Why do weird things only happen to us?! So we have dragonflies EVERYWHERE and I am cool with them most of the time. They land on me or my pups and I just watch them. They are so pretty...usually. My love of them ends about the time the sun sets and its dark out because large insects landing on me in the dark is $hit I have nightmares about.
Last night, like any other night, I let the pups out before I went shower. It was already dark so I turned on the porch light. Something landed on the back of my NECK! "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I'm sorry but the images that flew through my mind were not of friendly creatures. I could feel the little insect legs crawling on my spine! So I spazzed out trying to get this creature with a death grip off my bare neck. When I recovered from my freak out with my hair sticking out in every direction I saw a medium dragonfly on the door. "you @$$hole!" *shudder*. The pups finished their nightly routine and wanted to go in. We all know if I open the door with the creature on the door it will fly inside. So I am throwing sticks at the door trying to spook it into flying off. Well my sticks didn't scare the bug but it got the attention of my husband who happened to be sleeping and didn't know I was outside. He opened the door to investigate and it immediately flew in "dammit" *hangs head in defeat*.
So it's perching on the ceiling taunting my cats and dogs *wing flutter* "bzzzt" *wing flutter*. My other half decided to swat it with a towel. You know, stun it and toss it out. So he hits it and we can't find the f**king thing. It did the mother of all disappearing acts. "Where...it was just...*confused stare* I don't understand!" Even the animals were like "hey, where'd he go??" Then I turned around and I heard "pahhahahahaha". "What....? What...?! *spinning in a circle*" It was on my back....seriously, is this a f**king cartoon?!?!?! What is happening??!? Well my movement made it fall off...and we lost it AGAIN! Alright Houdini, WTF?!? 15 minutes later we look up, that mofo is perched on the ceiling again *argh*. Is there a f**king portal in this house?!?! How'd he do that?!?
So he swats it again and it lands on the rug. He says "aw, I killed it, there isn't a body, just a head, some legs and 3 wings". He goes to pick it up and it starts fluttering around, "Ahhh, what tha f**k!" So now we are both laughing like loons because there is a bodiless (is that even a word?!?) dragonfly...erratically flying...and the cats are losing their ever loving minds. I lean over to get the towel to cover it back up just as hubs looked away at the cats. When we turn back to the fluttering creature its f**king gone!
"What, hold up...where...it was right there?!!?" *pointing at empty space*
"It's only got a head an three of the four wings, where the hell is it!!?!??"
We searched everywhere! It was no where to be found! We looked under the couch, under the entertainment center, in the cubby holes...that f**ker clearly flew into another dimension. So we nervously sit on the couch before realizing we didn't pick up the body. But it was okay because Convict decided he wanted a snack "ewwwwwwwwww!" We were watching Mythbusters for at least 20 minutes when Speedy, who was sleeping by my feet suddenly picks up his head and looks at me. What's left of the f**king dragonfly is PERCHED in the middle of his head. Eyes pointed in my direction and still moving wildly. I swear to God it was planning it's revenge! Wait was it mind controlling my dog....
Speedy jumped up
It fell off
He tried to eat it "nooooo!"
The yell scared him so he peed *fail*
It flew haphazardly at my face "ahhhh!"
I knocked it to the floor "$hit!"
Demon spawn tried to eat it "stooooop"
Hubs intervened, "Drop it!"
The creature got stepped on *double fail*.
I mean I have to give it props...it put up one hell of a fight to live...and we didn't WANT to kill it...it just kinda...happened.
I didn't drink last night but I really wanted a glass (or bottle) of wine by the time it was all said and done.
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