I can deal with most bad habits. I had roommates in college and spent time at boyfriend's houses back in the day...hell I lived with one a few years back (he had some strange habits). So I've seen my fair share of "Ewwwww, don't...just ewwwwww!" moments. Let me clarify that I am by no means perfect. I have my own set of weird but my weird does not usually affect anyone but me. Okay so sometimes I leave a tissue on the couch (in my "spot") or under MY pillow. I pick it up...eventually. Or I don't finish my bottled drinks. As in, I'll have 5 bottles of coke/water/tea with about an inch left in the bottom in random places.
Anyways, today I am thoroughly grossed out. I mean, I can't...I can't even deal. Sooooo the other night I was home alone. I decided I wanted some wings and breadsticks. Yes, an odd craving but this is me. So I ordered me some Pizza Hut because they deliver and I was being quite lazy. Once my food was delivered (25 minutes later than the estimated time *grrrrr*) I dug in while watching some DVR'd episodes of The Newsroom (I love that show!). Did I mention they messed up my order but totally in my favor? I ordered 8 wings and breadsticks. I received 16 wings, waffle fries and breadsticks but was only charged for what I ordered...I think that makes up for it being a little late.
Moving on. As I was enjoying my wings I apparently decided to breathe...while I had a mouthful of food. I do not recommend doing this...it is a very bad idea. So I started choking. The food came out but I couldn't catch my breath because of the spice from the chicken. So what do you naturally want...you want something to drink. Or at least I do in this case. So I grabbed the closest thing to me which happened to be a coke bottle from a previous day. I assumed it was mine because there was about 2 inches left in the bottom (that is a me move). It was flat (yay, no really yay, better for not choking more) so I took a huge swig. Then I immediately projectile vomited what I had eaten so far (thankfully into the plastic bag my food came in).
You must be thinking, "what in the world could have made you do that?!?! I mean it's just flat coke for god's sake." No, no it wasn't just flat coke!!!! After I calmed down I felt SOMETHING in my mouth. Something kind of hard, almost like a small piece of plastic. First thought, oh part of the coke bottle must have broken off, because you know that happens all the time. In reality I was in denial. You see it was FINGERNAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *gagging just thinking about it* There aren't enough exclamation points to illustrate my freakout. Apparently my AMAZING spouse either clipped or bit off some nails recently and instead of getting up and throwing them in the trash can he put them in the almost empty coke bottle sitting on the coffee table. If that wasn't bad enough, he then left said CONTAMINATED coke bottle on the table for his unsuspecting wife to accidentally drink. His mother would be so proud!
Even though I yacked them up, I can still FEEL it in my esophagus. I think its my brain being weird but what if one got stuck...OMG! Can you imagine??? What if it got infected... "hey man, how'd your wife get so sick?" "Oh she drank my fingernails." "Whaaaaaaat kind of weird shit do y'all get up to.........."
Lesson of the day, don't drink from bottles left on the table, even if you think they are yours.
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