She was birthing Cthulhu

'Sup link to artist

Can you imagine going down on your girl and seeing f**king tentacles coming out of her lady cave?!?!?

Saw this...

And thought SURELY that is a fake news site!  That did NOT happen.  Its tabloids or something.  So I googled it...

Okay the only one I MIGHT trust is foxnews.  So I went to my trusty friend SNOPES.  Nothing confirmed or debunked but it was a rural area in Columbia soooooo.  

"Afflicted by sharp abdominal pain, and terrified by what seemed to be budding stems sticking out..."

“My mom told me once that if I don’t want to get pregnant, I should insert a potato, and I believed her...”

"...lived for two weeks with the potato inside..."

“I had to use sterilized material to go ahead and take out the tuber so that the girl wouldn’t have to go through the embarrassment of having to go to a medical center,”

I know its from 2014 and glad she was okay but HOLY CRAPBALLS!

And just because I don't know what I just watched, you get to see it too!

How does that even happen?!?! Those are not edible!

Alright, so lately there have been a lot of food recalls.  I can understand the ones that may be "contaminated".  I mean that's AWFUL but I get it.  You don't clean something properly and *BAM* e coli or whatever. 

I even kind of get the ones that say "may contain plastic".  REALLY awful but a piece of something breaks off and *crap*  there are shards of inedibles in your food. 

The ones that "may contain glass" are highly concerning but again I can understand how it could happen.   But this one...WTF?!?!?!?

"Frozen hash browns recalled because they might contain chopped up golf balls" *link*

How do golf balls get into hash browns unnoticed?!?!  The statement said "the golf balls 'may have been harvested with potatoes used to make this product'." But HOW?  Why are golfballs anywhere near a farm?  Is there a golf course nearby?  Has this happened before?  Where are the f**king quality checks?  

You would think someone looking at the "potatoes" going through a wash or whatever would notice a bunch of small white dimpled balls mixed in with the brownish medium to large POTATOES!

I just feel like someone really dropped the ball on this one.......... (I crack myself up)

Seriously...this

Looks nothing like this....

Maybe...and I mean MAYBE if its dirty...

its closer to being camouflaged in this...

But....usually dirty golf balls are of varying degrees of "dirty"....

And I would think to have a recall there would have to be quite a few golf balls present...right...!?!?!?  Maybe not.  Maybe it was just one sneaky DIRTY ball.  

Still, who the f**k confused a golf ball with a potato and how dirty were those balls that you couldn't see them mixed in with the potatoes...AND how long were they in the f**king field?!?!?!  And why were they IN the field...? I have so many questions....
 
Anyways, bone apple tea or whatever

I'm being funny...laugh dammit! 

I grew a wang

Hahahaha did I make you spit out your drink??? *whoohoo*

But seriously...I did grow one just not in the sense you might be thinking.  Over the last few weeks we really haven't been home.  So I have been neglecting our food resources.  There are certain staples we ALWAYS have in our house.  Rice, Pasta, Eggs, Cheese, Onions & Potatoes.  That might seem like an odd combo but you can survive off of those if you have nothing else.

Anyways, since our Mardi Gras-ing is over I started trying to get back into things like cooking and cleaning (ugh, I hate cleaning).  Last Friday we decided we wanted to fry up some shrimp and potatoes.  *whoohoo* "Free" dinner because I had shrimps in the freezer and a bag of potatoes in the pantry. 

**Note**

Yes, I know the plural of Shrimp is Shrimp but some people 

'round here say "Shrimps", so I say it as a haha.

Moving on!  I pulled out 5 potatoes to clean and slice and this came out.

What in the world?!?  It was the only one that sprouted which isn't that odd or why I am "what in the world-ing".  We've already established I have an overactive imagination.  Look at it!  Look closely...closer....CLOSER!  It looks like an alien pee pee *giggle, giggle*.  I emphasize the ALIEN part because if your man has a wee that looks like that...run away...run far FAR away!  Maybe I am reading too much off the wall fanfiction (stop judging me, some of it is really interesting) but my first thought was "OMG Alien Wang!"  And now I just can't unsee the pee pee.

Use your imagination!!! It's got a fairly defined "tip" (not the green sprout, I don't know what that is...maybe a "tickler"...). It has "spikes".  It is WAY tooooo crooked.  This all just screams Martian reproductive organ.  On second thought maybe I should be the one writing off the wall fanfiction...hmmmm.

I didn't have the heart to cut it off and cook the potato or toss it (why am I having feelings for a potato penis!?!?) so I let it be.  I kind of want to see what becomes of my Alien appendage.  I won't lie (that I can't deny.)  Why am I quoting Limp Bizkit?!?! Oh right..Nookie...*snicker, snicker* ... anyway, I want to see if it gets bigger and looks even more phallic *muahahahaha*.