Bonding over bullets

I am not a big "pew pew" person.  I respect them and know how to use them but they make me hella uncomfortable.  Because so many people don't practice safety. 

So it really surprised me when we did a group outing to shoot pew pews.  I have ZERO upper body strength so the kickback on even the smallest calibers is difficult.  Plus loading a magazine...even with the loader helper thingy is quite an effort. 

A good time was had by all even if some of us were hella jumpy the whole time!  So I shots my shots and missed horribly but faced my "fear".  

The next morning I was like OMG why do I have a rash on my tummy?!??!  WTF Allergic reaction am I having?!?!?  Why am I so WEIRD!?!??! 

Then it hit me...loading a 9mm magazine is not easy...it takes a lot of "force" to push the spring down.....

OH MY GOD!  Its not a rash!  Its a bruise from pushing the mag into my abs to load it!!!!!

What the actual f**k?!?!?

Is that normal.... *sobbing*

That stick seemed angry

Maybe I shouldn't visit exotic tropical places?!?! I made it through the 8 days vacation with no more injuries.

It was the absolute most amazing time.  I love traveling.  I love immersing myself in other cultures.  

One of my favorite quotes from the ninth doctor "Time travel is like visiting Paris: You can't just read the guidebook. You need to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers! Or is that just me?"

I remember the first time I watched that episode.  And that quote.... THAT quote resonated with me.  I realized he was so right.  Don't just be a tourist, learn and appreciate where you are visiting!  I am not bilingual but I will learn enough to communicate.  I will try.  I will embarrass the $hit out of myself but it always...ALWAYS seems to make the locals smile with appreciation. 

Anyways moving on.  This fantastic 

(hehehehe) trip was coming to an end.  I didn't fall or have anything else happen.  On our last day it was STORMING all afternoon.  During a break in the weather we ventured out to our last dinner.  It was still a little misty but nothing bad.  It was late-ish though, so the sun was set.  As I am walking up to the restaurant I step over a stick.  

The stick MOVED!!!!!!!!!  

I jumped over the stick and ran into the doorway.  Mind you the country we were in...everything was open air so no door.  This guy grabs me and says "Que Pasa, chica?"  I tried and blanked on saying snake in Spanish so I just said "Uh...snake..."

Meanwhile hubs is on the bricks for the garden with his flashlight out.  The guy gets super excited and runs out to see it.  The hostess said "Que pasa senorita?" I said "Uh snake...."  She jumps onto a chair and says "Donde, donde!?!??!"  I said "Uhhh afuera".  She crosses herself and says  "Ay dios mio!!!!"

The guy and my sig other come back in and the guy says "I...I no....no vi. Uhhh ok ok.  I no see if it was uhhh... if it was a no bueno snake, comprende?"  Si si...pero esta muy grande, verdad??   

He starts laughing and says "Si, pero I think...I don't think it was venomous." Then hubs says I dunno.  It seemed pissed.  It struck at her shoe when she jumped.  

The guy goes "No $hit!" and says "señorita tienes mucha suerte".  

So yea... on my LAST NIGHT in paradise I almost stepped on (possibly venomous) snake...in the rain heading to dinner.  Thankfully I apparently jump high and had on THICK rubber shoes.  

Side Note - the rest of dinner the guy who happened to be our waiter teased me RELENTLESSLY! 

NOTE NOTE - Please don't come at me for the Spanish.  I knew what they were saying in the moment but couldn't remember word for word so had to improvise so if its wrong its on me. 

I didn't know that could happen!!!!

So to go back to my previous post.  I found out very quickly my TMJ was in fact NOT due to teeth grinding.  I did NOT know that one could get TMJ from a car accident. 

Turns out my random development of TMJ is directly related to my getting rammed into at 50 MPH or however fast he was going. 

So EFF ME because this $hit can last from a couple weeks to a couple years.... AHHHHHHH

Heeeerrrreeee Lizard, Lizard, Lizard

 

Hahahaha, GOD the 90's were a time!!!  There was a whole f**king campaign with this adorable chihuahua trying to catch Godzilla with TACOS!!!  But this isn't about the 90's or about Taco Hell but it is about Lizards.

I have no issues with reptiles.  I will hold them, rescue them, protect them.  I'm cautious but I am not scared of them.  

So the other day I go to let the puppers out and something large and brown comes running out from under the end table.

I thought it was a bug who shall not be named!!!  It was not...it was a dark brown lizard.  Well friend you do not want to me in here, my cat will eat you!!!

He let me pick him up with no issues.  That's when I realized he was full of dust, kinda dehydrated and OMG he's missing a tail and front feet!!!!!!  Oh buddy...I see you met Demon Spawn.  

If you don't know...cats are @$$holes and will literally play with something to death.  

So I brought him outside and put him on the table.  He was alive but didn't run off.  I mean no front feet...jesus!

I got a small plate, put some water, and put him on the edge.  Honestly I figured he would die from shock or something.  

A hour or so later he was moving around in the water and was way more alert so I left him be.  

After work he was gone so I figured he moved on or was eaten by a bird.  I was hoping for the former.  

Since it's already warming up to Satan's armpit around here I've been watering the plants daily. As I am watering the Aloe on the patio something comes flying at my face. 

It's a lizard.  Its a tailless lizard.  It's a tailless lizard with no front feet.  

I don't know how smart lizards are but this one seemed to recognized I saved it and was no longer scared of giant hairless ape lady and seemed content to chill on my arm.  I kept watering and he hung out until he was ready to go back in the aloe.  

It's been over a week and Lt Dan still pops out of my Aloe plants.  All I can assume is he's adapted to no front feet and is eating flying insects that land in the aloe.  Like I know he can't climb so he has to be jumping (?) with his back legs... I guess.  

Lightning doesn't strike twice

Okay I know that's been disproven but you get the idea.  What are the chances that ONE specific day could be haunted with repeated tragedy?!?!?!

Exhibit A, B, & C

Katrina 2005

Isaac 2012

Ida 2021

All three of these Mother F**kers made landfall ON THE SAME DAY....IN THE SAME VICINITY!!!!!!!!

They were all different instities and sizes.  But they ALL brought death and destruction in their own way.  

Katrina - Massive b**ch that almost took up the whole gulf at one point.  Became a Cat 5 but weakened to a Cat 3 at landfall. Problem was it built up a Cat 5 storm surge that WIPED out Mississippi  Coast and destroyed NOLA and the surrounding parishes.  Thankfully my house was spared but we couldn't go home for about 2 weeks.  

Isaac - People discount Isaac because "it was only a Category 1".  But that @$$hole made TWO landfalls, and then just hovered battering the crap out of the area and pushing water into the unsuspecting River Parishes.  Leaving me homeless for 8 months!!!

Ida - Angry b**ch that Strengthened so fast we almost weren't prepared.  Smaller in diameter than the K word but made landfall as a Cat 4 and took her sweet f**king time moving along.  Destroying the bayou parishes and beating the crap out of the suburbs of NOLA. Leaving me homeless AGAIN for 6 months!!