom Hiddleston and the interview I watched was the Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

Anyways, I think I died laughing at one point...or at least stopped breathing properly because I was giggling....same thing.  Trevor said something about how Mr. Cumberbatch's fans call themselves "Cumberb**ches" *giggle* and that Mr. Hiddleston's fans call themselves "Hiddlestoners" *whaaaaaa*.  I've not heard that one.  So Tom says something about that being rather violent and I'm like "I've never met a violent STONER, what are you talking about!??!?!"  Apparently Trevor felt the same way.  And our wanna be Prince explained he thought of "stoning" like the ancient way you show you disapprove of and want to punish someone...by throwing STONES.  *baaaaahahahahahahahaha* *snort*.

The host said he was thinking more like *imitates smoking a joint* and then we get the famous Hiddle-giggle.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh stop being adorkable!!!  Who thinks of being "stoned" as the ancient punishment!?!?!?  I am not a stoner and my first thought was toking it up.

Dawwwwww, that's so adorable, stahp!  Anyways there was this whole "he plays Loki" thing at the beginning and the crowd cheered.  Trevor is like no he's the bad guy! And his guest is like "well he is misunderstood" *ahhhhhh, hehehe*.  Then there is discussion about Crimson Peak (eeeeeeee, can't wait, I love scary movies!!!) and good lord he speaks so proper...I am so used to bastardized American Speak...what sorcery is this?!?  And I wasn't sure about him playing Hank Williams but his "Southern" accent was actually adorable or maybe I am blinded by his politeness....  How many times can I call a grown man adorable before it is weird???  He did drop one not quite as proper remark.  I don't remember the context but it was something about "getting high on that $hit *bleep*" which made me giggle again. 

So yea, I totally fangirled through the whole interview.  Anyone else do the same?  No...just me...well *plfeet*!

Why yes, I'd enjoy a ballon in my uterus...who wouldn't? The weirdest things always happen to me...I don't know why I am surprised anymore...

Okay so this is going to be a TMI post.  And it isn't about me doing something and getting something stuck in a bad place.  Get your mind OUT OF THE GUTTER.  If you don't want to read a ridiculous story about a medical thing I had, don't read on.  No really...its not gross but it is...well, WEIRD.

You've been warned
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No turning back now
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Okay, here goes...



So a few months back my OBGYN (you can still not read on...I'm giving you an out) said I needed to do this other "thing" to investigate my "female issues".  He said the name of the procedure and I said bless you.  He laughed, see I AM funny.  Its called a hysterosalpingogram...yea...yea try saying that five times fast.  Hell just try saying it once.  He said I could have it done at any x-ray lab place and to just make sure they sent him the results.  Okay, sure...no problem.  

Well I pride myself on saying big words...sometimes... so to prove I wasn't a complete moron I attempted to say this "word" when I called to schedule it.  I failed miserably, struggling like Nemo trying to say anemone, and finally just used the shortened version HSG. 

You can look it up for more detail but the gist is it is an x-ray that uses dye injected into your lady parts to make sure things aren't blocked and are of a normal "shape".  Okay, that's fine...I've done the intestinal "dye" x-ray thing, years ago...easy peasy.  Except this one doesn't involve swallowing anything (obviously) so how do they "inject" the dye.  Well I'll tell you...they give you an edited version of a pelvic exam and squirt it in there (and its COLD), no really...I am not kidding.  

So how it is supposed to go, 5 minutes tops:

1.  You sit there spread eagle and they put a speculum thingy in there...you know for better access.  
2.  They slide this catheter thing in, with a "balloon" on the end
3.  They inflate the balloon
4.  They remove something (probably the speculum)


5.  The x-ray person steps back
6.  You carefully slide up the table 
7.  They inject the dye
8.  You see your lady parts light up on the x-ray screen
9.  Fin

How it went for me, not 5 minutes...maybe 20-ish:
1.  I sat there spread eagle and he put a speculum thingy in there...you know for better access.  
     a. He started chatting with me about LSU and other random stuff

     b. I responded as nicely as possible being as I was in a very awkward position
2.  He slide this catheter thing in, with a "balloon" on the end
3.  He inflated the balloon
4.  He removed something (probably the speculum)


5.  He stepped back
     a. x-ray person "Oh no, the balloon deflated", me, "huh?"
     b. Steps up, does something down there and it re-inflates
     c. Steps back again,  "Oh no, it deflated again", me "What tha? *craning my neck trying to look 
        down*"
     d. Steps up, does whatever and it re-inflates
     e. Repeat c-d two more times
6.  X-ray person "Um, okay.  I don't want to have to re-tube you or reschedule so I'm just going to hold this here so it stays inflated....go ahead and slide up the table", me "Ummmmm"
7.  I scoot up the table while he has his hand down in my Garden of Eden keeping that stupid balloon inflated.    Can I just tell you how weird it is to have someones hand partially in your hoohah, with a tube hanging out like some misplaced tail, as you attempt to "gracefully" slide backwards.  And by gracefully I mean not gracefully at all. Think about it though, your legs are bent and there is a breeze and your, thankfully shaved, vag is *waving* "hey look at me" okay maybe she didn't wave.
8.  Anyway, he starts the x-ray and injects the dye
9.  I see my lady parts light up on the x-ray screen, oh cool
10.  "Hmmm your right tube isn't flowing, I'm going to push more dye in" Me: "what, does that me-- ow ow ow ow ow."  Mind you I have a high pain tolerance but it felt like someone stabbed me in the side with a f**king icicle.   Him: "Sorry, should I stop?" Me: *grunts*  "No, no I'm good."
11.  "there we go, all clear.  Everything looks good.  I see no issues but we'll let your doctor have a look see." Yea okay, cool
12.  He removes his hand and the tube and the defective balloon.  As I am sitting up, "Oh careful when you sit up...the dye has to go somewhere." And I suddenly feel like a wet myself...oh just f**king wonderful.

It also didn't help that the guy looked and sounded like one of the squinterns from Bones...Dr. Oliver Wells.  I'm not putting a picture, look him up.  His real name is Brian Klugman.


So to sum it up, I had a squintern doppelganger with his hand in a normally very private area chatting my ear off about randomness like it was the most normal thing and injecting me with dye while I had an x-ray...good times....

I know Darwin awards are for people who do dumb things and die...but are there "awards" for parents who do dumb things? Aside from prison...I mean that's good, very good but an "award"/here's your sign seems to be needed as well

Okay this isn't an angry rant about how life isn't fair and how some people don't deserve kids or whatever.  It is a real "WTF is wrong with you" rant.  I might not be able to have kids but sometimes I wonder if our almighty gets a kick out of giving stupid people kids.  This my friends is how Idiocracy happens.  The intelligent fade away and the morons reproduce. 

Like I said it's not a "oh woe is me" rant.  But I can't help but cringe sometimes when I see people (yes that is plural...meaning MANY) I USED TO KNOW (and some strangers) with their kids.  Look, everyone has their own way of parenting and that's fine but there are some things that should be instinctive.  There are some things you should KNOW aren't good for little ones.  Your base maternal/paternal intuition should kick in and want to protect your offspring.

1.  Candy is bad.  A treat here and there is fine but regular intake of candy is bad...for ANYONE! 
     Children do not know this.  They have to be TAUGHT this. 
   
       a. Candy is really bad for babies.  I mean common sense says if they don't have many teeth and
           can swallow it WHOLE, they probably shouldn't get it.  It's called a choking hazard.  So no it
           isn't okay to give a 9 month old a f**king jolly rancher!  You are lucky that didn't end badly,
           idiot. 

2.  Loud noises are bad for kids...hell they are bad for us.  There is a f**king REASON I used to
     wear clear wax ear plugs to concerts and clubs.  I like my f**king hearing.  It was great.  You
     couldn't see them and I could still hear well enough. BONUS: I learned to lip read.  My point is 
     kids need ear protection, too.  Loud fireworks, put on the noise canceling ear phones, they aren't
     that expensive.  A band...okay look bands are loud BUT you should never be in front of the effing
     speaker...and if you shouldn't be there...then your 1 year old shouldn't be there either...even with
     ear protection!!!

3.  I can't believe I am saying this but babies don't belong in bars.  Yes, I was taken to a bar as a child
     but it was for a Mardi Gras thing.  As in the owner was a friend of the fam and was having a
     party (kid friendly) for a parade and I was there.  It was fun.  But if you want to go out on a
     Friday night and can't find a sitter...STAY HOME.  Just... one its loud, two its smokey depending
     on which area you are in, three its probably LATE, and four just DON'T!

4.  Doctors are your friends.  If your little one is seriously ill go to the DOCTOR.  Yes, I know they
     cost money but baby's well being is probably more important.  Do not post on FB that they are
     losing weight, can't keep anything down & are lethargic and then ask for advice. My advice,  
     go...to...the...DOCTOR!  I get a "hey does this bug bite look funny" post...those usually aren't
     potentially fatal but anything else...FB isn't where you should be. 

5.  Don't smoke...near kids.  I mean I say don't smoke PERIOD but I get it...its an addiction and it
     sucks.  So just don't do it around the little ones (or me, thanks).  I want to stab people things when
     I see pictures (or in person) of parents and grandparents holding their little cancer sticks while
     holding a baby (or while PREGNANT!).  Their still developing bodies are already exposed to so
     much crap, why expose them to even more?!!?!?  We know so much now, why is this still
     happening?!?!?!

6.  Soft drinks are no bueno.  Yes, I have a Coke or Rootbeer now and then as a treat.  But if your
     boo boo is still young enough to be drinking from a bottle...they shouldn't be drinking
     coke...FROM A BOTTLE.  I know this happened in the 70's and 80's but I thought people knew
     better now.  There is a TON of sugar and lots of caffeine and the acidity alone can royally eff up
     your adult tummy & teeth if you drink too much.  So imagine what it could do to a child??? 
     Look, I had soft drinks as a kid and my littles have them too from time to time but its not a
     regular occurrence.  It is a rare TREAT and it is monitored closely by the parents.  And diet is  
     NOT better...that artificial sugar crap is bad....just give them a water or something. 
       
         a. This also applies to sports drinks.  Those things aren't meant for casual drinking...they are
             meant to replenish your body after a workout.  A 3 year old has no business drinking
             Gatorade regularly with dinner.   Water...or milk...even juice is better...

I know being a parent is hard and I'm not one so clearly I just don't understand...but like I said, somethings are common f**king sense.  And yes, education plays a huge part in this.  Lack of education, usually means lack of basic common sense.  You aren't taught it so you don't know any better.  But information is so readily available now, how can you be COMPLETELY in the dark.  Your kids are exposed to so many things out of your control...why on Earth would you purposefully expose them to "dangerous" things you can control?!!?!?

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out.