How did it survive in the fridge?!?!? Better yet, why was it in the fridge?!?!

Sooooooooooooooooo many things have happened that make me want to crawl back in bed and just wake up in a week or something.

FIRST:
My dog is an @$$hole!  He is way too smart but he doesn't listen...well not always.  He is still young and full of energy.  Half the time this gets him angry stares from Convict because he is old and has no time for those shenanigans.  This morning...like EVERY morning I let them out right before I left.  As usual Speedy had a crack attack.

Side Note: What is a crack attack you may ask.  Well it is a term we started saying in college when my dog and my boyfriend at the time's dog would run like a bat out of hell all over our apartments.  You know where they run at top speeds with their butt low to the ground and bark/nip every time they run past you.

Moving on, so that is happening and me & convict are just watching him...waiting for him to tire out.  After five minutes of *zoom* *pant pant pant* *bark* *zoom*...rinse repeat, we had had enough.  So I yelled "DOG!  I have to go to work!" So he turned and made a beeline for me and Convict...we both backed up some expecting impact.  Instead he ran straight through our saturated garden and "hit the brakes" right before he got to us.

This caused a spray of mud and water to come flying in our direction, covering us from head to toe.

I yelled, convict growled, speedy stared dumbly at us with that stupid dog face...you know the one where they tilt the head to the side with the tongue hanging out.  Yea, that one!  Don't let him fool you.  He knew EXACTLY what he was doing...that was not an accident!!! Needless to say I had to change and was REALLY late for work.  Not to mention I found mud in my hair AFTER I got to the office.

SECOND:
I got to the office and opened the fridge to get some jelly for my toast.  Something FLEW out of the fridge at my face, *SCREAM* *drops jelly* *turns to run and slams into a cabinet door*.  It was a WASP!!! WTF?!?!?

Why...how...what...I lost it.  Not like my sanity...no, I lost the wasp.  I couldn't find it *wah*.  So I proceeded to cautiously make my toast and jelly, jumping every time I heard...well anything.  I tossed a napkin and plastic knife into the trash can and was chased by said wasp.  *scream* *running out of the kitchen like a crazy person*.

I somehow managed to jelly myself I guess because as I ran I touched my toast...yay grape jelly on my shirt...GREAT!  Also, I lost it again. Mother f**ker!!!  I never found it!!!  But I notice we have some dead ones in the lights...I think we have a nest someplace *gulp*.

Source

They.are.people!!! A pee pee (or lack of) does not change that! They aren't aliens!!!!!!!

I am clearly on the side of "I don't care what your lifestyle choices are as long as they don't involve harming another person or an innocent whether that is a child or an animal".  Why is this so hard for other people to grasp?  I've never heard of a transsexual sexually assaulting anyone...ever.  The ones I've met are normal, they are just PEOPLE.  Hell, most of them I didn't realize they were trans until they told me. 

So please do NOT give me that whole "OMG I'll be peeing with a man bull$hit".  The last I checked there were stalls in the bathroom so how the f**k would you KNOW if they are male or female?  If YOU are checking, YOU are the perv not them.  If you are in fear of your safety or your child's safety because pervs will use this as an opportunity to perv out in the ladies/mens room then I don't think you know how trans really works. 

There is usually A LOT of effort that goes into someone being trans.  They don't just put on a dress and say "I'm a woman now" full beard and all.  Most times there are hormone treatments to reduce hair or stimulate hair growth.  There is usually real hair, not wigs.  Sometimes there are surgeries.  Most times you can't look at them and go "OMG that's a man/woman" because most f**king times you cannot tell!  So unless there is literally a pee pee police officer at EVERY restroom entrance than I don't know how this proposed ban is gonna work.  I also don't know how the law is going to work.  I get what they are trying to do but it opened up a whole new can of bigotry...prejudice...Idiocracy.  What are we going to have to show our genitalia or provide a birth certificate to prove our gender to use the f**king restroom!!! What is happening?!?

Really though, I don't care if you have a pee pee or a hoohah, if you just pee and leave then what is the f**king problem?!?!?!  Real, trans people aren't pervs.  They aren't dressing like the opposite sex to get a look at your junk.  They are dressing like that because that is how they feel comfortable.  And don't forget some women look masculine, just like some men look feminine.  So you can't just go by looks!!!!!!  It's happened to me and I felt like an imbecile.  I thought I walked into the wrong restroom because the person that walked in behind me looked like a stereotypical dude.  It wasn't until I went to leave and she spoke that I realized she was female.  I apologized profusely for being an @$$hat. She wasn't offended.  She laughed and apologized for confusing me.  I said do not apologize, I'm an idiot and we both laughed.  See that is how you handle that, don't be an @$$hole.  You live and learn.

What pisses me off is how people are are using this to out people.  That is NOT your decision to make.  I am appalled at the ignorance of humanity. 

I don't care where you are from, you will not speak to me or anyone else like that

I know people come from different cultures, different backgrounds, different countries.  Our country is a hodgepodge of so many different kinds of people.  I myself have friends who are originally from the Middle East, United Kingdom, Central America, South America, Greece, Japan, and a few other places.  My point is when you are brought up in other places and move to a new place sometimes there is a culture shock...a time where you have to adjust and that's fine. 

My problem stems from people who have no respect for other human beings...especially women.  I know there are countries...cultures out there where women are thought to be below men.  They have no rights, they have no say, they are objects to be owned.  I don't like it but I know it exists.  BUT if you move yourself to a country where women have rights, you CANNOT treat them like you did back home.  You can't own them, you can't control them, you can't treat them however you feel.  You are in a new place, respect our culture.  And I am not being an @$$hat about immigrants (legal or illegal), I know very well there are full bred American men who treat women like dirt but it is frowned upon...usually. 

Where is this coming from.  Weeeeeeeeeeeelll I may have been on the phone with a vendor, calling on behalf of my client.  My client was billed incorrectly and I was calling to get it fixed for them.  The following conversation occurred.  It was 100% awful.  I almost can't even believe it happened.  And no it is not exaggerated, I wrote down most of what was said because I have to report it....... 

Man:  *in a thick accent* Hello, thank you for calling _______.
Me: Hi, I'm NOLAGurl with ______, calling on behalf of Department of _______, may I speak to a manager?
*silence*
Woman: Hello?
Me:  *I explain who I am and why I am calling*
Woman: Oh sugar, this isn't my business, I just work here.  You need to talk to the owner.  Hold on.
Me: K...
Man: WHAT!?!
Me: *slight pause* Hi again...who am I speaking to?
Man: F**K you, why you call me and no know my name?!?!?  You no know me why you call me.
Me: *taken aback* Sir, I am just trying to verify who I am speaking with
Man: You shut your stupid face
Me: *thinking* what the f**k is happening *said* Sir, I am with _____ I am calling on behalf of my client, Depart.....
Man: *cutting me off* You have no right to call me!  I have my papers, you have no right!  You...f**k you and your mother.  Don't call me again!!!!!!!!!
Me: *getting mad* *staying calm* Sir, I am just calling to fix...
Man: Shut up, just shut your f**king face. 
Me: Sir, you are not going to speak to me like that
Man: You have no right!  I lost my wife.  It is your fault!  She did the insurance it is right!  What you do now?  I lost her!!!  She isn't here why you call me!??!
Me: *as calm as possible* Sir, I think you have me confused with...
Man: Don't f**king tell me anything!  You shut your stupid face!
*silence* *heavy breathing*
Me: Sir, I am sorry about your wife but that is not why I am calling.  I am not trying to sell you anything or get anything from you.  
*he starts yelling again in another language*
Me: *talking over him* My customer went to your store, you billed them incorrectly and I need to fix it.
Man: F**k you and your lies.  It isn't about the insurance, I have my papers, I did it all right.
Me:  I am not calling from the State, I am calling from _____________ to fix an error...
Man:  You fix nothing!  I did everything right!  I have my papers!  You never call me again! Not like this!  She is gone and you have the *word I don't know* to call me.  Call me now?!?!  When I lost her!  Do you understand you *another incoherent word* b**ch.
*woman in background saying I don't think that's why she is calling*
Man: *to his employee* You shut your stupid face!
Me: *still shocked a bit* I will say this one more time.  You will not speak to me that way.  
Man: I will speak to you and your c**t in way I want!!!!!!!
Me:  *final straw, deep breath* Okay, if that is how you feel.  If you do not want to help me help you I will direct my customer...all my customers to no longer use you business for their needs. 
*yelling again*
Me: *Talking over him* If you insist on not fixing this error I cannot in good faith send my clients back to your business.  Have a nice day.
*yelling things I wont type*
Me: *click*

Now you tell me what I could have possibly done different besides hanging up sooner.  I was nice, I was calm, I was professional.  He was mean, hateful, threatening.  I do not allow people to speak to me in that manner but I was trying to be a good little worker and get him understand who I was.  To me it sounds like he is in trouble with the government and thought I was calling to...I have no idea.  I was literally calling about billing error that was under $2.00.  It may seem like nothing but I have to get it fixed...

I am apparently that 1 in 5...yay

This is a female thing.  Nothing gross just giving a warning.

So I'm dying.  Not really but I kinda feel like it.  Occasionally...not every month but some months I have a weird pain.  The first time it happened and I really noticed it I thought I pulled a muscle or had appendicitis.  The next time it happened it was on the other side.  That's when I started paying attention.  It happens every few months or so, not every month but about midway through when it does.

Turns out I am the 1 of the 1 in 5 females that has Mittleschmerz otherwise known as Mid-Cycle Pain.  Basically I can feel it when I ovulate and it is f**king weird!  We should know by now I have fertility issues, as in we aren't preventing but nothing is happening.  It's to the point where the doc is like "you may want to talk to a fertility specialist" and I'm like "k...but I'm poor".  Well not poor but I don't think we can afford or can justify that.....whatever, a consultation can't hurt...right?

Anyways back to my weirdness.  

I've had this most of my adult life, I just...I thought it was other things, like digestive issues or something.  But when you are tracking cycles you start to put the puzzle pieces together.  So now I know when I feel like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in one side or the other mid-cycle I am in fact releasing an egg...good to know.  I mean it is good to know but I'd rather just track temps and pee in a cup.  I could do without the throbbing pain, nausea and downright uncomfortableness.  I especially hate when it hits when I'm out in public.  I think the two old ladies the farmers market thought I was dying as I dramatically leaned over the lemons and grabbed my side.  I have a decent pain tolerance but this f**king hurts. 

No I don't punch my side!

I've been told it can last a few minutes to a few hours normally...apparently my body is on the few HOURS regime.  It's not easy to sit at a desk and try to focus when you feel like you're being dissected from the inside.  I should be able to take a sick day for this!  

Have I mentioned I sometimes hate being a girl?  Because for reals this $hit is for the birds!

Chivalry Is Dead...or just plain old kindness...the will to help others...BEING A DECENT HUMAN BEING!

I am not a "the man has to do all the work" kind of girl but I appreciate kindness...whether its from a man or a woman.  Just kindness.  The desire to help another person.  Hold open a door, help load groceries, say THANK YOU!

What had happened was I went to the store for some gardening supplies.  I am FINALLY getting my garden all Spring-ified.  Doing that requires soil, at least 3 massive bags of it.  The hubs was doing yard work so I went alone.  I managed to drag them from the pile into my basket with minimal effort.  I say minimal...it required some interesting moves and a knee lift to flip the bag over into the basket without the basket rolling away.  I think it could be the next dance craze.   




After I finished and did a "subtle" victory dance...

I noticed no less than 4 rather large men standing nearby watching. Not one offered assistance...and one of them was a store employee!  They literally just watched little petite me manhandle 3 bags of soil that are something like 40lbs each!

Whatever it was already done.


I finished my shopping and headed to my car.  New challenge...get oversized bags of soil into my car without having the basket roll away.  For some reason THIS was more challenging.  Why you may ask...well because the f**king basket was being blown by the wind and wouldn't sit still long enough for me to get a good grip to the f**king bag. 

I put my foot through the bottom bars so that it wouldn't move but once I had the bag hoisted up my foot was stuck so I was hopping around on one leg with a 40lb bag of wet dirt as the basket still tried to roll away. I was almost pulled into a split when my foot came loose and I instead tumbled backwards INTO my trunk with a 40lb bag of what is essentially "fancy" mud on top of me. 

The basket escaped and rolled off into the sunset as I grumbled some very unladylike words to anyone who would listen.

My hero turned out to be a 60 something year old woman who had a f**king oxygen tank.  She managed to help me get unpinned while her 8 yr old grandson fetched my basket.  She was my savior.  I am not mocking her for having a tank or for helping me.  I am calling out the 7 people who were nearby who watched me almost injure myself and didn't lift a finger to help me.  Who instead let a medically challenged woman and a young child help me. 

She also offered to help me get the other bags into my car.  I couldn't in good conscience ask her to lift anything so I asked if she could just hold the basket still while I maneuvered the bags.  And still not one f**king person offered help out of 5 men and 2 women watching this unfold.  All of them were young-ish....all capable of at least holding the run away basket.  Nope, no help, they just watched or pretended like they didn't see.

That is MESSED up!  I always offer help, especially if I see someone struggling.  I may not be big but two people lifting a whatever is a lot easier than one!  I thought it was common courtesy to help someone. 

Faith in Humanity LOST.......well some FAITH was saved by the wonderful woman who offered to help me even though she didn't have to. 

Don't date/marry/f**k sadistic, manipualtive, @$$holes...even if they are attractive!

Okay so there was a lot of joking on my part about how crazy shouldn't be so attractive when I was watching that show on Netflix.  You know the one with the guy and the girl and the other guy and other girl and the superpowers....thing (*pssst* it's Jessica Jones if you didn't figure that one out).

Anyways, watching crazy psycho (unfortunately attractive) Kilgrave makes you go "WOW so glad that superpower doesn't actually exist!"  I can't imagine someone having that much power of suggestion over me.  That is a whole other level of f**ked up.

Then something in the real world happens and you go "F**K some people in REAL LIFE manage to do that without mind controlling superpowers" ...I need an adult!!!!

I say this because I know a lady.  She is older than me by a few years but has been married for much longer.  It was an awful relationship.  From day two no one in her life "liked" him.  Everyone liked him at first because he was SUPER HOT and charming (hence the "day two").  He knew just what to say but something was always off.  Simmering under the surface, you just got a "danger Will Robinson" vibe.  She wasn't a bad person, she just tended to make emotional decisions which weren't always good decisions.  She was full of love, very caring...highly empathetic.  She had some kids from previous relationships (not judging just stating fact) before she met this person.  It was a whirlwind love affair that confused and concerned everyone around her because SHE started to change.

The first incident happened before they married.  One of her children was injured and brought to the ER.  CPS was called (this is normal).  CPS determined the child had suffered multiple instances of abuse from the BF most likely  (no one said what but I think we all assumed the worst). No charges were pressed but CPS said he is not allowed around your kids or we will take them away.  She chose him over her babies.  Her babies almost went into foster care before family stepped up.  WTaF?!?! What sane person...in charge of their own faculties willingly gives up their right as a parent?!?!?  And for a BF for that matter!?!?! Okay I know some people do but this was way out of character for her, yet she was "okay" with it.  Is she having a mental break?!?!?

She married Casanova, had another child, and basically stopped talking to EVERYONE.   She came to functions and stuff but wasn't the same.  She was spaced out...not really there...most of what she said made little or no sense (and no she wasn't on drugs she had to be tested regularly for work).  If her hubby snapped she was at his side doing whatever he asked..."hmmm that's...odd."  She went from strong willed to a complete submissive. 

*sirens* *red flags* *danger, danger*  but no matter what we said she still stayed with him.  He cheated on her.  He lied to her.  He put her in horrid financial situations.  He physically hurt her but she never pressed charges...  The typical "I fell into a wall" excuse.  Somehow he still managed to charm his way into people's hearts (or heads) and convinced them SHE was cuckoo.  And yet she stayed.  She defended his every indiscretion.  He "loved" her.

*Flash Forward a few years* She FINALLY had enough of the cheating and left *angels singing*.  But he still has a hold on her.  I don't understand. Its like she is 100% brainwashed.  He can convince her to do ANYTHING!  One day she rants and raves about his crazy manipulation to everyone.  Then the next she is saying how he is being such a great guy through all of this.  *rinse, repeat*  He has turned their child against her.  Convinced her that she is in the wrong for leaving his cheating @$$.  Convinced her that HE SHOULD HAVE FULL CUSTODY because she doesn't DESERVE their spawn and she should pay him...even though she makes significantly less than him.  He somehow convinced her they should still be intimate (this one FLOORS ME).  Convinced her to file a whatever that royally screws her over and costs him nothing.  Even with everyone SCREAMING "no don't do that" she still did it. He got the house, BOTH cars, the tax refund, their business SIGNED OVER TO HIM, and so much more.  She got diddly...well an STD (a curable one but still!). What is happening?!!?!?  Can't someone step in and say this is not right...something is very wrong...she is under duress.....anything...? 

Yes you can say she is just an idiot but it still doesn't add up.  Anyone can see something isn't right.  No one f**ks themselves that badly on purpose.  She has no self worth.  She has no monetary worth.  She has insane trust issues.  For years he did whatever (and whoever) he wanted and she just did what she was told.  Now she is "out" but he is still telling her what to do...and she feels like she has to comply. 

Its like a sick compulsion.  She freaks out if she goes against him.  We are talking a legit panic attack.  Every time she goes against him, she freaks the f**k out until she "fixes" it.  You tell me that's not scary as $hit!  This isn't some mutant from the Comics who has a "power"...this is Joe Blow from podunk.  He doesn't have a super power but he still CONTROLS HER MIND.  Its not magic.  It's manipulation.  It's brainwashing.  It's AWFUL.  He has no conscience.  He has no self control.  No one made him do anything.  He is a bad person. 

We have a real life Kilgrave walking among us.  He is 100% human and there is nothing we can do except watch our loved one crash and burn. 

Okay 2016, I have had enough!!!

Is this what getting older means?!?!?!  It means all of my idols, childhood crushes, favorite celebs, etc. are f**king dying.   I know Prince was around way before I knew who he was but he shaped my generation just as much.  1999 was our anthem!  I say this because I was the class of 1999.  This song was literally our anthem!  So much talent.  So many amazing songs.  A true artist.  And now he's gone.  He was 57 years old.  Whatever the cause comes out to be, this is tragic. 

I was all over SE LA so I couldn't collect my thoughts until late.  I was getting in my car to go to another customer when a heartbroken T-pot came on B-97 during the iPod shuffle and broke the news.  I hadn't received a news alert yet so I was completely shocked.  I thought, "No way!  He isn't that old.  This is CLEARLY a hoax".  But it wasn't.  B-97 did the awesome thing and dedicated the iPod Shuffle to the legend that was Prince.  They only played 5 songs but it was enough to make me want to go find my old CDs.  I know I have some.  Sadly, my CASSETTE tapes are obsolete and drowned in the flood anyway (stop laughing).  Because I for SURE had Prince on tape.  Of course I did, he's f**king Prince!!!! 

Anyway, my heart was broken into a million little pieces...AGAIN.  Hearing any one of his songs brings back a FLOOD of memories.   I remember where I was, what I was doing, who I was with.  That's just me.  I have a weird connection to music.  I mean I know many are like this as well but not all my friends/family are so they don't usually get my nostalgia when an artist like this leaves us so suddenly. 

I just can't believe another icon is gone.  I'm probably gonna watch the Superbowl half time show at least one more time and listen to his songs.  Some say its really $hitty to binge after they die when you could have enjoyed them when alive or whatever. I think that's jerkhole statement.  It's not that we didn't appreciate them in life, its that we are honoring them in death.  You don't have to blast about someone everyday to have an appreciation for them.  So quit being a tw@t and let me bask in the memories created by his music.

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry"