Educate yourself BEFORE you speak

Also - stating opinion as fact is WRONG 100% of the time.  Also believing your are right in any situation does not give you the right to be an @$$hole...being an @$$hole actually diminishes the validity your argument.

Look I am all about Freedom of Speech and Expression.  I can handle people who don't always see things the same way as I do.  But I'll be damned if you think I am going to sit there and let you spew "information" at me that is not only inaccurate but also insulting.

It is not a secret that I am a child of divorce or that I was raised Catholic.  Apparently that was all the rage back in the day.  Get married in the 70's, have a few kids, get divorced in the 80's.  Whatever, not everyone I knew came from a divorced family but there were a few of us.  NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH US.  My parents and theirs thankfully raised us semi-normally. 

With that said I will not sit back at the age of f**king 30+ and listen to you tell me that kids of divorce are always f**ked up and lead awful pointless lives.  What?!?!?! Listen here @$$hole, I know quite a few children of divorce and while yes some of them have issues, MOST of us are fine.  We have grown up, have educations, have jobs, have spouses, some have kids, and almost all of us are happy and not on drugs or whatever other crazy $hit I just heard.  We didn't fall down the rabbit hole of drugs/financial instability or any of that nonsense YOU have been brainwashed to think.  Most of our parents remarried and we love our steps because they are GOOD PEOPLE! 

Also, just because a Catholic Marriage is annulled doesn't mean any kids in the marriage are now illegitimate.   What fear mongering non-sense have you been reading?!?!  Do NOT sit there and tell me that because my parents had their marriage annulled 12 years after the divorce and 8 years after being remarried that now me and my brothers are "illegitimate".  Educate yourself on YOUR religion before you make yourself look dumb.

While I can accept that you believe that and think that MY FAMILY is wrong, don't argue with me when I show you facts.  Don't tell me that my family did WRONG because they wanted their 2nd marriages blessed by the church after almost 10 years.  F**k they've been married for over 25 years now...whatcha think about that?  Still think its wrong...?  That's fine but call me "illegitimate" again and we are going to have an issue.  Because according to YOUR CHURCH, I am not. 


"For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed. In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged."

"Although an annulment is thus a declaration that "the marriage never existed", the Church recognizes that the relationship was a putative marriage, which gives rise to "natural obligations". In canon law, children conceived or born of either a valid or a putative marriage are considered legitimate..."


So okay yea my parents divorced and the marriage was nulled BUT according to the church (after an INVESTIGATION) it was deemed a valid or putative marriage i.e. WE ARE STILL LEGITIMATE.  So f**k off with your half @$$ED assessment of things you clearly know NOTHING ABOUT.


Also, children of divorce are not all predisposed to get divorced.  What cracked out preacher told you that?  In my experience many children of divorce are LESS likely to divorce (actually they are less likely to marry in the first place) BECAUSE they don't want to go through the BS. Meaning I know I don't want to go through what my parents went through therefore I'm gonna do my darnedest to NOT marry someone unless I think we can stick it out.  Does this include everyone, OF COURSE NOT, but neither does your assessment so go back in your high an mighty bubble and leave me alone. 


Rant over...PEOPLE SUCK!

I'm going to be on one of those shows, "I didn't think anything of it until my walls started bleeding".

I know I joke around that things sometimes go wonky in my house but this is starting to get ridiculous. 

Its not everyday or even every week but I can't always explain it away and on occasion it is just damn freaky. 

1.)  So again sitting home...ALONE...at night (no bad weather) when I hear a loud crash come from the back of the house.  Dogs start growling and staring at the hallway.  "Stupid cats... quit being @$$holes..." Suddenly realizing I have all four animals on the couch with me staring.  F**k!  So do I go investigate...or ignore it?  Its not like I have piles of crap that randomly fall over.  Eh, lets just pretend we heard nothing.  About 20 minutes later I hear a scraping sound and pitter patter like dogs nails on the tile (NOT from the attic), definitely coming from the back room and I definitely have all animals accounted for.  So I reluctantly got up to go investigate.  Nothing out of the ordinary...nothing moved...and no I do not have mice/rats/squirrels.  So I curl back up with the fur babies and watch TV.  *Thud* the little one starts howling and the big one is growling and the two cats take off into hiding.  *sobbing internally*  what is in my house?!?!? I refuse to acknowledge the closet or attic.  Hubs can do that later.  The next day we searched EVEY WHERE.  No droppings in the attic or downstairs and nothing chewed on.  Nothing out of place.  Nothing fell in the closet.  I need a Xanax.  Conclusion: I am being haunted by one of my old dogs that passed away............

2.)  The printer is on the fritz again and I don't think its a cat.  I have triple checked it.  The WiFi connection is disabled so no @$$hole neighbors can try to mess with me (I've seen the viral posts).

You have to use a cord to print to it.  Not alone this time but it was night time and very late.  At first you don't realize what it is but you can hear the printer prepping as if it is about to print.  The printer head is darting back and forth.  Sometimes this is all it does and then goes quiet.  No biggie, I guess.  My work one randomly does this also.  But recently it actually prints something.  Well sort of...its a blank sheet, no words, no pictures just white paper. 

It has ink so its not like its out of ink but why is it doing this?!?!  Both our computers are off and not connected to it.  The worst is when it does it at 3AM.  F**k you printer!  Seriously one day I am going to go in there and there is going to be a message and I am going to freak the f**k out.  Conclusion:  Something is trying to make contact through the printer.  OR the printer has actually become self aware and is calling for help...we are in grave danger. 

3.)  The most recent and most disturbing IMO.  So we got one of those Echo Dot things as a gift.  Its cool, except when the commercials come on and you have to say "Alexa, Stop" before she orders flowers for Mildred or whatever.  This crazy contraption will randomly come on and say "I didn't understand your question" or randomly tell us the weather or just weird $hit but we are usually watching TV or talking so we assumed it was picking up on a word and thinking we were saying "Alexa, ______".  Until the other day.  I was home alone.  I had just got up and was making coffee.  The pups were fed and quietly playing on the floor.  The house was dead quiet and I was in the kitchen.  I hear "I'm sorry I didn't understand your request" or something of that nature.  WTF?!??!?!?!?!  So I peeked into the living room...

...and yep still alone.  So I said "Alexa, how's the weather".  She responded.  Hmmmm.  Weird.  I go back to my wake up juice.  "I'm having trouble understanding your request" or something like that.  Okay now I am freaking a bit....

....no one is talking to you dammit! So I quietly count the seconds.  About the 45 second mark I hear "the weather in _____ is...."

That's it I am moving!  So I say "Alexa stop". 

I sit down and am about to turn the TV on.  Speedy starts growling.  The little blue light comes on like she is listening. 

Imagine a shaking cup of coffee instead of jello...

I am done...I unplugged it.  The thing is you have to say "Alexa, " to wake her up.....what is happening?!?!?  Its defective, right?  Tell me its defective!!!  Otherwise something is talking to her!!!!!

Lets pretend Ghosts don't exist....

When the blue light (I know its the red light but Alexa is blue) is on they are up-linked to the mainframe

So yea, this is how Skynet takes over (yes I know two different "universes"...similar concept). 

Also if you ask Alexa about Skynet she plays dumb.  I am onto you, you sentient little $hit! 

Conclusion:  I don't want to think about it...who wants to buy me more wine.....

Also, why does all this $hit happen in 3's!?!?!?!

But you ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Dan....

Or arms in this case. 

No this isn't me making fun of an amputee, I'm not an @$$hole.  So I am driving to work and the car in front of me IN THE LEFT LANE can't decide if they want to do 50 mph or 80 mph.  They also can't decide if they want to brake early or brake once they are on top of the car in front of them.  They seemed to be doing okay staying their lane for the most part so I really couldn't figure out what was going on other than they were smoking and were really focusing on that.  I mean his/her hand was hanging out the window with said cancer stick.

There were quite a few cars on the road so passing them wasn't going well for me. I finally had a break to my right so I decided I was going around this idiot.  As I pulled up next to him I noticed he was on the phone...an old school flip phone...hi Gibbs!

Anyways, then I realized he was also still smoking the cigarette. 

How are you driving?!!?!?  He was in an older model Camry so I know it wasn't a self driving vehicle.  I didn't see a passenger so no one was holding the wheel for him. And I couldn't see a knee wedged up so no driving with his knee(s)...what is happening?!?


Conclusions:

1.)  This man has a unique deformity that has afforded him an extra arm.  Must come in handy...I'll see myself out....

2.) This man has a unique deformity which allows his pleasure stick to perform amazing feats.  Like gripping a steering wheel and...well steering it. 

3.) He is an alien and has talents we mere humans can only dream of.

maybe....

4.)  And most UNLIKELY!  He was doing the trust drive.  You drive a little with no hands (TRUSTING your alignment and wheels to keep going straight).  And correct as needed with a tap from a hand or a knee. 

It was very odd...and made me speed up because my luck he'd hit a pot hole and come flying at me...

Go home Mother Nature...you are DRUNK!

Southern States don't really have a true winter.  I mean like it gets cool...ish but rarely do we have Hard Freeze Warnings for the Entire state...especially the SE portion of it.  I mean it happens but its not often and when it does...if there is Ice/Sleet/Snow we can't function.  And its usually once in the season for like a day or two.

Thankfully this time the rain stopped BEFORE the temps dropped too much so the Ice/Sleet/Snow was not a factor for the most part. 

But you see I had races this weekend...BECAUSE I AM CRAZY.  I had to bow out of the one Saturday *whew* but Sunday I still ran. 

Now mind you when I checked the weather forecast on Thursday it said  "Saturday 39 with a windchill of 34" and "Sunday 43 with a wind chill of 38".  Okay that is f**king cold BUT we got this...right.  I checked it Friday evening and it said "Saturday 34 with a windchill of 28" and "Sunday 39 with a wind chill of 34"... 

I woke up Saturday morning...

WTF?!?!?  Glad I'm staying home...

You might be thinking that is just a thin layer of ice over water...NOPE!  It is a frozen solid 5" puddle (shut up that is significant down here).  I stood on it.  It cracked a little but it held my weight....So yea, I had on my heater but I also had on  leggings, sweat pants, two long sleeve shirts, and a sweat shirt.  I was still f**king cold...so I basically spent my Saturday under a blanket on the couch with two dogs and two cats huddled for warmth.  I am southern...I am not made for this!

From Hyperbole and a Half (not mine)

So Sunday I get up to run 5.59 miles and see this...

Oh come on now!  F**k you Mother Nature!!!  So yea I ran in this.  The issue isn't the running.  Once you get started (and can finally feel you feet), you warm up significantly.  The issue is when you stop.  Because when you stop, you are sweaty and its still below freezing.  So yea I froze my @$$ off waiting for my friend (which wasn't long) and froze further trying to get some Jambalaya and Beer.  I went home and took the hottest shower I could stand...it took me 30 minutes to warm up in the shower.  Basically I was a human Popsicle.

Yes yes yes I know other people run in sub zero Bull$hit and run in this type of weather all the time but as I've stated before...I.am.Southern....we aren't used to this.  I can handle a cool run but freezing...f**k that...BURR!

What sucks is because we were so cold after the race, I didn't get to go to WWNOLA this year *wah*.  I really wanted to do the autograph thing with at least Stephen Amell and/or Christopher Lloyd.

Hey, what ya doin' up there...? How'd you get your leg that high? OMG what's he doing to you?!?! I may need a closer look....

Things that my 6 month old puppy says in her head...

I've had dogs my whole life. 

I've had dogs and cats since being an adult and living on my own.  Every animal I've had as an adult hid during sexy time.......

........except one.  He was a special boy.  He was a Rottie and he really wanted to get a closer look and/or lick my husbands butt-cheek...ya know just to see him jump ten feet in the air.  But he never got in the bed/on the couch...he didn't have to, nor did he stick around for long.  He was 90lbs and tall...he just picked his head up to look. 

My current little pup seems to be like him.  She is VERY curious what is happening.  But she doesn't just do the creepy watch from a distance. 

Noooooo not her.  She jumps in the bed and tries to get a closer look at the action.  I've never had my @$$hole licked (CREEEEEEEPY!)...until we adopted her. JFC dog, not cool! She was promptly kicked out of the room.  Usually we catch her before she gets too close BUT sometimes when things are really good, you may not notice and suddenly you have a furry head on your bare breasts or something (that isn't your partner) licking your ear hole.

Last night though was probably the funniest moment thus far.  Things were going...quite well so we didn't notice her jump up in the bed.  THANKFULLY its chilly so we were under the covers.  I felt a pressure against my side but I didn't really pay attention to it.  Then suddenly I hear the loudest sigh/moan/groan I have ever heard come from such a small dog.  She was laying down, pressed up against me...and apparently very annoyed that we were NOT paying attention to her, I guess.  The look on her face........

..........we both burst into a fit of giggles...and kicked her off the bed.

After we were done, I looked to my right and burst out laughing again.  She was sitting on the floor glaring at us with her ears back like we'd just offended her ancestors or something. 

I've never dealt with this before...is it pure curiosity...is it a type of jealousy...is it just a weird dog who doesn't understand what's happening...?

Some people wonder how others can hate the holidays...because drama...plain and simple. Its f**king Christmas people, can't you just be happy...for once?

This is a RANT, feel free to not read...

I'm really trying hard not to be judge-y but as I get older I notice more things that I used to...I guess ignore.  I used to let people (family mostly) get away with the rude or nosy or inappropriate comments but lately it seems to bug me...A LOT.

For instance on Christmas I was wishing someone Merry Christmas.  They asked "so what did you get from your husband?" I told them (very excitedly).  I expected:

"Oh that's so cool!" 
"Oh wow, I've been wanting one of those"
"How do you like it so far"

Something of that nature...said with enthusiasm. 

Instead I got "Did you even want that?".  I...um....what?!?  "Did you ask for THAT?" *Said in the most serious tone*  

What on Earth...why does that matter?!?  If you must know I didn't "ask" for anything.  So I just said "uh...yea...I mean yea I want it." 

The response...."oh, just checking because you've never mentioned it and I didn't know he was going to get you one.  Did you give him something equally expensive?" 

I'm sorry...what?!?!  That is not... wow!  So what YOU were going to get it for me...?  I highly doubt that.  Or do you think he spent to much on little old me?  Am I not deserving of such a 'lavish' gift...from my HUSBAND? I just found this extremely rude.  That is rude...right?  Is this some sort of jealousy?  I'm being serious...because I honestly have no idea what to think.   And no it was not his family or a friend...it was MY FAMILY. 

So to answer the "why don't you come around as much?" question...this is f**king why!  This is why NONE OF US come around as much.  I'm still shocked 3 out of 4 of us turned out semi-normal.  Keep your drama...we had enough of it growing up.  *geesh*