Massacre at mile 11

I have always been worried about the horror stories you hear about running.  You are putting your body through quite a lot so you never know when that b**ch might rebel. 

I've had minor issues before, but for the most part it's been things I can deal with.  

My last half was brutal.  Since there's still COVID around I 100% thought it would be canceled or postponed.  Which means in my brain I wasn't nearly as motivated to train.  I trained up to 10 miles but I reached that 6 weeks prior to the race and then did jack $hit.  

I knew it would be difficult.  I mean I knew I could finish it but I would not be feeling great by the end...  

But I pushed myself because I was cold and stubborn.  I was doing great but I hit a bit of a wall at mile 8.75-ish.  Like my legs felt like lead. 

I walked for a while hoping it would pass but every time I ran, LEAD LEGS.  

I drank water & powerade, ate some gummies and Gu.  Nothing was helping.  Then as I was coming around a bend there was beer.  I don't like to take drinks from strangers, especially during a pandemic but I was desperate.    

It worked.  I mean I wasn't running like the flash but I wasn't dragging @$$ as much.  I know there is some science-y explanation but I am just going with beer good.  

I thought I got this!  I looked at my watch and thought, "OMG, if I keep this pace I could match last year's time" which would be impressive without much training.  

WHY DID I EVEN THINK THAT?!?!

The Universe

As I was pushing through mile 11 it happened.  

THIS IS 100% TMI...READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I was past the last water station...no more potties until the finish line.  I have never in my LIFE been more thankful for black pants.  I couldn't stop....so I ran as best as I could.  I needed to finish.  I needed to be done.  I needed a SHOWER!

I know what you are probably thinking happened BUT it wasn't that....it was more girly....If you haven't figured it out I was suddenly bleeding...A LOT.

I was that commercial.  They 100% could put me running a half marathon with the caption of "where will you be when the gush happens".   I was hurting, tired, and feeling sooooooo gross.  But I finished. By God I FINISHED!

Have I mentioned I really hate being a girl sometimes.

My nipples could cut glass!

TMI...?  Sorry. 

So I ran in the Louisiana 5k and Half this weekend.  On Saturday when we woke up it was 32 degrees but it "felt like" 24 degrees...I think it warmed up to 34 by race time.  On Sunday it was 24 degrees when we woke up but "felt like" 18...I think it warmed up to 27 degrees by race time.  Why do we do this to ourselves?!?!  Oh right because we signed up months ago and this $hit is expensive!

Anyways, on Saturday we ran easy intervals and we were good.  I had on a tank, a long sleeve moisture wicking shirt, a Northface zip up, a Wearguard half zip, running gloves, a headband ear protector thingy, and a beanie.  I didn't remove ANY layers!!!  I know it was only 3.1 miles and if we'd have run more I probably would have stripped off a layer or two but that speaks VOLUMES to me.  As in...it was f**king cold! 

When we finished I was STARVING so we went eat the yummy food at the finisher festival. 

Seriously, if you ever come for the LA Marathon weekend, the finisher food is the BEST!

On Sunday, we ran a little harder...we were VERY ambitious with the intervals.  Before the start I stripped down to just a tank, a long sleeve moisture wicking shirt, a zip up running jacket, running gloves, a headband ear protector thingy, and a beanie.  It was f**king cold!  The ONLY thing I removed was the beanie.  Again that speaks volumes.  We were running pretty hard but it was so cold we didn't take any other layers off.  There was a point where it felt like I had leggings on under my running leggings because my thighs were numb.  My face hurt.  My lungs HURT.  It was like we couldn't get enough oxygen in because the air was cold and burned.  After the 7-8 mile mark we slowed down significantly because breathing while running hurt and we couldn't catch our breath.  Some people may have been fine but many of us were not. 

When we finished we were okay for about 5 minutes and then we were FREEZING.  Thank goodness we had some layers to put back on after.  I was so cold my teeth were chattering.  Even in the sun, I just couldn't get warm. 

I wasn't even hungry.  I just did 13.1 miles and didn't even feel a little grumble.  I got food, of course, and I ate as much as I could convince my stomach I needed but it wasn't much.  And the food was soooooooo delicious...but I was just too cold...argh! 

Even after taking the hottest shower I could stand, I don't think I actually felt warm until 4 or 5 that evening. 

I wasn't hungry until I got to my Dad's for the Saints game at 3:45 ish and I wasn't even that hungry...just a little peckish.  My body was MAD about the whole below freezing running thing.  I was coughing too and was worried I got myself sick.  But apparently you can "freeze " your trachea and lungs with cold air and exertion if you don't cover your face.  Symptoms are fatigue, coughing, losing your voice, and generally feeling like poo.  GREAT!  I feel better now but geesh! We don't have face cover thingys...its not usually this cold down here!

Anyways, I've done races in the cold before..slightly below freezing before but this was different and this race was way longer.  So now I can say I ran a half in below freezing temps...in LOUISIANA no less.  Would I do it again?  Probably.  But I would buy a face cover thingy. 

So I am only "right" if I agree with you....

Apparently me running all these race things is inspirational UNTIL it "interferes" with family time. 

Okay so I run...I think I've made that clear.  I've done 1/2 marathons in the past but I haven't done one in about 5 years.  I was going to do one in October but I fell and bruised my ribs a few days before soooooo yea that didn't happen.  But I am doing one soon...my 1st one in FIVE YEARS!  I signed up back in like May...it helped with motivation to work out...of course I've been slacking since I fell...I may die...DOH!

Anyways, my fam has been all "OMG that is so awesome!" or "We are so proud of you all, that is such an accomplishment" or whatever.   But this time there is a "family" fitness thing happening at the same time.  Since I run it was assumed I would attend this thing.  Well I can't because I am running a f**king half!  But apparently someone is "so disappointed in me that I would choose to run a half instead of doing the family thing".  Seriously?!?!  I signed up in MAY!  Its a f**king HALF MARATHON!  I will see all y'all a gazillion times over the holidays.  Not to mention halfs are not exactly cheap so yea no I will not just not run it. 

Apparently this "I didn't get my way so I am going to be an @$$hole" thing doesn't end with toddlers. 

Talk about an awesome support team *rolling eyes*...People suck!

I think I bruised my uterus

Is that even possible?  And no I am not talking about rough sex, get your mind out the gutter. 

So I am clumsy, that is evident...but I am also coordinated enough to dance pretty good, run without falling, and climb trees.  I think I am really two different people smashed into one body.  Wait...

Anyways, so yesterday was like any other day at the office.  We completed a huge project where we organized a ton of stuff for a large client.  No really, HUGE project...it took us over a week to complete.  Anyways, the stuff was in two decent sized boxes each weighing about 20-25 lbs which I was to deliver today.  So yesterday afternoon myself and another lady hauled the two boxes down the stairs and to my car.  We did it because the big burly men in our office were conveniently MIA. 

Moving on, I was wearing dress pants, a flowy shirt, and black pumps...my friend was wearing dress pants, a flowy shirt, and gray pumps (trust me this is important...mostly).  As we were headed to the stairs she stumbled into a wall but caught herself *whew*, so she took off her shoes (if there was EVER a f**king red flag waving this was it).  I did not remove my shoes and headed VERY CAREFULLY down the stairs.  I made it to the bottom without issue *woo hoo*.  What happened next can only be described  as...comical...painful but comical.  

- I opened the door by leaning on it and held it open for my friend
- She stepped out, I let the door close
- We both stepped forward towards the curb
- My right heel went in between two sections of concrete (I didn't realize this)
- My left foot was planted and I went to step with my right
- It didn't move...
- I pitched forward
- But there was no foot to put down

- My weight was on my left foot so I couldn't step forward to catch myself
- Add in an extra 20+ lbs...I didn't stand a chance "ha"
- The heel snapped
- I flew forward at an incredible speed
- The box hit the ground
- I hit the box full on with my torso
- The box EXPLODED under my weight and the momentum
- My hands eventually hit the concrete (ow)
- My face went INTO the box (Ow!)
- My legs went up and almost over my head (OW! guess I'm a little flexible)
- They slammed back down, driving both my knees into the concrete curb (have I mentioned OW!!!!)
- I rolled off the box onto my butt and started laughing hysterically wondering WTF just happened.

My friend was so shocked she couldn't talk.  It happened so fast!  Finally she said "Oh my god! Are you...are you okay?!?!" My response...

 

Truthfully I felt ZERO pain at that point (yay for adrenaline). 

**FLASH FORWARD 3 HOURS**

I am laying on my couch with a heating pad.  I took 2 Advil and am watching horror movies on Netflix.  My knees and wrists are mostly fine.  But now that the adrenaline is gone I can feel the strained muscle in my shoulder blade area, my jaw is tender (I think I clanked my teeth together), my abs feel like I went through 5 rounds with Ali, and I am 99% certain I have at least two slightly bruised ribs.

I can say without a doubt the box saved me.  Had I fallen without the box my wrists and knees would have bared the brunt of the fall, possibly resulting in broken bones and I may not have been able to stop my face from slamming into the concrete.  So I am fine...I lost my favorite pair of black pumps but I am still mostly intact. 

Side Note - I am supposed to run a half on Saturday...a Half...like 13.1 miles.  I got this...I think...ha....

I think I've gone insane. . .

. . . but it gives me good stories to tell

So today we ran our 3rd 1/2 marathon since October 30th 2010. The first one we ran there was 3 of us and our "coach" had a respiratory thing that irritated her asthma and I dropped an entertainment center on my foot like two days before the race so we were not in the best shape. But we finished in a little over 3 hours, whoo hoo go us!

The 2nd one was in February of this year. Our coach turned up preggers which is so exciting but she couldn't run the race sooooooooo it was just two of us. We trained...not as much as last time. And I was just getting over some sort of sick funkyness and she had a hurt knee but we finished in just under 3 hours, whoohoo!!!

The 3rd one was just the two of us. Our coach JUST had said baby and still wasn't allowed to train. . .and we didn't train at ALL. This is why I say I am crazy. I think we thought if we signed up that would get us in the gym. . . ha yea no! I think we may have gone to the gym 4 times between the two of us and we didn't get together for any long distance Saturday/Sunday training. Then last week she comes down with a respitory infection and my knee gives out, just walking and bam I'm on the ground. Her Dr said she could do the 1/2 marathon but doubted she would be able to run, maybe just speed walk. My knee seemed ok but would get weak at random. So we said "we paid for this B***H we are doing it!" We fully expected to die along the way.

Here is how the day began. The half started at 7:00 AM on the Northshore which is a good 30-40 minutes away from her house. And we had to be there for 6:30 because they closed the gates at 6:45 to start the race. This meant I had to be at her house for 5:30...which meant leaving my house at 5:00. I woke up at 4:50. . . need I say more o_O. I rolled up to her house at 5:45 and we left at 6:00. As we are driving across the 26 mile bridge we realize we may not make it and just start giggling. Mind you we BOTH drank beer during the LSU game the day before, I didn't go to bed until 11 or so and she went out with other friends till 11:45PM, oh AND we didn't train. So we were a hot mess.

We pulled up to the gates at 6:55 fully expecting to be turned away, nope (whoohoo). The lady at the gate said "watching or running?" We said running, she said go go go go they are about to start. Crap! We got as far as we could and parked. As we walked into the open field (about 1/2 mile from the car) we see the start line and hear the national anthem, ok cool we made it! The national anthem ends and we hear "*Pow* and the runners are off". Doh! So we start running to the start line (we have to go through it to activate our timing chips) and we see a herd of people running towards us . . . uh oh. So we dart off the track, through the crowd and as we are getting to the start line we hear "and all the runners are on their way". No wait for us!!!!! We literally started DEAD last a good 5 minutes after the group went through. It was not NEARLY as big as the other halfs we've done. The 1st two were 4,000 or more runners. . . this one was about 1,000. So we kept running at least until our picture was taken and then she grabbed my arm, we had to walk she couldn't breathe.

Mind you we were speed walking which she was ok with. And we quickly passed many others that were walking much slower. At mile marker 2 many of the other runners were showing visible signs of fatigue. Some were limping, some were having a hard time breathing and some just looked worn out. Not good, you have 11.1 more miles to go people. We had a good pace, we tried running a few times but she couldn't and honestly I really didn't want to test my knee so I was fine with speed walking. It was a gorgeous course and a very pretty day. We chatted through most of it and just enjoyed the day. Like a REALLY long walk in the park. Around mile 11 we were getting bored, I know how bad is that. I mean we felt a ache here and there but everything was tolerable. We kept saying I hope they still have some Abita when we get there (Abita beer was one of the sponsors). And we were starving even after power bars at mile 8 so we were discussing what food options they may have.

We ran through the finish line 3 hours and 26 minutes after we started. . . not bad for not running almost all of it. They still had beer, whoohoo! But no food. . .boooooo! Our finishers medals were. . . wait for it. . . BOTTLE OPENERS, sweet! So we settled on a ledge with our beers & water and stretched and relaxed for a bit. They were doing the awards which we really weren't paying attention to until they announced the 70-75 yr old age group winners. Wait what??? There were at least 3 because they had a 1st, 2nd and 3rd. And all of their times were around 1.5 hours....holy crap! Well don't we suck for a couple of 30 yr olds. . . hey at least we finished right....and we weren't last, oh yea!

So aside from a little soreness when walking and some trouble with a blister or two we did fine. Especially for doing zero to prepare for it.

Side Note - While we are marathoning it my finace had my vehicle. . . ya know since his is broke and awaiting a timing belt. . . he texted me. He got a flat tire. . .there was a MASSIVE screw, not nail, in my back tire. Luckily it was fixable (we got that tire patch stuff at Wal-mart) and she is good now. But the tire looked a little worn. . . I JUST replaced the two front tires not more than a month ago and now this...I need a drink!