So long and thanks for all the fish

I'm pretty sure there is a book...and a movie that said something like this...

Link

I thought this was going to be profound....

"They simply won't notice, the same way a construction crew demolishes an anthill to build real estate because they lack incentive to protect it," 

Soooo unless they are building a "hyperspatial express route.", Earth is unnoticeable? 

DAMMIT!

OR we will be the Space Orcs of the Universe and destroy everything. 

"He suggests that once a civilization reaches the capabilities of spreading across the stars, it will inevitably wipe out all other civilizations."

Hmmmm.  The below is a fav of mine...it was hard to pick just one...I love Humans being the scary ones... its a little long but F**king hilarious!

Humans. The Orcs of space.

Somethings just stick with you...like herpes

I kid I kid...but really...don't play with herpes, that is the gift that keeps on giving.  I don't know that personally but I have friends and they...well they regret somethings.  Moving on!

I love movies, right?  Right!  I have a soft spot of sci-fi and fantasy, right?  Right!

With that said I can't believe how much I still without a doubt absolutely LOVE the original Jurassic Park.  The music, the special effects, the acting, the f**king dinosaurs!  That movie...THAT MOVIE is one of my all time favs.

The new one is coming out soon and I am sure I will like it a lot but nothing...NOTHING will ever compare to the original. 

When I hear the music, I get chills!

This scene slays me every time! I can hear the roar in my mind!

Its so real.  In that moment, sitting in a dark theater in 1993, suddenly dinosaurs were alive again.  It stoked the embers of my imagination...it was amazing!  And still, today when I watch this movie I get chills.  Its so real.  Everything is so real.  Its so believable that a lot of times I dream about dinosaurs afterwards.

Granted its usually me trying to escape raptors but its cool...right?  My point is this movie stands the test of time.  It set a standard and will forever be one of my all time favorite movies.

F**KING CHILLS MAN!

Not to mention Jeff Goldblum...What is it about him in this movie ...DAMN SON!

"Life...uh...finds a way."

Clever girl...

Damn, I love this movie!

Don't be a tw@t

Public Service Announcement:

If you notice someone has gained weight...SHUT UP.  I guarantee you that person is fully aware that they are heavier.  They are probably VERY upset about it.  They do not need to hear about it from judgy @$$holes like you.

We all see it with celebrities and it pisses me off.  They are still HUMAN.  Just because they gained some weight and aren't a negative 4 doesn't mean we should blast it all over the internet and make them feel worse.

Same goes with your family/friends/co-workers.  Trust me they know what they look like.  And you can't POSSIBLY know what is happening in their life so shut it!

I say this because I have recently become the "target" of such comments.  Not to my face...no that would be rude...BUT to my cousins and brothers and sister in laws...and aunts...and uncles...should I f**king continue?  It came to a head when I said something to a cousin and she told me "yea...I've heard a lot about your @$$ and thighs recently...it pissed me off!"  Yea well it pisses me off too!

I am not a size zero (nothing wrong with that by the way) but I am not f**king fat either!  I am horribly out of shape compared to this time last year.  My muscle has turned to...not muscle.  Booooooooo!  But its not because I've become a lazy f**k or something.  Its because I am dealing with stupid $hit that I can't talk to anyone about except my husband (NDA b**ches) and I am f**king stressed out!

I am still running races but I went from working out 6 days a week to maybe one...maybe.  I don't eat awful BUT I've been eating out much more.  I don't eat sweets much so that's good but my guilty pleasure is a coke.

Why?  Well because I am driving an hour each way to work...EVERY DAY.  I am working 10 hour days.  By the time I get home its f**king dark...or getting dark and I am trying to attempt dinner.  Otherwise we order in.  I don't stop at all 'til bed time.  I go to bed...rinse repeat.  Could I make time?  Of course...I'd sacrifice sleep and at the moment...I don't think I can.  I am barely getting 6 hours a night now.   I am taking supplements to help with lady things that happen to make you retain a bit more fluid.  I have diagnosed IBS and while its under control for the most part when I get stressed my tummy pokes out because just look up IBS and you'll get it.

So yea I am a bit jiggly in places I didn't used to be.  I think I look like $hit, thanks.  But I don't need comments from the peanut gallery and I still fit in my clothes (and no they aren't too snug) so suck it!  I mean somethings I forgo...like a really tight shirt....or anything that grips the tummy area.  And GOD am I dreading putting on a swimsuit but whatever. 

My point is quit talking $hit.  You don't know what other people are going through, unless you ask...and NO ONE HAS ASKED!  You aren't making comments because you are concerned...if you were you'd say them to me in the form of "hey, I noticed you aren't running as much...you okay?" or "I noticed you aren't working from home as much...wanna talk about it?" See that isn't RUDE!  You are making comments behind someone's back to gossip so, f**k you very much. 

That's bull$hit and you know it!

I waited a week to post anything but I just can't with these politicians anymore. 

'We're a city that floods, so deal with it.’ 

LINK

What?!?!?  You are the new Mayor of N.O.  I get that you probably inherited a $hitstorm but that is NOT how you win over the populous!!!

Backstory, we had 3-5 inches in less than an hour last Friday (1 week ago).  Streets flooded but I mean that's a lot of rain in a very short time.  We've always had MINOR street flooding when rain happens like that.  That is normal.  What isn't normal is MAJOR street flooding and it getting into homes/businesses for a f**king 2 hour rainstorm.

I have lived in this area my whole life.  I moved away for a few years but not far enough to not know what's going on.  WE ARE NOT A CITY THAT FLOODS!  The Vieux Carre DID NOT USED  TO FLOOD.  So what changed? 

Nothing changed...and that is the problem.  You can't neglect the infrastructure for decades and then act surprised when $hit doesn't work. 

When have we flooded (in homes etc) in the past:

1927 - Obvi before my time...Record flooding across 7 states....they blew a levee to save NOLA
1965 (Betsy) - I was not alive but there are rumors that a levee was intentionally broken
1995 - 18" of rain in a 24 hour period
2005 (Katrina) - The levees failed. A perfect storm of crap happened and the Levees which were SUBPAR f**king failed.
2005 (Rita) - They re-broke...
2017 (OMG it f**king rained) - It wasn't that bad of a storm....but people flooded
2011-2018 - Random Rainstorms have streets closed and people's cars/property flood

I'm sure there were other's maybe not as bad but these are the ones I know because I heard stories or lived through them.

In recent years nothing rainstorms cause concerns throughout the metropolitan area...last August everything came to a head.  That was the proverbial straw.  People are outraged.  After Katrina we got money from the federal government to help fix $hit.  There are ridiculous taxes in place to "keep up" with $hit.  We were told "'all pumps are operational,' and pumps were overwhelmed and couldn't keep up with the pace of the rain." Yet we find out last August that 14 of the city's 121 pumps at the city's 24 stations were not operational, including eight broken pumps and pumps down for scheduled maintenance. Six smaller "constant duty" pumps that regularly pump out groundwater also were down. And some turbines that power the stations were not functional. 

We have the equipment in place but its not been maintained properly.  They just did a HUGE drainage project on Bourbon and Bourbon still flooded last Friday.  Soooooo what exactly did they do?  Yea yea lots of rain, short time, but Bourbon didn't flood for Katrina.  The Quarter was basically DRY for Katrina.  So please explain to me WTF is happening?!?!?

I honestly don't know, I am not an engineer but I can assume the money was squandered and/or $hit was half-@$$ed.  Louisiana is known for corruption.  There is a reason we don't get the businesses here that other states get.  Its because its still good ol' boy politics down here.  "sure you can build your BILLION dollar business here but I want a piece for my pocket".  That isn't how it works...or it isn't how it should work. 

I know it costs a lot to fix but it needs to be done.  Had it been MAINTAINED over the years instead of neglected things would be easier to fix.  Like my friend said "Its like a house.  If you don't maintain your house over the years, eventually it will fall apart.  Same thing goes for the city.  You can't neglect mechanical parts and pipes for decades and act surprised when they don't work."

Rant Over!  F**k Off if you think the residents are that dumb.

The Zombies are coming, the zombies are coming!!!

I can tell you with 100% certainty that if I got an alert at 1:45 AM about "Extreme Zombie Activity" and I had no power, I would have a minor panic attack until my brain woke up. 

How does that happen?!!??! Link

"There are now far less than seven-thousand-three-hundred-eighty customers involved due to extreme zombie activity,"

SHUT UP!  That cannot be real?!!?!?

OMG!

Seriously though...you get that and you are half asleep...possibly dreaming about zombies (it happens...shoosh)

Conclusion, a Walking Dead hacker thinks he/she is f**king hilarious!!!!!


Favorite line: “I want to reiterate that Lake Worth does not have any zombie activity currently and apologize for the system message,” Ben Kerr said.

She was birthing Cthulhu

'Sup link to artist

Can you imagine going down on your girl and seeing f**king tentacles coming out of her lady cave?!?!?

Saw this...

And thought SURELY that is a fake news site!  That did NOT happen.  Its tabloids or something.  So I googled it...

Okay the only one I MIGHT trust is foxnews.  So I went to my trusty friend SNOPES.  Nothing confirmed or debunked but it was a rural area in Columbia soooooo.  

"Afflicted by sharp abdominal pain, and terrified by what seemed to be budding stems sticking out..."

“My mom told me once that if I don’t want to get pregnant, I should insert a potato, and I believed her...”

"...lived for two weeks with the potato inside..."

“I had to use sterilized material to go ahead and take out the tuber so that the girl wouldn’t have to go through the embarrassment of having to go to a medical center,”

I know its from 2014 and glad she was okay but HOLY CRAPBALLS!

And just because I don't know what I just watched, you get to see it too!

Idiocracy was a f**king prophecy

Right so I know I joke that Idiocracy is coming true but lately...LATELY...I fear I may not be joking.

People DO NOT THINK.

Who does this?!?!!?

Link

Who said "yes lets have LIVING exotic animals as props at prom"?!? The kids didn't do this.  This had to have been approved by an "Adult".  I put that in quotes because the definition of what constitutes being an adult is started to get a little hazy.

"At a Miami prom themed “Welcome to the Jungle,” several exotic animals, including a lemur, two macaws, an African fennec fox and a tiger were on display."

Has anyone been to a F**KING prom?!?!!?  They are loud and packed and have weird lighting and smells.  Just thinking about the stress put on those poor animals is heartbreaking!  

From the School: "The tiger, which was displayed for a few minutes in a cage was never harmed or in danger, was not forced to perform, was always accompanied by his handlers… and for the great majority of the time was laying down in a relaxed state facing away from the audience,” the statement read.

But watch the Video...that cat was pacing with ears back.  Anyone with a f**king brain can see that animal is uncomfortable.  That is why our old Mike the Tiger didn't go into the stadium for games.  He got too stressed out so he stayed in his habitat (which happens to be nicer than my house).  

"But in video posted online, the tiger can be seen pacing in the cage as performers use fire to entertain the graduating class." 

Performers.used.Fire.  read it again...they used FIRE!  Any living creature out of its comfort zone would freak the f**k out seeing fire and being in a f**king cage!  A human would.  Imagine being put in a tiny cage and rolled out into a large "arena" where there is FIRE and loud noises all around you.

What if he would have gotten out?!?!?  Yea yea yea he was "always with his handlers".  Ask Siegfried & Roy how well a pissed off Tiger listens to its handlers.  Like Roy said not the Tiger's fault!  He almost died and didn't blame the Tiger BUT a Tiger no matter how well cared for, no matter how much interaction with humans it has, is still a wild animal.  

That prom could have become famous for very different reasons.  I hate people!  Common sense says this is a bad idea, yet it was approved by a school system.  God help us we have no common sense left and that is what is educating our future generations. 

Spiders are such @$$holes!!!

While I am not deathly afraid of our 8 legged little friends, they can startle me...especially if they are on the larger side. 

I haven't seen many in our house.  Usually they are outside or very very tiny.  We do home defense so very few creepy crawlers actually make it inside *whew*.

I was home sick the other day.  Freaking stomach bug.  I thought I was going to DIE!  It was...it was bad.  Nothing was staying in like it was supposed to.

Moving on.  I was sitting on my windowsill in my office talking to my boss while trying not to die.  We hung up and I kinda just sat there...completely worn out.  When suddenly I see something brown about the size of a silver dollar running towards me quickly. 

I almost $hit myself...LITERALLY.  I screamed and jumped out the way, it turned and ran towards me again *screeeech* "Mother F**ker!!!!"

I found the closest thing to me (a notebook) and slammed it down.  *lift* *peek* that f**ker started running at me again! 

Apparently notebook + carpet doesn't kill mutant spiders.  So I ripped out a piece of paper and used my hand to squish.  *lift* *peek* It started moving towards me on like 3 legs.  "Oh COME ON!"

I ground that b**ch into the carpet! Success *happy dance* *stomach rolled and dropped* "uh oh". 

I don't know what kind of spider it was but based on the "aggression", I am concerned.  Usually house spiders run away from you not towards you!!! 

But I guess you never know.  I checked my desk for a web/nest but I didn't see anything. 

I am happy to leave house spiders alone...they kill other critters for me but I'd rather the venomous ones went elsewhere *shudder*. 

11AM ≠ 7:30AM..."There was a detour"...through where, China?!?!

If you are more than 10 min late for an appointment you should call.

If you call about being late and say I'll be there by shortly you should probably not show up an hour and a half - two hours later.

If you KNOW someone is staying home from work for you to do a job BE COURTEOUS, BE ON TIME!

If you tell me you are getting to my house at 7:30 and don't show up until 11:00, we have a problem

If you then leave at 2:00 for "lunch" and don't come back until 4:00, We have a Problem

If you then leave at 5:00 because "reasons" and will come back tomorrow...We.Have.A.Problem

If you tell me a job will only take 5 days and we are going on 3 weeks...WE HAVE A F**KING PROBLEM

You know what you being late tells me.

     - It tells me that you don't respect me.
     - It tells me that my time is not important to you
     - It tells me that you CLEARLY don't want a referral
     - It tells me you are UNPROFESSIONAL and a TW@T

Look I know "contractors" are their own bosses usually.  And I know its "common" for them to kinda make their own schedules but being over 2 hours late is f**king unacceptable.

I have the ability to work from wherever MOST OF THE TIME.  So when this "project" started and was supposed to take 5 days, we were fine...even if he showed up stupid late every day.

But he farted around and only worked a few hours a day.  Well guess what?  $hit is going DOWN at my place of employment and I HAVE to be in meetings...meetings that are lasting into the wee evening hours.  Meetings that are consuming my life.

Now this numpty is ready to finish so he can get paid and guess what, I can't f**king be there!

I was told on Sunday, it had to be Tuesday bc the whatever had to finish curing. I was able to schedule my mom for Tuesday (like 2 days ago Tuesday).   Monday at 8 f**king 45 PM, I am told Tuesday is a no go, he's coming Thursday.

My mom can't on Thursday.  Thank GOD my husband could but only until 3-ish.  He said 7:30AM...great awesome 6 hours is MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO FINISH. Well this lazy sphincter nugget shows up at 11:15 there is NO WAY he will be finished before my love goes to work.  So I have to reschedule my entire f**king day to make sure I can be home before he leaves (boss not happy but understands).

Have I mentioned I have $HIT GOING DOWN?!?!?!  I want to f**king throat punch someone but I will refrain because I need him to finish the f**king job!

***UPDATE*** I got home to relieve the hubs.  He was here a whopping 45 minutes with me and f**king left for the day!!!  He said whatever he did had to "set".  He was here for 2 hours, went to "lunch", came back at 2:30, and left at 3:45 that is 3 hours and 15 min...MAYBE.  If he showed up at 7:30, I wouldn't have had to F**KING leave work.