It's the small achievements that mean the most......and are possibly the most entertaining....

Right, so I am pint sized for the most part.  I work out but I am by no means muscular just fit...ish.  Anyways living in the South means that whole "6 more weeks of winter" predicted by Phil is laughable.  Especially since it is currently 78 degrees most afternoons around here.  What that also means is our yards/gardens are hella confused.  "is it spring???" I should blossom and grow, then BAM "cold" front and everything dies.

Well our yard is looking a bit rough.  The grass isn't really growing but those weeds that pop up before spring are growing like...well weeds.  Hubs has been insanely busy so I decided when I got home the other day to Woman up and cut the f**king yard.  I've done it before but now our lawnmower is almost TWELVE years old...its been through a flood, it is a b**ch to start, and no longer has self propel.  Basically it's the grumpy old man of lawn machines.

To top that off it has also been sitting without being used since early November.  In essence it has lawnmower arthritis.  So I get ready to go do this deed, old tennis shoes - check, ear buds - check, phone in armband - check, goggles - check....alright its go time!

I pull out Mr. Grumpy, top off the tank, and prime the line.  Then I try to start it...  I almost pulled my shoulder out of socket, WTF?!?! 

The pull cord is barely moving therefore no spin therefore no start.  So I try to wake it up by gently pushing and pulling.  As I am doing this I am talking...not loud but still speaking out loud. 

Come on...
You got this baby...
Come on....move dammit!
Do I need some lube or something...?!?

When I think its nice and "warmed up", I pull with all my might *clank clank* "Dammit mother f......*grumble grumble*" calm down child *whoosa*. 

So I try again...and again....and AGAIN.  At this point I am not quite yelling but speaking very sternly at the lawnmower...mostly nonsense but "Come on you geriatric piece of $hit" was said at least twice.

I've realized I do not have enough upper body strength to start this thing.  So I use my smarts...I think.  I am on concrete.  I run forward with the mower to get momentum then yank back on the cord as hard as I can.

*vrooom * *sputter sputter* "Son of a whore!"   But that is more than I got before so this method is CLEARLY working better.  Sooooo I keep doing this running start, pull...thing:

*vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooom* *clank clank* "listen here f**k-o"
*vrm* *thunk* "ahhhhhhh no no no no"
*vrooooooooooom* *sputter sputter* "yes...yes...." 

*clank clank* "Doh! Why wont you start for me?!?!?!

*Vroooooom* *rat tat tat* "Yea buddy!" *clank* "God Dammit you mother f**king rat b**ch....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh......"

Last time or I go inside.....
*Vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooom* before it can die I do it again rapid fire like 5 times...more out of frustration than logic.

It starts up "ahhhhahahhahhaa"  

*dancing around while holding the bar to keep it started* 

 "Oh yea that's right.  Whose my b**ch now? Yea!"

 *more crazy dancing*

About this time is when I realized not one but two of my neighbors are in their backyards on this gorgeous afternoon.  And one was in the yard with a 2 y/o...*crap*.  And while they cannot see me...I am 1000% certain they heard almost everything. 

Eh, f**k it...I started the lawn mower...