Apparently, I love scotch......

Or I've just really had that much of a f**ked up week and I gave up wine and beer for Lent...You thought I was kidding!!!!!!!!!! (see end of this post)

Yaaaaassss!

I may or may not be feeling REEEEAAAALLLLYYY good right now.

Yay for FREEEEEEE Scotch tasting!!! 10 different kinds of Scotch to try!

I may or may not have realized I actually enjoy the $hit out of Scotch...who knew!?!

I can't...yes I can...no...maybe I need food....yASSSSSS food!  I have the SCOTCH giggles....

Okay okay, I'm good...I made FRIENDS!  Like old people friends...do only old people drink Scotch. My dad drinks Scotch...but I like it...I'M NOT OLD...well not that old...shhhhhh

I have posted four David gifs...I should stop now...but he's Scottish...and I'm drinking Scotch...or was drinking Scotch...stop judging me.

Hmmmm maybe I need sustenance...

Oh I'm gonna to feel this tomorrow...

This week can eat a d**k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current mood: 

"Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir. I'd give her a HA!
And a HI-YA! And then a OOH-WAH! And I'd kick her, sir." ~ Bartok

I need to set up my punching bag....

When a short person is angry

What you said?!?!  B**ch, I will cut you!

Back off Mother F**ker!

Me vs this week...Happy Thursday...MORNING!

I gave up Beer & Wine for Lent....its going to be a LONG 40 days (well 31 but who is counting?). Maybe I'll have some Scotch....kidding...maybe...

"Listen, little girl"

It is never okay to say this, it is condescending and disrespectful.

I don't care who you are, what your position is, what your gender is, or where you work; if you call me "little girl" I am going to be angry.  I am of a smaller stature and look young but you do NOT know me, if I made you feel stupid that is NOT my problem.  I am beyond professional, if you feel dumb its because you have issues not me.

Story time 1:

Helping a client.  They are new and request something that is taboo but make it look like our stuff doesn't work right.  It is something that is NEVER recommended.  I respond back using it as a teaching opportunity.  I was not condescending, I was not trying to make them look bad.  They copied FIFTEEN people trying to make ME look bad, I  responded to everyone (because I know half of them) and I have nothing to hide.  I said my piece and gave my solution.

I got a response back just to me, "Listen, little girl.  You will not embarrass me in front of my bosses and employees.  You will treat me with respect.  You will not use me as an example."

Someone has a superiority complex...

I responded and cc'd the people he excluded.  "Hello ____, I am sorry you feel this way.  I was not targeting you.  I was not trying to embarrass you.  I was just informing you of how things are set up since you are newer to the position.  I treat all of my contacts with utmost respect, I only ask that they do the same for me.  Please do not call me 'Little Girl'.  I am a business professional with 17 years of experience in this field and am here to help you.  I meant no disrespect, my apologies." 

I will not let people get away with this $hit anymore.  You want to act like I am beneath you, then be an adult and copy everyone.  If you aren't man enough to have your bosses and FEMALE employees know how insecure you are, don't send it in writing.

Story time 2:

Buying a vehicle.  This one happened a little while ago.  Went with the sig other to get some info on a larger vehicle for him.  While looking at our trade in, the finance guy and sales guy insulted us ten times over because we refused to just accept their price.  Saying we will NEVER be able to afford said vehicle etc etc etc.  They also offered us way too little for the trade in, it was BS and they knew it.  We look young and they were clearly trying to take advantage/bully us into a sale.  The kicker, they wouldn't talk to me.  I would talk and they would only look and speak to my husband like I wasn't even there. The hubs would say something and look to me to agree/disagree/add input and they would ignore me,  f**k you very much! They wouldn't work with us but also wouldn't give us back our keys.  I finally stood up and said "Give me my car keys, now!"  The finance guy looked right at me and said "Sit down little girl, we are speaking to your husband".

My husband stood up and defended me.

I finally said "really.  that's nice.  the vehicle we are trading in, is in both our names.  the new vehicle will be in both our names.  We are married, if you want to make a deal, you want to talk to BOTH of us.  But I am done talking.  Give me my f**king keys or I am calling the police!".  I don't normally swear like that...I do it in jest but not in anger when I am trying to be the bigger person. 

We got our keys but no apologies.  We literally walked out with the sales guy laughing and talking loudly to other sales people saying something about people being embarrassed because they WEREN'T approved...

I retold my experience on BBB, Facebook, Twitter, and via a survey from their corporate office asking about our experience & when we might come back to complete the sale.  Again, not letting these tw@t waffles get away with this $hit anymore.  I saw I wasn't the 1st or even 20th person to complain.  Its not surprising the dealership bankrupted about 6 months later.  That is NOT how you do business.

Do you want a goat boy? Because that's how you get goat boy!

Link

We spent so much time thinking if we could, we didn't stop to think if we should...

I kid, I kid...*pahhahahaha* and I crack myself up!

STG my first thought was

GOAT BOY!  These skits used to crack me up!

Brief clip at 00:10. SNL doesn't let their stuff on YouTube so I'm limited but can I say...damn I miss the 90's.  That $hit was f**king funny!

On a serious note, they are doing this to see if we can grow human organs in other animals but all I could picture was f**king Jim Breuer bleeting on SNL!

Off Topic - This was his funniest stand up. He had many but this one stays with me.  Jim Breuer about Alcohol

We have a Stage 5 Clinger!!!!!!!!!

I think I am too nice.  People kinda "cling" to me.  And honestly 99% of the time, it doesn't bother me.  I am a social person and like making new friends.  Problems arise though when people inject themselves into my personal business.  I am very very very private.  I don't talk much about my personal life except to my BEST friends whom I've known for 17+ years and close family...and of course Husband.  Everyone else gets the NOLAGurl Cliffs Notes.

A few months back a business associate became more of a friend associate.  We had no prior knowledge of each other but seemed to have a lot in common.  We like the same TV genres, movies, music, etc. So it wasn't a surprise that we started hanging out, outside of business stuff.  I like to keep work and personal very separate but this was not someone who worked closely with me...or even for the same company.

Then things started to get very "Single White Female".  And I shut down.

- Surprise visits.  No call or text saying "Hey, I'm coming over"; just showing up at work and home
- Making more and more comments about how "perfect" my husband is
     - I agree he's pretty awesome but back off....
- Taking up the same hobbies I have
- Dying hair blonde...like from dark brown to a medium blonde
- Drinking the same beers I drink, even though they said previously they only drink wine
- Trying to consume ALL of my free time
- Tagging me in things on Social Media
- Friend-ing my contacts on Social Media, even though they've never met
- Buying the exact same clothes
- Inviting themselves to everything I do
     - SHOWING UP even when they weren't told about it
- Getting mad if I don't respond immediately
- Blasting me online, if I do something and don't tell them
- And the latest...trying to date my friend/family.

Normally I wouldn't care about that last one but I think its being done with bad intentions.  Like I think they are doing it because I've pulled away.  I don't know this person well enough for any of this to seem semi-normal.  We have almost no history. 

I though I was being paranoid but $hit got super weird and I am concerned.....I know "imitation is the highest form of flattery" but my gut feeling says a line has been crossed.

I hadn't heard anything since a week before Mardi Gras but something today has me freaked out....

It's not Mardi Gras, unless someone leaves with a bloody lip...

I swear I have a bead magnet on my FACE.  I'm not completely uncoordinated.  Clumsy, yes but I can catch things...especially if they are thrown at my FACE!

If you've ever attended a Mardi Gras parade you know what I am talking about.  Overly excited...possibly drunk, Krewe, throwing beads, cups, doubloons, frisbees, stuffed animals wrapped in beads, footballs, etc. off of moving vehicles IN THE DARK has the makings of "oops, sorry 'bout your face".

I usually manage to not lose an eye or get a bloody lip but do end up getting bruises or sprained fingers (especially if its cold).  But this year, I've made it to exactly TWO nights of parades (5 parades total) and have gotten a bloody lip AT BOTH.

One night, I blame it on the rain.  Yes, I was one of those dumb@$$e$ standing in the awful weather trying to catch a purse.  Not because I needed a purse but because we already had plans, I knew people riding, and decided f**k it, lets go.   The rain wasn't too hard but annoying none the less.  I had on a poncho so it was like wearing blinders.  I couldn't see up or to either side.  So its no surprise my luck ran out and something HIT ME IN THE MOUTH.  It was a tiny purse bracelet.  Its was super cute.  It made me BLEED. 

Some butthole in the crowd, saw it hit me, saw me bend over to get it, DOVE FOR IT almost knocking me over, snatched it, and ran off.  Um excuse me, that broke my face...its mine. 

My bottom lip was bloody but nothing too bad.

Night number two.  No rain *YAY*.  I was on a step ladder.  I couldn't see $hit.  I was holding my cup with my teeth trying to fix my shirt.  Something came out of no where and hit me square in the face.  I'm still not sure where it came from, I was looking at the f**king float.  Whatever it was cracked my cup and pushed it up.  This pushed the crack open and over my upper lip.  Blood started dripping immediately.  I removed the cup and bent over to get whatever the f**k just hit me and was under my step ladder.  This guy dove for it almost knocking me off my ladder, and started to walk away. This time I said, "HEY! You could at least tell me what busted my lip."

He looked embarrassed and handed it to me.  I gave him a bloody smile.  (sexy I know). 

It ended up being a cool scarf, headband, thing.  It was wrapped in plastic which is what busted my face...*ouch*.

So my personal opinion is if a throw "hurts" someone...they have earned said throw.  You pick that $hit up and hand it to them as a trophy.  That's what I do.  "Oh honey that looked painful, here's what slapped you in the face".  Where it proud!  Show that, whatever, who is boss!

Wait, why did they cut some random child's hair??? Was it on fire???

"Two volunteer firefighters are on leave after an Ohio family dispute about a child's haircut resulted in investigations, according to the fire chief." Link

This whole thing makes it sound like two Volunteer Firefighters grabbed some random girl and chopped off her hair for no reason.  This has nothing to do with them being f**king firefighters!  This is stupid.  I do agree what they did was completely irrational and wrong, but maybe they news station should MENTION somewhere before the FOURTH paragraph in the article that it was the Step Mother and Father who did this and they HAPPEN to be Volunteer Fire Fighters.  This is a domestic issue to be investigated by CPS. 

This has nothing to do with their volunteer work.  Also, why is the fire chief involved???  Did they use their "titles" as firefighters to harm someone?  No.  This is a FAMILY issue!!!

If I f**ked up it wouldn't say "Account Manager for ______ company did whatever to ________, a Manager for ______".  It would say 30 something woman lost her composure and hit her husband.  Actually it probably wouldn't even make the f**king news. Also, I wouldn't harm my husband it was just an example.

I feel AWFUL for that girl.  It is truly terrible!  But thankfully in this instance, its only hair...it will grow back.  Is it scarring, of course and I think Step Mom and Dad should be investigated.  But for the news outlet to say two firefighters on leave because of a child's haircut is so stupid!

Take about sensationalizing an otherwise, unfortunately, normal story. It almost overshadows the fact that CLEARLY there is a parenting problem that CPS needs to be involved in. 

I hate the media sometimes!

What do you mean that's not covered?!?!

What is the point of insurance?  You force me to buy various forms of insurance to "protect me" but seriously what is the point.  I have health, vision, dental (because apparently those two don't fall under Health), Auto, Homeowners, Flood, Wind & Hail (because apparently those two don't fall under Homeowners), Home Warranty, & Life.  Do you know how much money that is annually and I don't get $hit!  It's basically just for catastrophic things now.

Every claim I have ever made I had to fight for it.

Flood - We flooded years ago.  1/2 the f**king parish flooded.  It wasn't a "busted" pipe it was "an act of God".  I fought tooth and nail to get what we got and we STILL had to do 35% of it ourselves because NFIP (FEMA) barely paid out.  And I'm not talking about contents...this is to FIX the f**king house.  Contents was an even bigger fight.

Health - I had an issue.  Not "pre-existing".  They wanted to charge me $3,000 on top of the $2,000 deductible because it was gonna be done in the outpatient clinic of a hospital.  But if I went to a Diagnostic Service it would be $250.  What the ACTUAL f**k?!?!  Because it was listed as a "hospital" even though it was in a clinic they wanted to charge me like I was being admitted.  My doc did it that way so he could do the procedure at the clinic but when I told him, he said "sweetie go where you need to, that is insane!" 

Auto - Many moons ago someone TEXTING and driving slammed into the side of me.  The police didn't issue a ticket because they "couldn't determine fault, with out a doubt".   After the fact, that b**ch lied and her insurance company tried to come after me, even though no fault was deemed.  We ended up walking away (thank god for pictures and WITNESSES) and each paying for our own damages but I fought tooth and nail to NOT pay an insane amount of money for her P.O.S. vehicle.  If I wouldn't have fought I would have been forced to find $4,000 because my insurance was refusing to pay because "no fault" or something.  I don't remember all the details, I just remember opening a bill and wanting to murder someone because I was 22 and poor.

Homeowners - Broken/Blocked sewerage line.  All the toilets and tubs were backing up.  Made the claim.  They came out.  The "break" was literally at the edge of the foundation.  Since it wasn't UNDER the foundation they wouldn't pay.  We are talking literal centimeters  and I was out of pocket $1,100.  Was quoted $4,500 but I knew a guy...  Basically we did ALL the manual labor and he charged us for the materials and repair. But it was 1/2 under...actually way more than 1/2 under, nope not covered.

Vision - its cheaper for me to pay out of pocket with a coupon.  For real.  How is that even possible?  I kept MINIMAL coverage for medical emergencies. 

Home Warranty - What a f**king JOKE!
Contract: We pay for drainage issues.
Me: *claims a drainage issue*
Them: No that's a shower pan issue.
Me: How do you know?  
Them: Well it sounds like a shower pan and that's cosmetic.
Me: How is that cosmetic?!?!!?  I'm not asking you to remodel my bathroom, I'm having a DRAINAGE issue.  As in its DRAINING OUT THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE!
Them: We don't cover that...
Me: But its a drainage problem.
Them: We cover all drainage problems EXCEPT shower pans.
Me: Where is that in the contract?
Them:  *reading back my contract* 
Me: Everything you just said...there are no EXCEPTIONS but it says it covers Drainage problems. Define Drainage.

Them: Um....hold Please

I talked to 3 more people.  When I countered what they were saying they got another "manager". 

Me: I am not trying to swindle y'all.  I just want the WARRANTY we paid for to pay for what it says it will pay for...a DRAINAGE problem.  

Them: Its a shower pan and that's cosmetic. We only pay for mechanical.

Me: You said Drainage how is that "mechanical"?

Them: The drain fails, that is mechanical. 

Me: Soooo if it was a shower pan and that "failed"

Them: It is cosmetic.

Me: How is it cosmetic?!?  I don't even know if I HAVE a shower pan, my house was built in the 70's!!!!

Them: It is rejected

So again, what's the point.  What will they pay for?  Nothing.  They will f**king pay for NOTHING.  They use legal loopholes to charge us out the @$$ for "coverage" and then don't pay out $hit!  Its a scam.  It covers about 5% of issues and that's it.  Everything else is out of pocket based on bull$hit.  That sounds like the worst agreement in history! Pay us lets say $3,100 annually and when you need us ONCE in 15 years for a $4,500 claim we say f**k you.  

Who can afford that?!?!?

I'm so over adulting!!!!!!!!!!!

Side Note - I don't have "crappy" insurance. Its good insurance, through reputable companies!!!  

That's some Arachnophobia level weirdness

I am not scared of spiders BUT I feel like if I lived in Australia I would develop some sort of phobia.

In case the video fails.... 

At this point I'd have been a bit freaked out...but she got him out....

"Surprise Mother F**ker!!!"  About here I would have $hit a brick

 JFC I saw a movie about this ...it doesn't end well for the person driving

I mean she FINALLY got rid of it. After four days.  I think I would have burned the car...

Yea yea, its a "harmless" spider but STILL!  If it jumped on my face while driving its not so harmless.