It is confirmed!

Sorry sorry sorry to harp on this.  So I made a new friend.  My new friend was extremely tall next to me in my chucks.  So I asked her (not rudely) how tall she was.  She said "oh I'm 5'10" but I have on 3" heels".

So that puts her at 6'1" (right?!).

I was eye level with the boobies.  No kidding.  We were chatting and my eyeballs were just above the center of the tata.  And I mean they were nice tatas.  How do you not stare at tatas that are legit eye level?!?  I tried to look over her shoulder but I wasn't tall enough.  So I tried to make eye contact but I am a half pint sooooo yea the struggle is real!  She totally smacked me at one point (not hard)...

...Because I kept looking around like I wasn't listening but I was listening I just didn't know where to look!

She was awesome about it calling me her little American Girl Doll (hey now!). 

Anyways if she was 6'1" with heels on and my eyes were mid chest then it is safe to assume my conclusions from this post are highly accurate.

F**k, I'm short!

So like its a ongoing joke that NolaGurl is short.  But sometimes I forget HOW short I am.

So I was looking at pictures and I realized I am almost abnormally vertically challenged.

Take the pic of me and Jenna Coleman from a couple years ago.  Now mind you I had on converse but I was a good 3" shorter than her and she is TINY.  She HAD to have had on heels.  Because according to the Internet (its always accurate) she is only 5'2" and I am somewhere in the 5'1" -ish range depending on my posture.

Moving on.  This got my curiosity sparked.  How freakishly short would I look if I took photos with any other celeb favs (without height assistance)...?

Billie Piper 5'5" - I'd be staring at her chin

David Tennant 6'1" - I'd basically be eye level to nipples.....

Tom Hiddleston 6'2" - Somewhere in that same vicinity

Peter Capaldi 6' - Chest gazing yet again

Jensen 6'1" - I'm seeing a pattern here

Misha 6' - I'm getting used to staring a man pecks

Jar Pad 6'4" - That's like belly button danger zone (hahaha, jk...maybe)

Tom Ellis 6'3" - JFC what are they feeding these people?!?

Scar Jo 5'3" - Okay a bit closer to me

Caity Lotz 5'6" - Oh come on!

Morena Baccarin 5'7" - ...really?!?! I mean shes hot so yea okay

Jason Momoa 6'4" - Combine that with his width and that is a laughable pic

Nathan Fillion 6'2" - Dude....DUDE!

Stana Katic 5'9" - I...I did not realize this...

In conclusion...I am a for realz shorty...Jenna is probably the shortest famous person I will meet...also...any future celeb meetings, I should wear heels....

How it looks

How it feels

Oh and just for fun (because I've met him before)

Shaq 7'1" - It looked as funny as you are picturing. This was pre-smart phone so I don't think a picture still exists....

Also, the husband is just over 5'10" and my eyes are near his collar bone so I guess I like 'em tall-ish, ha!

Seriously though...if she's 5'2" and I'm an inch-ish shorter...that is totally just above nipple level.....  

I always wanted to look like a spider was crawling out my nose....

JFC people why is this now a thing?!?!

Again I am 100% to each his own but most people try to get rid of noticeable nose hair not put it on display!!!  Also, I'd be itching at it the whole time!

Surely this is a joke...right!?!?

LINK

Yes, its totally a joke but can you imagine?!?!  I know how I react to a tiny stray hair grazing my nose, I can't imagine having f**king lashes glued to it! 

What if you sneezed?!

*ahhhh choo*
Bless Yo-eeeeeew
What?
Um...you got a little something...*touching nose*
*looks in mirror* *giant green booger hanging from your nose lashes*

Or...or

*aaaaahhhhh chooo*
OMG WTF MAN!??! 
*nose lashes stuck to your friend's face*

Ahhh hahahah.  I can't...y'all this would be so bad for me. 

1) I'd keep touching them, therefore looking like I was picking/petting my nose
b) I would be the person with a boogie just a chillin'
3c) I would totes sneeze and loose my new hairs to the velocity

Oh...OH How would you blow your nose??!?!  I feel like this would complicate that significantly....

Whatever the case...I'm glad this is a ha ha...it is a ha ha...I hope to God its a HA HA.

My house smells like baked badussy!

Soooooo I may murder my sig other.  I mean not really but I am feeling stabby...maybe more punchy...definitely need a drinky...all before NOON!

So I woke up, had some coffee, watched on the news (stupid Hurricane Nate *grumble grumble*), and decided at some point I wanted some cheese toast for lunch. 

What is cheese toast?  It is toast with cheese...

Okay so basically I take some bread, put a bunch of sharp cheddar on it, sprinkle a little Tabasco, and toast it (like an open faced grilled cheese).  I should mention, I didn't have any lights on and its kinda dark in here bc its overcast (stupid Nate). So I opened the toaster oven and plopped my two cheese breads on the pan.

I went about my business while it toasted.  When suddenly the most AWFUL smell permeated the air.  Funky snatch with a hint of @$$.  WTF?!?!  Why does my cheese toast smell like rotten wookie!??!  I opened the oven (BIG MISTAKE) and was assaulted by skunk toe. 

"OMG, *gag*...what...*gag*...What is that?!?!!?" 

So I pull out the pan and see there is something on it under my toast...

I pick up one slice of toast *sniff*...*hork*...ewwwwwwww
I dumped both pieces in the trash...
I looked closer at the pan.  The "something under my toast" has a distinct rectangular/square shape. 

*sniff* "why do I do this to myself?!?!" *huuuuuuuualrk*

Poo-yee-yi! It smells like reheated spoiled fish...

Then I remembered.  The other night...OTHER NIGHT....not like last night or even the night before...OTHER NIGHT, like f**king MONDAY (its' Saturday)...SOMEONE reheated the left over Salmon.  So I cooked my cheese bread on top of FIVE DAY OLD Salmon juices.

The whole kitchen/living area smells like 18th century prostitute panties!

I've lost my appetite and have been exiled to the yard until the poon tang smell fades.

Who does that?!?!?  I haven't been home to cook much all week so I haven't opened the toaster oven...

But what if he is a Time Traveler?!?!?!

LINK

I...ok.  I mean lets think about this.  What IF we are invaded and he was right and all he wanted to do was make sure we fought back.  The future of humanity could be in jeopardy!!!!

"The man told police he was only able to time travel because aliens filled his body with alcohol." or maybe he was out of his mind intoxicated...maybe.  I mean why would they give him the ability to come back to warn us...that is highly unlikely.  

"He noted that he was supposed to be transported to the year 2018, not this year." Crap...hmmm who else ends up in the wrong year(s)...I need a picture...is he wearing a velvet frock coat and a cravat...?  Maybe a leather jacket...does he look like a magician?!?! Is he rambling about a blue box...?

Dude we are gonna feel hella bad if we locked up the savior of Earth.

I'll just leave this...here

Or alcohol....

Or ya know...don't lock them up....because they SEEM "crazy"

And just because I almost spit my coffee out...

If you can't detect my sarcasm we can't be friends...

Where do I insert the blood of a virgin...?

Oooo that sounds...ew.

Anyways....I know its been beaten to death.  We've all seen THE meme. 

And I've had to do those...minus the Blood of a Virgin...so far...

But I have never had THIS issue. 

What?!?!!?  "Choose a password that is harder for people to guess"....  Ummmm, pretty sure mine was NOT guessable but okay.  

Originally I did a weirdo password with a number change someplace in it.  It said "Strong" as I was typing then I got that error.  Hmmmm okay....

So I did another iteration of my password with another uppercase and a special character.  Same error.   WTF...

So I added a word...same error

I typed F**kBeans1! Same Error.

Argh!  #SuckBallz69....Same Error

EataDickMFR1!...same error

#F**kYou1! Same error

iHateMS1! Same Error

#WhaleVagina1! Same error...oh you have got to be kidding me!!!!

Then I got really pissed and typed symbols with a variation of c**tlicker...accepted...$HIT!

Hope I don't have to give some poor IT guy my password anytime soon.  

I know it says don't use common words or names but what the f**k man?!?!  

You make me want to light my computer on fire...and then throw it at you!

If I get  randomly added to one more Facebook group I am going to lose my $hit!!!

I don't want to "get oily"...I like EOs but I've been added to seven...SEVEN different "online groups", get help people!

I don't want longer lashes...well I do but not for that kind of money...f**k off!

I don't want to reduce the signs of aging...okay maybe I do but again not for $$$$$$$$ for a month's supply...suck my toe!

I don't want stick on nail polish...seriously?!?!!? Didn't I use this as a kid bc nail polish was messy...?

I don't have f**king kids, quit trying to sell me a subscription to Christian kids books

I don't want a new makeup...trust me it isn't that Unique...eat a d**k!

Those leggings are f**king hideous, who are you trying to fool?!?!

My $15 workout clothes work just fine I don't need a gold lined sports bra with pillowed inserts made of virgin sheep fur or whatever.......

I like my drug store lip gloss...why the f**k do my lips need $45 tint...?  Yea yea "but it stays on"...Ya know what so does Maybeline super stay and its $10.

I don't need to create a pendant or bracelet from tiny charms and be charged $$$$$$$$ for it...there is a thing called a craft store (or Amazon)...$20, done! Or Etsy....I like Etsy...

Also, if you add me as a friend bc we knew each other in HS, I am generally happy to catch up with you.  But then try to sell me something I am going to show up on your doorstep and squirt you with a water bottle ...

*squirt squirt* "No! Bad Friend...BAD!"

Don't get me wrong, I think its great these women (and some men) are trying to earn some extra cash and it doesn't bother me to see their pics/products in my timeline. BUT adding me to random groups makes me Stabby.

Invite me, fine great, I'll just ignore it.  But I hate that they can just add me.  "Hey NOLAGurl, that chick you haven't seen in 20 years just added you to her new makeup group.".  And then you are suddenly blasted with 15 rapid fire notifications.

And I do not want to become a re-seller!!! Its like a ponzi scheme...right? "I'm a seller, I recruit you so now I get ___% of your sales on top of mine.  You recruit someone and you get ___% of their sales and I get ___% of your %.  Oh and did I mention you have to 'buy in'.  Don't worry its only $1,000". What?!?! Or some crazy BS like that.  That's a scam right, that sounds like a scam...its a scam...?!?!?!  I just can't see the ROI being quick or even there...

UPDATE - I purposefully did not post anything about what happened in Las Vegas.  I am saddened and heartbroken...its a scary scary world.