That's not how it works....that's not how any of this works!

I love reading.  I read just about anything.  I take that back, I will give anything a chance BUT there is a point where I will put a book/story down.  Usually that point is where the story gets so far fetched that even I have to go, really?!?  And this is coming from a person who reads A LOT of books about Vampires, Werewolves, Epic Fantasy, Angels...I think you get the picture.

Kidding...I didn't actually read this one but its funny because of my POST about the cover :D

So when I read "stories" that blow the limits into dust, I cringe, especially when I REALLY like the main characters.  I can get passed quite a bit of silliness but there is a point where I will stop reading and never look back.  I mainly do this when the story is exceedingly juvenile.  Again this coming from a person who reads Young Adult books.  The difference is these Young Adult books are written by adults, usually, so they are much more relatable then say a 20 chapter internet published work written by an actual young adult about adults...does that make sense...? 

I am not knocking these young writers.  I think it is wonderful that they are taking to writing, I just hope they have a bit of guidance in future works on how people/love/relationships/sex actually work. I am not their momma or their friend...so I am not going to have that chat with them, plus I don't want them to think I am attacking them...maybe I should say something...I dunno.  Yet some of them write exceedingly well and have an impressive understanding of life and relationships, I truly enjoy their stories.

With that said, when I am reading one of those "OMG that is not how the sex works" stories and I find out the writer is in fact OLDER than me...I might judge....okay no I totally judge.  Regardless of how "experienced" (or inexperienced) you are there are some things you just know.  Like anything that is 3 inches wide or larger is frightening.  I seriously had to read that twice.  3 inches around...that's a little below average...wait wide...across...like the diameter...OMG!  No really go find a ruler, measure out three inches and tell me that's gonna fit in an average woman, comfortably.  

When writing smut (NOT PORN) don't use words like p**sy, etc. unless you are trying for shock factor or dirty talk.  If you are trying to get the reader all hot and bothered you don't say "he reached down her tummy and touched her p**sy".  That is almost just weird.  At that point I close the story and never look back.  Wait, how old are you?!?!?!

Instead, maybe say something like "he caressed his way down her body, exploring every inch, until he reach where she needed him most."  Or something of that nature.  If you want more people to read it...I think...just an observation.

If its one of those fiction stories that takes two characters from unrelated TV Shows/Movies and puts them together (shut up, you know what I am talking about) at least try to keep some of the personality of the characters.  When you start listing all of these completely out of character things, you lose me.  I am reading it because I like the way those characters are. . . .not because I want them to be totally different.  And if they are doing something totally NOT them, they need to have a bit of turmoil over it, showing they are still them.  Of course when they do those out of character things we all want them to do (whooohooo I SHIP it) that is a little different.

Pahahaha, accurate

Having two people misunderstand everything, cock it all up, and FINALLY admit they love each other (and possibly have mind blowing, uh, fun), yes please...having the same two people immediately fall in love, say f**k it all and never think about all the reasons why it never happened in the "show" or whatever with no build up...not quite what most people are looking for. You want people to relate to the story not go "OMG he/she would NEVER do that!!!!!"   I mean who else does NOT see Mr. Tucker being submissive, pathetic and letting people walk all over him...WTF, that is way out of character...just saying.  Maybe he gives a little bit to impress a girl (MAYBE) but he is a bit of an arse and I don't see a complete 180 happening regardless of the craziness that happened.  And no I don't read many stories featuring him but there was one and I almost died laughing at one point.  I didn't finish it. 

It is hard to explain without specific examples but I am not about to target anyone.  I am not a "writer", I have minimal criticism rights. Just some things that stood out, that concern me I guess.