Is this a fever dream...without the fever...?

I don't know how we got here but here we are and it was weird. 

The first bit I remember was we were on vacation, like a group vacation.  There was a cabin/vacation house and a huge back area for camping, but it was fenced in sort of.  

I know I had a bunch of friends there but I don't recall any of them.  There were also some other groups with us which is weird but it was like a GIANT vacation home thingy.  

One night I was sitting outside around the dimming campfire REALLY late because I couldn't sleep and one of the other group persons wandered over.  Mind you there were literally people all over inside and tents in the "yard" then trees in the distance with small "sheds" scattered about.  I couldn't really see him because it was dark but I could tell it was a guy.  He sat down on the bench next to me, not close just near.  

We were sitting in silence when he said "I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you for the last couple days."  I recognized his voice but I was confused, I didn't speak just kind of looked over. 

He spoke up again and asked how I was doing as he leaned forward.  I saw his eyes.  I knew his eyes (and his voice) but his face was different.  But I knew in my dream it was a guy I dated in college.  Like one of those star crossed situations.  We cared deeply for each other but just met at the wrong time, it just didn't work.  Honestly had we met maybe a year or so later, my life probably would have been very different.  

Moving on, I was shocked.  We haven't talked in years.  So we started chatting.  I don't remember any thing we spoke about but as time passed we had gotten closer. Finally we realized it had been hours and figured our spouses would be worried so we parted ways.  

Over the next couple nights we had an unspoken "date" around the campfire.  It was like no time had passed and we were just two old friends having fun.  Mind you we weren't always alone, others wandered over and we all cut up so nothing nefarious was happening.  But one night after everyone else had left and the fire had dimmed he leaned over and kissed me.  It was so...I couldn't do it justice...I guess indescribable.  It lasted longer than it should have and ended up with us more horizontal, but after I got my wits about me I pushed away.  He apologized but then took it back and said he didn't regret anything.  We talked, I don't remember about what but we talked for a while.  And that night I decided to sleep outside, ALONE, with my thoughts.  Like literally outside. I'm talking a sleeping bag under the stars....

The next night all was well and we were innocently chatting and laughing with other people when my "husband" walked out. But he was 100% NOT my husband.  He was my psycho ex.  The one in some of my early posts that destroyed me and then wouldn't let me be bc we owned a house together.  Anyway, he started freaking out.  Then he ordered me to go inside while they talked and I LISTENED.  What?!?!?!  So my college friend was calm and collected but the "husband" was losing it. After I paced around inside he came in and just laid into me about trust and Lord knows what else.  He kept saying "you know I was always concerned _____ would come back and take you away and now he's here."  Which 100% confused me because we did have that exact fight in real life EXCEPT it wasn't the guy I dated in college...it was my more serious/semi toxic ex from college who moved away.  And I would have never done that.  Like I've been accused of some crazy $hit but I was never the one being dishonest. 

Anyways, he started threatening to kick me out of my house, take my dogs, leave me in where ever the eff we were, pick something...it was a venomous chain of hate and anger being spewed.  I did (thank God) fight back.  And I recall saying I'm not leaving, you leave. It's my house too so skedaddle.  He said something like you can't afford to live alone which just pissed me off further.  I will eat noodles and butter if I have to, to prove you wrong. 

This clearly lasted a while and I ended up "sleeping" outside again with my thoughts.  But I was in a different place.  No more groups camping.  It was more of a neighborhood and my dogs were there but not the ones I have now.  I mean they had the same names & personalities but little bit was a small Husky which she is very much not.  As I was staring at the sky I realized the dogs could escape. 

When I sat up I was in my great grandparents old neighborhood in the parish.  We were staying at College guys house(?) but it was all interconnected.  Like the yards overlapped and it wasn't just my dogs.  So I was running around in the dark trying to secure the yard(s).  I was tying a gate shut when my college friend appeared out of nowhere and just gave me a hug.  Like a really good, its okay to be upset hug.  Nothing sexual or creepy just a needed show of care.  

That was it.  I woke up to a cat in my face and really confused.  I'm blaming it on the vaccine hahaha.  I've been having even more strange dreams since I got dose 1 a few days ago.  

You do not live here and no you cannot bring a friend!

It is beyond me why I attract animals but I do.  And all through this pandemic me being home has seemed to attract more...but mainly cats.  AND I DO NOT FEED THEM!

There is a gorgeous kitty I fondly call "not my cat" who seems to think she lives here.  I've had to remove her from my house multiple times.  She greets me outside daily, runs off any other living creature that steps foot on my property, and helps me when I'm in the garden. 

When she is off wandering there are other visitors; one I call Tom (like Tom & Jerry), an orange cat (I know where he lives), and a black & white cat I call Tux. 

Just in the last couple weeks I've had a long haired black & white cat (not Tux) in my backyard who was promptly run off by the orange cat. I had a long haired gray cat who thought he would make friends with my dogs....that did not go over well. Then I heard something crying at the front door at like 10:30 PM.

I went outside to find a tabby cat. He/she ran and hid under my car.  But was still crying.  So they were wanting attention but they were scared.  So what does weirdo me do?  She sits on the front porch in her PJs talking to a cat (my neighbors are going to commit me). 

Another day as I was working I saw a head pop up in my window, orange cat.  Since he was a kitten he looks inside when I have the blinds up.  But this time he was mewing LOUDLY.  WTF Cat, I'm working!  So I go outside and he runs up to me then runs to the side of my house.  

When I followed I saw him by my neighbors van, "hey how'd you get there so fast...?"  Then he ran behind a tire....

I went to the edge of my yard and he walked out from the back of my bushes....hold on...I just saw...what....

I went back inside.  About 20 min later I went get the mail and had TWO orange cats in my garden.  Ummmmmm you multiplied....  One was the one I know but the other had to be female bc he was protecting her.  She was lighter orange and TERRIFIED.  My neighbor's cat brought me his "girlfriend"

No no.  I don't care if you found her, she can't stay here!

Then the other night I got home from my friend's house and 

A cat I've NEVER seen before yelled at me from on top my hubs Truck.  He/she was in shadow but was definitely not one of the "regulars". 

I don't know what is going on but there are suddenly a lot of adult cats.  I haven't seen kittens so I am thinking it's either a catch, fix, and release thing OR some dip$hit is dumping cats in my hood.  

Massacre at mile 11

I have always been worried about the horror stories you hear about running.  You are putting your body through quite a lot so you never know when that b**ch might rebel. 

I've had minor issues before, but for the most part it's been things I can deal with.  

My last half was brutal.  Since there's still COVID around I 100% thought it would be canceled or postponed.  Which means in my brain I wasn't nearly as motivated to train.  I trained up to 10 miles but I reached that 6 weeks prior to the race and then did jack $hit.  

I knew it would be difficult.  I mean I knew I could finish it but I would not be feeling great by the end...  

But I pushed myself because I was cold and stubborn.  I was doing great but I hit a bit of a wall at mile 8.75-ish.  Like my legs felt like lead. 

I walked for a while hoping it would pass but every time I ran, LEAD LEGS.  

I drank water & powerade, ate some gummies and Gu.  Nothing was helping.  Then as I was coming around a bend there was beer.  I don't like to take drinks from strangers, especially during a pandemic but I was desperate.    

It worked.  I mean I wasn't running like the flash but I wasn't dragging @$$ as much.  I know there is some science-y explanation but I am just going with beer good.  

I thought I got this!  I looked at my watch and thought, "OMG, if I keep this pace I could match last year's time" which would be impressive without much training.  

WHY DID I EVEN THINK THAT?!?!

The Universe

As I was pushing through mile 11 it happened.  

THIS IS 100% TMI...READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I was past the last water station...no more potties until the finish line.  I have never in my LIFE been more thankful for black pants.  I couldn't stop....so I ran as best as I could.  I needed to finish.  I needed to be done.  I needed a SHOWER!

I know what you are probably thinking happened BUT it wasn't that....it was more girly....If you haven't figured it out I was suddenly bleeding...A LOT.

I was that commercial.  They 100% could put me running a half marathon with the caption of "where will you be when the gush happens".   I was hurting, tired, and feeling sooooooo gross.  But I finished. By God I FINISHED!

Have I mentioned I really hate being a girl sometimes.