STOP DRINKING & DRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was all ready to make a funny/fun/silly Mardi Gras post but that will have to wait....

For f**ks sake people there are other options.  I know a lot of people have done it...I know its stupid.  I know sometimes people don't realize how impaired they are until after they are driving.  I know sometimes friends aren't there to stop you!  I know $hit happens! I know! 

But there are so many more options these days than EVER.  You've always been able to call a friend.  Back in the day if you had cash, call a cab.  Or f**king walk!  But now there is Uber & Lyft and Cabs take CCs.  Or stay where you are and sleep it off.  Meaning you have NO EXCUSE! 

Not only do you endanger yourself, but you run the risk of KILLING SOMEONE ELSE in the process.  Mardi Gras is a time of partying.  This has been the case for YEARS.  But in the past TWO days I've gotten news alerts about FIVE accidents caused by an "impaired" driver and not all were in NOLA.  Not to mention my friend's son was involved in a hit and run with a DRUNK DRIVER just before the parade insanity started.  That Mo-fo t-boned him, backed up, and f**king took off!  I'm not even sure how his truck was still drive-able but whatever.  The son was okay (Thank GOD!) but pretty beat up and bleeding everywhere. 

I was down the street from the Endymion fiasco.  If you don't know some f**k nugget who was HEAVILY intoxicated drove his truck into the parade crowd injuring more than 30 people and sending 21 to the hospital.  Thankfully no one died but some are hurt and hurt bad.  Not sure how only one child was struck...that area is FULL of families...honestly that is a miracle and he only had minor injuries.  This guy is 25...he has messed up his entire life.  There is no scenario where he doesn't have a serious mark on his record and probably prison.  He is claiming he "accepted a drink" from a stranger on the street and doesn't remember anything else.  Sorry buddy that isn't really an excuse.  One don't take drinks from strangers and two DON'T DRIVE!  Now if his blood screen comes back with a roofie in it, okay I'll give you a little sympathy BUT your blood alcohol 2 hours after the accident was still three times the legal limit.....sooooooooo something doesn't add up.  I've been drugged before (unfortunately)...I didn't keep drinking...I think I had half a drink total and couldn't function anymore ...and I know others (unfortunately) that said the same thing...they didn't drink anything else after they were drugged...so this makes no sense to me but I am not an expert so who knows.  

In another incident a CHILD was killed on I10 because of an impaired driver and in another a woman in the vehicle with an impaired driver died after the vehicle flipped.  

Don't be scared to stand up to an intoxicated person who is trying to leave.  Take their keys and walk away.  If they somehow get in the car, DO NOT GET IN.  I've done it.  I've taken keys.  I've refused to get in a car.  Its hard! Your friend/family gets mad...sometimes very mean but its the right decision.  If something happens and you don't at least try you will feel guilty.  It isn't your fault but you will feel like you should have done something more.  It sucks... It is much easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.   And the next day you usually get an apology and a thank you...usually...some people are @$$holes...you don't need them...trust me but you still did the right thing.

It isn't worth it!  Please...please I beg you stop this.  And its all ages doing it..not just "young people".  I think one of the incidents was a 50+ y/o, so you can't blame just one generation.  No one wants to get a call/knock at the door saying their child/spouse/parent/sibling/friend/whatever was injured or killed in a crash.......accidents happen without impairment but these types...these are preventable.

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out....now lets go enjoy the rest of Mardi Gras, hopefully with no more craziness!

"You are a Time Lord now"....Sooooo where's my T.A.R.D.I.S.?!?!?!

Sometimes these silly little Facebook games are FUN!

Sonic Hand Sanitizer (WOW)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, kill it!  Kill it with Fire!  Just Kidding...its more like

I'm called "The Executive" (pahahahaha)

Damn Skippy!

My catchphrase "What the F**K happened now?!?!" (I think I'm channeling my inner 12)

Maybe I should stop sending profanity via text.....

Someone roll me in bubble wrap and lock me indoors!

I'm an adult... An adult who is coordinated...85% of the time.  But that 15% of the time I am not coordinated...I end up in a world of pain. 

So I was doing that running thing, right?  I do that a lot.  Or at least enough that I know running in Louisiana can be hazardous.  But most races do this thing where they mark the $hit out of the roads to show where there are potholes or raised pieces of pavement.  Not all do it but you understand the risks because they say it like 20 times before you start. 

Recently I was doing a longer race, not a half but not a 5K.  2 miles in and I ate asphalt.  You don't understand, it wasn't like a simple trip.  This was....

A toe catching on a piece of raised asphalt
Spaztically falling forward while swinging arms trying to balance
Thinking you are okay as you seem to catch yourself
Crying internally when you feel your foot turn sideways and you pitch forward, completely off balance

What made it worse...I was RUNNING.  I wasn't walking or slowly jogging.  We were full out running because...I don't know why.  So when my toe caught there was quite a bit of momentum to balance out.

As I went crashing down I put my hands out.  The problem is the force at which I was falling was too great for my arms to keep my face from slamming into the ground.  So in that split second of realization I turned on my shoulder.  I slid 3 feet on my f**king shoulder! 

Before I registered what happened I had hands all over me picking me.  Seriously, runners are the BEST.  So many people stopped to pick me up.  Literally zero effort went into me standing because I was lifted off the ground.  After I said "I'm okay, I'm okay" and smiled they took off and we moved over to the side to limp it out.  As I was assessing myself and not really feeling any immediate serious pain I looked at my friend who kept asking if I was okay and I said "no really, I'm fine".  Then I looked down at my hand.  I have blood dripping from my fingers.  Not just a minor scrap, it was pouring out of a spot where my thumb meets the palm.  "Ummm crap, okay maybe not okay."  She ran ahead to get help while I wandered slowly still trying to see why nothing hurt that bad.   That's about when I realized my knee had a pulse...hmmm that's odd.  I looked down but I had long black pants on so I didn't see anything.  We get some basic supplies to clean me up. 

That poor cop.  As I am walking up to them I hear "my friend fell, do you have a first aid kit...or at least a bandaid?"  He looks in my direction but doesn't really see me and says "yes, sure, where is she?"  And I looked right at him and opened my hand still gushing blood.  He turned white.  Which was impressive because he was pretty tan.  He ran to his car and handed us some supplies and bolted.  He made sure I was okay but wouldn't look directly at my injuries...I guess blood weirded him out. 

Anyways, I clean up as best I can with wipes and a bandaid.  Once I hand my hand wrapped in a wipe to staunch the blood flow I bent over and pulled up my pant leg.  My knee started oozing blood....crap crap crap!  I guess the tight pants were keeping the blood from flowing.  So I quickly pulled them back down and hoped for the best.  My shoulder while sore was the best looking part of me.  It was scrapped but not horrifically...how the F**K?!?!  I slid 3 feet on asphalt...on my shoulder...I'm confused.

Anyways, we kept going because I really was feeling okay and figured there would be medical at one of the water stations, boy was I f**king wrong about that.  No medics till the end...doh! Whatever I finished the race with a punctured hand, bruised & bloody knee, and road rash shoulder.  I felt like I looked like an extra from the walking dead.  Those finisher pics should be AMAZING!

The medic at the end was all what happened...well sir I tried to fight the road and the road won.  He SCRUBBED my knee to get pieces of asphalt out (mother f**ker!!!!) and he dug around in my hand to make sure there weren't any rocks stuck in it (son of a b**ch!!!!).  Oh I know I said I had pants on but there were all these tiny holes in them I didn't notice in my original assessment meaning pieces of the ground went through and INTO MY KNEE!  He put some special ointment on my knee and a HUGE bandage.  He said to not get it wet and keep it on for a few hours....great!

An hour later I was in my shower finding every other scrape on my body and cringing in pain.  I also had my leg propped up to keep my knee from getting wet...I was a mess.  After a few hours everything stiffened up.  Breathing hurt....I barely slept that night because my entire body ached and no position was comfy....

Its been about a week.  My hand is mostly healed and my shoulder looks like nothing happened.  My knee looks like it went a few rounds with a meat grinder and is a lovely shade of purple/green/yellow.  Its still sore but I'll live. 

Moral of the story: Watch where you are going, Louisiana streets jump up and bite ya if you aren't careful. 

This is just so wrong...WRONG I tell you....

Is it hot in here?  Am I blushing???  What sorcery is this??? Flag your porn Wizard World! 

JFC that should be illegal!  Doesn't he know what this does to people?!?!  He clearly knows what this does to people...... 

Seriously.......

Well here's wishing Mr. Drive Women (and Men) crazy with your...well everything a very Happy Birthday (April babies are still better, ha!).  I'm going to go stick my face in the freezer.  Bad celebrity, bad...no...torturing your poor little fangirls like that!

Side Note - I didn't realize I was fangirling over him earlier on his B-Day.

I fangirled so hard my husband "threatened" me

It wasn't intentional (clearly).....I usually keep myself fairly contained. But last night after doing a theater check I went home to veg on my couch.  I try REALLY hard to keep up with what's coming out/new to TV, Movies, & Music but sometimes I totally miss $hit and its really amusing for those around me.

Apparently there is a new King Kong movie coming out.  I vaguely remember hearing about it last year but didn't remember much detail...maybe a preview showing a gigantic gorilla in mist or something but no cast that I recalled.  I was a bit excited, I love weird movies and King Kong is definitely one of those weird stories.  An overgrown ape on a remote island being investigated by humans, good stuff...right up my ally. 

So anyway, the new trailer came on last night while I was finishing my paperwork.  My husband had already seen it so he was looking at me waiting for the reaction (he's so smart). 

I heard a voice I recognized so I looked up and said "that sounds like John Goodm....". 

Flash of Kong

A glimpse of the away team (haha).  "wait...was that Tom Hiddleston...?",

 

I was getting excited because I truly like him as an actor (and might have a minuscule celeb crush).

Then they showed f**king Samuel L. Jackson and I freaked out.  I love love love love him. 

So at this point I am fangirling pretty hard going "OMG, omg omg omg....I have to see this! It has Sam Jackson and Tom Hiddleston...bonus John Goodman..." *Eeeeeeee* *clapping* *bouncing while sitting* 

I hear in the most deadpan voice... "alright weirdo, calm down before I get the hose".

Oh........haha......kay.......*kisses*.

And I somehow missed that there was a panel at SDCC with the whole cast (ooops)...I was a bad nerd last year and totally didn't keep up with what happened there.  What the hell else did I miss?!?!?!?

(you) Make Me...*bloop*.........Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I never needed you like I do right now
I never needed you like I do right now
I never hated you like I do right now
'Cause all you ever do is make me... *bloop*

Make me...wet...?
Make me...drip...?
Make me...water...?
Make me...poop...?
Make me...leaky...?
Make me...rain...?
Make me...wee...?
Make me...a broken pipe...?
Make me...a leaky faucet...?
Make me...pour one out for my homies...?


Make me what?!?!?

Apparently the correct answer is "Cry".  Right...but when I hear a *bloop* noise like dripping water my first thought isn't "Cry"...

Guess I have a Dirty Mind....

Dammit now I have to wee.

It's the small achievements that mean the most......and are possibly the most entertaining....

Right, so I am pint sized for the most part.  I work out but I am by no means muscular just fit...ish.  Anyways living in the South means that whole "6 more weeks of winter" predicted by Phil is laughable.  Especially since it is currently 78 degrees most afternoons around here.  What that also means is our yards/gardens are hella confused.  "is it spring???" I should blossom and grow, then BAM "cold" front and everything dies.

Well our yard is looking a bit rough.  The grass isn't really growing but those weeds that pop up before spring are growing like...well weeds.  Hubs has been insanely busy so I decided when I got home the other day to Woman up and cut the f**king yard.  I've done it before but now our lawnmower is almost TWELVE years old...its been through a flood, it is a b**ch to start, and no longer has self propel.  Basically it's the grumpy old man of lawn machines.

To top that off it has also been sitting without being used since early November.  In essence it has lawnmower arthritis.  So I get ready to go do this deed, old tennis shoes - check, ear buds - check, phone in armband - check, goggles - check....alright its go time!

I pull out Mr. Grumpy, top off the tank, and prime the line.  Then I try to start it...  I almost pulled my shoulder out of socket, WTF?!?! 

The pull cord is barely moving therefore no spin therefore no start.  So I try to wake it up by gently pushing and pulling.  As I am doing this I am talking...not loud but still speaking out loud. 

Come on...
You got this baby...
Come on....move dammit!
Do I need some lube or something...?!?

When I think its nice and "warmed up", I pull with all my might *clank clank* "Dammit mother f......*grumble grumble*" calm down child *whoosa*. 

So I try again...and again....and AGAIN.  At this point I am not quite yelling but speaking very sternly at the lawnmower...mostly nonsense but "Come on you geriatric piece of $hit" was said at least twice.

I've realized I do not have enough upper body strength to start this thing.  So I use my smarts...I think.  I am on concrete.  I run forward with the mower to get momentum then yank back on the cord as hard as I can.

*vrooom * *sputter sputter* "Son of a whore!"   But that is more than I got before so this method is CLEARLY working better.  Sooooo I keep doing this running start, pull...thing:

*vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooom* *clank clank* "listen here f**k-o"
*vrm* *thunk* "ahhhhhhh no no no no"
*vrooooooooooom* *sputter sputter* "yes...yes...." 

*clank clank* "Doh! Why wont you start for me?!?!?!

*Vroooooom* *rat tat tat* "Yea buddy!" *clank* "God Dammit you mother f**king rat b**ch....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh......"

Last time or I go inside.....
*Vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooom* before it can die I do it again rapid fire like 5 times...more out of frustration than logic.

It starts up "ahhhhahahhahhaa"  

*dancing around while holding the bar to keep it started* 

 "Oh yea that's right.  Whose my b**ch now? Yea!"

 *more crazy dancing*

About this time is when I realized not one but two of my neighbors are in their backyards on this gorgeous afternoon.  And one was in the yard with a 2 y/o...*crap*.  And while they cannot see me...I am 1000% certain they heard almost everything. 

Eh, f**k it...I started the lawn mower... 

Someone call the Winchesters, we have a Werewolf on our hands

Saw this..............

 I...what?!?!  Is this for real?!?!  The mental status of society as a whole is terrifyingly unstable.

I swear these are those headlines Sam reads and says to Dean/Cas "So get this....."

and then they all hop in the Impala and go kill the whatever.

"She said she planned to eat the victim’s heart after she killed him, and said she had already written a note to leave on his body explaining that she planned to kill again, according to police."

What?!?!  So like this is about the time I start hoarding toilet paper and don't leave my house...right...?