Friendliness or friendly "flirting" and flirting with intent are two very different things!!!!

I am apparently a "flirt".  It drove jealous possessive exes INSANE back in the day.  But I refused to change which I think drove them more insane.  It is my personality though.  I wasn't flirting with intent...it was just me being friendly which I was told equaled "flirting".  It is hard to explain but people who have a naturally "flirty" personality understand and thankfully my hubs and I are on the same page. 

The exes would always tell me I "flirted" with people right in front of them.  That it was disrespectful and showed that I clearly had no boundaries.  This Pissed.Me.Off.  I never led anyone on.  I never allowed anyone to think my friendliness was anything more that just that...FRIEND.  I acted the same way with girls and boys.  I think this confused the Neanderthals I dated.  If me being nice was misconstrued as "I want to f**k you right here", then that person is a moron.

They used to try to make me see how "hurtful" I was being by flirting with other girls in front of me (I know, I know I picked real winners here).  The difference was THEY were leading these girls on.  They didn't make it clear that their intention was being friendly.  They flirted with intent and bought drinks and danced and almost got their @$$es kicked because these girls would find out who I was and would want to defend the poor girl whose boyfriend was blatantly flirting with them. Their body language was DIFFERENT!  I just stood on the side and rolled my eyes.  Clearly these people were extremely insecure.

Friendly "flirting" is just that, friendly...THAT IS IT!  I am meeting a new person.  I am including their girlfriend/boyfriend if they have one.  I am including their friends if they aren't alone.  I am not accepting drinks from them.  I am not grinding on them.  I am not leaning in or touching them.  I am not exchanging numbers with them.  I am JUST F**KING TALKING!  The body language doesn't say f**k me, just hi. 

Flirting with intent is different.  You are trying to "seal the deal".  If you are at a bar/club, you are accepting drinks and/or dancing.  You are exchanging numbers with promises of meeting up in the future.  The body language is different.  Your smile is different.  You are leaning in.  You are touching in some way shape or form.  You are letting them know you are interested!

THAT IS FLIRTING!!!!

Some how in the last 10 years the ability to read body language has completely disappeared or people are just incredibly cocky now.  For some reason every time I smile at someone they suddenly think I am DTF and I so am NOT.  And I am not talking about complete strangers.  I am talking about business associates, vendors, customers, etc.   Men and women alike!  There was a rumor about me at one of my customers locations that I shamelessly flirted with the CFO to get in HER pants.  Um negative ghostrider.  Sooooo what, I can't smile at people or make small talk without "leading someone on".   What the actual f**k is wrong with everyone?!?!? 

Newflash a conversation and a smile does not equal I want to f**k you...it means I am a nice f**king human being...That.Is.All!  Jesus, people, read body language.  Its not hard.  If you smile at me, I just think you are nice.  And if you think everyone who looks in your direction wants your d**k/p***y then YOU have some serious ISSUES!

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out!

Men are Dumb

What is it about "commitment" that freaks some men out?


Well we had our talk this past weekend after he got back. It was what I like to call a MARATHON conversation. It lasted for 3 days!!!! Let's see he got in Thursday and it was extreme attention. We had close to zero conversation but he was SUPER affectionate...what the hell?!? Well Friday came around and I wasn't about to bring anything up, I wanted him to start the conversation and to my surprise he did.

It started very calm. We talked about why I thought he had a personality disorder (which I still think he does...read the symptoms its eerily close). Of course when he started to see the Symptoms and realize I wasn't kidding he flipped it on me and said "Oh you and all your stupid Psycho Babble." Gee thanks! We talked about his "family secret" FINALLY he freaking told me even though I've known and it's been killing me that he didn't trust me enough to share it with me. So we talked until 2AM, I think. I was explaining what I saw and he was listening. It didn't really go all that well. He still didn't open up completely but we were both drinking so I think that helped us loosen up a little. Then I told him about how he ignores me. He sits at the computer and I can walk around butt naked and he doesn't notice. He OF COURSE said that wasn't true so I did a demo of how that usually goes. He was a bit surprised but whatever. Then one thing led to another and well lets just say I had a momentary lapse of control. I know DUMB but stuff happens. Well not too long after that we went to bed and he crawled in next to me...what tha??? Whatever I was drunk and tired so we slept.

Saturday morning we woke up and things were kinda back to normal. UNTIL he sudden;y says, "are you doing anything today, cuz I'm gonna head to BR for the Baseball game". Well that affected me because I thought we would attempt to talk more. I didn't say anything though because I didn't feel like being THAT girl.

Well he for the first time in a long time realized something was not 'right' and started talking to me. I just started crying. I couldn't help it, everything in my mind was bubbling out. Like I was thinking about how I wanted to get married, be happy, have babies and that I thought he was that person. He led me to believe he was that person etc etc etc. Well he was of course hugging me the whole time saying he understood which is bull but whatever. After i calmed down a little he went back to the other couch. I forced him to explain how he proposed to me in Aug 2006 and then suddenly changed his mind.

HIS RESPONSE was killer. He actually told me that after he did it, he realized that it wasn't what he wanted. He wasn't ready to be married. I asked for further clarification bc it really didn't make sense to me. He said and I quote "I see marriage as a means to start a family and have children and since I am not ready to have kids why get married." So my cocky response was "so you're telling me all those people that are married and not actively trying to have kids are...doing what exactly." He back peddled, thats not what he meant. Right, yea OK!!!! So I asked him what scared him about marrying me...I mean really pretty much all that would change between us is I would change my name and we'd probably open a joint account along with our individual ones. He didn't know what to say...he really hadn't looked at it that way...oh my god really?!?!!?

Well I was pretty pissed off at this point so I wasn't being cautious with my words and I honestly do not know what I said but I upset him...ALOT. He got extremely emotional and said he didn't know how I could sit there and be so hurtful...excuse me!?!?!?!? He said it's the way I was talking to him, it cut like a knife...so of course being pissed, I said "good you deserve to suffer"!!! Probably not the most mature moment but I really don't care anymore. He said he wasn't supposed to do this to me. He wasn't supposed to hurt me like them. He was supposed to protect me and keep me from hurting. HAHAHAHA, no really I started laughing and went and sat by him. I told him he is seriously blind bc he hurt me more than any other dumb ex I have had thus far...and thats impressive because it took me a while to get over the one before him. So I said, "so when do you want me out?" That just sent him into more of a downward spiral of emotion. Well we talked for a while and he hugged me and I sobbed (pathetic I know but it just wouldn't stop). Well we both ended up falling asleep on the couch from exhaustion I guess it was around 4PM, needless to say no baseball game for him.

Well we woke up about 8PM. He wanted to get dinner for us, um OK. We got Italian Pie and he came next to me on the couch afterwards and snuggled. Anyone else find a freakin' problem with this?!?!?! Anyways we sat on the couch for a few hours watching TV. Then went to bed and AGAIN he got in there with me...which I find very strange. I stayed on my side, he on his and we slept.

Okay on to Mother's day. He went through a guilt trip. He felt awful for things that had happened the night before. Then BIG RED FLAG. I left to go see my mom and take her out. He went to the baseball game in Baton Rouge. His mom called me later that night and said she has two sons and a daughter in law and I was the only one who sent her a card. That made me feel so bad for her...because I usually do the mother's day thing where I have my mom and her over for lunch/dinner. But since all this crap is going on that didn't happen and no one did anything for her... NOT COOL.

So that was my MARATHON weekend of talking. The sad thing is nothing was accomplished. We talked sort of but nothing was resolved...no decisions were made. I am still in flipping limbo and I really really really hate it!!!!!

What am I...chopped liver???

OKAY now I am really confused…!

Last night at 9:00 PM I received a call from my ‘ex’ (I’m really not sure what to call him now). He was calling to say hello and tell me about the animals. Well 5 seconds into the conversation he got REALLY quiet and soft spoken. I asked what was wrong and he said he didn’t know he was just in a lot of pain. I asked what hurt and he said he wasn’t sure. I sat on the phone listening to him writhe in pain. Suddenly he said “Come home!” I was a little shocked and said what. He said “Please come home I don’t know what’s wrong I’m having stabbing pains in my abdomen”. He sounded on the verge of tears which is highly unusual for him…so I said OK. I went downstairs and told my step mom and was so torn. I was like “If he’s lying I’m gonna kill him, but if something is wrong and I do not go I’ll feel terrible”. She said to go, and I felt like I needed to go.

So I drove back to my house (20-30 min away). I was greeted by my animals, all very excited to see me. I found him taking a very hot bath. He looked terrible. His eyes were blood shot and he was pale. I asked what was wrong; he said he wasn’t sure but his back really hurt and his abdomen hurt. His dad said he thinks it’s a Kidney Stone. So I got him water to drink and sat on the floor in the bathroom and just watched him writhe in pain. I kept the animals busy and talked a little to make sure he was OK. He said if he didn’t pass something soon we may have to go to the ER. After about 20 minutes he got out the tub and went to the couch. He was in so much pain. He could barely talk or keep his eyes open. I kept the animals busy and he fell asleep. Well I was feeling quite a bit useless and wondering why he even called me to come…

Well he woke up when I let the dogs out and we started talking. I took care of him. I got him water and made sure he wasn’t running fever. When it got passed 11PM I decided I wasn’t driving back to Dad’s house. So I asked him if he was OK bc I was going shower. He said he was fine.

When I came out I checked on him. Sat on the floor by the sofa and talked to him. He got all emotional. He hugged me and kissed my forehead and apologized for scaring me all the while squirming with pain. Then he wanted me to lie next to him. I said I didn’t want to hurt him (couch is not very big). He said I wouldn’t so I climbed up next to him and he hugged and snuggled with me. Then out of the blue he kissed me, a very romantic affectionate long kiss. Which has not happened for a while…he has not really kissed me in over a month…well other then a peck on the lips. So I’m like what the hell. So we stayed there for a long time. He was in so much pain. Then around 12AM-ish he got up to use the bathroom. I followed but stayed on the floor in the bedroom with the dogs. He was in there for a while then around 12:22AM came out and said he felt so much better. Um ok.

Well we went to bed…I slept in the bed, he on the floor. I didn’t ask why…it may have started a fight.

Well we got up to get ready for work. He was very sluggish. He said he felt bad again. He might have another stone. I tried to see if I could help but he just kept saying he was fine. So we got outside to leave and he didn’t attempt to tell me good bye…he just stared at me. So I asked if I could have a hug, he half hugged me, said thanks for coming home and then said have a good day and he’d call me if anything changed. What the hell?!?

So I get a call at 8:00AM-ish and it’s his mom. They had been trying to call him and he didn’t answer so they were worried and called me. I told her how things went last night and she said OK, hopefully he’ll get better soon. Well I saw him online so I sent him a message to see if he was ok. He replied, “I OK” then said he talked to his dad and had to go. So I called his mom to make sure. She said he told his dad that he was in serious pain and might not be able to stay at work. That he was worried about his business trip coming up Sunday and that he was hurting. I mean really what the hell?!?! Why ask for my ‘help’ then act like everything is OK after when its not. I am so flipping confused. He needed me last night and now I am nothing again. How in the world am I supposed to feel about that???????