Well at least I had dark pants on!

Its spook spook season! Which means all the decorations, scary movies, and haunted houses.  Well I mean scary movies are all year round but in October its 10 fold!

Anyways, I love all the scary things.  But there are some things that get me. 

Moving on we decided to get our Haunted House on the other night. I was so flipping excited. 

When we got there we realized it was an additional theme night!!! WINNING!!!

 Ghost Face, Jason, Freddy, Chuckie, etc walking around outside while we were in line.  When suddenly  I turn around there is Terrifier.

My face

He walked straight to the group in front of us as I had a mini panic attack because CLOWN...not just that KILLER CLOWN!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways after I died a tiny death we got to the front of the building.  Where there was a GIANT replica of Pennywise in spider form. 

I took a pic to torture my friends when suddenly that f**king thing launched forward snarling and twitching his spider legs. I about $hit my pants!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE CLOWNS and IT is the stuff of nightmares!!!!!!!

Moving on for some reason I was put in the front and it was a blast of spook spook!!!  

They got me a couple times and I was having so much fun! I was looking up at eyeballs watching me when I came face to face with leather face and screamed "f**k me!" as he lunged at me.  Hubs said he heard him laughing as we went by.   

Chuckie was just oogie, queen of the damned was GORGEOUS, and the mummy was cool as $HIT.  Then we went into a dark room....with a rotund clown....holding a red balloon.  He followed me for like 5 min and I was about to cry.

We were almost to the end going through a maze when I came face to face with Freddy. I squeaked and he clanked his knives and said "I want to be in your dreams". Excuse me??!?!?  I almost died laughing as I ran away.   He should have said "I'm your boyfriend now Nancy".  I would have pissed myself laughing.  

I ran away right into the freaking chainsaw at the end *cue more screaming* hahaha.  I had SO MUCH FUN. 

Jazzland the Resurrection....???

The other dream jumped here.  I was driving around SE LA with work bestie and my twin besties.  Apparently they were along for the ride (?).  

It was a small old model Ford car and while I know it was daytime, everything was muted.  Like colors weren't as vibrant.  I don't know if it was over multiple days or not but I know we  met with a few people but it was only like 10:00AM and our next meeting wasn't until 2:30PM so we had some time to kill. 

Of all the places for us to be having meetings...we were in New Orleans East (WTAF).  One of the twins suggested we go to Jazzland to kill some time.  Ya know the NOLA Themed Amusement Park that was sold to Six Flags and has been defunct and abandoned since Katrina!!!

Except in my dream it was still open so we got a day pass.  As we walked through the gates everything turned vibrant.  Picture Wizard of Oz when Dorothy goes from Kansas to Oz.  It wasn't too crowded but had a lot of people for a middle of the day weekday.  So we were walking around and work bestie was like this place is small but really neat.  

The twins beelined it for a "haunted egyption" ride and me and bestie wandered to another area.  He nudged me to look at a "Top Gun" ride that launched you up a zip line like a fighter jet.  It was a two person single car thing and made the jet noises.  But I ended up walking over to this slide thing.  Like you got in a inner tube type thing and loop de looed all over the place.  No shoes of course so we removed our shoes and went up. I somehow got tangled in the crochet tube (WTF) and went down weird but it was super fun.

When I got to the bottom the twins were waiting and like "where are your shoes" so we went on the hunt for them.  They weren't in lockers....the were like tossed around in what looked like a living room.  I was panicking because I really liked my shoes.  Then I found them... they were my Doc Martins.  Why I would be wearing those for work meetings is beyond me.

I put them on and we realized we lost Bestie.  It was early afternoon and we needed to get to the next meeting.  But instead of them herding us (like a huge group of people) back into the park, we were herded into like a banquet hall and a private party was happening so they herded us down a barely lit hallway that reminded me of the Haunted Mansion or tower of terror ride and before we knew it we were outside the gates. 

I managed to keep track of the twins but we needed to find my friend.  So I tried calling but couldn't get him.  This was weird.  Like I knew something was very wrong because he wouldn't just leave us.  They wouldn't let us back in even with the day pass armband so we had them page him over the PA.  And I remember saying "oh he's gonna love that!".  

Hours went by and he didn't show and I was freaking out a little and so were the twins.  After nightfall they were doing some sort of show that reminded me a bit of Halloween Horror Nights.  Like we could see the pyrotechnics and hear the actors from outside.  Finally around 8PM we snuck in with another group to go find him.  The twins kept saying "he wouldn't just leave us!".  

I ended up in some theater with a bunch of people looking at a stage.  I honestly don't know what happened but they started screaming and a hand would burst from their lower abdomen/pelvic area and slap their stomach.  Then a brand that looked like a clawed hand would appear.  I have never run so fast in my life.  What in the devil worship insanity is happening?!?!?!

I ran into the haunted egypt ride and was being chased by these people with brands yelling for me to join them and hissing (WTAF).  I don't know what happened but something occured in the egypt ride and a "higher" being poured blood over me and crowned me queen.  That's when I saw the twins and they both had smaller crowns and lace (?) dresses.  The blood turned into an intricate design of a dress and streaked my hair with red highlights.  The higher being looked like princess Diana but with dark makeup and a fitted to flowing black and red gown.  

She said we needed to leave now and at this point I was almost in tears, I can't find my friend!!!! She looked at me and said she had saved someone from the branded group...a sacrifice.  She "anointed" him something but he was not very cooperative.  They brought him out in chains. It was bestie.  He had a black eye and a gash on his head.  His long sleeve button up was torn from the shoulders so it was sleeveless and he also had the "blood designs" on him.  He looked ready to murder someone until he saw us.  Lots of hugs and OMG are you okays later and we were being escorted out of the park by the higher being and her entourage.  She was talking about how she was so happy she was able to ascend the queen (what?!).  And I was like "what about the other chick that ascended???"  

This made the higher being freeze.  She said "what other chick?".  I explained that during the branding in the theater another woman was on stage and they were crowning her because I was running away. She started laughing but like a "are you f**king kidding me" laugh.  Then she said "you must leave now. Another queen should not have been crowned.  You and your knight are in danger".  Knight?!?!!?!?!?

So we head to the rental in an EMPTY parking lot.  Where the f**k is everyone?!?! The twins are like "are we royalty now???  What the f**k just happened???".  Its insanely late and pitch black.  Like almost no lights except the moon. He gets the car started and the green lights on the display say 2AM.  We were in there 6 hours....how??!!?  

Then bestie in his truest fashion goes "I don't know...but I am really pissed we missed that only happens every 7 years meeting".  What?!?!?!  1. He's not even been with our company 7 years! Hell, I just made 7 years!!!! and 2. did you forget about the sacrifice blood magic queen and knight thing?!?!?!

Never go into the dark woods

I am 99% sure we were at my friend's dad's camp in the dream but it also seemed like a campground we have all been to many times..

It was a HUGE plantation style house and my whole friend group with spouses plus our tall blonde with the camp were staying. The house was at the edge of a lagoon.  And all around the lagoon was a pebbled concrete path that reminded me a bit of a park.  

It had so many rooms.  It wasn't really an open layout there was a door to each room whether it was bed, living, kitchen, den, dining, etc. each had a door.  And there was lots of...stuff.  Like decor...it looked very well loved.

The weather was bouncing between sunny and storming.  I know it jumped around a few days because I remember one night when it was storming and I couldn't find my way around.  Like the lights were on and I was in a room at the top floor trying to get down and all the hallways just kept going.  So I stopped and went on the wrap around balcony and it was so dark but the moon was peaking through the clouds. 

Then I was laying out by the water...on the concrete when my PnC came out with a cocktail and was like why do you only have 6 Nutrls we are going to be here for 8 days or something like that.  So one of my twins was like let's go to the store and see what we can get you. 

So we went in to change.  While we were inside the water got "rough" and the other twin was pickup our stuff because the water was coming over the edge of the walkway.  We went to leave and I had on the jankiest flip flops that felt like they were about to snap and running shorts.  As we walked out tall blonde came in and I realized I really hadn't seen her.  She was staying in the master bedroom.  She kinda zoomed past with a quick hey and closed the door which then seemed to pull really far away down a hall.  

Note - I feel like this means something other than weird brain dream as she has in reality pulled away from everyone and we never see her. 

Anyways me and one twin started walking INTO THE WOODS to get to the store and were talking about how we should do this more often.  It wasn't terribly hot but the woods looked dark, like unaturaly dark. And I felt like we really shouldn't go in there.  Like as we walked into the canopy I was getting very nervous. 

Then it switched.  

Such an angry little weiner

Why are the smallest dogs the most aggressive?!?!?

I've run across all varieties of dogs.  But by far the most insane are usually less than 10 lbs!!!!!!

I was riding my bike singing (in my head) and just enjoying the lovely evening when suddenly some black streak of nothing comes running at me from the other side of the street.  It was jerked back by the lead and stood barking from the tire of SUV parked across the street. 

I "eeped" and then busted out laughing.  It was a TEENY TINY dachshund.  

He was barking his head off but couldn't get to me because he was tethered.  There were two guys working on another vehicle in the driveway cracking up laughing. 

I continued my ride, I still had more than halfway to go!  As I was making my way back home I forgot about the 10 lb terror.  

This time as I was coming back I happened to be on the same side of the street as him.  As I passed he ran out and stopped CENTIMETERS from my tire.  I literally screamed.  Like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, scream queen SCREAMED.

Then giggled like a maniac because it was a itty bitty ankle biter but he was tethered.  His owner(s) were making fun of him.  When suddenly that clever mother f**ker shimmied out of his f**king harness.  My giggles turned to "oh $hit!" as I pedaled away with a tiny terrorist hot on my wheel.  

Meanwhile the owner who is probably in his mid fifties and while fit-ish, had a beer belly came RUNNING after us screaming "get back here you @$$hole *derogatory term for short people*!!!".  Then "Don't stop, he might actually bite!!!"

So I kicked it into high gear trying to make sure I didn't run over my new little fiend.  

Popcorn+Wine for dinner = Dead people (?) and a Tsunami

The 1st thing I remember is it was night time.  Like 8 or 9 PM.  I was in my little Mazda and was going to deliver sorted cards to my "new" contact at public safety.  But I was bringing them to his house.  He lived in an apartment building.  I was driving around what looked like Uptown New Orleans looking for this "complex".  It had a horseshoe driveway and looked almost like Notre Dame Seminary on Carrolton. At some point I remember thinking I should call him and make sure he's home (LOL what?!?!).

There were a TON of cars in various states of disrepair so no parking.  I found a spot on this weird stretch of Neutral ground where others were parking.  I couldn't find the apartment, 8-XXX.  I can't remember the rest of the number now but I remember the 8.  I realized as I was walking around the 8 was the building number and I was parked in front of Building 4.  

There were people EVERYWHERE but they weren't paying attention to me.  They were all very...dark.  I don't know how to explain it.  Like they weren't all dark skinned...just like in shadow and gave me the heebies.  I headed back to my car to get the cards and the dream shifted to a memory.  But a "Dream" memory.  

In the memory, I was going to my "old" contact's townhouse to drop off the sorted cards.  She lived with her husband and I missed her dearly.  She passed away (she has passed away in reality).  I was in her townhouse. It was very 80's with the brown tones and wood paneling.  She gave me the biggest hug and told me she always looked forward to my visits. She had dinner for us to enjoy together but her husband wasn't home yet.  There was lots of chatting and laughing.  It felt so good to be with her.

Then I was back at my car getting the GARBAGE bag out (in reality it would have been very organized boxes).  Some people I knew saw me and said they would walk with me to building 8 since they were going to a party at building 15.  The girl didn't want me going by myself...she was very worried about me being alone with all these people out.  The bag was heavy but we were making our way around.  These people were like in a trance moving around almost in a daze...and like I said, shadowed.  We were "bright".  The shadowed people didn't move out of the way.  It was like they didn't really see us.  I really felt like we didn't belong and I knew if I touched one it would be bad. 

Then I was back in my car driving around New Orleans in the early morning but like an exaggerated, weird AF version of the streets.  Things looped around to nowhere.  If you weren't careful you ended up on a bridge that went (?) to I don't know where but I was terrified of going over it.  It was really tall and the otherside was dark as heck. 

I was on what I think was Tchoupitoulas Street but it had a "street car" and was even more narrow than it actually is.  I went through a tunnel (WTF) and my GPS was like "Nah B may a u-ey".  But the U-turn took me back into the tunnel and there were tracks for the street car and I didn't think I was supposed to go in there.  So I was waiting outside of it and I saw a light and was like "I knew it, there is a train".  Seriously what is happening?!?!? People already in the tunnel moved to the side of the walls (WTF) and the "train" shot out of the tunnel but it was a model train like the ones my brother used to have. 

It jumped again and I was bringing breakfast to to my work bestie's house.  The "new" contact from Public Safety was with me and another guy that was shortish, fit, older with white hair and a white beard.  My bestie lived in an attached house....like it was a house attached to another house....  He answered the door in jeans and an undershirt.  It was like 7AM or something.  I was like sorry for the early hour but we have brekkie. 

He was grumpy and said he needed coffee but let us in.  He swiped his hand dramatically over his head and eyes (he is lacking in the hair dept) and glared at the two men behind me.  He said his family had already left for the day.  It was a tiny kitchen with a table in the middle to fit 5, like short rectangle.  But it had a lot of stuff on it.  It reminded me of the table at my grandparents house...ALWAYS covered in crap.  

We sat down to eat and before I could cook the chicken bites one of the other guys put a piece of raw chicken on bread and ate it (AHHHHHHH!).  Anyways, I grabbed the rest and popped it in the oven.  

It jumped again and the table was gone and there was a mattress in the middle of the kitchen and an old small box TV on a stand.  Bestie was like "I sleep in here sometimes" (WUT?!?!?).  I was sitting on the counter and felt the sink move.....so I moved over because the sink was detaching from the counter. Dude with the white beard went to use the sink and I said "be careful his house is breaking".

I somehow fell asleep in the dream and woke up snuggled with "new" contact and when we woke up we jumped apart like whoa whoa WTF?!?!  Bestie was FUMING.  He was like "don't touch her!".  And pulled me off the counter.  Then we realized we were late for something and left.   

We were standing outside his front door when we heard sirens.  It was a Tsunami warning (WHAT?!!?).  When I looked up, I could see the pacific ocean about a mile away and a HUGE wave coming at us.  We started running for higher ground and as I was running up this HUGE hill I thought "we don't have hills in NOLA!!!".   As I looked back at the wave coming at us I realized we weren't high enough.  It was on land now and I could see people in the distance being flung off their safe perches by the water.  

We turned right and there was a STEEP grass covered bigger "hill" going higher so we booked it up that hill.  All four of us were together.  We collapsed at the top as the wave surged below us.  I was leaning against a rock or something next to bestie and he was looking away.  We were celebrating that we made it but I noticed he wouldn't look at me.  I said his name and he looked at me with red rimmed eyes, tears covering the blue and spilling down.  And I realized his home was down there and said "Oh _____ I am so sorry" and I tried to give him a hug but he said "No, don't...you can't hug me when I am like this".  So I placed my hand on his arm and he broke down crying and then fell into me.  So I hugged him and said "Shhh, its ok. Its going to be ok.  They are ok.".  I looked at my phone (which was like an old school silver panasonic with a keypad and a small screen) to make a call and realized I didn't have service.  

No, not the sexy kind, I’m just weird

I can’t tell peeps they were in my dreams because they always think “brown chicken brown cow” and it’s more like “nah B you were having an in person meeting in my bathroom.”

So we were in like an old NOLA raised house.  Like one side of a double.  I’m not sure whose house I imagined but you went up about 6 steps to the front door.  Once inside there was a living room, a rather large living room that lead into an eating/dining are.  There were double doors that lead into a decent sized kitchen.  Off the living room to the right was a little hallway.  As you turned the middle door facing the living room was the bathroom.  On either side was a bedroom.  

Now it wasn’t really furnished from what I remember.  There was a sofa, chair, coffee table, TV stand and TV. The dining area didn’t have a table.  

It was me and my husband in the living room waiting for someone or a few someones.  Hubs was sick (which he actually is at the moment).  My coworker bestie walked in with his brief case.  He’s kinda short so with heels on I am at eye level with him.  He was like “XYZ will be here in a few minutes.”  Another coworker….we’ll call him frat boy bc he reminds me of a frat boy and he shares a name with my little brother.  Anyways he shows up but like I can’t see him clearly, I just know he is there.  Hubs was in his work gear and was like I gotta run and left. 

An older woman with short gray hair and a flower dress walks in.  She was kind of tiny but I remember she had kind eyes.  Bestie leads her to my bathroom where there is now a Desk and two chairs (WTF?!?). We sit and he starts this meeting.  It was going really well.  As we are talking I get a tickle in my throat and excuse myself.  I go through the double doors into a dark kitchen to cough.  

JI didn’t want to interrupt his sales pitch so I just hung out for a sec.  But then I was like “Crap I gotta pee” and then “Ugh he’s in the bathroom!”. I even remember thinking in the dream “why is he meeting with her in my bathroom?!?!?”

It jumped ahead and we went into the backyard where there was a fairly large pool, pool house, deck, and a decent green swatch of yard over to the right. I don’t know why we vacated to the pool house after she left but it was me, bestie, and a friend of mine.  But I can’t remember who just she was about my size and a friend.  She had a blanket on top of her head and wrapped around her. We recapped the meeting saying it went well etc.  

We walked back out to the yard/pool area and my dad had arrived with my grandmother (deceased) and my godmother. They were sitting at a black wrought iron table.  We started talking and my bestie started walking around the pool.  I went to kiss everyone hello and my Godmother stopped me and was like “I’m not feeling well”.  I was laying on the ground in the sun with my friend in the blanket.  I remember I did something and she said “I said stop” and then leaned over and kissed me on my forehead.  

I was talking with my dad when bestie walked up and I was like “hey bestie, this is my dad, grandmother, and godmother.” He seemed a little nervous but was very nice.  I asked if he was getting his steps in, because we are doing a step challenge at work.  Like we literally are right now hahaha.  He said yes and he didn’t want to intrude on my family time.  I said never, you are basically family at this point.  My dad mentioned lunch.  My grandmother got excited and said “Mandinas!  I haven’t been there in years!”  

Which I mean if we are being real…is true since she passed in 2019.  Bestie was a little sweaty from getting his steps and it being effing NOLA and 8 millions degrees out.  I reached up and grabbed besties hand to help me up.   

Then he held onto my hand (like in a platonic way…like when I hold my girlfriends hands), leaned over, and was like “are you sure it’s ok for me to come to lunch???”   And my grandmother gave him this look like “don’t be stupid” and started clapping and said “yes!  I am so excited for lunch!”

I was wrestling a velociraptor

Surprise surprise, I got injured. So I somehow have "tennis" elbow.  

1. I do not play tennis

2. I do not lift weights

3. Whhhhyyyy

About a month and a half ago I noticed it hurt when I picked up my yeti.  The heck?!?!

At first I thought I was imagining it but it got worse and worse.  So I googled it and DAMMIT it's totally "tennis" elbow.  I got an arm band thingy with the "knob" that pushes into your arm.  It's hard to explain but if you google tennis elbow treatment, you'll see one.  

It helped a lot, along with not using my arm...which is difficult because I AM RIGHT HANDED!!!

But I still didn't know what I did.  After some reflection....I realized...I injured myself by OVER USING my arm while using my new Steam Cleaner.  OMG I am so old....

Of all the stupid ways to get hurt. I am NOT telling people this!!!!!

Well It got better so about a week ago...I used it again.  Ya know...the cleaner.  OW!!!!!!!!!!  

I am back in pain.  Can't use my arm...much.  And now I have a SLEEVE.  Like one of those old people copper compression things.  

Well with the sleeve its WAY more noticeable so people are like OMG what happened?!?  

And I don't want to be like "I got a little too aggressive cleaning" but like what am I supposed to say.  

People are trying to guess.  So far

"OMG did you fall off your bike?!?!"

"Too much 3rd Base with the hubs?"

"Which dog is an @$$hole??"

"Sleep wrong?"

"How drunk were you.....?"

"Wait do you play tennis??"

"5lb weights were too much weren't they?"

Alas, nothing so interesting...so I've started coming up with ridiculous things.  

"I joined a trapeze group."

"Too many one armed pull-ups"

"Arm wrestled a kangaroo"

"Water Ballet with Alligators"

"Aliens"

"This one time at band camp..."

You get the picture.  I told my cousin the real reason and she's made fun of me for the last week.  

That's not your job!!!

So I had another weirdly vivid dream.  

What I remember.  I was working on a base(?).  Things weren't good.  Something had happened and society was a $hittier show. I was in army camo stuff and I had on one of those hats... like this. 

I was in charge of peace.  Basically playing mediator because people suck and don't know how to act human.  But I was also doing like 10 other jobs.  My work partner (a guy) kept yelling at me to stop.  He would loud cap me in front of others about things I shouldn't be doing.  We were equals and I kinda knew him I think.  Like in the dream I knew we were friends before whatever happened.  But now that we were here we fought A LOT.   Like I wasn't even sure we were friends anymore because he was so mean to me all the time.

I hated it because I didn't understand why my partner/friend was being like this towards me.  Why he felt the need to do any of this. 

Since I was a peacekeeper I usually didn't say anything back just rolled my eyes.  After a harrowing day...I think I broke up a fight and helped someone sign up for food rations (?)...he loud capped me about how the food rations weren't my responsibility.   

I had HAD it. I fired back at him saying something along the lines of "they needed help. what was I supposed to do just ignore them?!?!  Tell them to go queue over there and hope @$$hat #10 who didn't help before helps them this time????  These people are scared and hungry what the f**k do you want from me!??!!?" and I stormed out of the room. 

I was in a bathroom...I think.  I was leaning on a counter trying not to have an anxiety attack.  The lighting was very...sterile if that makes sense.  Anyways I was trying to breathe when I felt someone come up behind me.  I was about to whirl around to fight when they grabbed me by the waist, pinning my back to their front, and leaned in next to my ear.  His cheek rubbed against mine.  His skin...the stubble...it felt strangely familiar.  

"I only do this to protect you.  We all have jobs and responsibilities and more than half of what you do isn't your job.  I am trying to protect you.  Please, try to understand, it's because I care.  I care so much but no one can know how much."

I broke, started crying, and said "I thought you hated me".  He held me super tight and nuzzled into my neck apologizing over and over. 

It jumps ahead, we still fight a lot.  I've become closer with some of the others (men & women).  We bond over all the crap we get from my partner.  We are all outside...a bunch of other soldiers (?) on a mission (?).  It's storming because I think we f**ked up the Earth so much she doesn't know what to do anymore.  We needed to get across the base.  But it's like...borderline monsoon...heavy heavy rain.  

I'm like f**k it and take off running.  Everyone seems to follow.  Someone grabs my hand and is running next to me.  It's my partner.  He has my hand in a vice grip but not painful.  We are running and I yelled "I thought people couldn't know you cared?".  He didn't say anything.  We could barely see a foot in front of us, navigating by memory but we could hear other boots splashing around us.  

We slowed slightly and the boots passed us I think.  He suddenly stops and turns me towards him. He practically yells (because of the storm) "I don't care what they think. I'm tired of us not being us.  I'm tired of you looking hurt because of me.  I'm tired of missing you.  I'm tired of being jealous of the time they get with you. I'm tired of pretending you aren't my world".

**record scratch**

WHAT?!?!  I couldn't see his face.  Just the shadow from his hat and the rain pouring around us. Me being me...who cracks jokes when I am nervous or uncomfortable said "Why do I feel like you are going to kiss me in the rain now?" (nervous laugh).

He said "Would you like that?" and kissed me, like REALLY KISSED ME. Everything was spinning.  I was dizzy, confused, cold, scared but I was safe in his arms. I heard whooping & whistling from somewhere in the distance....that's when I realized the rain had stopped and we had an audience.  He leaned into my ear and whispered "I love you". 

I think I need to lay off the Enemies to Lovers books!!!!!!!!

Stop, Alto, Halt, Yo bro slow your roll!

I don't know why some older people feel like they are exempt from rules. 

I ride my bike, alot.  I run/walk alot.  I am stupidly cautious because I don't trust peeps. 

While I am riding/running in my neighborhood, I don't always stop at signs but I slow, I make sure no cars are coming.  But there are areas where I do not have a stop sign.  Now I still slow down at cross streets because again...I trust no one.  

I had an older woman blow through a stop sign going about 35 in a 20.  She didn't even try to stop.  I did NOT have a stop sign. I was paying attention and slammed on my bike brakes.  I popped off my seat and clanked my teeth together.  This b**ch had the nerve to roll down her window and yell at me.  

I'm sorry, you ran a stop sign and almost hit me.  She said "I'm a car and always have the right of way"

DA FUQ?!?!?!

Then like a day or two later I was LITERALLY run off the road.  An older woman in an oversized SUV wasn't paying attention (on her phone). As I turned right, she blew through a stop sign on the street I was turning onto.  I saw her at the last second and jerked my wheel to the right.  I hit the curb and fell off my bike.  SHE DIDN'T F**KING NOTICE!  She was so distracted she also jumped the curb about a foot in front of me, barely missing me and my bike.  

She never stopped.  Honestly if she would have hit me she wouldn't have noticed.  A man walking his dogs saw me and was like "OMG are you ok?!"  Thankfully I was since I fell in the grass but HOLY $HIT!

And this was in broad daylight!  You couldn't miss me or my hot pink tank!

I know drivers have always sucked but I swear more and more recently people are so incredibly reckless and are quick to blame anyone but their careless selves!!!!!!

I had a dream...I think

So I stayed with family for a few days recently.  It was great, I love them, they love me, a good time was had by all.  Now I have stayed here before but not particularly in the room I stayed in. 

It's a nice room, comfy bed, TV, etc.  

1st night, I was out cold...I was exhausted.  When I am away from home I sleep with the TV on and a sleep mask because...I dunno actually. 

Anyways, I had a very vivid dream.  In the dream I woke up in the room. I could see the TV light through my sleep mask.  The room was FREEZING! As I was trying to go back to sleep (in the dream) it felt like the bed depressed on the other side. I distinctly felt someone lean closer to my side and on my pillow.   I could feel someone next to my right ear and I was FREAKING out.  I couldn't really move but I could feel something by my right ear. I think I heard words but was so panicked I have no idea what they were. 

I was finally able to jerk awake and the TV clicked off as I was pulling the mask off.  Weird.  I was kinda freaked out so I turned it back on and tried to settle down.  

A little while later I had the same dream.  Everything was exactly the same except this time I heard "its ok, I'm family".  My racing heart started to calm down.  I wasn't scared anymore. It felt like someone was stroking my hair and I felt, safe.  I didn't recognize the voice but it felt/sounded male. As I calmed down, I dozed off. 

The thing is how could I doze back off...if I was already sleeping?!?!  Was I sleeping...? I slept there 2 more nights and didn't have the "dream" again but I did wake up both nights at 2:47 AM and 5:03 AM.  Both "nights", same time.  I woke up FREEZING, pulled the mask off, rolled over and went back to sleep.  

What is this feeling so sudden and new….?

It’s been a whirlwind couple weeks. Work, vacation, WORK, travel, family…WORK.  

Honestly I am exhausted.  But in a good way.  It was just a lot going on in a short period of time. 

Over the course of a few days I met with family, my work friend, an old friend, and a new colleague.  It was stressful, busy, successful and fun. 

I just got home.  Like drove over an hour fine, singing and just trying to decompress.  I sat at my desk to catch up on somethings and almost gasped.  I was just getting settled and was overcome by almost a sadness.  I don’t know how to express it but like my heart hurt.  Almost like I was missing…….like I was literally missing something.  What is wrong, what am I feeling?!!?

I kinda paused, closed my eyes, and was like WTH while resting my Hand on my chest.  

And then I heard *ding*….I got a message that just said “breathe”.  

WTAF?!?!  How.  How the hell. Just freaking how!?!?!?  What are the chances?!!?

So I responded “oh just got home…what did I miss?” And it was some BS work thing of course. 

But explain to me how the hell am I overcome with this weird, complicated, almost “foreign” emotion and out of the blue my friend (?) says breathe just as its happening. That isn’t NORMAL! Am I not normal?!?!?!  I don’t believe in this many coincidences!!!!

This $hit doesn’t happen with everyone and I really have to be in tune (which I have been trying to do lately) but it catches me off guard every GD time. 

Look I can get along with literally anyone (usually) so I generally make friends/pack bond with peeps and after 3 FULL days together we were sufficiently bonded (re-bonded) and thankfully not sick of each other (hahaha). But this is the 2nd time this overwhelming feeling has happened after a work trip and it’s starting to freak me the f**k out. 

Ma'am, it is not spooky season yet!

Short post.....

Went get food.  

Came home to nervous puppers.  It's hard to explain, they weren't scared but they were acting weird. 

That's when I realized I smelled...perfume.  

Not anything I wear or any scent I have in my house. 

Like...your stereotypical old lady florally perfume but not overly offensive.  

I literally stopped in my tracks because where is it coming from. 

So I walked to the kitchen to put down my food. 

The dogs were better once I was there.

I went back to the front and the scent was still there but ONLY in my office.  

So I said "I don't know who is here but if you have good intentions, thank you for visiting". Because honestly I had no idea what else it could be. 

The scent slowly faded away.  

So what was it?  A spirit or an olfactory malfunction?

Ever Dance with the Devil in the...bright sunlight?

 I know I know its a wrong quote, I am being funny.    I think I pulled a muscle and I hate everything.  

Kidding, I'm not that old.  But picture it... NOLA 2025.  Its summer and you are watering plants because Invest 93L was a joke and dropped like NO rain.  Ok it dropped some in other places but not a lot here.  

So there I am watering plants as a favor when something smacks me in the side of the face.  

I had music on so I didn't hear anything but looked around.  I didn't see anything so I went about watering and singing.  When out of nowhere I hear "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" by my ear. 

So I look and a f**king wasp hits the lense of my sunglasses.  

 

So I

All while holding the stupid watering wand in my hand. It was like the most spastic water ballet ever.

Meanwhile the f**king wasp kept coming.  So I am like screaming nonsense at this little flying demon. 

I finally dowse it in enough water it flies away.  That is when I realize I have like 20 notifications on my watch and I hear laughing.  

The ENTIRE ordeal is caught on the freaking Ring Camera and the laughing I hear is the person I am doing this favor for and his friends WATCHING ME FIGHT AN "INVISIBLE" THREAT!!!

Apparently he saw the alert I was in the yard and was bragging (AW) to his friends how awesome I am to take care of his plants.  And when he opened the camera to tell me hi.... the above happened.  Which was apparently very entertaining. 

His friend "we could go viral if we upload that!!!!"

Cue MORE laughter.  Yea yea yall live it up....I'll just go waterboard some wasps.  

I gotta go back, back, back to school again

My subconscious is unhinged.  In this episode of WTF we go back to High School. 

My memory of this dream begins with me (at the age I am now) walking through the halls of my High School. It's familiar but not.  I've been back to the school recently and its very modern and updated.  But I feel really short.  Or like everything is bigger?  Not sure.  

So I am in my 40's back in high school...what is happening?  So I am walking with books in my arms trying to find my classes.  Seriously WTF is going on. 

The first class I went to was psychology (that checks out for me).  In my class I recognize a bunch of girls that I went to HS with, and guys I knew in HS, along with one girl I am still close with but she went to another HS.  She told me "if I'm doing HS again, I am doing it with y'all!".  Then there are a bunch of guys (weird, I went to an all girls school) and girls I don't recognize. The ones I didn't know all looked at me, like stared, as I walked in (WTF). 

The next class was upstairs but the stairs were HUGE and there was no railing so I was having an issue going up the stairs. When I get close to the top, the top two stairs flatten out into a ramp and I can't get up it.  The teacher (in robes) told a girl at the top to help me.  She is tugging my arm (not very helpful) and says "I can't she's too fat!"  again WTF.  

This class is in an auditorium (which my HS doesn't have).  It was astronomy.  And I sat in the back but the teacher kept calling on me and making me uncomfortable because the people in the class I didn't know were the ones watching me.  The people I knew were looking down taking notes.  

It skipped around a bit and I was at a tiki bar (?) with hubs and a bunch of peeps from school.  I was introducing him to my HS friends and we were playing pool...I think.  It was a weird game but looked like pool.  

We walked up to the bar to get a drink and I knew two of the guys at the bar.  But they weren't people from HS or any of the peeps from dream school I didn't know. I knew them from school in the dream but like also knew them knew them... it was weird.  So we are waiting for our drinks and the guy closest to me is teasing me about something and nudging me.  Hubs was like what is going on and I explain whatever the joke is and he was like "y'all are weird".  As we are all talking I keep thinking "I know him.  I know him.  Who is this".  But I couldn't see his face.  It was like a tickle in my brain.  

The other guy was talking to hubs over us about football or something.  And the one closest to me was like "I'm worried about you."  What, why?!?!?!  I was leaning on my elbows on the bar and I distinctly remember him putting his hand on my arm and saying "you need to be careful, please promise me you'll be careful".  And that's when I really focused on his hands.  He had smallish hands for a guy, a black.gray wedding ring, hairy arms, and tanish skin.  Why does this look familiar?!?!?!?!?  I don't usually remember people's f**king hands, who is this??!?!

Something happens behind us and I am knocked into hubs.  He puts his arms around me and when I look back to the guy next to me I see something, but its blurry, like I can't focus.  I see light eyes looking sad.  He grabs my hand and says "did you hear me, you need to be careful!  They are watching you." What?!?!  Who??!!?!? And then I recognize the voice. I know that voice.  I talk with that voice almost daily.  We work together.  We are friends.  Why can't I see you?!?!!?  

It jumps again and I am back in school.  It's like an art class or a lab...I can't tell, there are two people to a table.  I recognize some people but then there are those "Others".  I still don't know why we all had to go back to school but its not normal school.  Something is different.  

The teacher tells us to get into groups of four.  The girl at my table I have known since 1st grade.  She hops up and goes to our other friends we all went to grammar school with. I am odd man out but there is a table of "others" behind me that need another person.  Its two guys and a girl.  One guy was blonde, tall and muscular skinny.  The other was dark haired, and more broad muscular.  The girl had long wavy red hair and was VERY pretty.  Honestly all stupidly attractive. So I join them.  

They looked almost goth but not...also kinda grunge.  It's hard to explain. They were actually VERY accepting but were also some of the ones that just kinda stared at me in other classes.  We were doing some sort of group project and kinda became friends (?).  They'd told me things.  I don't remember the things but I know I knew secrets I shouldn't know. It jumped again and we were at someones house.  But it was older.  Like looked like a house from the late 80's, early 90's.  

This group project was some sort of magic (?) but the peeps in my group were very certain the teacher was up to something and it was dark magic.  It was bad and we needed to stop.  But if we didn't do the project we'd fail.  If we failed we would be put in a "camp" (seriously WTAF).  

The blonde was acting the weirdest of all.  Apparently we'd become very close. He had stormed off and the others were like, He'll only listen to you.  So I followed him into a dark room.  I couldn't see anything and he said from the darkness, you shouldn't be here.  What if I hurt you.  And I said "you wouldn't hurt me".  

He pinned me against a wall with unnatural speed.  He leaned into my personal space and almost growled "are you scared yet?".  And I said "I'm not scared of you".  He leaned in next to my left ear and said "you should be". And then sank his fangs into my neck. 

I woke up but not in a panic.  I still wasn't scared.  Because the feeling I felt when he bit me wasn't fear.  It was like I was helping a friend.

So that is my weird @$$ dream of the month.  It's a lot to unpack...not even gonna try right now.  

Can you stop manifesting me, I’m busy

I am not trying to sound like a nutter.  I know there are things beyond our knowledge that are unknown and still being discovered.  

With that said I’ve always been…in tune I guess.  Like there was a time where I ignored my intuition.  I didn’t listen to it because people (family and boyfriends) thought it was evil or satanic. This was a time where I didn’t focus on it because it was “weird” but those were darker times in my life.  It’s when I let people in that I shouldn’t have.  It’s when I made decisions that weren’t in my best interest.  It’s when I got hurt or sick.  

I am by no means playing the “yo I’m a psychic” card because I know that isn’t true for me.  But as I've aged.  As I’ve had experiences I realized that intuition…that gut feeling…that otherness needs to be nurtured and coveted not suppressed. 

So I started tuning back into that inner voice.  That feeling.  And honestly I think I am better for it.  

I started paying attention, but now I am noticing more.  I know people joke that you have to “put” things out into the universe or you need to manifest XYZ.  And I would laugh but also take some of it seriously.  Its intention.  Just like with “witchcraft”, Religion, honestly anything…the intention you exude will affect the outcome and you.

I think this also applies to all kinds of things, including relationships.  Not just the romantic ones but the friends, the platonic, the work, the acquaintances.  I had a weird thing a few weeks ago.  I was riding my bike and was like “I really want to hear _____ song”.  I wasn’t on a station that would normally play that song but suddenly it came on.  Hmmm weird.  Totally a coincidence. 

But then it happened again a day or so later.  Well that's odd.  So I decided to test it with something that wasn't a random song I really wanted to hear.  So I thought of a person, like really focused on them. Someone I am not super close with so they wouldn’t be calling or texting on the reg. Out of the blue he called me. And I didn't answer because he got a new number.  But I did call him back.  When I say it’s been a while.  I haven’t heard from him in TWO YEARS. Why call now?!?!

Moving on,  yesterday I said to the hubs…"it's really weird, that one Sales Rep that I used to work with all the time hasn’t contacted me months to talk about new customers."  He literally IM’d me today and set up two meetings. 

But it's not just me, it seems to be going both ways.  A few days ago I messaged my friend whom I haven’t really talked much with because we both are super busy.  Now yes we talk more regularly than the ones above BUT this made me go WTF.  I sent a message and he responded in like seconds.  He said “WTAF, I literally looked at your name and before I could click on you to send a message  you messaged me!!!!!” He said that happens a lot but it’s the 1st time he told me. 

He said there have been countless times where he’s like I wonder what NOLA Gurl would think or I should call her and then I send a random message out of the blue.  But this time freaked him out because he literally just looked at my name and I sent a message.  

So what is it???  How does that work?  I don’t believe all of these are random coincidences. 

That stick seemed angry

Maybe I shouldn't visit exotic tropical places?!?! I made it through the 8 days vacation with no more injuries.

It was the absolute most amazing time.  I love traveling.  I love immersing myself in other cultures.  

One of my favorite quotes from the ninth doctor "Time travel is like visiting Paris: You can't just read the guidebook. You need to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers! Or is that just me?"

I remember the first time I watched that episode.  And that quote.... THAT quote resonated with me.  I realized he was so right.  Don't just be a tourist, learn and appreciate where you are visiting!  I am not bilingual but I will learn enough to communicate.  I will try.  I will embarrass the $hit out of myself but it always...ALWAYS seems to make the locals smile with appreciation. 

Anyways moving on.  This fantastic 

(hehehehe) trip was coming to an end.  I didn't fall or have anything else happen.  On our last day it was STORMING all afternoon.  During a break in the weather we ventured out to our last dinner.  It was still a little misty but nothing bad.  It was late-ish though, so the sun was set.  As I am walking up to the restaurant I step over a stick.  

The stick MOVED!!!!!!!!!  

I jumped over the stick and ran into the doorway.  Mind you the country we were in...everything was open air so no door.  This guy grabs me and says "Que Pasa, chica?"  I tried and blanked on saying snake in Spanish so I just said "Uh...snake..."

Meanwhile hubs is on the bricks for the garden with his flashlight out.  The guy gets super excited and runs out to see it.  The hostess said "Que pasa senorita?" I said "Uh snake...."  She jumps onto a chair and says "Donde, donde!?!??!"  I said "Uhhh afuera".  She crosses herself and says  "Ay dios mio!!!!"

The guy and my sig other come back in and the guy says "I...I no....no vi. Uhhh ok ok.  I no see if it was uhhh... if it was a no bueno snake, comprende?"  Si si...pero esta muy grande, verdad??   

He starts laughing and says "Si, pero I think...I don't think it was venomous." Then hubs says I dunno.  It seemed pissed.  It struck at her shoe when she jumped.  

The guy goes "No $hit!" and says "señorita tienes mucha suerte".  

So yea... on my LAST NIGHT in paradise I almost stepped on (possibly venomous) snake...in the rain heading to dinner.  Thankfully I apparently jump high and had on THICK rubber shoes.  

Side Note - the rest of dinner the guy who happened to be our waiter teased me RELENTLESSLY! 

NOTE NOTE - Please don't come at me for the Spanish.  I knew what they were saying in the moment but couldn't remember word for word so had to improvise so if its wrong its on me. 

That street jumped up and attacked me!

So we went on this AMAZING out of country vacation.  But like it was a foreign country so being careful and cautious is important.  As in getting sick or injured would probably not be great. 

So what does this chick do?  On night ONE, this chick COMPLETELY sober picked a fight with the street and the street won. 

Let me set the scene.  We are high on life (and jet lag).  We are so excited to be in this beautiful exotic tropical country.  We walked to dinner in daylight but on the way home...the sun had set.  There were no street lights because light pollution, etc.  So there we are walking DOWNHILL on a two lane PITCH BLACK road. 

We had our phones out but that's all we had on us.  As we are cutting up and laughing I stepped on a jagged piece of road.  My ankle twisted and I went down HARD. 

Somehow (do not ask me how) I caught myself with my hands (and my poor phone).  I felt my right knee hit but not hard and it wasn't bleeding 

My screen looked like it was cracked to shit at the bottom of the screen but the phone was working.

Then hubs grabbed my hand to keep walking and said "you're hand is wet". 

I look with my phone and see blood steadily dripping from the heel of my palm.  

I'm ok though.  

We get back to the condo and I SCRUB my hands with antibacterial soap and hot water.  I had f**king gravel in my palm.  

I tweezer the debris out, put some 'sporin on it, and bandaid the crap out of it. 

The next day I take a peek and it's actually not that bad. 

But I do look like I have a snake bite on my palm.  Literally there are two DEEP perfect circles.  I don't know what I fell on....  My other hand has a scrape but its not bad at all.  My knees are fine.  My phone looks like shit but it still works fine and it's just the screen protector scratched up.  

So Day ONE of a eight day vacation and I busted my hand.

That almost seems like a line in the sand

That’s it…I am so over people!  I don’t get it…. But I will respect it because I am not a complete psycho. 

So I think it happened.  I think I have officially “lost” another friend.  There were a few acting a fool a while back….I thought all was good but I guess I should know by now some persons of the opposite gender are incapable or unable to be friends.  

Again, I have a BUNCH of guy friends.  Completely platonic, male friends.  We are all friends with each other and in many cases each other’s spouses. 

Everything has been okie dokie artichokie so I thought we were past the weirdness but alas I was incorrect. 

I try very very hard not to read into things.  Mainly because it’s exhausting and generally I’d prefer people be DIRECT.  But sometimes you get a vibe and just KNOW something is up. 

So I got a message the other day.  Not a mean message but a message none the less and it was odd.  It was ridiculously “formal” and unlike our normal bantering messages.  At first I was like all good we all have stuff going on during the day.  So I said cool, thanks, and whatnot and went on with my day.  

But later I saw it again and was like WTF.  It’s no longer “hey friend or hey bestie” its just hello or Hi. Or the weirdest is my actual full name, not like my nickname.  Again tried not to read into it.  

But then I made a comment about Not sure if you saw my pic or not and I got the “I don’t think I should like or comment on your pictures.”  Ummmm I’m sorry what?  

1. That’s fine I was just asking did you see it

2. Why did you tell me that?

3. WTF happened now!?!?

Also, I don’t think we can “hang out” or meet up  Which again we live fairly far apart sooooo it’s unlikely but what on earth happened.  Like please please please don’t tell me you think I was like hitting on you because I am friendly and like pack bond with everyone (not in an oogy way, I am stupidly loyal to peeps I click with).   You know (and can see) I have it pretty dang good and actually love my hubs and would NEVER. 

AND I have way too much respect for you and your spouse.  Like do you even know me?!?!?!  I mean I guess it could be a jealously thing.  but like 1. Not a cheater 2. Not my type 3. Did I mention, Not into the whole cheating thing?!?!?

Or maybe we got too close?  But like how….we don’t even live in the same f**king state. Like they thought we crossed a line of closeness…?  But again,…JUST FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!  And our messages weren’t scandalous…they were generally non-sense and gifs!

So anyways, I doubt we’ll be bantering and hanging out ever again so that blows because we were actually kinda close but hopefully some semblance of our friendship is salvaged. 

Friendship is a gift…I really wish people would cherish and have more respect for it!!!

Smokin' that W**d, Smokin' that Fiya

Okay not really.  I mean I don't poo poo on it.  But I've not been actually doing that YET my eyes are SOOOOOOO RED. 

And I don't mean bloodshot, tired red.  I mean "smoked a bowl" red.  

Not sure If I've mentioned before but I have Rosacea.  But not in the traditional sense...as in not bright red splotches on my cheeks/nose/chin. 

Oh no... my weird @$$ gotta be different.  My weird@$$ has rosacea...in my f**king eyeballs!

No lie my eyeballs starting getting dry and pissy and red.  I went to the Dr and they said 'oh baby that's Ocular Rosacea'.  I'm sorry...what?!?!

So I got an ointment...because that's what old people get for bull$hit.  So two-three times a day I get to put that in my eyeballs....otherwise...I look like f**king Cheech and Chong. 

Just call me Mary Poppins y’all

I guess this is Part 2 or “The end”, since I called the other one the beginning.  

We left off with a friend dragging me away from my grandparents house and ending up on a hill looking at a two story blue siding and brick house.  He grabbed my hand and said “You’ll be safe with us”.  

We started walking towards the house and that is when I realized it was actually two houses SUPER close together.  Like their front porches were almost touching. I turned to my companion and was like “bruh why you built so close to this other house?!?” And he said something about saving money. 

We went inside and he said “I can’t wait for you to meet *insert wife’s name*”.  As soon as he said her name, I realized who he was.  He was MY friend.  We work together.  How didn’t I recognize him before?!!? He’s just a smidge taller than me…I would know him anywhere!

I could hear kids playing someplace and I heard someone call out his name from the other room.  Now I’ve never in person met my friend’s wife.  I see pictures on social media but that’s all.  So he guides me into like a kitchen/breakfast area and there is his wife but like she looked different than pics but still I knew it was her.  She seemed surprised to see me so he told her something about how I was in danger and needed to stay with them.  He left out the whole party at my grandparents house turning into a literal nightmare. 

She was incredibly nice and asked if I needed to rest.  I told her yes and was brought to a spare room where I was immediately “attacked” by 3 children.  Again never met the kids but I know a lot about them from him.  I was their new friend apparently.  

It jumped around a bit but I was there for a while. At least it felt like some time was passing.  I played ALOT with the kids.  I distinctly remember running around with them playing like hide and seek or something and all of us getting fussed at for being “wild”.  Which is hilarious because I know I am older than both my friend and his wifey.  

At one point I was in like a hallway with a doorway into the back of the kitchen.  But the door way was kind of small.  Like a child could walk through it but an adult would have to duck.  My friend found me and we were talking and I asked about the small doorway.  He said the house came that way and the builder said they weren’t allowed to make it bigger (WTAF).  He said he hit his head on it regularly.  But he didn’t like to use it…because it didn’t feel right.  

I am not sure the dynamic but I think I may have become like a Nanny for them. We were as close as ever and I became really close with his wife.  Like we had alot to talk about but for the life of me I cant remember any of it.  One night they were about to go out with friends.  These friends came over, two couples.  One of the women was a tall African American woman.  I recognized her but not sure from where but my friends were like “Oh y’all know each other!”.  

They were panicking because the babysitter didn’t show up. And I was like I can stay home with the kids.  That’s what y’all have me for.  Plus I don't have anything to wear to dinner that looks fancy enough.  This is when I noticed everyone was in like formal attire and I was in like a cute dress but not nearly dressy enough.

My friend was like no, you are supposed to come with us.  You have to come with us.  You can’t stay alone, its not safe, that’s not how this works.  That creepy feeling from the last dream came back.  Like I didn’t know I was dreaming, so not a lucid dream but the unsafe feeling came back.  

My friends wife was like we should just stay in, we have the movie room! I was so confused, they were dressed for like a ball, not a night in with movies and pizza.  She looked…scared.  He looked concerned and I realized I had three kids hugging me, like they were scared they’d never see me again.  

That’s when I noticed the sound.  Not wind, not weather…but a low growling howling.  It was dark outside but not like night…unnaturally dark. I didn’t feel safe anymore.  I started to have a panic attack (not something that happens to me often).  

My friend grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes and said we have to go. He has very distinct eyes, like he was looking through me…it was weird.  He said  I’ll see you next time. And hugged me incredibly tight.

that’s the end.

So I dunno what the hell I ate last night but this is what my subconscious came up with.