Life Gives Me Too Many Lemons: I'm going to be on one of those shows, "I didn't think anything of it until my walls started bleeding".

I know I joke around that things sometimes go wonky in my house but this is starting to get ridiculous.

Its not everyday or even every week but I can't always explain it away and on occasion it is just damn freaky.

1.) So again sitting home...ALONE...at night (no bad weather) when I hear a loud crash come from the back of the house. Dogs start growling and staring at the hallway. "Stupid cats... quit being @$$holes..." Suddenly realizing I have all four animals on the couch with me staring. F**k! So do I go investigate...or ignore it? Its not like I have piles of crap that randomly fall over. Eh, lets just pretend we heard nothing. About 20 minutes later I hear a scraping sound and pitter patter like dogs nails on the tile (NOT from the attic), definitely coming from the back room and I definitely have all animals accounted for. So I reluctantly got up to go investigate. Nothing out of the ordinary...nothing moved...and no I do not have mice/rats/squirrels. So I curl back up with the fur babies and watch TV. *Thud* the little one starts howling and the big one is growling and the two cats take off into hiding. *sobbing internally* what is in my house?!?!? I refuse to acknowledge the closet or attic. Hubs can do that later. The next day we searched EVEY WHERE. No droppings in the attic or downstairs and nothing chewed on. Nothing out of place. Nothing fell in the closet. I need a Xanax. Conclusion: I am being haunted by one of my old dogs that passed away............

2.) The printer is on the fritz again and I don't think its a cat. I have triple checked it. The WiFi connection is disabled so no @$$hole neighbors can try to mess with me (I've seen the viral posts).

You have to use a cord to print to it. Not alone this time but it was night time and very late. At first you don't realize what it is but you can hear the printer prepping as if it is about to print. The printer head is darting back and forth. Sometimes this is all it does and then goes quiet. No biggie, I guess. My work one randomly does this also. But recently it actually prints something. Well sort of...its a blank sheet, no words, no pictures just white paper.

It has ink so its not like its out of ink but why is it doing this?!?! Both our computers are off and not connected to it. The worst is when it does it at 3AM. F**k you printer! Seriously one day I am going to go in there and there is going to be a message and I am going to freak the f**k out. Conclusion: Something is trying to make contact through the printer. OR the printer has actually become self aware and is calling for help...we are in grave danger.

3.) The most recent and most disturbing IMO. So we got one of those Echo Dot things as a gift. Its cool, except when the commercials come on and you have to say "Alexa, Stop" before she orders flowers for Mildred or whatever. This crazy contraption will randomly come on and say "I didn't understand your question" or randomly tell us the weather or just weird $hit but we are usually watching TV or talking so we assumed it was picking up on a word and thinking we were saying "Alexa, ______". Until the other day. I was home alone. I had just got up and was making coffee. The pups were fed and quietly playing on the floor. The house was dead quiet and I was in the kitchen. I hear "I'm sorry I didn't understand your request" or something of that nature. WTF?!??!?!?!?! So I peeked into the living room...

...and yep still alone. So I said "Alexa, how's the weather". She responded. Hmmmm. Weird. I go back to my wake up juice. "I'm having trouble understanding your request" or something like that. Okay now I am freaking a bit....

....no one is talking to you dammit! So I quietly count the seconds. About the 45 second mark I hear "the weather in _____ is...."

That's it I am moving! So I say "Alexa stop".

I sit down and am about to turn the TV on. Speedy starts growling. The little blue light comes on like she is listening.

Imagine a shaking cup of coffee instead of jello...

I am done...I unplugged it. The thing is you have to say "Alexa, " to wake her up.....what is happening?!?!? Its defective, right? Tell me its defective!!! Otherwise something is talking to her!!!!!